


Strong At The Broken Places

by littlefandom



Series: Broken Places [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, But only a bit, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Head of the Institute Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injured Alec Lightwood, Lots of kissing, M/M, Malec Centric, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Runes, and lukemaryse, but also a bit sizzy, even without his magic, maybe clace later, my take on 3b, the clave being horrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 92,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15787362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefandom/pseuds/littlefandom
Summary: Even with Lilith’s defeat, it just feels like they keep losing.Dealing with the aftermath of that horrible night is just a beginning.Magnus doesn’t want to talk about it, Alec doesn’t want to push, but he knows, that they can’t keep going like this, with Magnus hiding how he truly feels.Even if Alec says he’s fine, Magnus knows he’s not. He’s still hurting. That night left more impact on him that he’s willing to admit.While Magnus tries to adjust to his life without magic, Alec has to face new challenges and problems in the Shadow World.They’re both messes. In some ways. They’re both broken. Now more than ever.But they still have each other.Set after (and during) 3x10. My take on the later events.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first ever fanfic. I'm planing on it to be a series, not sure how many chapters it will have, I'll see how the story unfolds. Also English is not my first language, so I apologize for some mistakes that probably are in there. Malec is the main paring, but this will include a bit of the others too. I just got inspired by the season finale (which kinda left us hanging), and these ideas have been in my head for quite a while now. Also I'm devastated about the cancellation, so i decided to pour all of my pain into something creative. Remember to keep fighting #SaveShadowhunters!

As soon as he heard the scream, he knew it was Alexander.

Asmodeus has portaled him near the biggest power source in the city. Magnus can see the building. Seems like Lilith has redirected the ley lines to the top floor. He can feel the magic, burning almost as hard as the demonic power in his hands. He needs to find Jace, he knows it, but the magic itself is overwhelming, or maybe it has something to do with the fact that it might be the last time he ever uses magic. He looks down on his hands and sees it, red flames lacing his finger, he clenches his fists as he tries to prevent the magic from blowing up.  
And then there is a scream.

Magnus doesn’t know when he starts running. He just realizes that his legs are moving. He feels like he’s being drown to the alley, that the scream seems to be coming from. Finally, after what feels like ages he reaches the lane and…

He freezes.

The love of his life is lying on the ground. _His Alexander_. Jace, the Owl, hovering above him, piercing one of Alec’s own arrows into his chest.  
“Alec!” is all he manages to say. But it’s enough to draw the Owl’s attention from Alec. Magnus feels his magic (well, his father’s) threatening to explode even more than before. He concentrates all of his anger and fear in his hands, throwing them in front of him and blasting the Owl with everything he has.

He hears Jace’s scream, but it feels distant, like from under water. He doesn’t care. The only important thing right now is Alexander.  
Magnus is running to his side, dropping on his knees next to him. His hand immediately finds Alec’s, creasing small circles with his thumb as a reassuring gest. The other one he puts under his lover neck, like he’s trying to protect him from the coldness of the ground he’s lying on.

“Stay with me.” Magnus wishes his voice would came out stronger, but he can hide the panic in it. He’s terrified.  
“Mom said…” Alec manages to say between his harsh breaths. “you’d make a dramatic entrance.”

Magnus looks down at him and smiles. It’s like Alec always knows how he feels, even in moments like this, he’s trying to make Magnus feel better. “Wise woman” Magnus answers, but his smile immediately fades as he hears Alec’s breaths becoming even more erratic. One of his arms lies by his side bent in an unnatural angle, definitely broken. Magnus tries to summon his magic, anything that may still be left, but there’s nothing there. _Nothing_. The panic overcomes him even more as he realizes that he can’t do anything. He can’t save Alec.

Suddenly Jace is opposite him, at the other side of Alec. Magnus barley looks up to him, his eyes focused on Alexander’s pale face. But he knows it’s Jace. He catches the glimpse of… _Guilt? Dread? Hurt?_ On Jace’s face.  
“Alec..” Jace’s voice is full of fear. “Magnus please, you gotta fix him.” he pleads, unshed tears in his eyes.  
“I can’t.” Magnus says. “My magic…” he really tries to prevent his voice from breaking down. “it’s gone. I traded it to break Lilith’s hold on you.” Saying this out loud hurts him even more. In his long life he’s never felt this helpless, this weak…

Suddenly Alec’s coughing like his choking on his own blood. _The arrow must have pierced his lung_ , Magnus thinks. This thought doesn’t do anything to decrease his panic. Nothing at all.  
“Jace…” Alec’s voice is weak, just a little above a whisper. “It wasn’t you.”  
Jace looks down on his Parabatai, eyes still filled with guilt. With his shaking hands he pulls out his stele and ignites Alec’s _iratze_. Alec breath seems to calm down a bit, but only for a small second, soon he’s fighting to get some air in his lungs again.

“Go, I’ll take care of him.” Magnus looks up at Jace, who seems to be a little hesitant. He doesn’t want to leave his Parabatai, but he knows there are still things to do. Slowly he nods and put’s his stele in Alec’s hand as Magnus is still running his thumb along Alec’s palm.  
“Alec, darling I’m gonna call Catarina, okay? She’ll fix you. I’ll promise everything will be okay.” He tries to get his hand out of Alec’s, but his lover hand is clutching on his own tighter than before, holding onto he’s dear life, like Magnus is the only thing keeping him in this world. Right now, in this moment, it might as well be.  
“Magnus…” Alec whispers between his harsh breaths.  
“It’s okay darling. I’m not going anywhere, I just need to get my phone.” Magnus assures his and Alec’s hold on his hand loosens.

He calls Cat, she picks up after the third ring, sounding totally exhausted, but as soon as she hears Magnus’ voice filled with panic, her tone immediately changes.  
“Magnus, where are you?”

He gives her the location details and hangs up tossing his phone away. His hand finds Alec’s again, but when he looks up to his lover’s face he doesn’t see the beautiful hazel eyes he loves so much.  
“Alexander open your eyes, stay awake darling, come on.” Magnus pleads, his voice urgent. He can’t bear the thought of not seeing these lovely eyes ever again. “Alec, come on.”  
Alec eyes flutter open but before Magnus has a chance release a small sigh of relief Alec is choking again.  
“Magnus.. I’m sorry… your magic…I..” Alec ties to form a sentence, but all the air leaves his lungs again, too fast.  
“Alexander stop, save your strength, okay? Don’t talk darling, everything will be fine.  
“I love you.” Alec manages to say, his eyes focused on Magnus’.  
“I love you too angel, more than anything, now stop talking. Catarina will be here so-“ his words get interrupted by a loud sound of something blowing up. Magnus looks up, the whole top floor is now covered in flames. _They did it, Lilith is gone_ , is his first thought, but then he thinks about all of the people up there. Alec’s family, _his family_. He silently prays that they’re okay, but instantly his focus is back at Alec. He must have been thinking the same, as his eyes are now filled with tears, some of them already down on his cheeks.

  
“Darling they will be fine, don’t worry baby, calm down.” Magnus tries to smooth him, but Alec lets out a pained sob, as the air leaves his lungs too soon. Magnus searches for words to reassure him, but suddenly he hears steps right next to him. A second later Catarina is opposite of him, her eyes hovering over Alec’s body, judging his injuries.  
“I needed to portal a few blocks away,” the nurse says. Right, Magnus couldn’t expect her to know every dark alley of New York City. “Magnus, why didn’t you-“ she starts but Magnus cuts her of before she gets to finish.  
“My magic’s gone Cat, Asmodeus took it.” Saying this will never be easy, the feeling of helplessness pushing its way back up again. More than before. He’s barley holding himself together now, his eyes are burning with unshed tears, but he needs to be strong. For Alexander.

Catarina’s eyes widen in shock for a second, but then she turns she her focus back to Alec.  
“We need to pull the arrow out, so the _iratze_ can help with healing. We can deal with the broken arm later.”  
“Right,” Magnus starts “let’s take him back to the loft and-“  
“No Magnus, he’s too weak to be portaled, we need to do it here, so the _iratze_ can kick in.” Catarina frowns. “Hold him still. Alec, this will hurt so scream if you need to, but try not to move.” Alec nods lightly letting them know, that he’s ready. Magnus places his hands on the Nephilim’s shoulders carefully to not touch his broken arm and the arrow sticking up from his chest. The whole time he refused to even look at the injury, but now when he does, he sees Alec’s shirt is soaked with blood almost entirely. His face even paler now.  
“Okay, on three.” Catarina says as Magnus tightens his hold on Alec’s shoulders.  
“Hold on Alexander, you’re gonna be okay.” Magnus whispers to his lover lightly brushing his fingers to sweep Alec’s dumped with sweat hair from his forehead, then he leans down and places a soft kiss there.

Catarina counts and pull out the arrow in one steady move. The scream that Alec lets out is even worse than the first one that Magnus heard tonight. It’s followed with another painful sob and tears are streaming down his boyfriend’s cheeks. Catarina lets her hands hover above Alec’s body, as she pours her blue magic into the boy. Magnus brushes his fingers on the Nephilim’s forehead again, trying to calm him down. Alec is still panting, but he seems to breathe a little easier.

  
“Alec...” Magnus hears a familiar voice right behind him. He doesn’t look up from Alexander’s face but then, Isabelle is next to him, putting her hand on Alec’s. “What happened?” she asks, voice breaking down, not even trying to hide it, because her big brother is here, lying on the ground, almost unconscious, with a wound in his chest. Now the tears she’s been trying to hold back are flooding down her cheeks in cascades, but before Magnus can find he’s voice to answer her question, Catarina chimes in.  
“You two can discuss this whole thing later, we need to get Alec to the loft, now.” She pours her magic creating a bubble that lifts Alec’s body from the ground, then she creates a portal. Isabelle gets up, Magnus follows a second later, but as soon as he stands he feels his legs giving up and he almost stumbles back to the ground, if not Isabelle’s surprisingly strong hold on his arm. Magnus tries not to look down at the pool of blood they’re leaving behind as they enter the portal.

 

As they arrive at the loft, Catarina gently lies Alec down on the bed in their bedroom. Izzy and Magnus follow.  
“He’s stable now, I put him to sleep. I still need to fix his arm and finish sealing the wound, but the arrow was runed, so there will probably be a scar.” Cat says as she begins her work again, blue flames dancing over Alec’s chest. “You two look exhausted, go get some rest.” She adds not looking up from Alec’s body.

“I’m not leaving his side.” Magnus urges as he takes a seat in the armchair opposite the bed. He doesn’t want to disturb Catarina’s work, but there’s no way he’ll be leaving Alec until he knows he’s one hundred percent healed. Form his spot in the armchair he can see Alexander’s chest moving in steady long breaths, he wishes he could just lie down next to his boyfriend, put his head down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and watching the steady pace of his breaths from a lot more closer. But he knows, that if he tried to do it Cat would probably kick him out. Suddenly he feels his chest tightened a little bit and he realizes he’s shaking. He can’t feel the warm essence of his magic flooding through his body. He can’t help. He just looked down on his angel and begged him to stay awake. He didn’t even thought about putting the arrow out, so the _iratze_ could take care of some of the pain, he should have help Alec ignite other runes, like _stamina_ or _strength_. Why didn’t he think of that? By the Angel, he is even more useless than he thought before. He gets pulled out of his thoughts when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder, and then Isabelle is kneeling in front of the armchair.

“Magnus” her voice is calm now, but the traces of tears still present on her cheeks. “What happened?”  
He looks past her shoulder at Alexander. He feels that if he’ll look away Alec will stop breathing and start to choke on his blood again. Magnus opens his mouth once, twice before he feels Isabelle move her hand from his shoulder to take his trembling hands in hers.  
“Alec, he…there was a fight… the Owl, it pierced an arrow through his chest. Izzy I wasn’t there, if I was a few seconds later I…” he’s voice breaks, he can’t keep the tears in his eyes anymore, he feels them flooding down. He was supposed to protect him, be there for him, and he wasn’t. He was too late, let down the person he cares about the most and now he can’t even help to make is lover feel better, he can just stand by. He’s not used to this. Doesn’t think he ever will be.

  
“Hey,” he hears Izzy’s soft voice. How does she do it? She’s so clam, when the world around them is spinning sideways. Is there some kind of Shadowhunters training for situations like this one? Would Alec be acting the same? Reassuring him? Of course he would, it’s his Alexander, he would do everything he could to make Magnus feel better. Magnus wishes he could get through the same training, if there seriously is one. “Magnus, you saved him, no matter what exactly happened there I know it. You saved my brother, so thank you.”  
“No Izzy,” Magnus’ voice is weak, he tries to stop the sobs that are now escaping him, he doesn’t want to disturb Catarina’s work, but it’s getting harder to keep himself composed. “I was too late, and then I couldn’t even…I couldn’t-“ Izzy wraps her arms around his neck and keeps him close for a few long seconds before she gets up and puts her phone out of her pocket.  
“I need to call mom and the others, let them know we’re okay.” Magnus can’t agree with the last statement, but he watches Izzy leave the room, listening to the familiar click of her heels.

A few minutes later Catarina lets her hand drops to her sides as she slumps into the chair next to the bed. Magnus is immediately at the side of the bed, kneeling, taking Alec’s hand in his own, bringing their laced fingers to his mouth and kissing his boyfriend knuckles lightly, brushing his lips there a few times more.

“He needs to rest, but he will be okay.” Cat says from her spot in the chair. “The arm is fixed, but you should put some bandage on it anyway. It’s still swollen.”  
“You’re okay Angel.” Magnus whispers more to himself than to Alec.  
“Magnus,” he feels Catarina’s hand on his shoulder. “what you father did-“  
“Not now Catarina, I don’t want to talk about it.” His tone comes out more harsh than he intended to. “Thank you Cat, I can’t thank you enough for saving him, you’re exhausted, you used so much magic. Stay the night if you want.” He offers, voice much more softer.  
“Thanks, but I need to get back to Madzie.” He completely forgot about sweet pea. Too focused on Alec, now he wonders who did Catarina left her with, but he doesn’t have the willingness for small talk right now. He’s tired too. “Call me, if you need anything, Magnus. And get some rest, go to sleep. He’s fine.” He gives Catarina a small smile as she leaves the room.

He brings the chair closer to the bed and sits. Fingers creasing small circles at the back of Alec palm. He looks up at his Nephilim. His face starts to get flushed, he’s breathing is steady and there’s no more blood. He stares at his chest, at the place where the arrow impaled his skin. There’s a scar, an awful reminder of that terrible night. Magnus will need to figure something out, because he’d like to forget that night and he thinks Alec will probably want that too. Maybe some potion, or a spell that will-, but his magic is gone, and he won’t be able to erase this reminder form Alec’s skin, no matter how much he’d want to.

As Isabelle’s enters the room, she looks at the brother with a little smile.  
“He looks so peaceful.” She takes a sit at the edge of the bed opposite to Magnus, lightly brushing his brother’s hair from his face. “Magnus,” she looks up from Alexander’s face to look right into Magnus’ eyes. “What happened to your magic?”

He’s pretty sure these words won’t pass through his throat for the third time this night. He just looks back to Izzy’s brown eyes, but he can’t, he just can’t say this. Not now. Not tonight.  
As if his prayers has been answered he hears the front door click open and a few seconds later, Maryse Lightwood is entering his bedroom.

“Alec… my boy.” She rushes to his side next to Isabelle, eyes focused on his son’s face and then at his chest. But she doesn’t ask. Maybe because she knows everyone has had enough for one night. Maybe because nothing else matters right now, in this moment. Alec is okay.

Magnus knows it’s not over. It won’t be over in a long while probably. But Alec’s here. And he’s okay, and they will get through this. Together.  
He also knows they will ask eventually. And he’ll need to answer. He hopes saying these words will become easier in time. He can hope. But deep down, he doesn’t actually believe it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec wakes up and wants to talk to Magnus. The whole crew arrives to the loft and they talk about the events of the following night+ some Parabatai and family feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the chapter is here! Thank you all for the love on the last one. I'm really enjoying writing this story, so I hope you do enjoy reading it!

Cold.

It’s all he can feel while the air is knocked out of his lungs and his back hits the cool ground. Later everything’s becoming a blur. He remembers trying to reassure Jace that it’s not his fault, because if this is the end he still can’t bear the thought that his Parabatai would blame himself. He doesn’t know what's happening next, but suddenly the Owl is ripped away from him, arrow still buried deep in his chest. _His own arrow_. But now that Magnus is next to him, holding his hand… _Magnus_.

He came back. And Alec dares to think that maybe it isn’t over. Maybe not yet. It _can’t_ be. He barely hears anything, the loud thumping of his own blood rings in his ears. But he hears Magnus loud and clear when he says: _My magic… it’s gone._

He sees that Jace doesn’t want to leave. But he needs to. They all know it. He ignites Alec’s _iratze,_ but it doesn’t seem to help much. He feels Jace’s stele in his hand as the cold metal brushes his skin. Alec tries to nod reassuring his Parabatai again and then when Jace is gone Alec wants to says so many things to Magnus. _You came back, I’m sorry, I love you._ But he can’t, the words can’t seem to pass his throat, and then he realizes his choking on his own blood.

He’s eyes stay focused on Magnus’, but suddenly there’s darkness and he can’t stand the thought of not seeing his lover again. He desperately tries to open his eyes and fill his lungs with air, but he can’t.

And then he hears Magnus, begging him to stay awake. So he tries again. Fluttering his eyes open, he sees Magnus’ face. This beautiful face, so focused on his own, full of love, concern and fear. He doesn’t want this to be over. He’s not ready. He should be, but he isn’t.

He can’t seem to focus on anything now, not even his lover’s face, the pain so agonizing. Now it’s everywhere, in his chest, his arm, his head. His whole body feels like it’s on fire.

And when he hears the explosion, he breaks even more. _Jace, Izzy, Clary, Simon, Luke, they’re all there_. He prays for them to be okay, but then he feels the warm traces of tears flooding down his face. _His family…_ He hears Magnus saying something, but can’t quite catch what, then Catarina is at his other side. Squeezing the arrow between her hands. And again they’re saying something. _The arrow…pull out._

He knows that’s what they need to do, so he tries to nod and braces himself. Then she pulls and he doesn’t even hear his scream. His vision is blurred from the pain and his own tears. He’s starting to feel the warm magic reaching his chest, he swears he hears Izzy’s voice, but he can’t keep his eyes open to see if she’s really there. The next thing he knows is darkness.

 

When he wakes up again, the pain is almost gone. He doesn’t dare to open his eyes. Not just yet. but then he feels the familiar smooth satin sheets under his palms. He just hopes it’s real, hopes it’s true, that he’s here, on Magnus’ bed. He needs to know for sure, so he tries and opens his eyes.

The light is dimed but it still burns his eyeballs at the begging. When his eyes adjust he tries to look around. He spots a figure next to the bed, but it isn’t Magnus.

“Mom…” He tries to say, but his voice comes out hoarse and weak.

“Alec, baby…” Maryse starts, but her son cuts her of immediately.

“Where’s Magnus?” He starts to fidget on the bed, trying to catch any glimpse of his boyfriend. The pain comes back, but he doesn’t care. Panic raises in his chest. What if it wasn’t true? Maybe Magnus didn’t come back? If he’s still in Edom Alec needs to-

“Alec, lie down, don’t move. You need to rest.” His mom tries to gently push him back on the bed.

“Where is he mom?” He can’t quite hide the panic in his voice now. He tries to get up, but Maryse is putting both of her hands on his shoulders.

“He’s out on the balcony with Isabelle, he needed some air.” She says, softly brushing Alec’ hair out of his face as he relaxes more on the bed.

“Is he okay?” He asks.

It’s a stupid question. He knows it, but he can’t quite help it. If what he heard is true, if Magnus really gave up his magic to save Jace…that’s Alec’s fault. He did it for him. He should have stopped him. Deep down he knew it, but it was their only chance. He was worried about Jace, he let him down. But now, he let down Magnus and he’s not sure how he can live with that.

“I need to go to him.” Alec says trying to get up once more.

“I’ll go get him.” Maryse speaks. “You really need to rest Alec, don’t worry, we all will take care of you.”

But who’s gonna take care of Magnus? That’s his job. His responsibility. His boyfriend. He’ll be there for him, no matter what. But what if Magnus doesn’t want him to? He shouldn’t blame him. Magnus is in all of this mess only because of him. Alec will understand if Magnus doesn’t want him anywhere near him. It’ll hurt like hell, but he’ll understand.

Now he just needs to talk to him.

As Magnus enters the room, Alec takes in his appearance. He’s still wearing the same clothes, he wore when he last saw him. When he was leaving to Edom. Alec will forever remember the image of his boyfriend entering the circle of flames, his scream will roar in Alec’s brain for a long time. As Magnus gently pulls the door shut and is heading to the edge of the bed, Alec finally can take a look at his face.

He looks tired. Exhausted. Like the weight of these terrible last days has finally came crashing on him. But then he smiles, a genuine, soft smile. That kind of smile is only reserved for Alec. As he sits on the chair near the bed his hands immediately find Alec’s. The Shadowhunter feels tears in his eyes. How close to losing all of this did he come?

“It’s okay darling, you’re okay now.” As Magnus’ soft voice reaches him, his tears flood out. “Are you in pain?”

Alec shakes his head. How did he deserve all of this? He messed up. He wasn’t strong enough to take on the Owl, to stop Magnus from going to Edom, he isn’t even strong enough now, to keep his composure in front of his boyfriend, who clearly is suffering. Alec can see it in his eyes, even when he tries to hide it all behind a smile.

“Magnus…” What should he say now? Where to start? “Are you okay?” Again, this stupid question, but he can’t help it. Even though he knows Magnus will lie to him.

“I’m fine.”

As expected he lies.

There are  few minutes of silence between them before Alec asks.

“Your magic…is this true?” He needs to know for sure. Magnus’ eyes turn even more sad. He’s not trying to smile anymore. Alec is thankful for him not hiding how he feels, but in the same moment it breaks his heart.

“It’s true, Asmodeus took it.” Is all he manages to say before his voice breaks. There’s no point in hiding this from Alec.

“Magnus I am so sorry. This is my fault, if I-“

“Alec, stop. This isn’t your fault, it was my choice. You can’t blame yourself, there’s nothing to blame you for.”

He wants to believe that. But it isn’t true.

“This isn’t fair, Magnus. You gave up a part of yourself, such an important part of you, for me not to lose a part of my soul. I-“

“It was my choice, Alexander.” Magnus repeats, looking down at their joined hands. “There wasn’t time. It was our only choice. I’d do it all over again”

“We’ll get it back,” Alec starts, determination in his voice. “your magic, I promise-“

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do. Not now.”

Alec doesn’t want to argue about this. Not now. Right now he needs Magnus. In fact, they need each other. He squeezes Magnus’ hand harder. He doesn’t have much strength left, but it’s enough for Magnus to look up at him as he says.

“Thank you” _for saving Jace, for saving me, for protecting me from even more pain, for coming back_. He wants to say all of these things, but he settles for: “for everything.”

Maybe Magnus doesn’t know exactly what this “everything” means, but next moment he’s leaning down and softly puts his lips on Alec’s. This kiss says more than any words could. This is what they need right now. The confirmation that this is real. They’re both here, alive. Broken, but alive. They’ll fix each other together, like they always do.

“Thank you,” Magnus says when they pull away. “for not dying.”

“That’s only thanks to you.” Alec smiles, but Magnus’ gaze wanders to their hands again. “Thank you for coming back.”

“We’ll always find our way back to each other.” Magnus’ eyes lit up, a bit glossy with tears as he looks back at Alec. The Shadowhunter brings their hands to his mouth and kisses the back of Magnus’ palm lightly. They have a lot to talk about, and they will talk. But right now, they’re both exhausted. All Alec wants to do is go back to sleep and feel Magnus’ body next to his. But then a sudden thought hits him.

“Magnus,” he starts, voice filled with panic. At this tone Magnus is on high alert in less than a second, but before he gets to ask anything Alec continues. “what happened in that building? There was an explosion…I- I heard it. Is Izzy-“

“She’s okay. She’s here actually. I was just talking to her-“

“But what happened?”

“We kinda didn’t get to that part yet darling.” Magnus say softly. “Your mom came in and told us you were awake and wanted to see me.”

“Sorry, I just wanted to know that you’re okay, that you’re really here. I woke up and you weren’t there so I thought…”

“Not need to be sorry angel, I’m fine, I’m really here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“Not long, sweetheart,” Magnus gently brushes the fingers of his free hand through Alec’s hair. “actually, you should rest and get some more sleep, but I guess I won’t be able to convince you to do that now, will I?

“No way.” Alec smiles.

“Okay then, I’m going to get Isabelle and your mom.”

As much as Alec doesn’t want to let go of Magnus’ hand, he also wants to know what the hell happened to the rest of his family.

 

Isabelle doesn’t know everything, just bits.

They all sit in Magnus’ bedroom. Maryse opposite the bed, in the armchair, Magnus again at Alec’s side in the chair and Izzy next to him, on the bed. She tells them about the possessed mundanes she fought with Luke, about Jace coming in, the real Jace. After the explosion, (which they correctly presumed was Lilith’s banishment) she went to the roof, where she found Jace, Simon, and no sight of Clary or Johnathan’s body.

“Wait, so where was Clary?” Magnus asks, when Izzy is clearly struggling to find the right words. Alec knows his sister is good with worlds, so that doesn’t bode well.

“She’s gone.” She settles for that. “Simon thinks he killed her.”

“What?” Alec almost doesn’t recognize his voice. Maybe he and Clary were never best friends, but he does care about her, she can’t be just gone. And Simon…

“He caused the explosion when Lilith has attacked him.” Izzy continuous. “He thinks it’s his fault.”

“It’s not.” Maryse cuts in. “He did the right thing, Lilith needed to be banished.”

“I can’t believe she’s dead.” Magnus whispers, disbelief in his voice.

“She might not be,” Alec says reaching for Magnus’ hand. He refuses to believe that just as much as Magnus. “You never found the body, right?” Izzy nods.

“Luke, Simon and Jace went looking for her, but I told them to text me immediately if they found something.”

“Good, so until there’s no body Clary is recognized as missing.” As much as Alec doesn’t want to think about work now, he switches to his Head of the Institute mode. “I’ll alert the Institute and all of the available Shadowhunters will search for her. We’ll find her, I promise.”

His sight hovers over everyone in the room. Even if he doesn’t believe himself now, he needs them to believe him.

As everyone slightly nod, Alec let’s go of Magnus’ hand and ignores the pain in his chest as he tries to get up. Before his feet get to reach the ground Magnus catches his forearm.

“Alexander, what are you doing?”

“I need to get to the Institute, the sooner more people will start searching the sooner we’ll find her.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Magnus’s voice is more concerned than frustrated, but the frustration is definitely there. “Alec, you need to rest, we told you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You almost died, Alec.” He adds the last part in a low whisper.

“But I didn’t.” Alec whispers in return.

Maryse cuts in before Magnus gets a chance to answer.

“He’s right Alec. You’re clearly still in pain. You need to heal properly. Rest. We won’t do much tonight anyway, it’s late.”

At first he wants to argue, but she’s right. He won’t do any good in the field anyway. With his arm still aching and the growing with every move pain in his chest, he’d only be a liability.

“Fine, we’ll start the searching tomorrow morning.”

“Magnus,” Izzy starts voice a little shy and guilty. “I told the others they could come here. I hope you don’t mind. They all were just worried and-“

“Of course my dear, it’s not a problem.” Magnus replies with a little smile. “You’re all welcome to stay the night.”

Alec’s sure they will. Nobody wants to be alone tonight. They all lost so much…

Then there’s a knock on the door.

“It’s probably them” Izzy says.

“I’ll go get it.” Magnus rushes to the door, Maryse right behind him giving the siblings a moment of privacy.

As soon as they leave the room Izzy turns to Alec.

“I don’t think you should come back to the Institute any time soon, Alec.”

“What? Izzy what do you mean?” He asks confused.

“You need to heal big brother, take some time off.”

“Izzy I can’t, I’m the-“

“I know Alec, but Magnus is right. You almost died, I saw it. You’re my big brother, I can’t lose you. And even if you’ll tell me fifty times that you’re okay, I know you’re not.”

“Iz-“

“Besides, Magnus needs you now. Probably more than ever.”

This shuts Alec up completely. She’s right, and as much as he worries about Clary and the others, he’s worried about Magnus too. They need to talk and this will take time. Alec isn’t going to push Magnus to say anything, but at the same time, he can’t let Magnus push him away.

“Okay, I’ll take a week off.” He decides.

“Two weeks.” Izzy urges. ‘I’ll take care of the Institute, don’t worry. Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do, Izzy. I just don’t want… I can’t ask you to-“

“Alec, everything will be fine.” She smiles at him.

“Alright,” he agrees after a while. “now help me get up.” He demands.

“What?” Izzy asks in surprise.

“I need to see them. Jace needs to see I’m all healed up.”

“But you’re not Alec, you still are-“

“He needs to see I’m better,” he urges, his voice serious. “Izzy please.”

So she does help him. He winces in pain as he sits up, but it gets better after a few moments. As he enters the living room leaning, on Izzy, his uninjured arm around her shoulders all eyes turn on them. The first one to react is Magnus, in three seconds he’s right in front of Alec, taking his weight off Isabelle’s shoulders.

“What are you doing? We told you to rest.” His boyfriend’s voice is full of worry. “What’s wrong? Does your chest hurt too much? Or is it your arm? Maybe you need-“

“Magnus, everything is okay. I just needed to see you all. I’m fine.” He says placing a quick kiss on Magnus’ forehead.

“You could have just call us, we would come.”

“Kind of too late for that now, isn’t it?” They both smile, as he lets Magnus lead him to the spot on the couch between him and his mother. Jace is sitting right in front of him, desperately trying to avoid his Parabatai’s eyes.

They all talk about what happened that night. Well, mostly Luke does. Alec doesn’t mention his fight with the Owl, but gets the feeling they all know. Isabelle probably told them what happened when they got to the loft. He’s thankful for that, because he doesn’t think that describing this whole thing right in front of his Parabatai is a good idea. Fortunately, nobody asks.

Izzy’s has got her hand on Simons shoulder in a smoothing gest, but his eyes are still settled on the floor. Alec is pretty sure he didn’t look up once, since they entered the room. Traces of tears still present on his cheeks, seem to fill up with new drops, every time he hears Clary’s name.

Jace doesn’t look much better. His eyes still red from crying, still avoiding Alec’s gaze, which he desperately tries to catch. He wishes to just spend a moment alone with Jace right now. Maybe he should have called him back when he was lying in the bedroom, but considering the fact that his Parabatai won’t even look at him, Alec’s pretty sure he wouldn’t come.

“It’s getting late, I’ll go get the guest rooms ready.” Magnus suggests, as the conversation slowly dies. The topic of Magnus’ magic hasn’t come up yet, but Alec isn’t going to force Magnus into telling everyone.

He gets up, looks at Alec and puts his hand on the younger man’s cheek as Alec nods smiling at him.

“We’ll help.” Maryse says getting up from the couch, Luke right by her side.

As Simon tries to get up and shake Izzy’s hand of his shoulder Luke’s putting his arm on the boy’s back.

“Just stay here Simon, we’ve got this.” The older man says, trying to force a smile and sharing a knowingly look with Isabelle as she nods. They both stay on the couch and Isabelle pulls Simon into a hug, creasing his back softly.

That leaves Jace and Alec alone.

“Jace,” Alec starts, but his brother still doesn’t look up. “can you help me get back to the bedroom?”

There are few moments of silence, as Jace tries to form his worlds, he still doesn’t meet Alec’s gaze, but his face shifts into something different than sadness now, almost fear. If he’s afraid to even look at Alec, he must be terrified to touch him.

“I...Um, maybe…I just…” Jace struggles, so Alec tries again.

“Jace,” his voice more firm now, but still soft. “please.”

His brother finally looks up at him, eyes still filled with fear, but he nods slowly and gets up of the couch. Their eye contact breaks again, but now, as Alec is putting an arm around Jace’s shoulder, he can feel him flinch.

As they reach the bedroom, Jace gently puts Alec back on the bed in a sitting position. As soon as he makes sure Alec is comfortable (as comfortable as you can be with a growing pain in your chest) he turns to leave, but Alec is grapping his arm, tightly.

“Wait.” Jace stops, but doesn’t turn away. Alec tries again. “Jace, look at me.”

He sees the struggle in his Parabatai, tears are filling he’s eyes as he slowly tilts his head up and meets Alec’s gaze.

“I’m okay, everything is alright.” Alec says softly, still not letting go of his arm. “Jace it wasn’t you-“

“Alec, stop.” His voice is weak, like he haven’t used it in a really long time. He probably didn’t.

“No, you need to hear this Jace,” Alec forces his tone to turn more firm. “ this was Lilith, not you. You didn’t hurt me, you would _never_ , hurt me and I know it.”

“Alec I did, I could feel this, everything-“

“It was the Owl, not you. Jace you need to believe this, you need to believe _me_. And I’m okay, that’s what matters, I’m fine. Jace you’re my brother, and I’m not gonna let you beat yourself up about this. I love you, okay? Everything is fine now.”

It isn’t. They both know it isn’t.

The sob that escapes Jace’s throat is almost painful, he doesn’t hold back now, he lets everything come out. Alec, let goes of his arm, and pulls him into a hug, ignoring the escalating pain in this chest. He’s glad his brother feels save enough in his embrace, to let all his feelings go loose. Looks like he really needed that.

When they pull apart, Jace wipes his eyes and cheeks as he says.

“Thank you, Alec. I have no idea how do I deserve you.”

Alec just smiles in return. He knows it’s not over. Knows that Jace is being eaten up inside by guilt and sadness. But it’s a bit better now. Only a little bit, but it needs to be enough for now.

As Jace turns to leave, the door opens slowly and Magnus sticks his head in.

“Sorry, I can leave if you two need a moment alone.”

“No it’s okay, I was just leaving” Jace says a bit more confident now.

As Magnus fully enters the room, and Jace reaches the door, he turns around to face Magnus. “Thank you, I know it’s not enough, but thank you. And I’m sorry.”

Magnus doesn’t answer, only nods, smiles a little and puts a hand on Jace’s shoulder.

As the door closes Magnus reaches Alec across the bed and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m going to get change, you try to get some sleep darling, I’ll be right back.”

Alec nods as Magnus disappears in the bathroom.

He’s tired, but the sleep doesn’t come anytime soon. He doesn’t want to think about the events of the following day. But his thoughts keep coming back to his fight with the Owl. To Jace, Clary, _Magnus_. He knows his boyfriend is hiding how he really feels, he probably thinks he’s protecting him, but Alec wants to know. _Everything_ , even if Magnus blames him, he needs to know.

He gets pulled out of his thoughts as Magnus enters the bedroom, with no makeup and some silk pyjamas on.

“You were supposed to be sleeping.” He says, but there’s no anger in his voice.

“I couldn’t.”

“You okay?”

“Are you?”

“Alec-“

“Magnus, I love you, okay? So I want, I _need_ to know-“ he starts, but Magnus cuts him off, as he climbs to the bed and cups Alec’s face between his palms.

“I know angel, I know. I promise you, we’ll talk about this. But not now. Right now you need rest. I could use some too actually.” He smirks a little. “Besides, I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it, not just yet.”

“Okay.” Alec replies softly, putting his hand around Magnus’ wrist. “But I’m always here to listen. I’m not going anywhere. And nor are the others. They’re our family. You can tell them anything, when you’re ready.”

“Thank you darling, I appreciate that. And,” he kisses Alec lightly, lips moving slowly, no heat behind it, just pure love. “I love you too.”

Magnus puts his head on Alec’s shoulder, wraps his arm around his stomach and settles to the crooks of Alec’s neck kissing it softly.

Right now, they need rest, and each other. They’ll talk tomorrow. Or any time Magnus is ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, this chapter turned out completly differnet than I planned :) Firstly I wasn't sure to bring the whole gang to the loft, but I needed some family feels so... Next chapter: Magnus worries about Alec and struggles to talk about his magic.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus reveals his secret to the rest of the family, while Alec is trying to cope with a reminder of that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! This one is a bit longer, I hope you don't mind. Thank you for all the love you've already shown for this story, you're all really amazing. Enjoy!

He’s facing his father again.

But as he reaches the layer of Asmodeus, he sees that they’re not alone. They’re surrounded by all of the people he cares about. His family. Isabelle, Clary, Catarina, Luke, Simon, Raphael, Jace, _Alexander_.

Magnus realizes he can’t move. Neither of them can. He sees Alec struggling with the invisible bonds that Asmodeus has them caught up in. Magnus wants to run to towards each of them, to realise them from the demonic magic. He rises his hands ready to attack his father…but nothing happens.

He doesn’t have his magic. He can’t help, can’t save them.

“You fool,” he hears Asmodeus’ voice, low and rough. “associating with Shadowhunters. You can do better than this son.”

Magnus opens his mouth to say something. Scream at his father. Beg him, to release his friends. But nothing comes out.

“Maybe taking your power wasn’t enough to teach you a lesson.” Asmodeus smirks as he raises his hand. “Maybe I should take something more…”

He snaps his fingers and Alec falls to the ground.

 

Magnus opens his eyes. . He’s out of breath, covered in sweat, but he's at home, in his bed, not in Edom with his father. Alec is lying next to him, he’s save, he’s ok-

As Magnus turns to face him he’s horrified with the view. Alec is still asleep but he’s breathing heavy, he’s shaking and his face is even paler than usual. Magnus can see sweat glistening on his forehead.

“Alexander,” he tries to shake his shoulders lightly. As Alec opens his eyes, he looks confused and lost, but as his sight settles on Magnus he seems to relax a little bit, even though he’s still shaking. “darling, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing…I’m just…” Alec trails of. “I’m cold. It’s so cold, Magnus.”

Magnus doesn’t feel cold at all, so he puts his palm lightly on Alec’s forehead.

“Alec, you’re burning up!” He exclaims, feeling his lover’s fever.

“It’s fine…it’s nothing-” Alec tries to say, but Magnus hushes him gently.

He snaps his fingers to rise the temperature in the room.

Of course nothing happens.

He tries to gather up his thoughts and come up with what to do next, before he starts to panic even more than he already does. He wishes he could just magic Alec’s fever away.

Magnus curses under his nose as he tries to get up from the bed, but before he gets to do that, Alec catches his arm.

“Magnus… please don’t leave me.”

Magnus opens his mouth, then closes it again, loss of words at this moment. His heart breaks at the sight of his lover like this. Scared and lost. Magnus wished he could take Alec away from here, from all of this mess. Just to take care of him, until it gets better.

He shakes his head to return his focus.

“I won’t darling, I’m just going to get something to cool you down a bit, you have a fever sweetheart.”

“But it’s cold…”

“I know angel, you just need to sweat it out.” Magnus says as he pulls another blanket around Alec shoulders. “I’ll be back in no time, okay?”

As Alec nods slowly Magnus leaves the room, heading to the kitchen.

Now that he’s out of Alec’s sight he feels the panic in him threatening to blow out. He didn’t want to show his fear in front of his Shadowhunter, not to worry him even more.

His hands are shaking, as he opens the cupboards, looking for the specific one where he keeps the medical supplies.

Alec insisted for Magnus to own at least some of the supplies like bandages and hydrogen peroxide just in case, or so he doesn’t always need to heal Alec when he comes back from the hunts.

Actually Alec bought all of it himself, when he started regularly sleeping at the loft. Magnus has never let him use any of this, demanding that it’s not a problem to heal a few deeper cuts or bruises. They had this kind of arguments frequently before Alec became the Head of the Institute and started spending less time in the field. Alec always claimed that Magnus shouldn’t “waste his magic on him” because they can never know when he’ll need it for something much more important.

As if Alec wasn’t the most important person in his life.

When he finally finds the right cupboard he searches for something that might help for the fever. He finds some painkiller boxes, but unfortunately they’re all empty. Besides that the closet is full of bandages, plasters and disinfectants, there's even a set for stitching, but it doesn’t actually contain any of real mundane medicine.

He doesn’t actually know what triggered Alec’s fever. Maybe the wound got somehow infected? Or perhaps he had some awful nightmare? Or that’s just his way of dealing with everything that happened this night? He’s body is trying to adjust to his injuries…

Maybe he should call Catarina? Magnus thinks as he tries to come up with some solution. _No_ , he reprimands himself, _she's already helped you enough_. Besides, she probably has a shift at the hospital right now, or if not, she definitely has one in the morning, and it’s already 3am.

So he pulls out the bowl form the nearest cupboard and fills it with cold water.

Suddenly he hears a voice coming up from behind him. He turns from the sink to face Jace, who stands in the doorway, worried expression on his face.

“Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine.” His voice comes out hoarse, so he clears his throat and repeats. “Fine.”

“So, what are you doing?” Jace gestures for the bowl in the sink, where the waters is already bursting out of it.

“It’s just…” Magnus turns the tap of and pours out some water from the bowl back in the sink, so he doesn’t spill it on his way back to the bedroom.

In fact, there’s no point in lying to Jace. He probably knows something is wrong from the bond. “Alec has a fever, I just need something to cool him down, and I don’t have any medicine here.”

“Is he okay? Why does he have a fever? Is something-“

“I think it’s just the way his body is coping with…well everything that’s happened tonight.” Magnus replies as he sees Jace’s sight falling to his feet. “Look, Jace-“

“Does he need anything? I can go and bring something-“ Jace starts, voice still filled with concern.

“No, Jace it’s fine. I’m sure he’ll be okay in no time. You go try to get some sleep.” He says as he grabs some cloth from the kitchen counter and makes his way past Jace to quickly join Alec back in the bedroom.

 

When he enters the room Alec is lying on his side, eyes closed and brows frowned, he’s still shaking despite the two blankets covering his body.

“Hey,” Magnus announces as he places the bowl on the nightstand and climbs back to bed. He gently urges Alec to his back.

“You’re back.” Alec eyes flutter open at the movement.

“Always, my love.”

He wets the cloth in the bowl and softly sweeps Alec’s damp hair from his forehead. As he puts the cloth on his lover’s head he feels Alec flinch.

“Shh, it’s okay baby, you’re alright.” He says as he brushed his hands through Alec’s hair in a comforting gesture.

“Magnus…can you hold me?” Alec asks, eyes open wide with a pleading expression. He looks almost scared, like if Magnus could ever refuse him such a thing.

“Of course angel, come here.”

He places his back against the headboard of the bed, he’s half-sitting half-lying down as he gently pulls Alec a little bit up, so he can lean on his chest. Magnus’ free hand wanders around his waist to keep him still. Then, Alec stops shaking, and Magnus counts it as a win.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah, I feel a lot better.” Alec mumbles already half asleep. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, my love.” He kisses the top of Alec’s head, only removing the cloth from his forehead for a little while to wet it again.

“We should get some sleep.” Alec murmurs as he drifts of.

“Yeah.” Magnus agrees lightly kissing his temple.

But as much as he tries, sleep doesn’t come. Maybe it’s for the best. He can’t bear to see his father’s face again. To see his loved one’s faces scrunched in pain, to see Alec fall to the dirty, dusty ground of Edom.

So he just watches Alec, peacefully asleep on his chest.

 

The sun is already up a few hours, when Magnus feels Alec shift in his arms.

His temperature went down to normal sometime in the night. Magnus thinks that it was just a onetime thing, Alec’s body needed to get his emotions and fears out of his system. He’ll call Catarina later to ask about it and to invited her in to check on Alec.

He looks down and sees his lover’s eyes slowly flicker open. He smiles up at Magnus as the elder runs his hand through his hair.

“Hi.” Alec says softly, still smiling.

“Good morning, darling.” Magnus ducks his head down and kisses Alec tenderly.

“Did you sleep some? I’m sorry for waking you up last night I-“

“Alexander, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Magnus doesn’t mention that he didn’t actually wake him up, doesn’t bring up his nightmare. Alec’s already suffering enough, he doesn’t need to add up to that.

“But did you sleep at all? I mean, I-“

“Alec, seriously don’t worry about me.”

“You know I will,” Alec starts with a serious look on his face. “I’m your boyfriend that’s what I do.”

“I know sweetheart, but there’s really nothing to worry about.”

Alec’s eyes trace his face with a cautious look. Magnus can’t see it, but he’s sure there are dark bags under his eyes, well he can’t do anything about it right now. He just hopes Alec will drop it for now.

When his lover’s eyes fall from his face in an act of surrender, he knows the conversation is over, at least for now.

“I’m gonna take some time off from the Institute.” Alec says after a while, eyes still not meeting Magnus’

He can’t say this statement doesn’t surprise him, but also puts him a bit at ease. He’s glad Alec will stay and take some time to recover properly. But he’s pretty sure it wasn’t completely Alec’s idea. He suspects that his dear Isabelle might have to do something with this…

“I could stay here,” Alec starts hesitantly. “of course only if you want me to-“

“Alec, why wouldn’t I?” Magnus asks, pure surprise in his voice. What makes Alec think that Magnus would ever want him away from here? There’s nothing he needs more now than Alec’s presence. It’s comforting, to know he’s okay. To be able to just turn and see him sleeping soundly, reading book on a couch, or making dinner in the kitchen and most importantly, to feel him breathing right, to feel his heartbeat under his palms.

He might even be selfish and try to keep him here longer than he should.  

But then, a sudden realization hits him.

“Alexander, is it about…what you asked?” He starts carefully. “About moving in? I know, I didn’t agree but-“

“No Magnus,” Alec cuts him off. “it’s just… I don’t know, I-“

“Alec, you’re more than welcome to stay. I want you to stay. I want to be able to take care of you-“

“You don’t need to do that.”

“But I want to, okay? I want to.” Magnus takes a deep breath. “And I think you were right.”

Alec looks up at him and frowns his brows, but doesn’t say anything.

“You should move in.” Magnus says after a few seconds. “I love you, more than anything. I thought we were moving too fast, but Alec… yesterday was the third time I came so close to losing you.”

He’ll never forget the other two times. Fist, when he saw life leaving Alec’s body as Jace tried to bring him back through the bond. Second, when he caught Alec before he got to fall from the ledge. If he was a second late… but yesterday seeing Jace putting the arrow right into Alec’s chest… he can’t get the image of his lover lying on the ground gasping for air out of his head.

“I realized how easy it can be to lose you-“

“Magnus, I’m a Shadowhunter, that’s my job-“

“I know.” Magnus says, putting his hand on Alec’s cheek. “I know. And I know you’re always trying to be careful, but…” he stops for a while to try to compose himself. “I told you, that we should try to live the moment, focus on the here and now. And after seeing you like this…bleeding and pale and…” he can’t stop the sob that escapes him right now.

“Hey,” Alec says, gently covering Magnus’ hand on his face with his own. “It’s okay, I’m alright.”

As he presses a kiss to Magnus’ inner palm, Magnus tries again.

“No matter how much time we would have. I would never be able to let you go, Alexander.” He doesn’t know how much they have. Magnus can’t count on forever anymore. He feels it. Maybe he’s only just understood that now, but his immortality is gone too, he can feel it.

“So we shouldn’t wait.” He continuous as he looks at Alec’s face and sees his eyes filling with tears. “It was foolish of me to refuse you. I’m sorry I hurt you Alec.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alec repeats. “It was your decision Magnus, it was too forward of me to ask, I just assumed-“

“No Alec, you did nothing wrong. I just…” he gathers up the courage to say the next thing. “I’ve never felt something like this before and I guess it scared me. Scared me, that I could… that I could love someone so much.”

Alec is left speechless at this statement. His mouth hangs up open, but no words come out.

“So, if you still want to,” Magnus carries on. “you can move in, instantly.”

“Magnus, I’d love to,” Alec says after he retrieves his ability to speak. “But I need to ask you something.”

Magnus frowns in confusion.

“Okay, what is it?”

“Does…” Alec starts not sure how to form his words. “did your immortality…is it gone too?”

Magnus hangs his head down staring at his lap, which pretty much gives Alec the answer. But then his hand wanders to lift his chin up.

“Magnus, it’s fine. I just… You can tell. You may not have forever now, but it doesn’t matter to me, okay? It doesn’t. I just don’t you to force yourself to do something, because you think you have less time than you thought-“

“I’m not forcing myself Alec,” Magnus answers not quite looking in Alec’s eyes. “The fact that I lost my immortality has nothing to do with it. I just realized how stupid I was before.”

“You’re not stupid.” Alec smiles at him. “Like you said, you just got scared. And that’s fine. I’m sorry I made you feel this way-“

Magnus cuts him off with a kiss. Alec gasps in surprise but kisses him back with equal force.

“I want to move in.” Alec says when they part from each other.

“I want you to move in.” Magnus smiles against his lips.

“Good.” Alec says before he’s closing the remaining distance between their lips.

 

They stay in bed for a few more hours since it was early when they woke up. Well, when Alec woke up. But when they hear voices coming from the kitchen, they decide it’s time to get up.

“If it’s Isabelle making breakfast, then we should definitely check on that.” Magnus jokes as he starts climbing out if the bed.

“You go ahead,” Alec says as he starts moving from the bed too. He doesn’t wince in pain anymore, so that’s comforting, but Magnus circles the bed anyway and offers Alec a hand, which he gratefully takes. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

“You need some help?” Magnus asks, not playfully, but because he’s worried to leave him alone, even for a little while.

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Wouldn’t you prefer a bath? You wouldn’t need to stand all the time.”

“Magnus I’m fine really, I just feel like taking a shower.” Alec smiles and pecks Magnus’ lips lightly. “But actually I need help with one thing.”

“Whatever you need.”

“Can you help me take off this shirt? It’s kinda hard with one arm…”

“I could never say no to help you undress Alexander.” Magnus smirks as he tries to lighten up the mood, when they’re both reminded of Alec’s injury.

He gently lifts the edge of the shirt, brushes his fingers against Alec’s warm skin and then slides the shirt over Alec’s head. He’s eyes immediately fall on the scar adoring the spot near his heart. Magnus ducks his head and lightly kisses the skin above it.

“Thanks.” Alec says when Magnus pulls away to look at him.

“If you need anything, just call out, okay?” 

“Sure.”

Magnus observes as Alec makes his way to the bathroom. When the door closes behind him he slowly makes his way up to the kitchen.

  

Turns up, most of the crew is already awake. As he enters the kitchen he sees Jace sitting at the table, while Luke and Maryse are preparing breakfast.

“Good morning.” Magnus announces his presence, to which Maryse slightly pulls away from Luke. Magnus smiles to himself at that. That gesture reminds him so much of Alexander, back when they were starting dating. He used to be so shy and constantly blushing at any word of prise he would get from Magnus. Now Magnus knows, who did Alec get it from.

He and Maryse, despite their tough beginning, had recently became closer. She finally accepted Magnus, started seeing him as a person, not through the prism of him being a Warlock, a Downworlder. She noticed how much Magnus cares about Alec, and in the end, that’s all that matters to her. Her son his happy, and even though she didn’t prioritize her children happiness before, she’s fixing her mistakes now, despite the hard situation she’s in.

Seeing the eldest of the Lightwood women finally adjusting to her new life and finding someone who seems to care about her more than Robert ever did, makes Magnus happy and really proud of her. Maybe there’s also a chance for him too, to adjust to life without his magic?

“Good morning Magnus.” Maryse smiles at him as she turns from the kitchen counter to face him. “I hope you don’t mind, but we thought we could make some breakfast to...you know, thank you for letting us stay the night.”

“There’s no need to thank me Maryse.” Magnus say reciprocating her smile. “And I wasn’t even aware I had any food to prepare something...”

“Actually you didn’t.” Luke cuts in, turning off the stove where he’s been stirring some scrambled eggs. “I went to the shop nearby and got some stuff. I know you could just, conjure us up anything, but you know, better not to exert yourself.”

Luke smiles and Magnus tries to smile back, but knows it turns out fake so he makes his way towards the cupboard and puts out some plates.

“Where’s Alec?” Maryse asks, when she notices her son didn’t follow behind his boyfriend.

“He’s just taking a shower.” Magnus answers not meeting her eyes, pretending to be busy with putting out the cutlery.

As he turns back to the table he meets Jace’s eyes, but none of them say anything. Alec is fine, and last night’s incident with the fever has no point to be brought up. Magnus just nods at him in silent gesture of a 'thank you'.

At that, Isabelle and Simon enter the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Isabelle greets Magnus with a kiss on a cheek as she walks past him to hug her mother. “something smells nice.”

Simon just silently slumps down to the seat at the table next to Jace.

“We made breakfast.” Luke calls out from where he puts the pan with scrambled eggs on the table.

As Izzy makes her way back to the table she lightly touches Magnus’ elbow.

“Is Alec coming?”

“He’s just taking a shower, he’ll be back in a bit.” Magnus smiles at the concern Alexander’s family shows for him.

They all settle at the table and Magnus proceeds to make coffee for him and Alec. Soon they start talking about their next move concerning Clary.

“When Alec comes back, we can discuss where to locate the Shadowhunter search parties around the city.” Luke is using his professional tone, which makes Magnus feel like he’s at one of the Downworld Cabinet meetings.

“Actually Luke,” Izzy cuts in taking a sip of her coffee. “Alec will be taking some time off, so in the future, if you need anything from the Institute, just contact me. I’ll be temporarily in charge.”

“Okay, sure.” Luke answers. “You’re right, he still needs to rest.”

At that Jace, who wasn’t even looking up before, seems to slump even more back into his chair.

A silence falls between them, but suddenly and unexpectedly Simon is the one who puts it to an end.

“Oh my God,” It’s probably one of the first times he’s ever said something since last night.

“What is it Simon?” Izzy asks, gently putting her hand on his shoulder.

“What if…” Simon stands up from his seat shaking Isabelle’s hand of. “What if I…”

“Simon, calm down.” Luke gets up and tries to reach him, but he starts pacing around the kitchen. His face scrunched in worry and fear.

“I banished Lilith, with this” he says pointing at his forehead. “What if somehow, I… what if I banished Clary too, and- and Johnathan? What if Lilith did some spell to- to, I don’t know, bind them and when I attacked her, well she attacked me… what if I… oh my God what if they’re in Edom?”

That would explain why they found no trace of Clary. But was it even probable?

“Magnus,” Simon pulls him out of his thoughts. “Is something like this even possible?”

Magnus opens his mouth once, twice, then bits his lip but he doesn’t know what to say. He’s never heard of something like that. But right now, everything can be possible.

“Can you take us to Edom?” Simon continuous, as all eyes in the room turn to him. “What? I know it’s dangerous, but if there’s any chance, that Clary might be there, we should try, right?”

Magnus walks back from his seat and braces himself against the kitchen counter, he’s back to the whole crew. He can feel their eyes on him, but he just can’t…

Izzy knows, he told her last night, on the balcony, but she doesn’t say anything. Neither does Jace.

He knows it needs to be him.

 _They’re our family. You can tell them anything, when you’re ready._ Alec’s words echo in his head. He takes a deep breath and turns to face them.

“Even if I could, it’s too dangerous.”

“What do you mean ‘if you could’?” Simon responds. “Y-You’ve been there.”

“Yes but,” Magnus takes another deep breath. “I can’t now, because… I don’t have my magic anymore. It was a price I had to pay to free Jace from Lilith’s will.”

These words hurt. Still. Maybe even more than before. They hurt everyone, in some way. But they hurt Magnus the most. He feels like he might cry. He tries to compose himself. Inhaling and exhaling in a steady rhythm. Avoiding eye contact with everyone.  

The first one to recover is Maryse. She gets up from her seat, walks towards Magnus and wraps her arms around him. He doesn’t know if he feels better or worse. He thinks that Maryse might be the one, who understands him the best. She lost her powers too, in some way. He feels better at the thought that he’s not alone in this, but the comfort that Maryse’s arms bring, makes him feels smaller and weaker, like he might burst into tears any second now.

He gently pulls Maryse away and smiles at her in thanks, but it’s a sad smile.

“Magnus, I’m so sorry.” Simon in instant is next to Maryse. “I didn’t know, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean-“

“It’s okay Simon,” it isn’t. it really isn’t, but he needs to tell this himself, either way, he’ll completely freak out. “How could you know?”

He smiles sadly again as Luke puts his arm on his shoulder in a what seems to be, a comforting gesture. Suddenly Jace and Izzy are next to him too, Jace with tears in his eyes and Izzy with a small smile on her face, that’s supposed to be reassuring.

Alec was right. They’re his family too. He’s glad they know. But at the same time he feels overwhelmed. Even with Alexander, he’s still not used to people caring about him, to people comforting him. He feels like he needs to get out, so that’s what he does.

“I’ll go check on Alexander.” He says, as he gently pushes his way out of the kitchen.

 

He expects to find Alec in the bedroom, getting dressed. His boyfriend was never a fan of long showers, so he thought that was enough time for him to get ready.

But Alec isn’t here. Which is starting to make Magnus worry.

“Alexander” he gently knocks on the bathroom door. He doesn’t get any response. “Alec.”

He tries louder, as his knocking gets harder too. Still no answer.

“I’m coming in, okay?” He turns the handle, thanking the Angel that Alec didn’t lock himself up.

The bathroom is full of steam, because Alec enjoys his showers a bit too hot. But Magnus has no problem in noticing is boyfriend.

He’s looking in the mirror, hands braced on the edge of the sink. Towel around his hips. He doesn’t spot Magnus immediately, but shakes his head as Magnus starts to make his way towards him.

“Hi.” Magnus puts his arms around Alec’s waist and his head on his shoulder.

“Hey” Alec answers, small smile on his face, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I knocked, and called you,” Magnus says gently, pressing a light kiss to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec answers but his eyes wander to his reflection again.

But then Magnus finds out what Alec is actually looking at. He’s eyes are focused on one spot on his chest. _The scar_.

Magnus gently brushed his fingers there. Light touch, just like a feather.

“Does it hurt?”

Alec shakes his head. “No.”

Magnus puts his open palm on his heart, kissing the side of his neck.

“It’s just weird.” Alec starts. “He looked like him, sounded like him…”

Magnus knows exactly who is Alec talking about. But he doesn’t say anything. Waits for Alec to continue, if he’s got anything more to say.

“I _know_ it wasn’t him.” As expected he carries on. “But I just… I can’t get this image out of my head. And this,” he points at the scar, which is now covered but Magnus’ hand. “this just reminds me of… everything.”

“I’m sorry, darling.” Magnus tightens his arms around Alec’s waist a bit.

“Hey, none of this is your fault.” Now Alec looks at him in the mirror.

Magnus snuggles closer to him, even if it seems impossible.

“I told them.” He whispers to Alec’s skin.

“What?” Alec turns his head to look at him confused.

“I told them about… about my magic.”

Alec turns in his arms so he can face him properly.

“You were right, they’re family. They deserved to know.” Magnus says, voice barely above a whisper, but it’s enough for Alec to hear.

“You’re so brave, babe. I’m proud of you.” It’s just like Alec knows how hard it is for Magnus, how terrible it feels to say this words out loud. Magnus can’t take the tenderness and love in his voice. He hides his head in Alec’s shoulder and starts crying.

Alec just holds him. One hand in his hair, the other on his lower back. He lets him cry, and only pulls back to look at him while the sobbing almost stops.

“How are you feeling?” He asks softly sweeping Magnus’ hair of his forehead.

“Overwhelmed.” Magnus starts, but at the worried expression in Alec’s eyes he adds “But kind of in a good way.”

This brings a look of confusion on his lover’s face.

“I’m just not used to this.” He continuous. “To people caring about me. No one besides you did.”

“Because they’re family, Magnus.” He pulls Magnus back to his arms and hugs him tightly. “That’s what they do.”

 

When they settle back to the kitchen Magnus tries to dismiss the worried expressions on everyone’s faces by the most genuine smile he can manage. It seems to be enough.

They start talking strategies, places where to put patrols. The idea of Clary being banished to Edom comes back, but with a glance at Magnus Alec advices to keep searching here, for now.

As they all start to leave Magnus watches Alec as he tells Isabelle everything she needs to know about the Institute, he fills her in with precise details, to which Izzy rolls her eyes.

“I got this big brother, don’t worry.”

“I know, I just feel a little bad, for putting this all on you.”

“Hey, I offered it. If I knew I can’t handle it, I wouldn’t.”

As Magnus suspected, it was Izzy who persuaded Alec to take time off. He makes a mental note to himself to call her later, when Alec is asleep and thank her properly.

Alec hugs his sister and she places a kiss on his cheek. She does the same thing with Magnus, then turns and walks to Simon.

“Magnus,” Maryse approaches him, a small smile placed on her face. “If you ever need anything, or just need to talk, you can always call me.”

Magnus feels a little bit stunned, same as with their hug before. He’d never thought that Maryse Lightwood could be this full of compassion and care.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. A lot. “

They hug each other again as Alec comes up to them, so Maryse scoops him in her arms now.

“Take care of yourself Alec.” She says, but her eyes are still focused on Magnus, in a silent plea _please take care of my boy_. Magnus just nods and smiles at her.

As they all leave Magnus closes the door and turns to see Alec standing behind him, hands open in a welcoming gesture.

Magnus sighs and puts his head lightly on Alec’s chest as he runs his hands up and down on Magnus’ back.

“Your mom has changed a lot.” Magnus lifts his chin to look at Alec. “For better, of course.”

“Yeah, I know.” Alec replies smiling softly.

They stay like this for a little while longer and then Magnus pulls back and holds Alec’s hands.

“You wanna go back to bed?” Magnus asks as he notices that his lover is swaying a little on his feet.

“I feel like you’re going to make my stay in bed for two weeks.” Alec says, but as he sees the smirk on Magnus’ face he adds. “not like _that_.”

“Of course not like that darling, I’m just teasing.” Magnus replies, a smirk still on his face, but he gets serious a second later. “You need to recover.”

“I’m fine.”

Magnus kisses him lightly, he may be starting to get tired to remind Alec that no, he’s not fine, that he almost died and that they’re both broken. But they’ll try and fix each other.

“Maybe we could just curl up on the couch and watch some movie?” Alec offers as he’s already walking them back towards to the couch.

“Whatever you want angel.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :) Next chapter will be a lot more angsty, so I apologize in advance.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec goes back to work, where he receives an unfortunate news. Then back at the loft Magnus lets the emotions take the best of him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some angsty stuff… here we go. As always, thank you for supporting this story :)  
> Warning: there's a slight scene of self-harm in this chapter, but nothing that we didn't see on the show. 
> 
> Also, I started a series of extras for this stroy, so make sure to check it out! 
> 
> Enjoy reading!

_Two weeks later._

 

These two weeks passed by too fast. For both of them. And even though Alec is ready to go back to work, he can see that Magnus is not ready for him to do that.

In some moments everything feels fine. When they’re curled up on the couch, or in their bed, trading soft or heated kisses. At that times the world around them seems to disappear. They’re not thinking about that terrible night, or about the effects it left on all of them.

Until Magnus snaps his fingers and waits for something that won’t happened.

Alec often catches Magnus doing that. Even if he tries to hide it, but Alec always notices.

And he tries to bring that up, so many times. But Magnus just dismisses him with a wave of his hand. Says he’s fine, that he just doesn’t want to talk about it, that he’s not ready.

But it’s been two weeks and even though Alec promised himself he’ll wait for Magnus to be ready, he can’t stand it anymore. Can’t stand the helpless expression on his boyfriend’s face every time he tries to use his non-existent magic.

Nevertheless he still waits, doesn’t want to push Magnus. _Sometimes a little push might be good_ , he recalls Isabelle’s words from their conversation they had some time ago, when she came by to drop some reports that needed Alec’s signature.

But he knows Magnus, he’ll talk when he’s ready. No matter how long this will take.

They barley leave the house during the fourteen days. Magnus insist on Alec to rest, even though he’s already all healed up. He doesn’t feel any pain in his chest, and his arm is completely fixed. Alec already promised himself he will do everything to get Magnus’ magic back. But Magnus says there’s nothing they can do, so it’s hard to even try anything when his boyfriend isn’t leaving his side for more than few hours a day. He did spend a some long hours on a couch, going through Magnus’ books to find anything that could help, but there was no luck.

Besides, they both needed rest.

They do go visit Catarina and Madzie quite often, but Alec suspects it’s because then Magnus can get Catarina to check on him.

There’s still no sight of Clary. And though they inspected the city more than dozen times, they’re still searching, not losing hope.

He’s been to the Institute only a handful times, dropping of some files even as Isabelle claims it’s not a problem for her to come by the loft to pick them up.

He also sees Jace there, he threw himself at training and work. He’s barely home, still wandering through the city, trying to find any sign of Clary. Alec tries to talk to him about this, but his brother just says it’s his way of coping. Alec can’t argue with that, they all have their ways, but he still feels hurt when his Parabatai doesn’t meet his eyes through the whole conversation.

He’ll need to face a trail with the Soul Sword to clear himself from all of the allegations the Clave is throwing at him after the situation with Lilith. Alec’s not worried about that. It’s just a formality. The truth will come out.

A few people visit. His mother and Luke come by often. They seem to grow closer. Maryse helps as much as she can, even without her runes she still settles with Luke every night to go through any lead that they got. Even so far all of them have turned out being dead ends.

The idea of Clary being in Edom makes his way back to his mind quite often. He has no idea if something like this could be possible, but he doesn’t bring it up to Magnus, doesn’t want to cause him more pain. 

Alec wishes he could do more. But now, he can offer nothing more than comforting words. Which seem to lose their meaning pretty fast.

 

Now, in their bed, as Magnus straddles his hips and places soft kisses to his deflect rune, all thoughts vanish from Alec’s mind. There’s only here and now. Only _them_.

“You’re sure you can’t stay one more day?” Magnus asks, gently nipping at the side of his neck.

“Yeah, and what about the day after that, and the day after that…” Alec trails off with a soft smile.

Magnus pulls back to look at him, an exaggerated expression of annoyance on his face.

“You know I can’t babe,” Alec continues as he pecks his lips lightly “it’s been long enough.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Magnus pouts, returning to placing kisses to Alec’s neck. “But you for sure could stay a little while longer.” Magnus’ voice turns playful, as he gently bites the side of Alec’s neck.

Alec can’t contain the gasp that escapes his lips.

“ _Magnus_ ”

“It’s only 8, you said you don’t need to be back at the Institute till 10…”

He kisses his way along Alec’s chest, lower and lower…

Alec moans, putting one hand in Magnus’ hair, gently guiding him down.

As Magnus is about to put his lips on the place Alec needs them the most, a sound of his phone ringing makes Alec flinch and groan in frustration.

“You’re not even back to work yet and people already want something from you…” Magnus sights as he climbs off of Alec, so he can reach his phone from the nightstand.

Alec just rolls his eyes as he answers the phone.

“Hi Iz, what’s up?”

“Alec, I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, it’s fine.” Technically it’s not, but Alec lets that go, as he hears Isabelle worried voice. “What is it?”

“I just called, because I wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Heads up on what?” From the tone that his sister is using it can’t be anything good.

“The Inquisitor called to organize a meeting with you. For today.”

“Okay,” Alec tries to keep his voice neutral, but can’t help the strange feeling curling up inside him. “What’s the meeting about?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t say. Just that it's really important and she needs to see you immediately. She’s set to arrive at 10.”

“Alright, I’ll be there. Thanks.” He tells her, then quickly says his goodbyes and he hangs up.

“Everything okay?” Magnus asks. He’s lying on his side, head popped on his arm, carefully watching Alec’s expression.

“Yeah, just… the Inquisitor set up a meeting for today. It’s probably about Jace’s trail.”

He wants to believe that, but as far the Inquisitor never came to the Institute herself to discuss Jace’s case.  

“Do you need to leave early?” Magnus’ voice comes out sad, even if he tries to hide it.

“Well,” Alec says, a smirk on his face, as he flips one leg over Magnus’ hips straddling him. His boyfriend’s hands already wandering to grab his waist “she won’t arrive till 10, and I’ve been told it’s only 8…”

He leans down, lips barely brushing against Magnus’. He feels him smile against his mouth.

“Can you just kiss me already?”

And who is Alec to deny him.

 

 

Magnus has his arms around Alec’s neck, no intention of letting go, even though Alec should already leave. They’ve been standing in the hall for about ten minutes now, trading kisses and gentle touches.

As Magnus tries to deepen the kiss they’re sharing Alec knows it’s time to stop it, before he loses the rest of his self-control.

“Magnus, I really need to go now.”

“I know,” he doesn’t make any move to pull away from Alec, quite the opposite. He snuggles even closer to him “just one more minute.”

Alec can’t blame him for being worried. He’s too. He doesn’t want to leave Magnus, but he still has an Institute to run. He asked Catarina to visit with Madzie, so Magnus doesn’t spend the whole day all alone. He knows that Magnus is still hiding how he’s really feeling, knows that when he’ll be alone he’ll start tormenting himself with guilt, he’ll let out all of the feelings he’s keeping. Alec wishes Magnus would feel comfortable enough to do this with him, then Alec at least could offer him some words of reassurance.

He kisses him harder and tightens his hands around his waist.

“I love you.” Alec says softly.

“I love you too.” Magnus replies, his face still scrunched up with worry. “Call me, and remember: no going in to the field.”

“I know babe, we talked about it.”

They did. And they agreed that Alec should stay behind his desk for now. He might be all healed up, but everyone is still worried about him, and there is no point in risking getting hurt again. He knows the that the thought that Alec will just sit in his office all day puts Magnus a bit at ease, and at this point, he’ll do anything to make him feel at least a bit better.

He gently pulls away from Magnus, holding one of he’s hands as he gets the door open.

“Be careful, darling.” Magnus says reluctantly letting go of Alec’s hand.

“I will, don’t worry. Love you.”

As Magnus mumbles a ‘love you too’ Alec leaves and closes the door behind him.

As much as he enjoyed staying curled up in their little save bubble, it’s time to face the real world now.

 

 

The Institute still feels familiar, even though he stopped calling it his home a long time ago.

As he makes his way to his office people nod at him in greetings. Certainly, not everyone are happy with his return. No matter how hard he tries, some people still judge him through his relationship with Magnus, a Downworlder. But as he reaches the door of his office, he can’t quite count the amount of smiles he has returned.

“Glad to see you back, sir.” Underhill greets him as he walks past by. “All healed up?”

“Yeah, fully recovered.”

He smiles as Underhill hands him the reports from last night, and enters his office.

He still has a few more minutes before the Inquisitor arrives. He settles behind the desk and looks through the reports. There’s nothing alarming there. He’s glad everything went smoothly when Izzy was taking care of the Institute. No breaches, or increased demonic activity. He should be happy, but can’t help the feeling building in his gut. It’s been way to quiet recently, it’s like something big is going to blow up very soon…

As he looks at the clock on the wall he decides it’s time to go greet the Inquisitor. He makes his way through the hall as Izzy catches up to him.

“Any idea what is this about?”

“Probably Jace’s trial.” Alec replies calmly. “I guess we’re about to find out.”

As he says these words they can see a silhouette appear in the portal.

“Inquisitor Penhallow,” Alec pulls out his hand for her to shake. “Welcome.”

“Mr Lightwood,” she speaks as they shake hands. “I see you’ve recovered quite quickly.”

“Yes, thank you for your concern, I’m all good now.”

“Can we move to the office? I’d like to speak in more private conditions.”

“Of course.”

As he leads their way to the office he sends Izzy a reassuring smile, that tells her not to worry.

 

“Is it about Jace’s trial?” Alec asks when they settle in the chairs at the office, cups of tea in their hands. “I can assure you, he will turn up in Alicante at any date that will be established.”

“Yes, Mr Herondale’s trail will for sure come up shortly, we’d like to close his case as soon as possible.” The Inquisitor answers, but the expression on her face suddenly changes. “But I didn’t call this meeting to discuss this.”

“What is it then?” Alec tries to keep his voice neutral, but the panic is creeping up at him.

The Inquisitor seams to hear it, and sends him an apologetic smile, even though it looks fake.

“Mr Lightwood,” she starts. “I’m here to inform you that you will no longer remain the Head of this Institute.”

He feels everything slow down, like the world around him stops completely. Suddenly it is hard to breath, like all the air has been sucked out of the room. He hopes he heard it wrong, that just can't be true. Alec’s whole world seems to crumble down at those words. 

He tries to compose himself, not let the shock show on his face, but he knows he’s failing.

“Why?” Is all he manages.

“You stole from the Clave’s armoury. Knew about the wish Clarissa Fairchild used-“

“I didn’t know about the wish.” He cuts in. He knew this would finally catch up on him. He just didn’t expect the consequences would be that harsh.

“Maybe not from the beginning, but you did find out.” The Inquisitor continues. “Were you going to report this to us?”

_Was he?_

“We didn’t steal from the armoury.” He says instead. “Inquisitor Herondale knew about this.”

“You mean, that Inquisitor Herondale, which we found dead right after your visit to Alicante? I’m afraid she won’t be able to confirm your version.”

Alec doesn’t know what to say to that. The only person that was their ally, in Alicante was killed by her possessed grandson. How will he make the Inquisitor believe that he’s telling the truth?

“Madame Inquisitor…” he starts.

“I’m sorry Mr Lightwood, but the decision has been made by the council. I’m only here to deliver the message.”

“You mean you put us on a trial before the council without even informing us?” Alec snaps.

“No, Mr Lightwood, we needed to take matters into our hands. You put your family above the Clave, above your own people-“

“My family are my people.” Alec grits through clenched teeth. “I did it to save my people, we needed to free Jace-“

“But it didn’t quite work, did it?”

It feels like slap on the cheek. These words cut deep. A reminder that no matter how much they tried, they lost anyway. They already sacrificed so much, but it still feels like they’re only keep losing.

Alec closes his eyes for a brief second, trying to gather up his thought and he does the only thing that he has left right now, no matter how much it might hurt his pride.

“Madame Inquisitor, I’m begging you for just one more chance. I can prove myself, make everything better. Our relationships with the Downworld has never been better, since I took over-“

“Relationships with Downworld are not the most important part of your job, Mr Lightwood. You’re supposed to protect you people first.”

“And that’s what I’ve been doing-“

“I’m sorry,” she doesn’t sound sorry at all. “The decision is final. And if it comes to your sister, she’ll be rid of her title as the Weapons Master too-“

“Izzy had nothing to do with this.” Alec interrupts. He does what the big brother in him tells him to do. There’s no reason for them both to suffer, so if he can take the blame all on himself that’s what he’ll do. Izzy worked so hard for this tittle, he won’t let them take it away from her. It’s not like the Clave cares. “It’s all on me.”

“If you claim so Mr Lightwood.” The Inquisitor resorts. “I don’t believe that is completely true, but as Ms Fairchild is-“

“Missing,” Alec grits out “Clary is missing.”

“Alright, so let me know as soon as you’ll find her, I’d like to speak with her. As for now, I will be taking temporary control of the Institute until we find a new replacement. Tomorrow will make it official.” She eyes Alec up and down. “That’s it for now, you’re dismissed.”

Alec leaves the room without even looking up.

 

 

He just wants to get out of here. Grab his bow, go to the roof and just disappear for a while. Hide from the whole world, curl up inside him so that no one can reach him.

He knows that’s not the only reason he’s being replaced. The Clave never approved his ways, judging him by his personal life and his private convictions, always trying to find just one slight mistake to strip Alec out of his title.

Now they got one.

“Hey, Alec!” As he hears Izzy he stops in his tracks, his sister deserve an explanation. “What was this all about?”

He takes a deep breath.

“They’re replacing me as the Head of the Institute.”

He’s pretty sure Izzy’s expression is similar to the one on his face when he found out. Her eyes widen in shock as she opens her mouth and tries to say something.

“Alec…why?” She says, but before Alec can explain she snaps. “They can’t! You… you’ve done nothing but good, the- the Downworld, you improved our relations-“

“The Clave doesn’t care about the Downworld.” Alec tries to keep his voice calm, but it turns out a bit harsh. “Let’s be honest, they always tried to get rid of me, now they finally got their pretext.”

“Which is?”

“We stole the Malachai Configuration-“

“We didn’t!” Izzy raises her voice so she’s almost yelling now. “The Inquisitor-“

“Is dead.” Alec gently hushes her but putting his hand on her shoulder. “Look Izzy, what’s done is done, I-“

“Alec you can’t give up. You don’t deserve this.”

“I tried Izzy,” his heart almost breaks at the look of determination in her face he’ll swill away with his next words. “I begged for another chance. The Clave isn’t willing to give it.”

“There’s need to be something else we can do.”

“I don’t think there is.” His voice almost breaks, so Isabelle puts her arms around him and holds him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” She says when they pull back.

“It’s not your fault Izzy.”

“But I was there and-“ A sudden look of realization covers her face. “Wait, Alec I was there, the Inquisitor probably wants to speak to me, I will-“

“I told her you had nothing to do with this.”

“You did what?!” She snaps again. “You can’t put this all on yourself-“

“Izzy, there’s no point for both to lose our positions. You worked too hard for this…”

“And you didn’t?” She raises her eyebrows. “Alec, you worked harder than any of us.”

It’s true, he did. Always following the rules, being the Clave’s best solider. Until he finally started thinking. Until _Magnus_ made him realize that law and justice are two different things. Until he started making decisions for himself, not for the Clave.

As it seems not everyone appreciate that.

“Look Iz, I just need to be alone for a while.” He breaks out of her hold and turns to leave, pretending he doesn’t hear her calling out after him.

 

 

His hands are slippery with blood and sweat as he pulls out another arrow. It hurts, but he doesn’t want to stop. He feels like crying, but somehow the warm liquid dripping from his fingers is enough to keep him composed. As much composed as he can be.

It’s Jace who finds him on the roof, even though he thought he told everyone on his way that he doesn’t want to be disturbed.

“Hey, I’ve just came back from patrol. Went to your office for new assignment, but didn’t find you there. I’ve looked everywhere…”

“No longer my office.” Alec grits out from clenched teeth, as he aims another arrow.

“What? What do you mean?” Jace sounds genuinely confused.

“Izzy didn’t tell you?”

“No, I just got back. Alec, what’s up?”

The words are hard to forced them through his throat. He wanders if Magnus felt the same. First about losing his position as the High Warlock, and later his magic…

But it’s not the same. Alec losing his position is not like Magnus losing his magic. It’s much harder for him. So Alec sucks it up and proceeds to speak.

“They fired me. I’m no longer the Head of the Institute.”

Besides the shock painting its way to Jace’s face, Alec sees something more.

_Guilt_.

“Alec it’s my fault.” His Parabatai starts. “Everything you needed to do… it was to save me.”

Alec wants to cut in, say that maybe yes, that’s true, but he wouldn’t do anything different if they had a chance to save Jace, but his brothers continues with determination clear in his voice.

“I’ll talk to the Inquisitor, I’ll convince her. This isn’t on you Alec, even if they lock me up, even if I need to beg-“

Alec pulls his bow down and turns to face him.

“I tried, Jace. I asked for another chance, but it was the Clave’s decision. They won’t change their mind-“

“Well, they’ll have to.  Alec, there’s no better man for this job. You deserve to have it. I-, I can’t let the Clave take this away from you because of some sort of mistake-“

“Nothing I did was a mistake. We thought we’d get to save you.”

Jace’s head drops to his feet.

“No, Jace listen, it was our chance to bring you back. And Lilith messed it up,” Alec puts his hand on his Parabatai’s shoulder to shake him a little and get him to look up. “but I wouldn’t do anything differently. I’d do anything to save you. And no matter how many times I have to say this, I’ll repeat again: it’s not _your_ fault Jace.”

Jace still doesn’t look convinced, so Alec carries on.

“Let’s just drop it for now.  We can talk to some people in Alicante, when we’ll get there for your trial.”

“You don’t need to come with me.” Jace’s eyes wander to his feet again.

“But I want to, and I will.”

“Fine, but you need to drop this.” He points to Alec’s bow and his hands covered in dried blood. “You’re hurting yourself.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alec, please…” Jace holds up his hand, but Alec dismissed it with a wave.

“I’ll come down in a minute.”

Jace lets out a long sigh, but turns to leave.

As he disappears in the entrance, Alec fires another arrow.

 

When he finally reaches the loft there’s nothing more he wants to do then curl up and the couch, possibly get a drink and just forget about this horrible day.

Before he even gets to greet his boyfriend as he enters he’s meet with Magnus’ harsh tone.

“Where were you?”

“You know I was at the Institute-“ Alec starts confused, but doesn’t get to say nothing more as Magnus cuts him of.

“Why didn’t you call?”

Shit, he totally forgot. He was supposed to check in with Magnus every couple hours. But with the evens of the following day, he completely closed his mind of, stopped thinking entirely.

“I’m sorry, I just got caught up in everything, then went to training-“

“Were you in the field?” Magnus’s gaze wanders to remaining blood on Alec’s knuckles he didn’t have a patience to rub of.  

“What? No, Magnus we discussed this, I’m not supposed to go back in the field any time soon.” Magnus let’s out an annoyed huff. “Do you think I could lie to you about something like that?”

“Well I don’t know Alec, since you didn’t even have time to call, or text…”

“Magnus, stop it. I was at the Institute the whole day, so what’s the problem?”

“Well I didn’t know me being worried about my boyfriend is such a problem now.” Magnus snaps. He’s almost yelling, and Alec isn’t used to his boyfriend rising his voice at him.

“It’s not.” Alec tries, keeping his voice calm. “It’s just… don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?”

“No, Alec I don’t think I do, considering the fact you almost died a few weeks ago!”

_Here it goes again_ , Alec thinks. They had this conversation on the course of the last two weeks, every time Alec tried to even leave the loft. And he’s not in the mood of a repetition tonight.

“But I didn’t, I’m fine. We’ve been through this. I needed to go back to my job, and there’s Jace’s trial coming up, so I need to be there for him and-“

“Right, of course.” Magnus rolls his eyes, arms crossed over his chest.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Alec snaps, eyes widen in shock. “You know he needs me-“

“Well I do to, if you haven’t noticed!” Magnus all but shouts now.

“Of course I know that! And I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for the both of you, for everyone.”

No matter what, Magnus never blamed Jace for what happened. He never said it, at least. But what if deep down he did… “Wait, is this about Jace? Is it about what you did for him-“

“For you, Alec! I did it for you. It’s always about you.”

Alec is left speechless. What if Magnus blames _him_?

He did think about it. In the beginning of all this mess. But with the two weeks flying by Magnus never once even insinuated he might be mad at him about that night.

“What does that mean?” Alec almost shouts. He can’t quite contain all of the emotions gathering up inside him. “Don’t you think I feel guilty enough for letting you go there? For letting you sacrifice-“

“It was my choice Alec, we talked about this-“

Alec can’t take this.

“No, actually we didn’t!” He’s yelling now too. “For weeks I’ve been trying to talk to you, to make you tell me everything, how you feel, how did it-“

“You don’t know what it’s like! You have no idea, how does it feel to have a part of your soul ripped away from you.”

Alec calms his voice as he replies, eyes still focused on Magnus. “Actually I do.”

Magnus’ head snaps back and he looks Alec straight in the eye.

“No, you don’t, it’s not the same.”

“How is that different-“

“I’ve lived for centuries and my magic has always been a part of me,” Magnus answers voice a little bit calmer. “now it’s gone. It’s not gonna just back like Jace did. You don’t know how it feels, to after hundreds of years, have something so important taken away from you.” He raises his voice again, but Alec can hear it break towards the end.  

“So tell me!” Alec wails, throwing his hands in the air in a gest of giving up. “I want to know, you _know_ I want to help. I may not understand everything, but Magnus I’ll try. Please just, let’s end this, sit and talk-“

“No, Alec I’m not discussing it with you. I’m not ready. Why do you keep pushing?!”

“Because I love you, and I can’t stand seeing you in pain!” Alec’s tone shifts from angry to worried “I can’t stand the feeling that I caused all of this. I want to be there for you, I want to help, but I can’t do this if you won’t let me-“

“Well, maybe I don’t want your help.”

Alec freezes with his mouth opened mid-sentence. 

Deep down he knows Magnus doesn’t mean it, that is just his anger and distress talking. But it still hurts to hear that kind of worlds from him. He feels guilty, even more than before. Maybe it’s true, maybe Magnus does blames him. But Alec needs to know everything first, needs to know how Magnus feels. He’ll fight and try to help him.

But there’s nothing he can do right now. They’re both too worked up. They need time. If he won’t end this now, they’ll only end up hurting each other even more. So he swallows the lump in this throat and says:

“Okay, fine. If this is what you want.” He pauses for a moment before adding. “Also, you’re not the only one who lost something.”

He doesn’t look back when the apartment door slums shut behind him.

 

_When things get crazy, don’t push me away._

Magnus’ words echo in his head, as he makes his way out of the building.

He can’t come back to the Institute. Doesn’t want too. He feels awful there. Over the course of the last few hours this place has become a reminder of how much he had lost.

He can’t go back to the loft either. Not yet.

This day can’t get any worse.

_When things get crazy, don’t push me away._

Is that what he did? He pushed Magnus away. Left him.

_No, you’re giving him time to cool off._ Alec thinks to himself.

He tries to believe it’s true. That he’s making the right call.

But apparently, he’s not as good at making the right decisions as he thought.

So he just walks, to the cold night air of New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah… sorry, I guess? But don't worry, I can't keep our boys fighting for long, it just breaks my heart too much. Hopefully next chapter will be out soon, but I started school this week, so there's not much free time left for me now :( but I'll try my best.  
> Thank you for reading, leave some kudos or comments if you'd like :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec have an honest talk, things at the Institute start to heat up and Magnus finds himselft ready to let Alec in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! This is probably the longest one yet. There's a lot of tears in here, so I'm sorry. Mostly some hurt/comfort :) Enjoy the read!

_Maybe I don’t want your help._

These words come out of his mouth too fast, before he even gets to think them through. He regrets them immediately, but it’s his insecurities creeping in. He’s scared.

He needs Alec, now probably even more than ever. So why does he still feel like he needs to put on this brave façade in front of him? The person who loves him the most. Who _he_ loves the most. He let himself be vulnerable with Alec before. So why can’t he do that now?

He can’t get the look on Alec’s face as he leaves the loft out from in front of his eyes. It was full of hurt and sadness, tears filling up his eyes.

He never wants to see it again.

And especially, be the one who caused it.

 

He’s been worried out of his mind when Alec didn’t call or pick up any of his calls. They had an agreement about that. All he could think about were the dark scenarios, where Alec went out to the field, crashed or lost his phone and…

He doesn’t even want to think about that.

He may overreacted a bit.

He might have had too much to drink.

But it doesn’t stop him from reaching for another glass of whisky.

Should he go after Alec? Try to reach him and explain. _Probably yes_. He thinks.

He has no idea how much time has passed since he left. Might be minutes, maybe hours…

He hates fighting with him. This may actually have been one of their heatest arguments. He barely raises his voice, but then he just couldn’t keep this all inside. He snapped. If he still had his powers there would probably be broken windows and shattered glass everywhere.

If he had his powers there wouldn’t be an argument.

At least half of it.

He really wants to let Alec in, he realizes as he’s gone now. He wants to tell him. More than anyone. But doesn’t know how. It still comes hard to him,  to accept someone’s help. The more to ask for it. He knows Alec would never deny him anything, especially something as small as a talk. He’d listen. Probably hug him and whisper reassurances afterwards.

God, how he needs this right now.

But he doesn’t move. Just slumps down on the couch with the glass in his hand. Alec doesn’t want to see him. How can he blame him? He’s such a mess. It would be a miracle if Alec actually came back tonight.

He was right about one thing. It’s about Alec. It’s always been. He’d do anything for him. He never thought he was capable of this kind of love, but here we are. His whole life revolves around Alec now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Of course he did that for Alexander. It’s not that he doesn’t care about Jace, but the thought of Alec suffering from killing his Parabatai, part of his soul, his brother… it would cause him unimaginable pain and Magnus would never let that happen.

Except, he caused him pain just now.

He sighs, drowns the rest of his drink in one go and puts his head in his hands thinking, _You truly are a mess_.

At that moment the door to the loft burst open.

Magnus shots his head up and he briefly catches Alec’s silhouette as he walks through the living room and disappears on the balcony, not even spending one look to Magnus.

Miracles truly happen sometimes.

He wasn’t expecting that. He was pretty sure Alec would go spend the night at the Institute. He lives here now, but considering what Magnus has just thrown at him, he wouldn’t blame him.

 _He made the first move_. Magnus thinks. _It’s your turn_.

 _Don’t mess it up_.

He slowly gets up, makes his way to the drink cart to pour himself and Alec a drink, and heads straight for the balcony.

Alec stands there, watching the flashing lights of New York city below them, shoulders tense, hands gripping the ledge so hard his knuckles might actually turn white. He doesn’t turn to face Magnus, which breaks his heart a little bit more, but he understands.

He reaches Alec’s side, carefully not to touch him in case he wouldn’t want that right now, and cautiously extends one of the drinks he’s holding to Alec.

As he makes no way of accepting it, eyes still up on the city Magnus just puts it down on the railing.

Magnus turns to face the city. They stand there in silence for a few seconds, minutes maybe. Neither of the making any intention on starting a conversation. Magnus knows it should be him. But he can’t find the right words to say how sorry he is.

He tries to gather up his thoughts as to his surprise it’s Alec who starts, his gaze not shifting.

“I’m sorry.”

And Magnus can’t have this.

Alec can’t be the one apologising, it’s he that messed up.

“Alec, no I overreacted you’re-“

“No wait,” Alec finally turns to look at him. “Let me say this.”

As much as he’s afraid of Alec’s next words he lets him carry on.

“You were right. I’m pushing too hard. I put you into this mess in the first place, and now I’m just making things worse.”

He’s not. He has the best intentions. As always. It’s Magnus who can’t simply accept the help.

“Alec, you’re not-“

“But I’m worried.” Alec continues, regardless Magnus’ attempt to stop him. “You’re the one who should understand that the best.”

He does. All of this time he’s been so worried about Alec, not caring about himself. He didn’t think someone could be worried about _him_. He doesn’t deserve being cared for. Especially not from such an angel as Alec.

“And no matter how much you think you don’t deserve this.” Alec lingers as if he was reading Magnus’ mind. “I’ll always be worried. And I’ll always care for you.”

Magnus’ eyes start to water. Alec puts his palm lightly on his cheek.

“That’s why I want to know. Because I love you and I care.”

Magnus breaks at this words. Suddenly he’s in Alec’s arms, gripping tightly onto Alec’s shirt as tears start to flow down his cheeks.

And Alec just holds him. Offering the comfort he’s been dying to have for the past few hours. That’s when he realizes he hasn’t actually said anything. Hasn’t apologize.

“Alexander-“

“Shh, it’s okay.” Alec hushes him gently.

“No Alec,” Magnus breaks from his embrace. His voice dripping with frustration. “I should be apologizing. I’m the one who snapped at you, you did nothing wrong and I-“

“I know you didn’t mean that.” Alec’s voice is soft, as he reaches for Magnus’ hand and intertwines their fingers. “It’s okay, you were just worried.”

“What you said goes both ways.” Magnus puts is hand on Alec’s cheek and tears start to gather up in his eyes again when Alec leans into the touch.  “I’m so sorry. I’ll always want your help, I need it. I need _you_.”

Alec smiles softly and Magnus pulls him closer.

“I love you,” He says, looking into those beautiful hazel eyes. “and I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to cause you any pain.”

“I know.” Alec whispers and grabs the lapels of his jacket so they’re chest to chest now. “I love you too.”

Magnus pulls into their kiss every emotion he feels towards Alec. _Love, worry, admiration_ and everything else he can’t even name now.

He wants to tell Alec everything. Now more than ever. He just wants them to sit and talk all night. Cry, laugh, pour out all of the feelings he’s been keeping locked up inside himself for so long.

But there’s still one thing that bothers him. The last words Alec said as he left the loft.

“Alexander,” he starts when they pull apart, bodies still close enough to feel each other breathing. “what you said tonight…” Magnus tries to recall his exact words.

“When? I said plenty of things tonight.” Alec adds with a soft smile.

“Right before you left, something about me being not the only one who lost something…”

Alec’s smile fades immediately. He slightly pulls away from Magnus and turns to face the city again, as if trying to hide the look of sorrow on his face.

Magnus doesn’t want to push too hard so he just puts his hand on Alec’s arm, rubbing it lightly up and down.

“What did you mean?”

Alec exhales heavily. He struggles to find words for what he needs to say next. It doesn’t decrease Magnus’ worry. Even if Alec can’t find his way with words sometimes, this feels rather concerning.

“You know just…” Alec still struggles. “We’ve lost Clary, Luke lost his job and his pack, and mom lost her runes…”

It’s all true, but it doesn’t feel like the whole thing, even if Alec doesn’t continue.

“Alexander,” he gently puts his other hand on Alec’s shoulder and turns him, so they can face each other. "you know you can tell me everything, right?”

“I know, I just…” He sighs in frustration, lifts his head up to look at the sky above them and closes his eyes for a few long seconds.

When their eyes meet again Magnus gives him an encouraging smile.

Alec still seems to struggle and quickly raises his long forgotten drink to his lips, gulping it in one go.

It has to be really bad if Alec needs liquid confidence.

“They’re replacing me as the Head of the Institute.”

The words leave his mouth at one breath, his gaze wandering to their feet.

And Magnus hates himself now.

Alec came home, exhausted with a news of losing his job, and Magnus jumped at him, called him out and said so many awful words, when his boyfriend needed comfort. He let him down, let himself down with this behaviour. He caused Alec more pain then he thought, without even realizing it. He messed up, and Alec was the one who came to fix this. It shouldn’t be this way.

So he needs to say something now. Needs to do what he was supposed to do from the beginning. Be there for Alec and comfort him. Show him that he cares just as much as he.

But at the same time he’s shocked.

“Alexander,” his mouth hangs open for a few seconds when he tries to find more words. “they can’t. Why would they do that?! You did nothing wrong, quite the opposite actually, what you did…” He stops again, trying to wrap his head around it. “You-, you’re the best Head they could dream of! You led to Valentine’s death, saved the Downworld. You restored our relations, it’s never been better-“

“Maybe if the Clave actually cared about the Downworld they would have noticed.” Alec says, still not meeting his eyes.

Sadly, he’s right. They don’t care. But they should at least appreciate the effort Alec’s putting in keeping their relations on a good course, so there’s no revolts.

He wants to argue more. List all of the reason, why the Clave is stupid to fire Alec, but of course that’s not what Alec needs.

So he pulls his arms tightly around his boyfriend and lets his head rest on his shoulder.

Alec goes willingly.

“I’m so sorry Alexander,” he combs his fingers through his dark locks. “you don’t deserve this.”

Alec relaxes more in his embrace, but his breathing becomes erratic, like he’s holding back tears and Magnus starts to feel him shaking.

“It’s okay baby, let go.”

He knows how Alec feels. Helpless and useless. What’s how he’s been feeling since that night two weeks ago. Even earlier, when he lost his job as a High Warlock…

As Alec starts sobbing into his jacket Magnus realizes that they’re both messes. In some ways. They’re both broken. Now more than ever. Standing and crying into each other’s arms. No so long ago, one of the most powerful people in the Shadow World. High Warlock and the Head of the Institute. Now none of this left.

But he also realizes that none of this matters. None. Because they have each other. Positions and jobs forgotten. The most important thing is _Alec_.

 _Alec_ , who comes back home to him every night. _Alec_ , who offers comfort and words of encouragement if needed. _Alec_ , who loves him and cares about him like no one ever did before. _Alec_ , crying in his arms, trusting him enough to be vulnerable with him.

 _His angel_.

Time passes, but it doesn’t matter. Right now he feels like he could stay here forever, just them, holding onto each other.

After a little while Alec pulls back lightly to look at him.

“You know why I’ve always wanted this job so much?” He asks, eyes puffy and red from crying, but he’s finally looking Magnus in the eyes.

Before Magnus registers his words and tries to form a proper response, Alec continues.

“Because I wanted to make a change, a real change.” His voice breaks and there’s more tears streaming down his cheeks, Magnus wipes them with pads of his thumbs. “Now all of the chances are gone.”

Magnus’ heart breaks at the pure distress in his lover’s voice

“Hey, darling” Magnus holds his face between his hands so he can’t look away. “We’ll get through this, I promise, we’ll find a way.”

Alec shakes his head and Magnus guides it back to his chest, as he feels more tears under his thumbs.

Soon, he’s starting to feel Alec’s legs give up, so now he’s barely standing and the only thing holding him up are Magnus’ arms around his waist. So he gently pulls away, grabs Alec’s hands and guides them back to the living room.

They settle on the couch, hands still not leaving each other’s. Alec’s much more calmer now. He puts his head on Magnus’ shoulder, as the elder starts to comb his fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture.

“I wanted to fight.” Alec’s voice sounds hoarse from all of the crying, barely above a whisper. “For you, for us, to be treated as equals. For the Downworld, so the Clave could finally see them as people. Now I can’t-“

That’s the main reason why Alec started the Downworld Cabinet meetings. He wanted the Clave to acknowledge that Downworders are civilized people, who you can actually lead solid conversations with, not the wild monsters the Clave has always seen them as. 

Magnus has always admired the courage in him. As Alec always claimed, Magnus was the one who brought it out.

He couldn’t be prouder.

“You still can, angel.” Magnus places a lingering kiss to his temple. “We’ll figure it out.”

Magnus’ hand is still in his hair, the other creasing small circles on his knuckles.

“They’re announcing it as official tomorrow morning.” Alec speaks after a while.

“You want me to come with you?”

“No,” Alec shakes his head. “it’s just a simple procedure I-“

“Darling, I want to be there, I can see how hard this is for you.”

Alec closes his eyes and leans into Magnus a little more.

“Yeah, okay.”

Magnus’ guides Alec’s head to his lap and settles more comfortable on the couch.

“Get some rest, angel.”

“Thank you,” Alec replies, catching one of his palms and kissing it lightly. “For everything.”

“Thank you for coming back after my little blow up.” Magnus says, which actually makes Alec chuckle.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad. We needed to talk like adults.”

Magnus smiles at that, but then he gets more serious.

“No Alec, seriously. You came home after this terrible day, and I snapped at you. Yeah, I was worried, but I had no right to-“

“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t know.”

“But I should have asked.” Magnus slaps himself mentally, not for the first time tonight. “You looked exhausted, and instead of taking care of you I-“

“I told you, it’s fine.” Alec’s voice is still gentle but more firm. “But we still need to talk. About you. Tomorrow, okay?”

Magnus knows exactly what he means. They’re both too exhausted for this tonight. He’s still scared, but after how Alec opened up to him, he feels that there’s nothing wrong with that.

So he just nods and smiles down at him.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

 

They must have fell asleep sometime on the couch.

When Magnus wakes up it’s still dark. But he knows the sleep won’t come again, no matter how hard he tries. He actually can’t remember the last time he slept through the whole night. The nightmares are still haunting him. Sometimes he’s in Edom, another times at the Institute or even at the loft. But it always ends up the same. With Alec dying. And Magnus with no chances to save him. He can’t stand it.

He feels afraid to even fall asleep, scared to find Alexander dead when he wakes up. He’s much calmer when he can just look at Alec’s peaceful face when he’s asleep, see his chest rising and falling staidly, and feel his heartbeat under his palms.

So he settles his head onto Alec chest, wraps his arms around his middle and watches him.

 

There’s already been bright for some time now when he hears the sounds of New York City waking up to life. He decides it’s time to get up and make some breakfast for him and Alec.

He’s still getting used to it. Having to make his own food. He’s always been good at cooking, but never actually got time to do it. It was way quicker to just conjure up anything he felt like to eat.

Right now not only he needs to prepare the food, but also do groceries to have something to eat. He found it’s a part he rather enjoys. There’s something about shopping that just gets him. Walking down the alleys in the shops, actually choosing what to buy, it has a slightly calming vibe.

Yeah, Magnus decides he likes it.

But would give it up in a millisecond, if it meant getting his magic back.

He settles on making coffee and French toast, since it’s Alec’s favourite.

As he carries the plates back to the living room, and sits at the coffee table to start on his meal, Alec stirs awake rubbing his eyes in a sleepy gesture.

“What time is it?” He asks, voice hoarse from sleeping.

“Well, good morning to you too, darling. It’s around 8:15.” Magnus replies. “Coffee?”

“Shit, I’m gonna be late.” Alec curses as he gets up from the couch. “We fell asleep here?”

Asleep might not be a good word to describe the state Magnus has been in for maximum two hours, but he agrees.

“Yeah, I guess yesterday wore both of us up.”

“Look, babe I’m sorry, I’m supposed to be at the Institute at 9-“

“Alexander, sit down for a second, eat something.” Magnus calms him down. He hates seeing Alec so stressed, especially already this early in the morning.

“Magnus it’s fine. I really need to go-“

“Stay and eat first, then I can port-“

Magnus bites his tongue. He can’t portal them to the Institute. He can’t portal them anywhere actually.

Alec must have noticed the powerless expression on his face ‘cause in instant he’s next to him, holding his hands between his own.

“Hey, it’s alright.” He smiles softly, rubbing circles into his palms. “We’ll talk today, I promise. But now I have to go-“

“I’m coming with you.” Magnus cuts in. He didn’t forget any part of their conversation from last night.

“Magnus, you don’t have to-“

“I want to.” His tone is firm, leaving no room for argument. “I’m coming with you, and that’s final.”

“Okay,” Alec exhales slowly. “But we really need to go. I’m gonna hit the shower real quick and we’re leaving.”

“Yes, sir.” Magnus smiles and pecks him quickly on the lips.

“You can join,” Alec turns from his walk to the bedroom, playful smirk on his face. “It’ll save us some time…”

Magnus thinks they may actually end up a little late.

 

 

Turns out they’re right on time.

Everyone starts to gather up in the ops centre, where the Inquisitor will be giving the speech.

They walk hand in hand, Magnus squeezes Alec’s palm, so he turns to look at him.

“How are you doing?”

“Okay…” Alec answers and exhales heavily. “I mean, I’m frustrated and upset, but… everything feels better with you.”

These words are followed with a soft smile, which Magnus has no choice than to happily reciprocate.

As they stand there and stare at each other with loving expressions, they hear voice from behind Alec’s back.

“Mr Lightwood,” Inquisitor Penhallow approaches them. “I see you brought your friend today.” She eyes Magnus up and down, disgust showing on her face. Magnus doesn’t care. But he always gets frustrated by the fact that Alec’s superiors never want to acknowledge the fact, that he isn’t indeed Alec’s ‘friend’. 

“I’m sorry Mr Bane, but you need to leave.” She continues. “No Downworlders allowed in the Institute.”

“What?!” Alec snaps, still not letting go of Magnus’ hand. “Since when?”

“Since now, new rules. Clave’s orders. It’s safer that way-“

“Safer for who?” Alec’s voice is full of anger, he’s not even trying to hide it now.

“For everyone.”

Alec snorts annoyed, but before he gets to make a snarky comment Magnus cuts in.

“Alexander, it’s fine I-“

“No, it is not.”

Of course it’s not. But Magnus doesn’t want to make things worse. He’ll do everything to get Alec’s position back, but right now snapping at his superior doesn’t seem like a good idea.

But actually, can he even be consider a Downworlder now? Without his powers? He feels practically like a mundane. Right now he’s not sure if letting the Clave know about his situation is a good idea. But, they’ll find out anyway, won’t they?

Plus, he needs to be here for Alec.

Magnus straightens his back and fixes the collar of his jacket.

“Well, good thing I’m basically not a Downworlder at this point.”

He decides the look of shock on the Inquisitor’s face is worth it.

“Magnus…” Alec starts and lightly shakes his head at him.

“And just so you know,” Magnus continues regardless Alec’s attempt, directing his words to the Inquisitor. “You’re making a mistake, and you will regret this.” He gestures at Alec. “Definitely a lot more sooner, than later.”

With that, he catches Alec’s hand again and tries to drag him away, but suddenly stops at his tracks as he hears the Inquisitor’s hesitant voice.

“Mr Lightwood, I-, um…” the shock is still present in her voice, but she doesn’t ask anything more. She clears her throat and continues. “I need you to come with me and sign some last documents.”

As they turn to face her she adds. “Alone.”

Magnus sighs and rolls his eyes, but before he lets go of Alec’s hand he asks.

“Will you be okay?”

“Yeah,” Alec answers with a glimpse of smile briefly appearing on his face. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Okay, I’ll be right here.” Magnus smiles as he pulls Alec’s hand out of his.

As he and the Inquisitor walk down the hallway to the office, Magnus sees that their conversation is getting heated. They’re probably talking about him, since the Inquisitor for sure doesn’t understand the situation, but is too proud to ask Magnus herself.

He spots Isabelle and Jace making their way to the ops centre and decides to join them.

“Magnus,” Izzy exclaims, smile painting on her face when she greets him with a kiss on the cheek. “it’s so good to see you.”

“You too, my dear.” He smiles at her. “Jace.” He nods at his boyfriend’s Parabatai, and then he’s mirroring the gesture.

“How’s Alec?” Izzy asks, voice filled with concern. “He didn’t take this very well yesterday…”

“Well it’s hard,” Magnus tries not to recall the distress and sorrow in Alec’s voice from last night, but he’s being unsuccessful at that. “But listen,” Magnus lowers his voice a little. “It’s not like we’re not gonna do anything about that right? Alec doesn’t deserve this, there’s gotta be a way-“

“Alec and I will talk to people in Alicante during my trial, hopefully they can manage something.” Jace cuts in.

“When is the trail taking place?”

“Don’t know. Clearly the Inquisitor has more important things, like punishing people who did no wrong.” Jace answers bitterly, eyes focused on the stand of the ops centre.

“Okay, I don’t want to bare the bad news,” Isabelle chimes in. “But what if this won’t work? I mean we don’t really have any allies in Alicante, nobody will help-“

“They’ll have to,” Jace finally turns to look at them. “There’s nothing else we can do. Alec doesn’t deserve this.”

“I’m so worried about him.” Isabelle almost whispers. “I don’t want him back in the field yet.”

“Wait,” Magnus starts confused. “What do you mean ‘back in the field’?”

“Well, now that he’s no longer the Head, he needs to go back to his old responsibilities. Patrols, missions-“

“There’s no way I’ll allow it.” Even the thought of it terrifies Magnus. Alec might be all healed up now, but it doesn’t mean he should go back to missions. He still shouldn’t exert himself. Even Catarina said so. “They can’t do that to him, he’s not ready.”

“I know Magnus,” Izzy put her hand on his shoulder, smiling sadly. “but there’s nothing more we can do now.”

He wants to argue, but at this moment the Inquisitor takes the stand.

She rambles about how she’s happy to see everyone gathered up here and then states new rules. Some of them, like “no Downworlder allowed” are welcomed with murmurs and whispers within the crowd, at that, all eyes turn to Magnus, but no one says anything out loud.

“Hi” Alec whispers as he joins them, putting his hand on Magnus’ lower back, smiling and nodding to Izzy and Jace.

“All good?” Magnus ask, as he settles his arm on Alec’s back.

“As much as it can be right now, yeah.” He sighs and smiles sadly.

“We also have a change in leadership” The Inquisitor continues.

All eyes settle on Alec, and Magnus can feel his body tense. he gently swipes his hand up and down on his boyfriends back, trying to relax him a bit.

“Mr Lightwood will be stepping down from his position.”

Magnus lets out an annoyed snort. _Stepping down_? It sounds like he was doing it willingly.

More whispers travel through the crowd as the Inquisitor informs that the Institute will be under her control right now, and they’re in process of choosing the new replacement.

Soon everything is over and Magnus feels Alec relax a as he lets out a long exhale.

And suddenly they’re surrounded by people. Shadowhunters, making their way through Alec asking questions, which none of them can actually make out, because there’s too many voices at once. Magnus feels scared that Alec might get overwhelmed by all this. He feels the rapid need to take him out of here, but as Alec starts to speak his voice is calm.

“It was the Clave’s decision. It’s not like I’m stepping down willingly.” He clears everything the Inquisitor didn’t feel the need to.

“But why, Mr Lightwood?” Some man with blond curly hair asks.

Alec searches for good words for a moment.

“There have been some misunderstandings, but sadly the Clave didn’t give me the chance to clear them out.”

“I’m so sorry Mr Lightwood,” the man continues. “It’s been truly a pleasure working under your command.”

“Thank you, Underhill.” Alec smiles miserably and pats the man, Underhill, on a shoulder.

“What about the no Downworlders rule?” Some voice echoes down the hall, as Magnus spots another group of Shadowhunters heading towards them. “What is _he_ doing here?”

The man spats his words through clenched teeth, pure disgust in his voice.

Magnus opens his mouth to answer, but Alec beats him to it.

“It doesn’t matter. We were just leaving.”

With that, he grabs Magnus’ hand, says quick goodbyes to his siblings and suddenly they’re headed through the front door.

“Don’t you need to stay?” Magnus asks concerned.

“No, I have a night patrol. And I don’t want to be here longer than I need too.”

They walk back to the loft in complete silence.

 

As they enter their home Alec throws his jacket on the couch with a bit too much force than needed

“Darling, calm down.” Magnus tries to approach him, but he doesn’t stop pacing around the living room.

“I just- I hate her, and the Clave and…” Alec lets out a frustrated sigh. “First the ‘no Downworlders’ rule, then me _stepping down_ ,” he huffs with annoyance. “And she dares to ask me questions about you-“

“What did she ask?” Magnus starts to think that maybe letting the Clave know about his condition was not such a good move. But he didn’t actually say anything more…

“She asked how come you’re not a Downworlder anymore.” Alec pulls him out of his thoughts. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her anything. Just that it’s none of her business and that she could ask you herself if she had the guts to.”

Alec exhales sharply and finally settles on the couch. Magnus sits next to him and puts his hand on his thigh.

“You think I shouldn’t say anything?” He asks worriedly. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to leave you-“

“No, Magnus. You don’t need to apologize. It’s your choice who you are going to tell about this.” Alec covers Magnus’ palm on his thigh with his own. “And besides, I think her reaction was worth it. She couldn’t quite recover from that.”

They both laugh for a brief minute, but then Alec turns more serious.

“Okay, I did promise you something.” He turns his body to face Magnus fully. “I know today was a lot, for both of us, but if you still want to… we can talk. I’m here to listen.’

It’s Magnus’ turn to let out a long exhale. It’s been long enough.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Alright, so…” Alec doesn’t know exactly how to start. “You probably need a drink, right?”

“Yes, please.” Magnus lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Alec moves to the drink cart and prepares drinks for both of them. As he returns to his spot on the couch, he places the glasses on the coffee table, takes Magnus’ hands in his own and smiles encouragingly at him.

Magnus knows it’s time. But still, how to even start? Everything he’s been feeling since that night… he’s pretty sure he can’t find words to describe it.

“It’s okay. Take your time.” Alec reaches out and gives Magnus his drink, which he gladly accepts.

He takes a long sip and finally starts.

“It’s…hard.”

Alec doesn’t say anything, just squeezes his hand a bit tighter and starts rubbing soothing circles into the back of his palm.

“Since that night, I just feel…empty. I can’t feel my magic floating through my body, it feels… cold, without it.”

He feels tears gathering up in his eyes, it’s still very hard to talk about it. _But it’s Alec_ , he reminds himself. _It’s not like he will judge_.

So he takes a deep breath and continues.

“And when I came back from Edom, and saw you… I realized I couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t help you.”

Alec opens his mouth like he wants to interrupt, but suddenly closes it and lets Magnus carry on.

“I guess this is what scares me the most. The feeling of helplessness, weakness. I just-, I feel so useless-“

“You are not.” Alec claims shaking his head and squeezing his palm again.

Magnus just sighs.

“How am I not, Alexander? I couldn’t do anything that night, I can’t do anything now, to- to help you find Clary or-“

“Hey,” Alec puts one of his hands on Magnus’ cheek to stop his head from its frantic movements. “You don’t need to worry about everything. We got this.”

“Of course I’ll worry, Alec. Clary is my friend.” He starts raising his voice unintentionally, so tries to continue much calmer. “I knew this would take time, adjusting, but I didn’t think it would be that hard. I keep snapping my fingers to remove my make-up or get changed, create a portal, and when nothing happens it still takes my time to understand. I relayed so much on my magic that now when it’s gone… I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re still you.” Alec says without hesitation. “You’re still Magnus Bane. The man I fell in love with, the amazing friend who never refuses to do anything for your loved ones. You still hold the best advices and everyone knows they can always come with everything to you, even just to talk, they know you’ll listen.”

Magnus looks down at their joined hands, when Alec snuggles closer to him.

“It’s all true.” He continues. “That’s who you are, and people who only ever cared for you because of your magic are not worth your time, love. I’m always here for you, magic or not. _Nothing’s_ gonna change that.”

Magnus doesn’t even realizes that there are tears running down his cheeks as he feels Alec’s thumbs wiping them lightly.

Then Alec pulls him into his arms and holds tightly, rubbing his hands up and down his back.

After a few minutes Magnus gathers up courage to say something more.

“And you will…” He tries to stop the sobs escaping him. “Will you still love me without it… without magic?”

Alec pulls back to look at him. He’s expression is so serious that Magnus isn’t sure he’s ever seen it on his face before.

“Magnus,” He starts slowly putting his hands around Magnus’ neck to keep him in place. “It was never about your magic. I didn’t fall in love with you because you’re a Warlock. I’ve fallen in love with you, because you’re an amazing person. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamt of. You’re kind, selfless, loving. I-, there are no words in any languages that could express how exquisite you are.”

Magnus feels more tears in his eyes, so he just nods wildly and hides his head back in Alec’s chest.

In his whole, not so long ago immortal life, no one has ever loved him the way Alexander does. He keeps proving it to him every single day since he went down the altar and kissed him at his wedding. This is a love Magnus couldn’t even dream of. Alec accepts every part of him, even those parts he hates about himself.

A love like this was worth waiting for.

They stay like this for a while longer. It reminds Magnus of last night. Recently their lives are full of tears and failures, but they’ll get through this. Magnus is sure of it. He’s not scared of anything with Alexander by his side.

“You know,” Alec stars sometime later. “it’s okay if you blame me for this, I mean I’m the one who put you into this mess, and Jace is my Parabatai so-“

“Alexander,” It’s Magnus’ turn to pull back and look at him, with pure shock in his eyes. “I could never blame you, I told you that night, I- it was my choice-“

“I know, but if-“

“No,” Magnus shakes his head. “no ‘if’, I don’t blame you. And I don’t want you to blame yourself Alexander. I’m a grown men, I can make my own decisions and then I need to bare the consequences. This is how life goes.”

Alec sighs heavily, but nods.   

“Promise me you won’t blame yourself.” Alec finds sudden interest in Magnus’ glass like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Hey, look at me.” Magnus urges his head up with two fingers under his chin. “I’m serious Alec, promise me.”

“Okay.” He says simply. “But you need to promise me something too.”

“What?”

“That you won’t give up. We will get it back. Now that I no longer have the Institute as my responsibility I can focus on-“

“Alec I told you,” Magnus starts slowly. “There’s nothing we could possibly do,” Alec rolls his eyes at that. “What, are you willing to just march to Edom and ask my father to give it back?” Magnus adds more firmly.

“If I have to, then yes.” Alec’s expression is completely serious.

“Alec, no. We won’t be dealing with Asmodeus anymore, it’s too dangerous-“

“But what if-“

“No, Alec!” Magnus raises his voice a bit, but then adds more serious than angry. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

Alec just looks in his eyes for a few long seconds before he speaks.

“You demand a lot of promises tonight…”

“Alexander,” Magnus’ voice is pleading now. “Please.”

“Yes. Okay, I won’t.”

Magnus smiles at that and puts his arms around his neck.

“You know,” he exhales as all the emotions rolling off of him. “I feel a lot better now.”

“I’m glad.” Alec’s hands settle on his waist. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

As their lips connect in a slow deep kiss, Magnus truly feels like some weight has be removed from his shoulders. Nothing is perfect. Hell, they’re pretty far from okay even, but it’s better, for sure.

And right now, it’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :) Told you I can't make our boys fight for long. The Clave is being kinda terrible, right? Not that it's much of a surprise… Let me know your thoughts in the comments!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec deals with the aftermath of losing his job and tries to get Magnus' magic back on his own. He turns for help to someone who he thought he'd never have to ask for it again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> New chapter = more angst. There's a little less Malec here, so i'm sorry, but the story needs to keep going :) This chapter is a bit shorter than the last one, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

_I’m sorry._

_You don’t deserve this._

_It was a pleasure working under your command._

 

Alec can’t really count how many of these kind messages he's received in the following week. It builds this warm feeling inside his heart, it feels nice to be appreciated, but at the same times it reminds him of what he’s lost. 

As he walks through the Institute, he collects even more sad smiles and appreciative nods.

But of course he sees that not everyone is so sympathetic to him. He hears whispers. _Finally the Downworlder lover is where he belongs, this should have happened a long time ago, he never deserved this position_.

They aren’t even the worst of them. But besides the fact, that he heard all of them so many times, for so long, it still stings.

But the thing that pisses him of the most, is how all of the things that he achieved, that he fought for, for so long to finally become real are now crumbled down into a pile of dust.

New politics are not only disrespectful to Downworlders, but also don’t make any sense. How's not allowing them to the walls of the Institute might help? _They might be cooperating with Lilith, she’s the mother of all demons after all,_ is the answer he got from the Inquisitor. Like demons and Downworlders were the same thing…

It doesn’t help, that the new appointed Head is nothing but a mindless bureaucrat, who blindly follows the Clave’s orders and has never seen a real fight, the more, was part of it. So he doesn't understand half of the things.

Thomas Windraft, because that is his name, has totally different believes than Alec. He destroyed every little kind of progress Alec has been able to implement.

It feels like they only go backwards now.

He does feels good about coming back to the haunts. It’s satisfying to let his anger and frustration go loose. Especially now.

But Magnus hates it, is more worried than ever every time he leaves for work now, even when he promises he’ll be extra careful. They talked about it for what seems like hours. Alec trying to convince him, that it may do some good for him, to what Magnus just snorted any nearly laugh. Eventually he agreed to let Alec go, only if he would check up with him every hour, if he forgets Magnus will personally drag him back to the loft and lock him up there, till the Clave will get their senses back.

So it seems like he’d need to stay there forever…

But there’s nothing else they can do, he needs to continue his work, the best as he can. Maybe the Clave will notice how hard he is trying…

There is only one good side of all this mess. Now that he doesn’t need to keep watching over the whole Institute he has more time to focus on the real problem. Getting Magnus’ magic back.

That’s why he ended up here now, at Catarina’s when he told Magnus he had to fill some more reports back at work and will be back later.

He really doesn’t want to lie to Magnus about this. He knows he promised not to do anything stupid. But it’s just a meeting. A conversation, that might not lead to anything serious. And he needs to talk to someone about this. Someone, that might be able to help.

If he told Magnus, he’d just get more worried. That’s not what he needs right now. Alec is so glad Magnus finally opened up to him about his feelings a week ago, that night on a couch. But now, that he knows how he feels, knows how much he struggles… he can’t stand by and watch. He needs to do something.

“Alec, is there any particular reason why you’re here?” Catarina asks, as he comes back to the living room, places some tea on the table and settles back in the armchair opposite the couch where Alec is currently located.

“I..Um.” Alec blurts out.

“Magnus doesn’t know that you’re here, does he?” She asks, seeing right through Alec. As always.

“How do you know it?”

“You never get nervous around me. Not anymore, at least. Only when, you’re hiding something, especially from Magnus.”

Alec runs his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. It’s all true. He and Cat became even closer because of all of the recent events. Magnus has always said that she’s special. Now Alec can see how.

“Okay, he doesn’t know, alright? And I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to worry him anymore.”

Cat looks worried, but nods sadly and at that gesture and he knows he has her approval. It’s pretty late, and Madzie is already asleep, so he’s not worried about the little Warlock spilling their secret.

“Okay, so what is going on?”

“Cat, I need your help.” He admits pleadingly. “With Magnus, I mean his magic. I don’t know what else to do, and I just can’t-“

“Hold on, wait a second.” Catarina holds out her hand to stop his rambling. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

He knows she already knows what he means. That’s exactly what Catarina is like.

But he also knows he needs to say it, for her to believe it. So he does ask.

“Can you take me to Edom?”

Cat’s expression doesn’t change that much. Shock and fear have already painted he face when she realized what Alec was about to say.

He is also pretty sure about her answer.

“No, absolutely no-“

“Cat, please-“

“No, Magnus would kill me if-“

“Magnus doesn’t need to know.”

She just looks at him, not saying anything for a few seconds. Then she sighs and shakes her head as she begins to explain.

“Look, Alec. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” Alec asks confused.

“I’m a healer. I don’t have enough power to open a passage to the realm of hell.”

“So, Magnus…“ Alec starts, pieces slowly falling into place.

“Magnus is not only more powerful than me, but he also has a connection to Edom in form of Asmodeus. Hell, he would just need to call out and his father might hear him. They’re the same blood.”

Alec sighs as he slumps a bit more down on a couch.

“So there’s nothing you can do?”

Catarina looks down into her cup of tea.

“No, I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Alec puts his head in his hands as he tries to think.

“Cat, what do I do? I can’t stand seeing him in pain anymore, I know he’s suffering and I can’t do anything about it-“

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Cat says slowly as he feels her moving his hands away from his face. Now she’s kneeling in front of him, taking the hold of his hands, so she knows he’s listening. “There’s so much you’re already doing for him. You’re there for him. You love him. That’s all he would have asked from you.”

“But it’s not enough.”

“No, it might be not.” Catarina sighs. “But that’s all you can do.”

He's glad Catarina is honest with him, but it doesn't make him feel any better.

He lets out a long exhale and gets up. A second later he feels Cat putting his arms around him.

“Thank you Cat.” He says as he pulls back and turns to leave.

“Anytime.” She replies smiling a little and then walks him to the front door.

As he opens the door, he feels her hand on his arm.

“And Alec,” she says firmly. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He just smiles and nods lightly while stepping through the door.

 

When he gets back to the loft it’s way past midnight. He walked slow, taking his time. Thinking through all of the other options he has to help Magnus. Which is not so many.

He opens the door with his key, settles down his weapons, and heads to the bedroom to find Magnus lying in their bed, reading a book, clearly awake.

“I thought I told you not to stay up.” Alec tries for these words to come out firm, but the soft smile that’s making its way up on his face is clearly betraying him.

“Really?” Magnus says, with fake surprise in his voice. “I don’t recall.”

Alec sighs as he circles the bed to reach Magnus and place a soft kiss on his lips.

“Besides,” Magnus continues when they pulls back and he places his hand on Alec’s cheek. “I needed to know you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Alec asks as he leans into the touch.

“Well, you sounded exhausted on the phone when you call after the mission, and then you said you needed to stay a little longer… I just got worried you’ll overwork yourself.”

“I’m okay.” Alec replies and turns his head to place a kiss to Magnus’ inner palm. “I’m gonna take a shower and then I’ll join you here.”

“Can’t wait.”

 

As Alec returns to the bed, he finds Magnus still awake, but now lying on his side. He climbs into the bed, snuggle closer to him, and kisses his neck lightly as throws his arm around his boyfriend’s middle.

“I couldn’t sleep without you.” Magnus says.

“Because of these nightmares again?”

A few days after their talk, Magnus admitted to him, that he’s been having nightmares since that night. He didn’t describe in full details what they were about, but from what Alec has heard, he knows they must be awful to relive every night.

“No,” Magnus replies as he turns to face him. “Actually, since we talked I sleep a lot better. They’re only back when you’re not here.”

“Then good thing I’ll always be here.” Alec states as he settles his head under Magnus’ chin, hugging him tightly.

When sleep nearly overtakes him, he can feel Magnus kissing the top on his head.

“Good night, angel.” He whispers.

That’s the best way for Alec to fall asleep.

 

 

Not matter how long it has been, he’ll always hate leaving Magnus in the morning. The warmth of their bed, and the heath of Magnus’ body pressed against his, are so tempting to lose yourself in. He often does.

“Babe,” he whispers. “I need to go.”

“No, not yet.” Magnus mumbles half asleep, but his arms tighten around Alec.

“I have to.” He presses a lingering kiss to Magnus’ forehead. “I’ll try to be back earlier.”

It’s not like he actually has a choice when he wants to get back, but it seems to win Magnus over. Just a little bit.

“Be careful, darling.”

“Always ‘m”

 

It seems to be a quiet day at the Institute. He’s just came back from a mission. He and Jace took care of some Kappa demons in Manhattan. Nothing difficult. None of them got hurt. He called Magnus afterwards to let him know he’s okay. Just like they’ve established.

He was just about to check the air sensors for any demon activity, when he hears raised voices coming from down the hall. He spots the new Head, Thomas, and Simon arguing near the front door.

He quickly makes his way over to them, as he hears Thomas yelling at Simon, calling him a _presumptuous Downworlder_.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Simon looks more annoyed than angry and Thomas is dripping with frustration.

“It’s not your concern, Lightwood.” He spats.

“Well, I think it is, when you’re talking to my friend like that.” Alec says, voice calm, but firm.

“Your friend,” Thomas murmurs under his nose, but then speaks louder. “Of course he is your friend, but if you haven’t notice he’s a Downworlder, and he’s not allowed here.”

“I just need to see Isabelle.” Simon says frustrated with a loud exhale.

“Seems not only you, but also your sister is involve in Downworlder affairs. What a family-“

“Hey,” this time Alec’s voice is not gentle at all. “You don’t get to say anything about me, my sister or any part of my family. And as it comes to Simon,” he pauses for a second to take a look at him. “If it wasn’t for him, Lilith would still be here, and we all would be dead. He deserves some respect. And should be allowed here anytime he wants.”

Simon looks at him with awe and surprise painted on his face, and then he smiles. Alec thinks it’s probably the first time he saw him smile in month, so he reciprocates, letting the corners of his lis quirk lightly.

“Look, Lightwood-“ Thomas starts, but suddenly is cut short by Isabelle appearing in the hall.

“Simon? What are you doing here?” She completely ignores Thomas and pulls Simon into a hug, then she stands between him and Alec, noticing their boss and her brother glaring at each other. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Alec answers quickly, still eyeing Thomas with hate.

“Look Isabelle, can we talk?” Suddenly Simon cuts in.

“Yeah, sure let’s-“ Izzy starts, but Simon holds out his hand to stop her.

“Not here.”

“Okay…” Isabelle glances at Alec for a second and he nods. Next moment she and Simon are leaving the Institute.

Alec looks at them with curiosity as they leave, but then Thomas’ voice is reaching him.

“Look, Lightwood. You don’t get to decide who is allowed here or not. That’s my job.”

 _More like the Clave’s job._ Alec thinks, but doesn’t say anything.

“So don’t think,” Thomas continues. “that you have any right to tell me what to do, or who to respect. Because you won’t find any ounce of respect for Downworlders in me.”

“You say it like you’re proud of it.” Alec claims with disgusted with his words. 

“Listen, this is how it’s always been. Shadowhunters and Downworlders don’t mix. We can’t let them rule over us-“

“It’s not about them ruling over us or vice versa.” Alec raises his voice with frustration. “Right now, it’s about respecting the men who saved the Shadow World. You have no idea what he’s been through, but when he shows up, with no bad intentions, you’re just yelling at him to leave. That’s not how our leaders should act-“

“Maybe it is?” Thomas cuts in. “Maybe if you didn’t get your emotions to rule you, you would still be a leader? Guess we won’t find out now.”

With that, Thomas leaves for his office and Alec feels the sudden urge to punch something.

 

Training didn’t help. He still feels angry. What is happening here right now is a joke. He can’t stand it. Can’t stand that he can’t do anything about it. He feels terrible and useless. He wishes for just one thing to turn out right in all of this mess.

Later he settles in the library, trying to gather his thoughts and find some way to help Magnus. If he can’t do anything about the Institute he needs to do everything to return Magnus’ magic. He’s already been through half of the books in here, in the recent days. But there’s still a lot more to go through.

He thinks about what Catarina said. About Warlocks, their powers. How they are different. He’s only ever been in contact with Magnus’, Cat’s, or Madzie’s magic.

Magnus’ magic feels like home. It feels warm, and safe. When he’s around it, it feels like nothing could hurt him.

He doesn’t actually know any other Warlocks who would help him. And besides no one would be allowed to, because of…

A sudden idea hits him. It’s just sketch. Probably won’t work, but he won’t forgive himself if he doesn’t try.

He slams the book he’s been reading shut. Checks the time. It’s still pretty early, and he doesn’t have another hunt in at least two hours. He gathers all of his thing and gets ready to leave.

As he’s heading to the front door he bumps into Isabelle.

“Hi,” She says surprised to see her brother in such hurry. “Where are you going?”

“Oh, I just..um” He can’t tell her. Can’t tell anyone. This is something he needs to do on his own, he can’t risk putting anyone else in danger. _Come on Alec, think._ “I’m off to Catarina’s.”

“Now? It’s pretty early.” Izzy asks suspicious. Alec told her he’s about to talk to Catarina about Magnus’ situation. But didn’t exactly specified when. “Doesn’t she have a shift at the hospital or something?”

“Um actually no. She has some time now, so… yeah.”

“Okay…” Isabelle eyes him carefully.

He knows he still doesn’t have her fully convinced.  She can always see right through him. So he does the only thing he knows will do the trick. Diverts the conversation at her.

“Hey, what was it about Simon today?” He asks. Then, he thinks he’s actually really curious about it. “What did he want to talk about?”

“Oh, it was nothing.”

Alec raises his eyebrows at her.

“What?” She reflects. “It was nothing, we just took a walk, and he, um… he thanked me for being there for him. Told me that I did really help him through the worst and that he enjoys my company…”

Alec looks at her and realizes she’s blushing. Actually, really blushing. Isabelle Lightwood blushing. He’s never seen her talk that way about a boy before.

“And do you?”

“What?” Izzy snaps back to him like he’d pulled her out of a dream.

“Do you enjoy his company?”

She’s silent for a while, but then a smile is creeping its way on her flushed face.

“Yeah,” she says with a soft smile. “I really do.”

“Good.” He smiles at her, kissed her forehead and makes his way out, before she gets to say something more.

It’s time to pay a visit to the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

 

As Lorenzo Rey opens the door after he knocks, the Warlock can’t quite contain his shock.

“Señor Lightwood…” He shakes his head a little, like the gesture would bring him back from the shock. “What brings you here?”

“I need your help with something.” Alec tries for his voice not to sound bitter.

“And what would that be?” Lorenzo asks, pure curiosity in his voice now. “Can’t you ask _your_ Warlock for help?”

Alec just looks at him and doesn’t really know how to answer. Clearly, Lorenzo doesn’t know about Magnus’ loss of magic, and Alec isn’t going to tell him. Not when he doesn’t know if Magnus would like that. Shit, he didn’t really think this through.

“You don’t want him to know.” Lorenzo announces with win in his voice. “Well, now you’ve got my undivided attention. I’m curious.”

He lets Alec in, and leads his to the living room.

“I’m listening, Mr Lightwood.” Lorenzo says as he makes his way to pour himself a drink. He turns to Alec in question, but the younger man just simply shakes his head.

He doesn’t know how to say it. Deep down, knows it’s a bad idea. But he doesn’t know any other Warlocks. And since Lorenzo is the High Warlock he must be powerful. Maybe his relations with Lorenzo aren’t on the best course. But he needs to put this aside for now.

As the Warlock returns, he settles in the armchair, in the middle of the room. Alec sits down on a couch opposite him. Then Lorenzo gestures with his hand for Alec to start.

Alec takes a deep breath. That’s what he came here for. He’s doing this for Magnus.

“I need you to take me to Edom.”

Lorenzo almost chokes on his drink, but then he tries to remain impassive.

“What for?” He asks after clearing his throat.

“Does it matter?” Alec snaps. “I’m asking you to provide a service for me. I’ll pay. I don’t think you need a reason.”

“And why can’t Magnus do it?” Lorenzo continues regardless Alec’s interruption. “Why don’t you want him to know?”

“I don’t need to tell you any of this.”

“No, you don’t.” Lorenzo relaxes more on the couch. “But, I won’t provide a service if you won’t.”

“Why?” Alec tries to keep his voice calm, but he’s getting frustrated.

“Because I’m curious.” Lorenzo states with a sly grin. “Take it as a part of your price.”

Alec snorts in annoyance. He can’t tell him. Maybe coming here was a mistake after all…

“You see,” Lorenzo starts, as he’s finishing his drink. “I should punish Magnus, after our last fight, but there’s been a lot going on. More important things, than some Warlock culprit’s rebellion. And also there’s this interesting matter that, I can’t feel his magic anymore…”

Alec tenses slightly at his words. He should have seen this coming. Of course there’s need to be some way for Warlocks to know that. He’s not gonna let him have this. No, Magnus would not approve this.

So he gets up and tries to leave, without another word, but Lorenzo’s next question stops him.

“Is this about Asmodeus?”

Alec doesn’t turn to face him as he answers.

“Maybe.”

“What would you want from The Prince of Hell?”

“It’s not your concern, Mr Rey,” Now Alec turns and takes a few steps closer to him. “I just need to get to him.”

“What do you have to offer him?” Lorenzo eyes him curiously.

“Mr Rey, if you’re done with these questions I have just one.” Alec exhales heavily. “Will you help me, or not?”

Lorenzo seems to consider this for a while. Alec’s pretty sure he will decline so he adds. “You do still owe me a favour after all.” He knows he’s playing a dangerous card. He already found out the hard way that the new High Warlock of Brooklyn is not honourable men.

“You’ll never let that go, will you?” Lorenzo says after a few seconds with a heavy sigh. “Alright, I’ll do it. But it will cost you anyway.”

“Just send your bill to the Institute, I’ll deal with it later.” Alec hides the surprise in his voice pretty well. He kind of wasn’t expecting that. “Let’s get to it.”

“Oh, you want to do it now?”

“Yes,” Alec’s confused at his question. “Why not?”

“It’s just, I had a few appointments today and my magic hasn’t fully recharged yet.”

“You need your full magic to do it?”

“Well, I think so. It’s a powerful spell.”

“What do you mean ‘you think so’?” Alec is starting to get nervous. “Have you ever done this?”

“No.” Lorenzo simply answers. “Still willing to take the risk, Shadowhunter?”

Alec looks at him for a few long seconds, before he exhales worryingly, but in the end, nods. It’s not like he can do anything else. There’s no other option. It’s his only choice. _For Magnus_.

 

They move to his office, where Lorenzo prepares a pentagram. Alec’s hands are beginning to sweat and he runs them through his hair more often. He should have made up some plan. He doesn’t actually have anything he can offer Asmodeus. Well, besides himself. And if he’ll be willing to take Alec as a price for returning Magnus’ magic… Will Alec be able to do this? It would break Magnus’ heart. But he’s suffering now so…

“All done,” Lorenzo announces as he shakes the residues of the ash off of his hands. “Now, please step inside the pentagram.”

Alec does as he’s told. He carefully stepping through the lines to join Lorenzo in the middle.

The Warlock begins to chant in some ancient language, and a few moments later the lines of the pentagram lit up with flames. It awfully reminds Alec of the time where Magnus was leaving to Edom. He remembers every part of it. The screams, the look of distress on his lover’s face as he entered the flames…

He braces himself for the pain, but before he feels anything besides the heat of the flames he hears Lorenzo’s voice.

“I don’t have enough magic.” _Great_ , Alec thinks, _so that’s it_. But then Lorenzo adds. “Give me your strength.”

He pulls out his hand for Alec to hold, but Alec hesitates. He just stares at the extended hand. He’s done it only once before. And it was with Magnus. Even though they barely knew each other back then, he somehow knew he could trust him, that he wouldn’t hurt him. And now, this… well he doesn’t trust Lorenzo. Not at all.

 _For Magnus_ , he reminds himself. _For him_.

He would give up everything to see Magnus’ smile as the blue flames lit up his fingers again. The true, genuine smile. To feel the warm of Magnus’ magic radiating through his skin. To see him snap his fingers and conjure anything he wants.

He doesn’t miss it. Magnus is more than enough for him. Magic or not. He’s his everything. But he knows Magnus does miss it.

So he puts his hand in Lorenzo’s.

After a moment he feels the energy leaving his body. It’s totally different from the time with Magnus. Back then, it was gentle, urgent but still gentle. Right now if feels like the energy is leaving his body too fast, like Lorenzo is taking too much. It feels like his hand is burning on the inside.

 _For Magnus_.

He repeats it like a mantra in his head. He’s starting to feel warm liquid dripping from his nose and he realizes he’s bleeding.

Lorenzo must have noticed, because he tries to pull his hand of his hold. But Alec doesn’t let go.

“Perhaps we should stop,” He hears Lorenzo, he sounds almost… _worried_. “I think I’m taking too much-“

“No, keep going.” Alec urges, as he tries to focus and his breathing. _In and out_.

 _For Magnus_.

“Mr Lightwood…” Lorenzo’s voice is distant, nearly like a whisper.

“I said, don’t stop.”

He starts seeing dark dots before his eyes. He feels like he’s run a marathon, his legs are beginning to give up. His hands are sweating and his breathing is hard. He almost doesn’t hear it because of the loud thumping of his own blood in his head.

He knows they should stop. But he still doesn’t let go.

 _For Magnus_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the read :) That's an interesting turn of events, right? What do you think of the new Head of The Instiute? Do you hate him as much as I do? Is Alec willing to sacrifice himself for Magnus' magic? We'll see next time! And in the meantime let me know all your thoughts in the comments!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finds out about Alec's attempt to get his magic back and rushes to stop him. But will he make it there on time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Back with yet another chapter.  
> After some angst the last time, this one is a bit more fluffy, at least some parts :)

Magnus was just finishing up cleaning when he got the call.

He found out that cleaning has some kind of calming vibe. Similar to shopping.

What’s why he’s been cleaning up the apartment for almost two hours now.

After Alec called to say everything is fine after the haunt, Magnus got some time to relax. He spent about an hour reading a book, then cleaned. At moments like this he thinks he might get used to this. But it’s only for about a  brief second.

The thing that worries him the most now is of course Alec. He got back to the haunts, claiming he was fine. For now, nothing serious has happened. A few cuts and bruises. Nothing an _iratze_ couldn’t fix.

But Magnus is afraid that one night Alec will come back home with much worse injuries. And he won’t be able to heal him. It has happened before, he found Alec leaning against the wall, or slumping down on a couch dripping with blood more times that he could count. _The perks of dating a Shadowhunter_ , he thinks. But all of those times before were different. Because he had his magic.

When Isabelle calls him, for the first time in a while he doesn’t assume anything bad. He felt relaxed, Alec said it was a quiet day at the Institute, nothing to worry about.

But as he picks up and hears her worried voice, something clenches inside his stomach.

“Magnus,” she starts. “it’s Alec.”

“What happened?” He asks as he stands up from the couch and starts pacing. He wishes he could just portal to them.

“I don’t know.” Isabelle answers, her voice breaking down. “Jace can feel something through the bond. He says it feels like life is leaving Alec’s body. Similar to the time when he needed to bring him back.”

“Where is he?” Magnus can’t hide the panic in his voice. If Alec didn’t get hurt in a haunt… What the hell was he doing?

“He said he was off to Catarina’s-“

“Okay, I’m calling her right now. If he’s not there, then I’m taking Cat, and we will portal to the Institute.”

“Alright, hurry.”

After she hangs up he immediately dials Catarina’s number.

“Hello?”

“Cat, is Alec with you?”

“No, why would he-“ she starts, but Magnus cuts her off.

“I need you to portal to the loft. Cat please, Alec is in danger.”

“Okay, I’m coming.” Catarina’s voice is concerned and surprised. A moment later a portal appears right in the middle of Magnus’ living room.

“Magnus, what is-“

“Cat, we need to get to the Institute, then we need to track Alec and-“

Before Magnus gets to finish Catarina is pulling him into the portal. He really appreciates that she doesn’t ask any further questions. At this point, he doesn’t think he could even tell her anything. His whole body feels tensed and he can’t force any words through his throat. He’s trying to focus on his breathing but the panic slowly overcomes him.

They appear in the one of the hallways of the Institute, where Jace and Isabelle are already waiting for them. Izzy is holding one of Alec’s old t-shirts.

“I can’t sense him.” She says, worry clear in her voice

Jace is standing on her side. Hand pressed tightly to his hip where the Parabatai rune is located.

“Jace can’t feel much through the bond. Only what I told you over the phone.” Isabelle continues.

“What are they doing here?” Magnus spots the new Head of the Institute, Thomas heading their way.

“We don’t have time for this.” Catarina announces as he takes the shirt from Izzy’s hands.

Magnus distantly hears Isabelle arguing with Thomas, but he doesn’t care. His eyes stay focused on Cat, as she tries to track Alec.

“Oh my God,” Catarina exclaims after a minute and all eyes turn to her. Isabelle in instant is next to Magnus abandoning her conversation with Thomas. “Magnus,” Catarina turns to him. “He’s at Lorenzo’s house.”

Confusion paints its way up to Magnus’ face.

“Why would he…” He starts, but the a sudden thought hits him. If Alec’s doing what he thinks he’s doing. “No.” He says breathless as he meets Cat’s eyes. “We have to go now, there isn’t much time.”

“What’s going on?” Isabelle demands.

But before she gets any answers Catarina is pulling them all through yet another portal.

 

Lorenzo’s mansion hasn’t changed a bit since he last saw it. But it’s no time to admire the spectacular ceilings. They need to find Alec.

“This way.” He points out the direction where he feels the magic gathering up.

He really hopes he’s wrong. That Alec didn’t do it. That he haven’t risked his life for Magnus’ magic. But when they enter the room, which probably is Lorenzo’s office, he sadly realizes that he’s been right.

Lorenzo and Alec stand in the middle of the pentagram, surrounded by flames. Alec looks pale and there’s blood dripping from his nose. Magnus’ sees that his hand is clasped with Lorenzo’s… it’s much worse than Magnus thought.

As everyone sink into the room, fear paints their faces. But Magnus is the first one to recover.

“Stop!” He screams, as he runs towards the pentagram. “Stop!”

Lorenzo seems to hear him and he breaks the hold on Alec’s hand. The flames disappear and Alec falls back, almost hitting the floor if not Magnus catching him.

Magnus’ legs give up and they both go down to the floor. Magnus kneels besides Alec holding his head on his lap. He sweeps Alec’s hair out if his forehead and takes in his pale face. Suddenly it feels like they’re back in the alley that night. Alec’s eyes flutter open but they can’t focus on anything, not even Magnus’ face. There’s dried blood under his nostrils, but it’s still sinking down his chin.

“Cat!” Magnus calls out. It’s all he manages, before his chest tightens and he feels like he can’t breathe anymore.

Then Cat is next to him. Her magic hovering above Alec’s body, and it’s so damn similar to that night that Magnus can barely stand it.

“He’ll be okay, Magnus.” Cat’s smoothing voice reaches his ears. “He just lost some energy.”

_Some_ , Magnus thinks, _More like almost all of it_.

Now Isabelle and Jace are next to him too. Jace is visibly more relaxed and less in pain, but worry still current on his face. Isabelle squeezes her older brother’s hand lightly.

_He’s safe now_. Magnus repeats to himself in his mind as he breathes staidly. _He’ll be okay_.

Now that Alec is safe, embraced by his siblings and Cat Magnus carefully gets up and turns to the person that caused all this mess.

“What did you think you were doing?!” He snaps at Lorenzo, not even trying to stay calm now.

“Magnus calm down, it was he that asked me to do this.” Lorenzo answers, clearly not seeing his fault in all of this.

“And you agreed!” Magnus screams. “Preforming that kind of magic?! On a Nephilim! You weren’t even sure you could handle it! Then taking his energy and-“

“I wanted to stop, he told me to keep going. It was supposed to be just a simple service. I had no idea it would get out of hand like this-“

“ _Simple service?!_ ” Magnus yells. “You’re not clarified to perform this kind of demonic magic and you know it!”

“He knew the risks!” Lorenzo snaps now. “He wanted it, it isn’t my fault that he’s that stupid to-“

“You should have denied! Or stop when you saw, that clearly you were hurting him-“

“Magnus, stop.” Alec’s weak voice reaches him and he turns to see him standing a few steps away, when the others try to urge him to sit back down, but he dismissed them with a feeble wave of his hand. “It’s not his fault. He’s right. I knew the risk-“

“Alec, sit back down.” Magnus says firmly.

“I’m fine-“

“Oh, don’t give me that crap. We’re taking you home, now.” He turns to Lorenzo. “Don’t think this is over.”

He takes Alec by the forearm and gently pulls him through the portal Catarina has already created.

 

As they appear in the loft Magnus supresses the urge to start yelling at Alec, when he lets Catarina check him over. He turns out to be just fine, he’ll just need to rest for the rest of the day to recharge his strength.

“Thank you, Cat.” Alec says softly, when she lets her magic die at the ends of her fingers.

“I thought we talked about doing anything stupid.” The Warlock replies, but also smiles at him worriedly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not me you need to apologize to.” She points with her head to Magnus, who’s now facing the balcony doors, hands clasped on his chest. “I gotta go. Get some rest, Alec.”

Magnus mumbles a quick thank you to Cat, when she’s out the door Isabelle and Jace turn to Alec.

“Alec, what the hell-“ Izzy starts, but Alec cuts her off immediately.

“Guys, I promise I’ll explain, but later.” His eyes wander to Magnus. “Could you please leave now?”

They seem to take a hint, because they both simply nod and head to the door. 

“Magnus…” Alec starts from the spots he occupies on the couch clearly still too exhausted to move. But Magnus still doesn’t turn to face him, so he starts to fidget on a couch to get up.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Magnus yells and Alec stops immediately. Clearly, way too intimidated by his boyfriend’s reaction. “Going to Lorenzo, seriously Alec?! Can you tell me what the hell was in that mind of yours to go and ask him for this?”

“I went to Catarina first.” Alec admits in a low voice. “She said she couldn’t do it.”

Magnus is surprised. Cat didn’t tell him about this. And what did she mean that she couldn’t do it? He’ll for sure need to make a conversation with her about this, but not now. He turns his focus back to Alec.

“Well Lorenzo clearly couldn’t either. He almost drained you Alec!”

“Well, he didn’t and I’m fine.” Alec snaps back. “Nothing happened so let’s just-“

“ _Nothing happened?!_ ’ Magnus screams again. “Alec, how many times will I need to see you pale and bleeding on the ground!? When will you understand that your life is worth more than anything to me?!”

“I’m sorry.” Alec says, voice quiet, but eyes finally meeting Magnus’.

Magnus exhales heavily and slumps down on the couch next to him, taking the hold of his hands.

“Alexander,” he starts now, much more calmer. “You need to know, that I can’t live without you either.” Magnus recalls the night when Alec said those words to him. When they made up from one of their most serious fights. “And I can’t have you risk your life for-“

“I can’t stand seeing you in pain.” Alec interrupts. “Maybe you think I don’t notice, but I do. Every time. And the look on your face then, I-… I just can’t stand it.”

“So you decided to what? Take a matter into your own hands? Alec we agreed-“

“What else was I supposed to do?” Alec snaps, voice almost breaking down. “Continue to watch you suffer?”

“And how hurting yourself was supposed to stop me from suffering?” Magnus asks more concerned than angry now. The anger slowly vaporises as he listens to Alec’s soft voice.

“I didn’t know it would get to that.” He explains. “I mean, the spell looked simple when you did it-“

“Yes, but that’s because-“

“Your connection to Edom, I know.” Alec looks at the confused expression on Magnus’ face so he continues. “Cat told me.”

Magnus sighs deeply, as he starts rubbing Alec’s knuckles with his thumb.

“I knew the risk. But I was…desperate.” Alec admits after a while. “ So don’t blame Lorenzo.”

“Why are you defending him?” Magnus asks surprised.

“Because it’s not his fault.” Alec answers simply.

“But he could have stopped, he _should have_ stopped-“ Magnus carries on, the fury making its way back up, not at Alec, but at Lorenzo.

“I told him to keep going.” Alec says gently. “I thought I could bare it and-“

“But what next Alec?” Magnus asks desperately. If they would be too late, and Lorenzo would somehow manage to portal him to Edom… Magnus doesn’t even want to think about that. “What would you do in Edom?”

“I don’t know.” Alec answers honestly, his gaze dropping to their joined hands. “Talk to your father, convinced him to-“

“There’s no such thing as _convincing_ Asmodeus to do something.” Magnus’ voice is more serious than ever. “His help always comes with a price. Alec, I told you that.”

“So then I would offer me or-“

“Excuse me?!” Magnus’ eyes widen in shock. “Alec, you do not go to my father and offer yourself as a hostage for my magic! Please tell me you weren’t actually thinking that.” He pleads.

Alec’s silent for a while before he answers.

“If this was the only way-“

“And then what?” Magnus’ eyes start to fill up with tears. ‘’Didn’t you think it would break my heart? Alexander, you are worth much more than any kind of magic.”

Silence falls between them again, for a few long minutes, before Alec looks up at him and asks in pure disbelief.

“Really?”

“Of course angel.” Magnus snuggles closer to him. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me. I love you, so much, Alexander.”

“I love you too.”

Magnus puts his arms around him and presses him close, running his hand through his hair.

“But what you did today was incredibly stupid.” Magnus says as he pulls back lightly to look at him. “And you promised not to do stupid, not only to me, but as I’ve heard, also to Catarina.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” Alec agrees and places a soft kiss to Magnus’ chin. “I didn’t think it was that stupid at the beginning.” He adds with a soft smile.

Magnus chuckles, but then tries to get more serious.

“I should be mad at you.” He says, but can’t help the soft smile painting on his face as he looks at his lover.

“We both know that you can’t stay mad at me for long.” Alec claims with a smirk, and now Magnus can’t resist any more to kiss him, so he does. Lightly, but as Alec grips his t-shirt and tries to deepen the kiss Magnus pulls back.

“But seriously,” he tries to sound as much serious as he can manage now, with Alec biting his lower lip and his beautiful hazel eyes looking right at him. “You can’t do anything like this ever again. I can’t take it anymore.”

Alec nods still looking at him.

“I’d say promise me,” Magnus carries on. “But we know how your last promise turned out.”

Alec laughs briefly, but stops immediately, when he looks back at his boyfriend’s serious expression.

“So swear to me.” Magnus urges, almost in a whisper. “Swear, not to put your life in danger for my magic. Or for me.”

“I swear,” Alec starts. “not for your magic. But I can’t swear not to risk it for you. I don’t want to break this one, so I can’t swear that to you.”

“Alec-“

“I’m serious, Magnus. I’ll always choose you.”

That scares him. The fact that Alec would choose him, even before himself. But as he thinks about it, he feels he might actually do the same.

“Doesn’t this scare you?” He asks as Alec leans back onto his chest.

“It should,” Alec admits after a moment, then he looks up and adds “but it doesn’t.”

And when Alec looks at him through his long lashes and smiles at him, he just knows he needs to kiss him again.

Alec seems to have the same idea as he meets him half-way.

The kiss starts to catch fire when Alec’s hands wander under Magnus’ t-shirt and starting to crease the hard muscles of his abdomen. Then Magnus’ hands find their way to Alec’s hair keeping him close.

Soon they need to pull apart, the need of air wins over them and Magnus feels Alec panting against his mouth.

Then he dives in for another kiss, tugging lightly at Magnus’ shirt, but he stops him.

Alec pulls back, but leaving only an inch of distance between them, confusion scrunching face.

“You need to rest, darling.” Magnus whispers as he moves his hands to rest at the nape of Alec’s neck.

“I’m fine.” Alec whispers back. “And all I need is you.”

Magnus laughs, but his heart swells at Alec’s words, so he kisses him again, lightly.

“Nice try, sweetheart.” He says, stroking Alec’s cheeks delicately. “But not tonight.”

Alec sighs and rolls his eyes, but as he makes an attempt to pull back, Magnus gathers him closer in his arms.

“Let’s just stay like this for a while,” Magnus says as he lays back on the couch, pulling Alec on top of him. “Okay?”

“More than okay.” Alec answers and settles into a comfortable position, kissing his neck gently.

As much as Magnus hates this situation, he can’t believe someone would sacrifice so much for him. And as he looks down on Alec now, he’s sure he would do just the same for him.

 

Of course, they fell asleep on the couch again. Magnus wakes up with stiffen legs, but can’t really do anything about it, since Alec is still covering his body. He knows that he won’t get into any comfortable position anymore. It isn’t actually very late, but they both deserve some rest after the day they’ve just had.

“Darling,” he whispers to Alec, softly running his hand through his dark locks. “Don’t you think we should move to the bedroom?”

Alec just mumbles something, half asleep.

“What was that, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec replies as he turns his head to rest his other cheek back on Magnus’ chest.

“Angel…”

“Mhm.”He still makes no intention to move.

Magnus sighs, but smiles down at Alec. Then he moves his hands down to the back of Alec’s tights and places his legs around his own waist as he sits up. When Alec’s hands settle around his neck he lifts them both from the couch, with Alec wrapped around his body, and he feels him laugh into his neck.

“What are you doing?” He asks with laugh in his voice.

“Getting us to the bedroom, what does it look like I’m doing?” He smiles and places a kiss to Alec’s temple.

“You know I’m very capable of walking, right?” Magnus feels him smile, as he tucks his head into his neck.

“Well I didn’t quite get that impression, back there on the couch.”

Alec laughs again and tightens his arms around Magnus’ neck.

As they reach the bed Magnus gently places Alec there and heads to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Alec asks holding out his hand. “Get back here.”

“I’ll be back in just a minute angel.” Magnus answer with laugh in his voice. “Go back to sleep.”

“No. Can’t do.” Alec shakes his head. “Not without you.”

Magnus smiles again. If one thing can be good about all of this mess, that’s how they got even closer now. Magnus didn’t think it was possible, but it just happened. He’s reminded of it every day, by every small gesture Alec offers him.

“Then I’ll be quick.” He states and squeezes Alec’s hand lightly.

As he enters the bathroom and looks in the mirror, he immediately wishes he didn’t. He looks miserable. Dark bags under his eyes, from stress and worrying. His hair is a mess, make up smudged under his eyes.

He quickly wipes it off, changes into his pyjamas and returns to Alec.

He finds him still half asleep, but with a content smile as he watches him climb into the bed. He tugs lightly on Alec shirt as he gives him confused look.

“Have you change your mind?” He asks, now a playful smirk on his face.

“No, darling. I’m exhausted. Come on, you need to get changed. Arms up.”

He lifts his arms and Magnus gently slides the shit over his head.

Magnus loves him like this. Loves taking care of him. He remembers, that in the beginning of their relationship Alec was ashamed of accepting the help. He didn’t want Magnus to heal him after haunts, or help him change when he was too exhausted to do it himself. But as they grew closer together, these things became normal to them.

He thinks Alec is asleep, when he places the covers around them, but then he hears him starting to talk.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” He asks, his head pillowed on Magnus’ chest.

“Well, a few times.” Magnus answers as he combs his hand through Alec’s hair. He knows it’s Alec’s favourite soothing gesture. It began way back, when they were starting dating. They would just hug, or cuddle on the couch and Magnus would put his hands in Alec’s hair, only to hear him hum in appreciation at the gesture.

“Well, it’s a lot.” Alec continues. “Like very, very much.”

“I love you very, very much too, darling.”

“I know. We do say it often, right?”

“Yes, we do.” Magnus agrees. “But it’s never too much.”

As he feels Alec placing a light kiss to his chest, he knows he approves.

 

He wakes up before Alec and decides to call Isabelle as he gets up. Not only to let her know how Alec is, but also to deliver that Alec won’t show up at the Institute today.

“Magnus, how’s Alec?” Are the first words he hears from Isabelle as she answers the phone.

“He’s fine. Still asleep. I don’t think he should show up for work today.”

“Yeah, of course.” Isabelle agrees. “I’ll pass on that he won’t be here today.”

“You think your boss won’t mind?” Magnus asks bitterly spatting the word boss.

“Like I would care.” Izzy snorts. “I really hate this guy.”

“Me too.”

Magnus hasn’t actually met him personally (not considering yesterday’s brief visit at the Institute), but from what he heard from Alec, Isabelle and Jace, he has a pretty fine picture of him. It’s enough to hate him.

He and Izzy quickly exchange their goodbyes and then Magnus moves back to bed, to find Alec already awake.

“Who did you talk to?” He asks sleepily.

“Your sister. I made sure you won’t be back at work today.”

“I think I should go-“ Alec starts but Magnus cuts him off.

“And I think you should rest.” His tone leaves not room for argument. And Alec just sighs heavily.  “Besides, we’ve got a whole day to ourselves. We can do anything you want.”

“Anything I want?” Alec tries to make sure, as he presses closer to Magnus.

“Yes, anything.” Magnus agrees and feels playful smirk making its way up his face

“I’d like that.” Alec states and pulls Magnus for a kiss.

 

The rest of the day is followed with lazy kisses, cuddling on the couch, watching movies, and even more love making. And for this moment it feels perfect. Again, they get caught up in their little safety bubble, in the form of the loft. They forget about the word surrounding them. But as the next day comes, it’s time for Alec to leave again. And it feels even harder to let him go this time.

“I think I pissed off my boss enough.” Alec replies to Magnus’ pleads for him to stay.

“I know, but…”

“You’re still worried.” Alec finishes for him. “I get it. I am too-“

“You don’t have a reason to-“

“I do.” Alec quickly cuts him off. “How are you doing?”

Alec gently runs his hand along Magnus’ arm. They’re standing by the front door again. It reminds Magnus of that day when they were saying their goodbyes as Alec was leaving for the Institute first time since that night. But back then he wasn’t getting back to the haunts, as he is now.

“I’m okay.” Magnus answers after a minute exhaling heavily. “I mean, I’m clearly not okay with you leaving-“

“I’m all good.” Alec assures him.

“I’m just scared that…” Magnus sighs. “Just, don’t do anything stupid again, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He leans to kiss Magnus softly. Then, they exchange quick goodbyes and ‘I love yous’. The next moment Alec is leaving through the front door and Magnus is left with the incredibly cold feeling surrounding him.

 

In the afternoon, he invites Catarina and Madzie over, since it’s her day off, and Magnus actually feels the urge to talk to her.

They settle at the coffee table when Magnus returns with their tea. Madzie is sitting on the floor, sticking her tongue out in concentration as he focuses on a drawing she’s painting.

He and Catarina indulge in a small talk about their recent days. She tells him about her work at the hospital. Spills some exciting stories about her patients, when Magnus describes his last trip to the shopping mall.

They laugh, and talk some more when suddenly Catarina turns more serious.

“Look, Magnus” she glances briefly at Madzie, to make sure she doesn’t show any interest in their conversation. “I need to apologize to you. You know, about Alec…”

Right, he was supposed to talk to her about it. But the time has been passing so nicely for them, that he didn’t want to bring that up just yet.

“I should have told you when he came to me about this.” Cat continues, leaning above the coffee table, making sure he hears her when she’s keeping her voice down. “But he didn’t want to worry you. And I warned him not to do anything stupid-“

“We all know that Alec isn’t really the one for taking warnings.” Magnus states, but there’s no anger behind it. “But why did you lie to him Cat?” He asks curious.

When Alec told him he went to Catarina and she couldn’t do it… He knew Catarina was capable of that. She is more powerful than anyone thinks she is.

Catarina doesn’t say anything for a long moment so Magnus carries on.

“We both know you’re powerful enough to do that spell.” Magnus replies. “Why did you tell him you couldn’t?”

“Look, Magnus…” Cat lets out a long exhale. “If I told him the truth, he would push me to do it. In hindsight it would be better if he pushed me than going to Lorenzo. But I thought he would just leave it if I said no. If he knew… he’d come begging me to do this. And I just can’t-“

“I get it Cat. Alexander is very hard to resist, I know it the best.” Magnus smirks and Cat lets out a chuckle.

She should tell Magnus about this. Maybe he would prevent Alec from his further decision somehow. But also, he understands Alec didn’t want to worry him. He’d probably act the same…

“Yeah, but maybe he wouldn’t go to Lorenzo if I-“ Catarina says a moment later.

“It’s not your fault Catarina.” He adds hearing the guilt in his friends voice and puts his hand on hers, resting them on the coffee table. “It’s fine Cat, really. But let’s make a deal.” His tone changes to more serious. “From now on, you’ll tell me everything that includes Alec. Even if he doesn’t want you to. It’s for his own good.”

“Yeah, of course.” She agrees immediately. “And, I’m sorry again.”

He smiles at her again, so she knows she’s forgiven and then she reciprocates the smile.

“What will you do about Lorenzo anyway?” She takes a sip of her tea and leans back on the couch.

“Actually I don’t think there’s anything I can do.” Magnus answers honestly. “Alec’s right, he was the one to request the service and he urged him to keep going… besides, I think we both want to just leave this behind us now.”

“Fair enough.” Catarina nods.

“Uncle Magnus,” Madzie is heading their way and then climbs onto Magnus’ lap. “When is uncle Alec coming back, so he can play with me?”

Magnus chuckles at the pout in her voice, but then bends his head down and answers her.

“Sadly, he won’t be back until the evening.” He spots Madzie’s expression getting sad, so turning to Catarina he adds, “But you’re welcomed to stay if you’d like.”

Madzie turns in excitement to face Cat, but the woman shakes her head lightly.

“Sorry sweetheart,” she starts and instantly continues when she notices her gloomy expression. “but we have some magic practice for tonight.”

Catarina seems to win her over by that, because the enthusiasm paints her face now.

They stay for a little while longer while Madzie runts about what she’s learnt recently. Magnus feels very proud of her, but at the same time even listening about magic when you can’t practice it yourself kinda stings.

Cat shoots him an apologetic smile and a moment later she and Madzie are leaving, but promise to be back soon.

That leaves Magnus to wait for Alec’s return.

 

He was just finishing up making dinner when he hears the front door open. He smiles to himself as he looks at the clock. Alec is indeed early.

“Alec” he calls out as he’s heading to the hall to greet his boyfriend. “You’re-“

He doesn’t get to finish the sentence as he takes in Alec leaning heavily against the wall, dropping his bow and quiver and pressing his right bleeding arm to his chest. His shirt is already soaked with blood and sweat.

“It looks worse than it is.” He manages to say, and then tries to take a step forward by he’s swaying on his feet.

Magnus is already next to him, throwing his uninjured arm around his shoulder and walking him to the couch.

“What the hell happened? When you called you said everything was fine.” He asks when he finally finds back his voice, after recovering from the dread of seeing his boyfriend like that.

“Shax demons. They caught us by surprise, when we were heading back from patrol.” Alec winces in pain as Magnus lowers him down on the couch. He takes a look at his arm.

“Anywhere else?” He asks.

“One cut here.” Alec points out the spot right below his ribs. “But it’s almost healed. I already activated the runes, but this one,” he scowls slightly when Magnus turns his arm to examine the wound. “fuck, it’s deep.”

Magnus’ first impulse is to summon his magic and heal it. But he can’t. He feels panic raising in his chest. This is exactly what he’s been afraid of. Not being able to help Alec. He’s been through this before, but he never, ever wanted to get through this again.

“I’ll be fine.” Alec tries to assure him but he’s breathing heavy and his arm is still freaking bleeding. “Just give it a minute so the _iratze_ will kick in.”

“Alec, in another minute you’ll bleed out.” Magnus points out, trying to remain calm. He considers calling Catarina, but he hates to bring her in again. She has already helped them so much. Besides she has a shift at the hospital now. “You need stitches.”

Without waiting for a reply from Alec he heads into the kitchen to get the medical equipment they will need. After his magic loss, he restored the cupboard that Alec has insisted for him to have before. The one that they consider their first aid kit.

He takes some bandages, needle and a thread. He also grabs a bottle of whiskey from the counter on his way back.

Alec is putting pressure on his wound as Magnus kneels in front of him and takes the forearm in is hands.

“This may sting a little.” He warns and then pours a good amount of whiskey on the cut to clear it.

Alec flinches and grits his teeth, but keeps his arm still.

Magnus is surprised how fast he manages to thread the needle with his trembling hands. He takes a deep breath as he tries to prevent them from shaking, but his fails. He’s vision turns blurry as he takes in the whole injury. It’s still bleeding and it looks even worse up close.

“Hey,” he hears Alec’s soft voice. “I can do this myself.”

Right now, he doesn’t look capable of even holding his hand up for more than a few seconds, let alone sew his own skin.

Magnus lets out a shaky breath. “I’ve got this.”

He needs to.

To be honest, he expected this to happened. Sooner or later. He’d prefer later, but here we are. Everything was going well with Alec’s missions recently. He’d only return home with minor cuts and some bruises. This is the most serious injury Alec has bend since almost a month. Not including the major energy loss two days ago.

Alec puts his other hand lightly on his shoulder and squeezes encouragingly.

Magnus inhales and exhales a few more steadying breaths, places his fingers near Alec’s wound and begins to sew.

The few first stitches are the worst. Alec groans and lets out a wobbly exhale as he tries to calm his breathing.

“Just a few more, angel.” Magnus informs and catches Alec nod reassuringly.

“You’re doing great.” He says breathlessly.

“You too darling.” Magnus returns the praise. “Almost done.”

He finishes up, cleans Alec’s arm from the remaining blood and gently wraps it up into a bandage.

As he settles on the couch next to Alec he releases a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Thank you.” Alec says and kisses his forehead softly.

“You were supposed to be careful.” Magnus says accusingly.

“I was. They surprised out, I-“

“I know,” Magnus interrupts him quietly, changing his previous tone. “it’s not your fault.”

He should be used to this by now. Dating a Shadowhunter includes healing deep cuts and even worse things sometimes. Maybe he was before. But now, without his magic it’s like reliving this all over again.

Before they got together, Magnus has never really known how much the Shadowhunters are risking their lives. Not until he’s seen it up close. Sure, he knew they fought demons, but there was a time where Alec constantly came home being hurt, and he started to wander if it was the same with Isabelle, Jace or Clary. Deep down he knew, that Alec would always take a hit for them. Protect them with his own body. That’s the big brother nature in him. He’s a protector.

Then he became a Head of the Institute, and the injuries nearly stopped.

Now they’re back.

“I guess you didn’t sign up to be my personal nurse, did you?” Alec jokes lightly and Magnus laughs.

“I did sign up for taking care of you.” He answers with a soft smile, as he creases Alec’s cheeks gently. “And that’s what I’m doing.”

He leans in for a kiss and feels Alec smiles into it.

“I love you.” He murmurs against his lips.

“Love you too darling.” Magnus’ words are followed up by another quick peck. Then he gets up from the couch and turns towards the kitchen . “I’ll bring dinner. You must be starving.”

“You have no idea.” Magnus watches Alec smile at him when he walks back to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) The actions picks back up in the next chapter and some really crazy stuff happens... so stay tuned. Make sure to leave some kudos if you liked it and a comment to let me know all your thoughts!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Institute gets attacked. Someone returns. And the Clave might not be as awful as everyone thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> New chapter is here, things are starting to take some interesting turns… Also I just want to mention it here (I probably should at the beginning of this story, but whoops) I haven't read all the books, actually only the first one, I know certain facts about them (mostly about Malec), but that's it. Just to let you know, this is totally based on the show :)

He’s had this absorbing feeling since the morning.

_Something is about to happen_.

Actually, he’s had this feeling for quite some time now.

The Institute feels too quiet. Nothing unusual has happened in nearly a month. There’s been patrols, missions and haunts, but still, nothing serious.

But this weird feeling is bothering him especially hard today.

Alec didn’t tell anyone. _It’s probably nothing anyway_ , he thinks. There’s no need to worry anyone with his ridiculous hunches.

However, Magnus told him to follow his gut. So that’s what he does and stays very alert the whole morning, trying to pay attention to anything that may come out as unusual.

He’s just heading to the ops centre to check the air sensors for any traces of demonic activity.

And then it happens.

At first it’s nothing. Just a few demons flying above Manhattan, but as the system identifies them, Alec can’t help the fear rising in his gut.

“What are they?” Thomas asks, he’s just joining him Izzy and Jace in front of the screen.

“Asmodei.” Alec answers and turns to his siblings only to see their expressions mirroring his.

Last time the Asmodei showed up…it didn’t mean anything good. If the rift to Edom has been opened there somewhere…

“That can mean…” Izzy starts.

“Jonathan.” Alec finishes for her, eyes now on the screen in front of them as he follows the Asmodei position.

“And Clary.” Jace adds and Alec turns to look at him. “Alec, this is the first lead we might have in weeks, we need to-“

Suddenly they sound of the alarm rips its way through the ops centre. Alec turns back to the screen to see that Asmodei have changed their direction. They’re heading here, to the Institute.

“The wards won’t let them get through.” Thomas says, but he sounds more like he’s assuring himself than the others.

More Shadowunters make their way to the spot their occupying, clearly waiting for orders.

“Of course they will.” Alec says as he registers Thomas’ words. “The wards haven’t been strengthen in weeks, since you won’t let any Downworlder into this Institute.”

Thomas' expression changes into something that resembles very much of fear. He opens his mouth like he’s about to argue, but Alec starts speaking before he even gets to it.

“Look, the Asmodei are powerful, we faced them before. They come from the realm of hell, so they will get in here, probably sooner than later.” As Thomas remains frozen , Alec steps closer to him and adds. “It’s probably time to start giving out orders.”

“I need to let the Clave know.” Thomas says, and then he’s heading to the portal.

“Wait, what?” Alec exclaims as he turns and starts to follow him.

As he reaches him, he catches him by the forearm and spins around to face him.

“You can’t do that now, not when the Institute is under assault.” Alec states, his voice firm, but he feels panic creeping into him. “You need to lead.”

“You clearly know your places here.” Thomas announces as he straightens his coat, but Alec can see his hands are shaking.

He remembers reading his file. When they appointed him. Alec was sure they chose someone better than him on every level. Just to humiliate him even more. But it turned out Thomas is just another Clave’s mindless… well he can’t be even called solider. He’s spent almost his whole life behind the desk in Clave’s office. He comes from a respected family, so he never really needed to fight for his job or position. The more Alec read, the more he got convinced that they appointed him in a rush. Just needed someone who will follow Clave’s orders. Someone that wasn’t Alec.

He gets why Thomas is scared. But that’s not how a leader should act right now.

“Thomas…” He starts. “Look, I get it-“

“Well I don’t think you get anything, Lightwood,” Thomas snaps at him. “if this is such a serious case, as you claim, then the Clave needs to know immediately-“

“So send them a fire message!” Alec yells at him in frustration. “There’s no need for you to-“

“I think I know better, and I’m going to inform the Clave myself.”

With that he steps through the portal, leaving Alec with his mouth opened half-sentenced. He didn’t even look back.

As Alec turns around he sees that the rest of the Shadowhunters has been clearly watching their interaction.

He runs as nervous thing through his hair as he tries to think.

There’s no time.

“Alright, listen up.” He steps closer to the others. “A rare species of demons is heading our way, they’ll probably breach, since the wards are really weak now. Molly, get your team and-“

“Why should we listen to you?” Another Shadowhunter, Brad, is making his way through the crowd. “You’re not in charge here-“

“Listen, your so called boss just left,” Alec states firmly, but still trying to keep his voice calm. “so you can either listen to me, or we can let everyone just run all the ways they want, till it turns out into even bigger mess then it already is.”

That seems to shut him up.

“Anyone else has any objections?” Alec asks, his voice travelling through the silence of the ops centre.

No one says anything.

“Good.” He resorts as he starts to make his way through the crowd throwing orders at his people.

He places two teams for each entrance, sends the archers on the roof to shoot the demons from there, so they won’t get near any of the entrances at first.

“How many are there?” He asks as he passes Molly, who’s checking something on her tablet.

“I don’t know exactly.” She replies. “The sensors caught about thirty, but the numbers are still increasing.”

_Damn it_ , Alec curses under his breath. He can see that most of them are settling for the front entrance, so the archers won’t be much of a help.

“They’re waiting till they’ll reach their critical mass.” He announces. “Then they’ll attack.”

He walks to the armoury to grab his bow and shouts to Underhill on his way.

“Underhill, take another team to the front entrance!”

He hears him respond in positive and then he enters the room, where Izzy and Jace already are.

“Alec we-“ Jace starts but, Alec cuts him off instantly.

“I know.” He starts as his gaze hover over both of them. “Since the Asmodei are all heading here, I need you to go to where that rift is located and check for any signs of Clary. Take some support with you, but not too much since the situation here isn’t looking very blissful.” He nods at them. “Be careful and report with any leads.”

As he turns to leave he hears Izzy call after him.

“What about you?”

“I need to stay.” He looks down on Izzy to see her expression full of worry. “This place is a mess. They need a leader, who will actually lead them. So that’s what I’m going to do.”

Jace smiles at that. It’s a proud smile. The one he wears when Alec gets to beat him in hand to hand combat, which is not a lot of times.

“Be careful, brother.” He says and pats him on a shoulder on his way out of the room.

He turns to Izzy, who’s biting her lip in concern.

“Iz, I’ll be fine-“

Before he gets to finish she crashes him into a hug. He returns it, but pulls back after just a few seconds.

“Go, there’s no time.” He states and sweeps his hand over her hair.

“Please Alec, just please-“

“Be careful, I know.” He smiles at her. “Likewise.”

He catches her smile as she leaves the room.

 

Alec has situated himself at the front entrance.  Not a few minutes later the Institute seems to shake with an incredible force as the first Asmodei waltzes in.

After the first one, he can’t even count how many has breached next. They’re forced to withdraw back into the ops centre, since they’re attacking with so much force. Alec gets a few of them with his arrows, but then pulls out his Seraph blade as one of the intruders jumps right at him. He cuts it in a half and second later is coated with ichor.

As he sees the other attacking Molly he quickly fires another arrow, and catches her nod at him in thanks.

He doesn’t get to reciprocate the gesture as suddenly an Asmodei is flying right above him, and then he feels a stinging pain in his shoulder.

He doesn’t have time to check since he’s already aiming an arrow at it, but he’s pretty sure the demon has cut him with its wing. He doesn’t actually feel any pain now, the adrenaline buzzing in his veins as he shoots another couple of arrows.

Everything is a mess of ichor and blood, the smell of burning as the demons vanish into the air lingers above the whole Institute. But those people are trained just for situations like that, and when it comes to protecting their home, it gives just another boost of energy. The fight seems to go on for hours, but as he flies on last arrow that lands right in the middle of the Asmodei’s head, he finally takes a look at his surroundings to assess the damage.

The floor is even more covered in ichor and some blood. The Shadowhunters slump down anywhere they can, exhausted from the fight, but no one seems to be extremely injured. He takes a walk around the room and helps some of them get to the infirmary, where they can get their wounds treated.

As he’s back after what seems to be his fifth walk to the infirmary, the doors suddenly burst open.

And he can’t believe his eyes at first.

Izzy and Jace are rushing through the hallway, they don’t appear injured, but that’s not what draws Alec’s attention.

It’s the fact that Jace is carrying a certain redhead in his arms.

“Clary…” He breathes out as he runs through the hallway to meet them halfway. She’s not moving, eyes closed, but he can see the steady rise and fall of her chest. She’s alive. That’s all that matters now. “Get her to the infirmary.”

Jace only nods at him briefly, and he’s out of the room already.

Alec turns back to Izzy, pulls her into a hug and a few seconds later he feels his sister crying.

“Are you hurt?” Alec asks when he pulls back, eyes tracing her body for any signs of injury.

“No, no.” She answers as she wipes her tears and then starts to laugh. “I just… I was starting to lose hope, but now… she’s here and…” She sniffles and then more tears escape her eyes.

“It’s okay. She will be fine.” Alec assures her as he pulls her back into a hug.  “What happened there?” He asks softly as he feels Izzy starting to calm down.

She pulls back, but when she’s about to speak Alec gently puts his hand out to indicate for her to stop.

“Wait,” he starts. “I need to call Magnus and Luke. You call Simon and we’ll meet in the infirmary. Then you tell us everything.”

Izzy already looks exhausted so he doesn’t want her to repeat herself so many times. As much as he’s curious, he’s willing to wait till the others will get here, so then together they can figure out what to do next.

Isabelle nods and makes her way down the hallway. Then Alec pulls out his phone and dials a number.

“Luke, you need to come to the Institute now.”

 

Simon is already sitting by Clary’s side with Jace when Luke arrives. He takes a moment to just stare at his daughter, to take her in. Alec can see tears gathering up in he’s eyes so he puts his hand on his shoulder and pats it lightly.

“She’s save now. Everything will be fine.” He assures Luke with a smile as the elder turns to face him.

“Thank you Alec.” Luke is smiling now too, though the tears are still present in his eyes. “For letting me know.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Mr Lightwood,” he turns at his name being called and sees Annika, pointing at his shoulder with a raise eyebrow. “your shoulder is bleeding. Let me patch it up.”

Suddenly Alec is reminded of his injury. The adrenaline is starting to doze off now, and he actually begins to feel the exhaustion setting over him. 

“It’s fine.” He says wincing slightly. “Treat the others first, this is nothing serious.”

“Mr Lightwood.” He can feel the plea, and at the same time the urge in her voice.

He rolls his eyes, but settles onto a bed opposite Clary’s and lets her look over his wound.

He retrieves his stele from his pocket and activates his _iratze_ and _stamina_ runes. He feels a new wave of energy rush through him, but Annika still insist on treating his wound since it might be infected with demon venom.

Turns out there’s just a small amount of it on the surface so Annika cleans it out, bandages and lets the _iratze_ do the rest. 

As he gets up and thanks her he hears the infirmary doors open, and Alec immediately can feel himself relax as he sees Magnus coming in.

“Alexander,” he says concerned, but with relief as he rushes to him, and then Alec is being pulled into a crashing hug. “The attack…are you okay?”

He pulls back and his sight hoovers over him.

“I’m fine.” Alec assures him and smiles, as Magnus’s gaze finally focuses on his eyes, and then he’s back in his boyfriend arms.

Then Magnus’ eyes land on Alec’s bandage that perks from beneath his t-shirt and he pulls back slightly, question in his eyes.

“It’s nothing. All healed up.” Alec nods softly.

Magnus rolls his eyes, but lets that go for now.

Then his expression changes as his sight wanders to the opposite bed.

“Clary.” He whispers and moves closer to her bed.

Luke gives him a small smile as Magnus sits next to him to get closer to Clary.

The last one to arrive is Maryse. She greets Alec with a hug, since he’s the only one still standing, the others seated around Clary. Then she walks behind Luke and puts her arms tightly around him.

Alec smiles at that and as he meets Izzy’s eyes, she nods slightly that they should start explaining.

Alec’s sure Jace’s eyes has never left Clary since he walked in with her in his arms. He’s not going to make him look away. It’s been too long. If Alec was in that kind of situation, if Magnus…

He puts off these thoughts as far as he can and walks to Izzy when she gets up from her spot. All eyes turns to her as she start speaking.

“When we arrived at the rift there was no demons left. You were right Alec, for some reason they all focused on attacking the Institute. There… we saw Jonathan.”

All eyes widen in shock, but no one speaks, they let Isabelle continue. “At least I think it was him. He looks different now, but who else could it be? He was there, with Clary, on the other side of the beach. It seemed like they were fighting.” Izzy stops for a second to gather up her thoughts. “I mean, not physically. They just screamed at each other. We started running towards them. I- I think that’s when Jonathan spotted us. Next he…” She seems to consider her next words. “He blasted Clary with some kind of magic and just…disappeared. We tried to look for him, but the most important thing for us was Clary so…”

“You did the right thing Iz,” Alec says and puts his hand on her back. “We’ll get him next time.”

Izzy smiles lightly at him as he pulls he closer.

“What kind of magic was that?” Magnus asks after a few minutes of silence. “The one he hit Clary with?”

Izzy seems to think a little about this before she answers.

“I- I don’t know. What do you mean?”

“What colour?” Magnus specifies.

“Purple, I think.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to frown his brows in concentration.

“Magnus, what is it?” Alec starts. “What does that mean?”

“Well, this means the magic wasn’t harmful.” Magnus starts to explain. “That kind of magic is red. Healing magic is blue, and purple…it needed to be some kind of a spell. But I don’t know. Actually, a lot of spells are created with that kind of magic.”

“At least we know it wasn’t harmful.” Simon picks up, and Alec is glad that he truly starts to think positively.

Jace still remains silent. He holds Clary’s hand the whole time, lightly creasing the back of her palm with his thumb. Suddenly he begins to speak.

“Look,” his eyes land on Clary’s collarbone. He delicately pushes away the material of her shirt a little, to reveal something recalling a rune. But it’s more red then black, and Alec has never seen a rune like this his whole life. “What the hell is this?”

Everyone’s eyes fall on the spot, but for a few long moments no one says anything.

“It’s a demonic rune.” Magnus states then.

“What does it mean?” Luke asks.

“I’m not sure.” Magnus replies honestly, eyes still focused on that spot. “But I’ve seen this before. In one of my books back at the loft. I’ll go back and find it, then I’ll let you know.” He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of the mysterious pattern.

Luke nods at him and squeezes his shoulder.

“We should call in the Silent Brothers.” Alec decides. “Maybe they will be able to figure out what magic has been used on her.”

Everyone agrees and starts to get up from his seats when Luke states.

“We should give her some space, let her rest.”

“I’ll be here the whole time.” Jace assures them. “I’ll let everyone know if anything changes.”

“I’ll stay too.” Simon states and Jace nods at him with a little smile.

At that the rest gets up and leaves the infirmary.

 

Magnus catches his hand as the walk thought the door together.

“Are you sure you’re okay? The wound-“

“Magnus, it’s fine, really I promise.”

They stop at the hallway leading to the front door. The Institute is still a mess, but that’s a problem for later.

“Where’s your boss?” Magnus asks suddenly looking around. “There are two and a half of Downworlders here and he didn’t decide to show up?” He adds in a mocking tone.

Alec laughs at that briefly as he starts to play with Magnus’ fingers. Lacing and unlacing them with his.

“He left.” He states still looking at their hands. “Right before the attack.”

“Really?” Magnus asks in disbelief. “Why?”

“He decided this needs to be reported to the Clave immediately. Personally.”

“Are you kidding?” Magnus still sounds doubtful. “What kind of a leader leaves when their people are under attack?”

“He was terrified.” Alec admits. “I don’t think he has seen a demon since his training, hiding behind Clave’s desk.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to laugh.

“You took charge, right?” Magnus ask softly, ducking his head to catch Alec’s eye.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Alec looks at him now. “This place was a mess, the wards were basically down at this point and-“

Suddenly Magnus is kissing him, his hands wandering to the back of his neck. Alec is surprised at that, but kisses back as his hands find their way to Magnus’ waist.

“My brave Shadowhunter.” Magnus states against his lips as they pull back. “I’m proud of you.”

“I just,” Alec smiles shyly at him. “did what needed to be done.”

“And that makes you the best leader I know, darling.” Magnus is still smiling as his cups Alec’s face with his palms. “Always ready to take command.”

Then they kiss again, softly. As they both starts smiling into the kiss Magnus pulls back a bit.

“We should get back home. I need to find that mysterious demonic rune.”

Magnus takes the hold of his hands again, but Alec hesitates.

“I should stay.” He says turning his head towards the ops centre. “It’s still a mess. I should go check up on the wounded and-“

“Of course,” Magnus replies and he’s still smiling. “I understand angel.”

He pecks him on the lips and starts to move towards the door, holding Alec’s hand as long as the increasing distance lets them.

“Just don’t overwork yourself sweetheart.” He calls out. “Get back home soon.”

“I will.” Alec replies.

As the door close behind Magnus, Alec heads towards the ops centre.

He’s met with people’s soft smiles as he makes his way through the room and starts helping with cleaning up the ichor from the floor.

_His people._

Even if he’s not officially their leader, he feels like one. Today he was proven of that. They listened to him, followed him, and believed in him. And he’ll always feel the need to protect them.

 

The Institute looks a lot better a few hours later. With everyone involved into the process of getting rid of the mess it went quite fast.

Just as Alec was about to make his way to the infirmary, to check on the wounded and Clary, he spots Jace heading down the dormitory area.

“Jace!” He calls out after him.

His brother immediately turns around and greets him with a soft smile. He looks tired and concerned, but at the same time happy. The happiest he’s looked since this mess began, for sure.

“How’s Clary?” Alec asks when he reaches him and gently puts his hand on his Parabatai’s shoulder.

“Still unconscious. Simon and Izzy are with her now. “I’m just going to get changed and grab some food. Then I’m coming back to her.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll find out what’s going on with her.” Alec assures him.

“Yeah, I know.” Jace sighs, but then smiles again. “I’m just glad she’s here now. Safe. I won’t let her go anymore.”

Alec smiles back at him and pats his shoulder, but then he notices Jace’s smile falling, so he asks.

“Then, what’s wrong?”

“When she’ll wake up,” he exhales sharply and lowers his voice. “Alec, she will remember what I did, I-, I threw her from that roof, I hurt her and-“

“Jace,” Alec interrupts him catching his eyes. “She knows it wasn’t you. Same as we all do.”

At that Alec pulls him into a hug and Jace goes willingly.

“Thank you, Alec.” He says after a while. “For everything, not letting me blame myself, letting us go to check the lead on Clary today…”

“It was the right thing to do.” Alec states as he pulls back slightly to look at him. “I’m just glad you’re all okay.”

They smile at each other again, but then something over Alec’s shoulder catches Jace’s attention as he mutters.

“Oh, no…”

Alec turns around instantly, to see Inquisitor Penhallow stepping thorough the portal with a few other Clave’s officials by her side. Alec recognizes some of them, but there’s no Thomas. All eyes seem to focus on the new arrivals, but no one approaches, so that’s what Alec does, with Jace following right behind.

“Madame Inquisitor,” He shakes her hand and nods to the others. “what brings you here?”

“We got your alert about the attack.” She announces as she looks around. “Where is Mr Windraft?”

Alec looks at her in confusion and turns to Jace who just mirrors his expression and shrugs.

“He went to inform you about the attack.” Alec says as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Yes, but then he was due to return right back.” The Inquisitor answers with a hint of surprise in her voice.

“Well, I’m sorry,” Alec starts. “But no one has seen him since the alarm went off.”

“What kind of leader leaves his Institute during an assault?” One of the Clave’s envoys murmurs resentfully under his breath.

Alec wants to answer something, but he doesn’t exactly know what. Right, Thomas wasn’t a good leader. He knew it from the beginning, but it’s just wasn’t his department. He’s destined to spend his life behind the desk. He shouldn’t be appointed at the first place.

“How did you manage the attack without your Head?” Some other official asks.

Alec hesitates, because he’s not sure if the Clave will approve him taking charge without permission. They hate breaking any rules. And Alec for sure broke lots of them recently. But before he gets to think this through, it’s Jace who starts.

“Alec took command.” He says, looking from his brother to the arrivals. “He gave the orders and we followed. If it wasn’t for him…” Jace lets the sentence trail of as he turns to give Alec another one of his _proud_ smiles. They all know what would happened.

“And why would you do that Mr Lightwood?” The Inquisitor starts. “Without permission?”

Anger boils up in Alec at her words. He has just saved the Institute and that’s what he gets? There wasn’t time for stupid permissions when their home is in danger. He’s just about to answer with some snarky comment, but then he hears another voice from behind his back.

“Because Mr Lightwood is the real leader.”

Alec turns around and spots a big group of Shadowhunters gathered up behind them, with Underhill at the front.

“And he’s the leader we need.” He continues.

As the rest of the group nods in agreement, Alec’s heart swells at this gesture and he starts to smile. His people are standing up. _For him_. Just like he’s always told them to do. Just like he does.

“I don’t think that’s your call to make Mr Underhill-“ Inquisitor Penhallow states but Jace cuts in.

“Maybe it should?” He starts, his voice loud and serious. “Maybe it should be our decision to choose our leader? ‘Cause you’re clearly not capable of that, since your last choice run away when our home was in danger. We don’t want someone like this.” Everyone nods again at that and Jace carries on. “I can’t speak for everyone,” he turns to look around at the group. “but for sure I can speak for most, when I say.” His gaze returns to Alec now. “That Alec Lightwood should be appointed as the Head of this Institute again.”

Alec feels tears gathering up in his eyes as he stares at Jace’s happy grin. And then the rest of the group starts clapping and nodding in agreement again. Someone even screams something upon _‘yeah Mr Lightwood’_.  

Alec would _never_ in his life think he’d see something like this. He knew that not everyone would approve him coming back to his position. Some people just always hated him, for various reason. But now as he sees the definite most of his people defending him, trusting him and trying to fight for him… he doesn’t think about the rest.

He turns to see pure shock on the Inquisitor’s face. Her mouth hangs open as she tries to find some response for this rebellion.

“Well…maybe we should…um reconsider-“ She starts as she retrieves her ability to speak, only to get cut off but the same Clave official as before.

“There’s clearly nothing to consider.” He starts and Alec feels all the hope leave him, but at the next words it comes back stronger than ever. “Evidently the former leader did not put his people first and needs to be replaced. Why not chose Mr Lightwood since the fellow Shadowhunters already follow his lead?”

There are some murmurs between the officials now. Alec can’t feel his heart speed up, but he doesn’t trust himself to say anything. Not just yet.

Then he sees Jace taking a step forward so he’s standing right in front of the Inquisitor. Minimal distance between them when he says in a low voice.

“We won’t take orders from anyone else, and I guess you wouldn’t won’t your _fellow Shadowhunters_ to start a rebellion. You see what we’re capable of.” He gestures at the group behind.

The Inquisitor swallows visibly and turns to her companions.  And then there is another wave of whispers, it feels like forever before the Inquisitor turns to face them again. And Alec suddenly forgets how to breath.

“Mr Lightwood,” she starts, clearly not happy with what she’s about to say. “You may return to your position as the Head of the Institute.”

There’s another wave of clapping, and greeting, but the Inquisitor shushes it as she continues.

“But, I’ll be watching you. Precisely. One more mistake, and you’re out again.” She warns him.

But at this moment it doesn’t matter. He’s back, and has his people ready to fight for him. To fight _with_ him.

“Of course, I understand.” He finally answers after a few seconds. “Thank you.”

She shakes his hand unwillingly and he turns to nods to the rest of the officials, exclaiming another thanks.

Then they leave through the portal and Alec turns with his eyes wide to Jace.

“Did I just…” He starts not quite knowing how to wrap his head around it yet.

“Yes brother, you’re the boss again!”

And as Jace pulls him to a hug he hears everyone cheering again.

 

He stays a few more hours at the Institute, rendering thanks and moving back into his office. He spends nearly an hour praising his people about their fight spirit and can’t contain the pride he’s feeling for them.

He’s met with some glares, again, as he walks back to his office, but nothing can really ruin his mood today.

Izzy beams when he tells her the news. She hugs him tightly and she’s almost crying again, but at the same time she’s disappointed she missed the grand rebellion to witness it herself.

Alec thinks he would feel the same as well, that was quite a thing.

Even Simon pats his on the shoulder and congratulates him.

Then he leaves, telling the rest to call him immediately if anything changes with Clary. The Silent Brothers are scheduled to arrive tomorrow, and he promises to be there.

 

He enters the loft to find Magnus on a couch surrounded by various books and old scrolls of papyrus lying around the coffee table, next to six empty cups of coffee. He doesn’t notice Alec instantly, too caught up in his current reading.

“Hey.” Alec greets with a soft smile as he fully emerges into the living room.

“Oh, hello darling.” Magnus’ head snaps back up and he smiles back at his boyfriend.

“Found anything?” Alec ask as he slumps down on a couch next to him, lying his head on Magnus’ laps as he shuts and puts away the book he’s been occupied with.

“No, not yet.” As he replies his hand immediately wander to Alec’s hair and he hums appreciatively. “But I’ve only been through about a dozen of books now, there’s still a lot more.”

“Need some help?” Alec feels the exhaustion falling down on him, but if Magnus needs his help he’ll find some energy for it.

“No, sweetheart. I think I should take a break. And you look exhausted anyway, you should rest.”

Alec smiles as he feels Magnus’ hands running through his hair softly.

“How’s the Institute going? Still standing?” Magnus jokes with a grin and Alec can’t help his own grin widening as he recalls the events of the following day. “What?” Magnus asks after he notices.

“What what?” Alec mocks, smile still not coming of.

“What are you smiling so hard about?” Magnus questions confused, but reciprocating his expression.

Alec pulls his head back from his lap to face him properly and puts his hands on his chest, playing with the buttons of Magnus’ shirt.

“You’re looking at the Head of the New York Institute now.” He announces meeting Magnus’ gaze.

“What?” Magnus’ eyes widen in surprise, but smiles is spreading on his face. “How?”

But before he gets to answer Magnus puts his arms around him and kisses him sweetly.

And then he tells him everything. About the Inquisitor arriving, the Shadowhunters standing up for him. Magnus is pretty shocked, and same as Izzy he wishes he could see it himself.

Later they return to their previous position and Magnus is stroking Alec’s cheek gently.

“I’m so proud of you, angel.” Magnus says and Alec looks up to him from his lap.

“I know, you told me this today already.” Alec replies with a smile.

“Well I know, but you deserve to hear this more often.” He states and then bends down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“I’m proud of you too.” Alec whispers a moment later.

“Of me?” Magnus’ voice sounds surprised and there’s a hint of laugh in it. “Why?”

“Because you’re doing so well,” Alec laces their fingers together and rests them on his chest. “and now you’re doing so much for Clary…”

“It’s the only thing I can do actually.” He claims softly. “And it’s good to have something to do.”

Alec smiles at that and kisses his hand lightly.

“You know I’m always here, right? If you need any help.”

“I know my dear, I appreciate that.”

“Good.”

Besides this horrible attack in the morning, this day turned out quite well for them, Alec thinks. They got Clary back, he’s got his position back and Magnus finally has something to focus on to keep his mind occupied from the obvious. 

He just hopes that his good streak will keep up with them for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) Wow, did the Clave really made a good decision for once? I'm shocked. Are you all happy for Alec? And also our certain redhead... Let me know all your thoughts in the comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec find out what Clary's mystrious rune stands for. Later, with the others they seem to fiugre out Jonathan's plan, which sends Magnus' mind to think about his father...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Here we are. A bit of slower chapter, when the crew seems to figure out some stuff. Kind of less Malec, sorry. But I did manage to fit some cute scenes. Hope you'll enjoy it anyway :) I promise, there is more angst and action coming very soon...

Magnus spends the whole morning looking through even more books. As soon as Alec left for the Institute he seated himself on the couch with the biggest cup of coffee he managed to find.

As for now, he still hasn’t found anything. He’s cursing himself for having that much books and all of the other sources. Sure, it’s helpful, but now…he just wants to find what he’s looking for.

He’s sure he’s seen that rune before. It has some connection to Edom, but that doesn’t really narrow his area of searching.

Edom is not only the most known dangerous realm of hell, but also his father’s home. When he banished him… some kind of Magnus just wanted to keep a part of him. Maybe it was his demonic part, but he’s still half human, he can’t shut his emotions down. And he’s still his father. The only biological family he has left.

So he got all the sources about Edom he could reach, reading through them more than once. He’s imagined his father there. The books he owns also contain descriptions of Asmodeus. But Magnus can’t always agree with them. Asmodeus wasn’t always awful. Or at least Magnus thinks so. He did loved his mother, some part of him was even devastated after her death, when he took Magnus in. But still he left her alone to raise him back there, with no information on who he truly is.

In some sick way he cared about Magnus. Maybe still does? But if he did, would he take something so important from his own son?

“Hi” Alec’s soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

He’s standing in the doorway to the living room, leaning against the frame, bags full of takeout containers in his hands.

“What are you doing here? You’ve just left…” As Magnus says those words his eyes wander to the clock on the wall and he notices how much time has passed. He got so caught up in his work didn’t realize it’s already afternoon.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Alec resorts as he makes his way to the room, dropping the bags on the table and putting away a few books, so he can sit on the couch next to his boyfriend.

“Forgot what? What are you talking about?” Magnus asks surprised.

“We were settled for lunch, for just about…” Alec looks at the clock. “now.”

Shit, Magnus did forget. They were supposed to go out and get lunch. They literally just talked about this in the morning. And now he forgot…

“I’m so sorry, angel.” He says and kisses Alec softy so the younger man smiles. “I got caught up in all this…” Magnus gestures at the mess of books and papers around them.

“Hey, it’s fine.” Alec claims and moves to place another kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. “Actually, I expected this to happen, so I brought lunch with me.” He smiles and starts to put out the containers, as Magnus moves away a few more books.

“You truly are the best my darling.”

 

Alec went for Ethiopian and Magnus thinks his boyfriend must own some mind reading abilities, because he’s been craving it for almost a week.

They’re settled on the couch, almost finishing their food, while Alec is telling him how are they things going back at the Institute.

“The Silent Brothers came in the morning.”

“Did they manage to get anything?” Magnus asks taking one last bite from his container.

“Not really.” Alec starts. “They’ve only established that this is the spell that will wear off, but they don’t know what is it, or what kind of magic was used on her. Only that the magic is starting to feel less present, so when it will be gone completely, Clary will wake up.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec sighs and puts his empty box away. “I just wish we knew something more.”

They’re all still worried. Clary is back, but Jonathan is out there, back in New York it seems and he can attack anytime. They don’t know what made him show up now, or why did he send the demons to attack the Institute. They’re only hope to find something out is Clary, when she wakes up and will be ready to talk.

“I know, angel.” Magnus puts his hand on Alec’s thigh in a reassuring gesture. “But first we need to wait till Biscuit wakes up.” Alec smiles a little at him. “Did you find any sign of Jonathan?”

“No, not yet.” Alec shakes his head. “We called in Lorenzo to seal the rift, but found nothing at its surroundings. It’s like he disappeared in the thin air again.”

Alec sighs again and Magnus mirrors the gesture.

“What about you?” Alec starts. “Any luck?” He gestures with his head to the coffee where Magnus’ current work is settled.

“Not yet.” Magnus turns another page from the books he’s been flipping through. “The Silent Brothers didn’t know what the rune stands for?”

“No, they just said the same as you, that it’s full of demonic magic.”

“I’m so sure I’ve seen it… but maybe it just reminds me of something…”

Magnus starts to doubt himself now. He’s been so sure but… what if he doesn’t find it? Everyone is counting on him, and what if he’s been mistaken the whole time?

“Hey” Alec says gently cupping Magnus’ face between his palms. “If you said you’ve seen it, I believe you. Just look around.” He gestures at all the resources Magnus pulled out to look through today. “There’s a lot of stuff here. We’ll find it. I have two hours before another meeting, so I’ll stay and help.”

“Darling, you don’t need to-“

“It’ll be faster.” Alec interrupts. “And besides, I want to.”

Magnus smiles and pecks him lightly on the lips. Then Alec gets up to quickly clean up after their lunch and settles back with a book to go through.

 

Another half of an hour and three books later, Magnus turns another page and can’t believe his eyes. The mark on the picture looks exactly the same as the one he took a photo of.

“Alec, look.”

“Mhm?” Alec’s head shoots up from the book he’s been currently occupied with. “By, the Angel Magnus.” He exclaims when he notices what Magnus is starring at.

“It’s exactly the same.” Magnus states as he traces the rune with his fingers.

“What does it say about it?” Alec points at the book, and Magnus realizes it’s in an ancient language so Alec can’t understand a word.

Magnus reads through it, quickly translating the words in his head. But he doesn’t like what he’s coming up with.

Alec clearly notices the look creeping up on his boyfriend’s face as he asks. 

“What is it?”

“This mark it’s… it somehow connects two souls….”

“Like the Parabatai bond?” Alec questions not noticing anything bad about just yet, because he doesn’t know the next part.

“Yes, kind of… but it’s worse.”

“Worse?” Alec’s expression turns confused. “What do you mean?”

Magnus lets out a long exhale and starts explaining.

“It binds two souls with stronger force. If one is injured, the other is as well, and when one dies, both die.”

Alec looks like he tries to wrap his head around this, but still it’s not the whole thing, so Magnus continues.

“It’s not the worst part. ‘One individual is superior to the other and is capable of impressing upon the other member his thoughts and feelings.’” Magnus quotes the exact words from the book and as he says it out loud it sounds even worse.

Alec stays silent for a few minutes. Magnus can almost see the thoughts coursing through his mind in his eyes.

“So, you say…” He starts hesitantly. “That Clary is bind to Johnathan with this demonic bond?”

“It seems like it, yes.”

When Alec puts it that way, it sounds more dreadful than Magnus thought.

Alec exhales heavily as he rubs his forehead.

“I need to call Jace.” He states and gets up from the couch.

“Wait,” Magnus stops him with is hand on his forearm. “Let’s go back to the Institute and call the others. We can tell them back there.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’ll call Luke, you reach Simon.”

“Okay.”

 

 

When they tell the others about what they’ve found it doesn’t sound any better.

Jace is looking down on the mark itself on Clary’s collarbone, while the others exchange worried and fearful glances.

“So this literally binds her life with Jonathan’s?” Simon asks, just to make it all clear. He’s seated on Clary’s side, opposite Jace. Isabelle is right next to him, holding his hand.

“Yes.” Is all Magnus can manage, because what else is there to say, when you find out your friend’s life is bind to some monster.

“The book doesn’t say anything on how to break this bond?” Luke questions from his spot at the foot of Clary’s bed. Maryse is running her hand up and down his back in reassuring gesture, which doesn’t seem to help a lot. Luke is still tensed, as he meets Magnus’ gaze, his eyes practically begging him to give him a good answer.

Magnus’ words can’t seem to pass his throat under Luke’s sight.

“We didn’t find anything here, but we’re still searching.” It’s Alec who answers, clearly seeing that Magnus is struggling.

Luke’s gaze drops from Magnus’ face, but not fast enough for him to notice the tears glistening in his eyes.

“We can’t lose hope.” Alec speaks again. “At least we know what that thing means, now we need to wait for Clary to wake up and-“

“And then what?!” Luke snaps. “This bastard can literally affect her thoughts and feelings, who knows what he put into her head!”

“Luke, I know this is hard-“ Magnus starts, but Luke cuts him short.

“No you don’t Magnus! She’s my daughter and now… I-, I can’t even…” Luke puts his head in his hands to hide the tears.

“Let’s just all calm down.” Maryse resorts, her hand still on Luke’s back.

Luke has always been the calmest of them all, and if he is losing his nerve, the situation needs to be really tough. They all sit in silence for quite some time, as everyone tries to wrap their hands about this new information.

Magnus will go through all his books again, if it means he finds even a little something to help Clary. But still, there isn’t much they can do. Luke is right. What if Jonathan put some awful things in Clary’s mind, what if he somehow changed her feeling towards any of them…

Magnus sighs, but relaxes a little as he feels Alec’s arm around his waist. He turns his head to face him, and Alec whispers to him.

“I need to go now, the meeting is starting in two minutes.”

Magnus exhales heavily and his head falls on Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I hate to do this, but the Clave is watching me precisely, and if I mess up-“

“I know, darling I understand.”

He really hates for Alec to leave now. Today’s news has done nothing but put them down a bit more. And Alec’s presence always feels soothing for Magnus. But he does understand. And as much as he dislikes it now, he knows Alec needs to do everything to keep his position. He just got it back and it’s better for all of them to keep it this way.

“Come and get me if anything happens.” Alec states as he looks into Magnus’ eyes, with a serious expression.

“But the meeting-“

“It’s not that important.” Alec replies. “So if anything happens, _anything_ okay? Just get me.”

“Of course, love.” Magnus replies and smiles softly. “Go.”

He hears Alec mumble an ‘okay’ under his breath as he turns to leave.

 

He considers going back to the loft, but can’t quite tear himself away from Clary. Alec’s still at his meeting, which seems to go for hours now. Maryse left with Luke to cool him of a bit, when Jace and Izzy went to training to blow of some steam. Which leaves Magnus with an unusually quiet Simon.

He still sits at the same spot beside Clary, hand lightly brushing her hair from her face.

“I wish she would just wake up.” He says after a while.

“She will, Simon. It’s gonna be fine.” Magnus tries to comfort him.

“But what are we going to do then?”

Magnus really wishes he had an answer for this question. He hates seeing all of his loved ones still suffering. Clary’s return brought back a new wave of energy and strength to keep going, but now it all seems to wear off.

At least he has them. He’s so happy to consider them his family. Before Alec came into his life, he never really thought he could have this. Then it was he and Alec, he became his family. But slowly everyone close to Alexander became close to him. Accepted him.

And now he can’t do anything to help them.

Suddenly Simon’s phone beeps in his pocket and he smiles sadly looking down on it. Magnus turns to him in question.

“It’s from Maia.” Simon answers. “She says to give everyone her best.”

“How is she doing?” Magnus asks. He spoke to her a few times after she left. It’s still weird to go to the Hunter’s Moon and not see her at the bar. But he respects her choice to leave. She clearly has her own troubles to figure out on her mind now.

“She’s okay, I guess.” Simon shoves his phone back into his pocket. “Told me to inform her about everything happening here, but she doesn’t really plan on coming back soon. Everything still feels too fresh.”

“Must be hard for you.”

“Why?” Simon questions surprised.

“Well, you know-“

“Oh, I mean…” Simon interrupts him. “If you mean _that,_ we broke up a few weeks ago.”

“Simon, I’m sorry.” Magnus' eyes widen a bit it shock, as he feels taken aback at this information. He thought they were doing just fine, but seems like he didn’t see the big picture.

“It’s okay. I understand why she needed to leave, i still suport her in this decision. I hope she'll get everything figured out. We both kinda decided it’s better this way. When both of us have so much going on right now long distance relationships can get hard.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

Simon raises his brows at him in question.

“Simon, I’m hundreds years old, believe me I’m experienced.”

Simon chuckles and smiles lightly, which makes Magnus happy that he somehow managed to make the Vampire feel a bit better.

“Well seems like you won’t have to endure in that any more. I mean, long distance. I don’t think Alec is going anywhere.”

“And neither am I.” Magnus states with a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

They sit in silence after that, but content smiles are written on their faces now. _At least it’s something_ , Magnus thinks. A few minutes later the doors to the infirmary burst open and Alec is entering the room.

“Hey,” he says as he sits down next to Magnus and gives him a quick kiss. “Anything new?”

Magnus just shakes his head.

“How was the meeting?”

“Boring.” Alec answers with a chuckle. “I certainly didn’t miss that part.”

Magnus smiles as he settles his head on Alec’s shoulder and looks back down on Clary. But Alec’s gaze seems to wander somewhere else.”

“What?” Alec asks Simon and Magnus notices, that the vampire has been staring at them.

“Nothing,” Simons answers quickly. “You’re just… I get this kind of peaceful feeling looking at you.”

“What?” Alec repeats with a laugh now.

“With everything happening around us…” Simon continues. “It’s good to see some things don’t change.”

At that they both smile at Simon, and Magnus leans a little bit more onto Alec, as he feels his hand wandering around his waist.

And he never wants it to change.

 

People come and go, and soon everyone is back at the infirmary. Magnus and Alec moved from their spot to the bed opposite of Clary’s, so Jace and Luke with Maryse by his side could get closer to her. Izzy settles on her previous place next to Simon. They sit in silence now. Alec is playing with Magnus’ fingers, and he looks down at their joined hands and smiles.

Suddenly, there is a sharp sound of inhaling and all eyes turn to Clary.

Magnus wants to get closer, but as he stands and takes the first step, he feels Alec lightly putting his hand on his forearm.

“Let’s give her some space.” He whispers and Magnus nods in agreement.

Then Clary’s eyes snap open, and Magnus didn’t know how much he missed those green orbs. The room seems to get filled with a sound of breath of relieve, that everyone probably let's you. 

“Clary…” He hears Jace’s voice and doesn’t even need to look at him to be sure there are tears gathering in his eyes.

“What… where am I? Clary’s voice is hoarse and weak.

“It’s alright kiddo, you’re back at the Institute, at the infirmary.” Luke assures her as he puts his hand lightly on hers.

“How?” Is all she manages before her voice stops working. Simon is instant gives her a glass of water which she gladly takes.

They tell her about how they found her. But not all at once. Jace is the one he speaks mostly, only Isabelle chiming in sometimes. Clary eyes them all curiously, but doesn’t say anything, just listens.

When they’re finished and she still doesn’t speak, it’s Luke who asks.

“Clary, how are you feeling? Are you okay?”

“I don’t…” She starts. “I don’t remember.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember anything. The last thing I remember is being on that rooftop and Jonathan catching my wrist.”

All eyes turne worried again, and Clary looks at them all confused.

“Clary…” Magnus starts carefully. “That was more than a month ago.”

“By the Angel I-“ Clary’s eyes widen in shock and her hand wanders to her collarbone. “This. She somehow bind me to Jonathan.”

It only fully confirms their discovery from the morning.  

“What happened?” Clary asks. “I mean, a month I-, where… and Jonathan-“

“Clary calm down.” Izzy says, her tone gentle. “We’ll figure it out. Right now you need to rest.”

“I’m fine.” She states, but everyone eyes her carefully. “Seriously guys I’m good, nothing hurts. It’s just like I’ve woke up from a deep sleep.”

There’s a moment of silence before where everyone tries to gather their thoughts and then she speaks again.

“Guys I’m so glad you’re all fine.” She exhales shakily. “Simon…” She turns to him and hugs him tightly. There are tears falling down his cheeks and Magnus is sure he can her Clary whisper ‘thank you’ into his hair.

When they pull back, she wipes his tears delicately and turns to Jace.

“Jace…”

“Clary, I’m so sorry.” Jace interrupts her, but then he’s in her arms and they both burst into tears. Magnus smiles lightly at the sight of them, finally reunited. Even though in tears, they clutch onto each other tightly, just letting go. Only needing each other. 

“Let’s give them some time alone.” Maryse whispers and everyone moves to get out of the room.

 

“I’ll organize a meeting with the Silent Brothers again. Maybe they will be able to restore Clary’s memories somehow.” Alec says as the all settles into his office. All, apart from Jace and Clary who are still back in the infirmary.

Alec is sitting at his desk, while Magnus stands next to him, his hand around his boyfriend’s shoulders. The others are seated on the couch in front of them.

“They didn’t do much the last time…” Luke says bitterly.

“I know,” Alec continues calmly. “But what other choices to we have? Besides, this is a different department now.”

Everyone nods. But then Simons speaks hesitantly.

“But do we really wanna do that?” All eyes turn to him.

“What do you mean, Simon?” Isabelle asks.

“You know, Jonathan might have made her done terrible things. What if she doesn’t want to remember?”

“Simon, it’s Clary’s choice to make.” Magnus starts. “But we should call in the Silent Brothers anyway. See if they can even do anything.”

“Okay, let’s do that.” Simon replies. “Do you think we can go back to Clary now?”

“Let’s give them another minute.”  Alec says. He draws his stele and already sends a fire message to the Silent Brothers.

“Yeah, a minute.” Simon repeats as he fidgets on the couch. “I can totally handle a minute. It’s just… it’s nothing…like a, um- like-“

“All right Simon, go!” Alec exclaims and adds the next part in a whisper. “Just please stop talking.”

Simon smiles and quickly gets up from the couch, so the next second he’s out of the office. Isabelle sighs and then gets up too.

“I’ll go make sure he doesn’t break anything on his way.”

Alec nods at her and then she leaves the room.

A few minutes later a fire message appears on Alec’s desk. His eyes quickly scan through it and then he quickly sums it up for the rest.

“The Silent Brothers will arrive within an hour.”

“We’ll let Clary know.” Luke and Maryse settle to leave the office.

When they’re gone Alec exhales heavily, turns to face Magnus and pulls him down onto his lap. Magnus smiles slightly and wraps his hands around his boyfriend’s neck.

“How are you doing?” He asks stroking the hair at the nape of his neck.

“A bit tired, but not so bad. You?” His arms wander around Magnus’ waist.

“I’m good, but still worried. Clary seems fine for now, but what if it’s some part of his plan?” Magnus confesses his worries. “For what we know, Jonathan can control her.”

“You’re right.” Alec agrees. “But let’s see what the Silent Brothers will say.”

Magnus nods and pulls him a bit closer, so Alec’s head is resting on his shoulder.

“I should let the Inquisitor know about Clary." Alec says after a while. “But I don’t want to yet. She’s just woke up, I don’t want her to face the Clave till we figure out something more.”

“So don’t.” Magnus replies combing his hand through his hair. “You’re the boss here.”

“But what if the Clave finds out?” Alec pulls back lightly to look at him. “She said she wanted to speak with Clary. And I’m under supervision-“

“Alexander,” Magnus tries for a comforting tone. “It’ll be fine. Let’s see what we figure out tonight, and then you can call this in.”

Alec sighs and puts his head back on Magnus’ chest.

“How come you’re always right?” He murmurs into his shirt.

“Years of experience, my darling.” Magnus answers with a smile.

 

They’re waiting in front the Infirmary for the Silent Brothers to finish examine Clary. She did agreed to have her memories returned, claiming it will help them find Jonathan. The demonic rune hasn’t shown any examples of how the connection works yet. Which is both good and bad.  

The Silent Brothers claimed they can restore her memories, which leaves the others where they are now. Waiting.

“What is taking them so long?” Jace questions as he’s pacing back and forth through the waiting room.

“Calm down, they’re doing the best they can.” Alec answers him calmly, to which Jace only snorts in impatience. Then the doors burst open and they can hear the Silent Brother voice in their minds telling them to enter. Clary is still sitting on the same bed, still looking confused.

“Did it work?” Luke asks, his sight wandering to the Silent Brother.

“ _Clarissa Fairchild’s memories has been restored_. _But the spell was powerful. It might take time for her to fully remember.”_ The voice sounds in their heads again.

Everyone exhales with relief. It’s more than nothing. Even if Clary can’t remember everything yet, she will at some point.

“Thank you, we do appreciate the help.” Alec speaks, turning to the Silent Brothers.

With that, the they leave the room, and the rest slowly makes their way back to Clary.

“Clary,” Luke starts slowly. “What do you remember?”

She takes a deep breath and tries to focus before she speaks.

“I remember… Paris.” Everyone raise an eyebrow in confusion. “We were there, me and Jonathan. At some club. Some Shadowhunters where there too. And we…By the Angel…” She breaks into sobs and her breathing falls out of motion.

“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down.” Luke’s soothing her lightly.

“We killed them.” She says, eyes full of tears. “All of them. We did so many terrible things. I didn’t want to, he made me-“

“We know, Clary. it’s not your fault.” Jace cuts in.

Everyone’s expressions fall at the news of the dead Shadowhunters. Magnus quickly intertwines his fingers with Alec’s, seeing that his boyfriend needs something to ground on.

“Do you remember anything else?” Luke tries again a bit later, when Clary calms down a little.

“The beach, where you said you found me.” She looks at Jace now and he nods. “We’ve just arrived to New York at that time. He said something about ruling the city. Taking control. Destroying all the Shadowhunters. I was agreeing on everything he said, but… I don’t really know how, I think I realized that this is my home, and you are all here.” Her gaze hoovers over everyone in the room. “And I managed to resist it. I snapped out of it and screamed at him to stop. He seemed surprised, kinda lost control and sent the demons to the Institute. That’s when you found me…”

“He realized you wouldn’t come with him, if you managed to resist the bond and he hit you with some kind of memory erasing spell.” Isabelle finishes for her.

“Exactly. I think he just panicked.” Is what Clary responds with.

Everyone falls silent again, trying to figure out their next move. Jace settles down next to Clary and takes her hand in his. Clary smiles lightly, but guilt is still present in her eyes.

Magnus doesn’t even want to think about all the thinks Jonathan has made her do. Simon was right, maybe it was better if she didn’t remember. But somehow, now with Jace by her side, Magnus thinks it might bring them closer. They’ve both been in this kind of situation. Jace with Lilith, Clary with Jonathan. None of them is to blame for their faults.

“So we know Jonathan’s plan now.” Alec starts. “He wants to kill all of the Shadowhunters and take control of New York. But why? Aren’t Nephilim his kind?”

“Well Jonathan isn’t actually anyone’s kind.” Jace replies. “He has both angel and demon blood.”

“So why only destroy Shadowhunters?” Isabelle asks.

“I think that after Lilith resurrected him, he feels like he somehow needs to pay his the debt for it.” Clary speaks again. “And since she is the mother of demons he can do it by-“

“Killing every angel blooded creature.” Alec finishes for her. “But how is he planning to do this?”

“He’s more of a demon now. He can control the Asmodei.” Clary turns to him. “And Angel knows what more. He has some connection to Edom, so…”

Magnus flinches at the mention of his father’s home. Alec seems to feel it, because he squeezes his palm lightly.

He thought a lot, whether he should tell the others about Asmodeus. But it just doesn’t feel like the right moment. Besides, he’s still scared how the others will react.

But if Jonathan has connection with Edom, can control Asmodei, and open rifts… What is Asmodeus gets here? But what would he want? Doesn’t he have everything now? Magnus’ magic…

“You okay?” Alec whispers to him, noticing how tensed he got. This terrifies him, but he needs to focus now.

“Yeah, I’m good.” He just whispers back and focuses back on Clary.

“I think he must be getting his power somewhere from there.” Clary continues, “From Edom.”

Alec looks at Magnus with shock in their eyes, like they’re both have the same idea.

Asmodeus.

If he and Jonathan are in some kind of partnership… what if it was his father’s plan all along? Get his power and give it to Jonathan. What if by saving Jace, back that night, he put them all in danger now.

Maybe it is the right moment to tell them.

But before he makes up his mind, a scream tears its way through the infirmary.

All eyes are back at Clary again. Magnus sight hoovers over her, and then he notices blood on Clary’s forearm. Alec quickly calls for a medic, everyone else to shocked and confused at what’s going on.

“What’s happening?” Luke asks, desperate for any answers.

But no one gives him one. They all look at Clary’s forearm where the magical wound seems to appear. _If one is injured, the other is as well,_ Magnus recalls the words from the rune description in his mind. It needs to be Jonathan, he's hurting himself on purpose, only to hurt Clary. At first the wound it’s just a short cut, but then it seems to form into something…

“It looks _destined_ rune.” Isabelle resorts. “But why-“

“It’s Jonathan.” Clary grits through clenched teeth. “He always said we’re destined to be together. He’s trying to send a message.”

“What message?” Simon asks. He looks terrified and confused.

“That he’s coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, leave all your thoughts in the comments below and subscribe to this story if you're enjoying it.   
> I really liked writing some more Simon, because he's an amazing character, hope you found his scenes at least a little bit funny haha :)  
> All the research about the rune comes from the Shadowhunters wiki page.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus get a fair idea of where Jonathan's power comes from. Back at the Institute Alec and Clary figure out what might be able to break the demonic bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Another chapter of figuring stuff out, but we need this to keep the story going :) I think we're mostly half-way through… not sure if it's good or bad haaha, but I really hope you'll enjoy. And thank you for all the love you're showing for this story <3

As if it couldn’t get any worse.

While the medic treats Clary’s wound Alec receives another fire message. And knows Jace won’t be happy about its content.

“Jace,” he starts, and his brother turns to him from his spot besides Clary, still not letting go of her hand.

“What?” He raises his brow in question.  

“It’s from the Inquisitor,” Alec waves the card in his hand. “About your trail. It will take place tomorrow-“

Alec barely gets to finish when Jace interrupts with frustration in his voice.

“What? Are you serious? Now?” He snorts. “Doesn’t the Inquisitor have any more important things to do, like she did all this time before? Now when Clary is here-“

“She doesn’t know this. I haven’t told her yet.” Alec cuts in and Jace looks at him confused, so he sighs and adds. “We had more pressing matters than Clave, right?”

“Yeah, right.” Jace looks taken aback for a second. “But this doesn’t change anything. I’m not going, I can’t leave Clary.”

“Jace, please.” Alec tries. “I assured her you would come at any date she established. To be honest, I thought he may come here and discuss this with me before but, here we are.”

Actually he more wanted that, than thought it might happened. He isn’t the Clave’s favourite person right now, has never been.

“No, Alec. Look,” Jace moves to get closer to him and starts in lower voice. “We’ve just got her back, and who knows what happens next? I need to be with her-“

“But Jace, this won’t take long. It’s just a formality. We’ll go there and-“

Jace starts to shake his head and Alec knows if the only person can break his Parabatai stubbornness, it’s Clary. So he turns to her with a pleading expression.

“Jace,” she starts and he quickly makes her way back to her. “Alec’s right. You should leave this whole thing behind. Think of the trial as the end of this.” She smiles gently at him. “Besides, I can take care of myself. It’ll be only a few hours.” She puts her hand on his cheek and rubs it lightly.

Jace sighs heavily as he turns to Alec, but finally he nods.

“Okay, I’ll go.” Alec doesn’t get to cheer for a second as Jace carries on. “But only if you stay and look after Clary.”

“Jace.” Alec’s mouth hangs open for a second. “I-, We settled that we’ll go there together-“

“Alec, I can handle this. Like you said, it’s just a formality. Please.”

Alec hesitates for a second. They were supposed to do it together. But as much as he hates leaving his brother alone in this, he knows Jace won’t change his mind.

“Fine.” He agrees. “I’ll stay.”

Jace beams at the news as he returns back to Clary.

It’s getting late and Alec can feel the exhaustion settling back at him. It’s been a long day, for all of them. They still don’t know everything, but with Clary’s memories back, it’s more than they’ve knew for about a month.

“Darling,” he feels Magnus’ hand traveling from his shoulder down his arm to intertwine their fingers. “we should head home. It’s been a long day.”

It’s just like Magnus has been reading his thoughts.

“I agree.” Maryse responds as she stand up from the bed she’s been sitting at. “We’re all exhausted and should get some rest. Everything seems to be under control here now.”

Clary nods at them reassuringly that she’s fine, but Luke still eyes her cautiously.

“Seriously, I’m fine!” Clary exclaims. “But you all look like death. Really, get some rest.” She holds Luke’s hand gently. “Besides, Izzy and Jace are still here. If anything happens, they’ll let you know.”

They seem to be convinced enough, too tired to actually manage to protest. Luke leans in and kisses Clary on the forehead, while Maryse smiles gently at her. Simon hugs her and then leaves with Isabelle, who declares to walk him out.

“I missed you Fray.” Alec states with a soft smile and pats her on a shoulder.

“Wow, this is probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Clary responds with a smile and Alec chuckles.

“He does try.” Magnus says as he also hugs Clary goodbye.

 

As they’re back at the loft, making their way to their bad, Alec remembers he needs to talk to Magnus about something. As much as he wants to go to sleep… it just won’t let him rest.

“Magnus…” He starts, when he moves under covers to join his boyfriend.

“Yes, darling?” Magnus already holds his arms open, and Alec pillows his head on his chest, but still looks up at him.

Alec takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

“Do you think… I mean,” he struggles to find the right words and exhales again. “Do you think Jonathan might be getting his power from Asmodeus?”

Magnus turns his eyes to look at the celling, his expression hollow, so Alec can’t really read it.

“It’s possible.” He answers after a moment.

None of them speaks for a while after that. Magnus starts to run his hand up and down Alec’s back, as if he’s trying to ground himself.

“And do you think…” Alec asks then. “That your father could show up here?”

“Look, Alec I don’t know.” Magnus answers frustrated. Alec knows he doesn’t like to talk about his father, but this is important. They’re not ready for a greater demon to show up here, more the Prince of Hell.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alec puts his hand on Magnus’ chest and strokes lightly, trying to calm him down. “I’m just trying to figure something out of this.”

“I know, angel. I know.” He exhales again, his tone turning gentle. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Alec places a kiss to his chest.

“It’s just…” Magnus tries again. “I have no idea what my father might be planning. But whatever it is, it’s bad. Maybe taking my magic was already part of that? Maybe he planned to give it to Jonathan all along and I was a fool to-“

“Hey, you saved us all that night.” Alec interrupts him. “No matter what.”

“Yes, maybe I did then.” He sighs, “But now…”

“We’ll figure it out.” Alec throws his arm around Magnus’ middle and holds him tightly. “Together.”

Alec feels him nod, and then Magnus places a kiss on top of his head.

“You know,” Magnus starts after a while. “I used to think my father is not so bad. He did love my mom, and maybe he even loved me in so twisted way, but now…”

He doesn’t need to finish. Alec knows. Even after what Asmodeus did to him as a child, Magnus still tried to find some good in him. As he always does. But after his magic… There’s no way his father’s intentions may be decent.

“We need to figure out how to break this demonic bond.” Magnus resorts. “I’ll look through the rest of my resources tomorrow.”

“Need some help?”

“No, sweetheart. You need to be back at the Institute.” He feels Magnus smile into his hair. “Jace won't be happy, if you leave Clary.” He chuckles.

“Very funny.” Alec states, but there’s laugh in his voice. Magnus looks down at him and pecks him lightly on the lips.

“I’m glad you’re staying. I’ve always hated your trips to Alicante.”

“I know babe, but I don’t like leaving Jace all alone.” Alec adds in a helpless tone.

“He’ll handle it.” Magnus assures him. “Now, sleep. There’s another day waiting for us tomorrow.”

Alec nods, settles more comfortably on his chest, and waits for sleep to overtake him.

 

He wakes up in the middle of the night, confused when he doesn’t feel the familiar warmth pressed next to him. He knows something is wrong. Turning on his back, he scans the room for any sign of Magnus.

He doesn’t need to try very hard to spot him. He sits at the edge of the bed, head in his hands.

“Hey, baby what’s wrong?” Alec tries, as he moves on the bed to get closer to him.

When Magnus still doesn’t answer, Alec’s not sure if he should touch him, but he attempts with a light as a feather touch on his arm.

“Are these the nightmares again?” Alec asks gently.

Magnus sighs, nods slightly and rubs his hand on his face.

The nightmares haven’t returned for weeks. At least Magnus claimed so. When Alec is with him, he usually sleeps through the whole night. But now…

“It’s fine now.” Alec says, gently stroking Magnus’ hair from his face. “We’re safe.”

He puts him into his arms and hugs gently, till he feels Magnus relax a little. Then he pulls back and continues.

“Do you want to tell me what was it about?”

It usually helps. When Magnus tells him, he lets the emotions flow out, and it’s good. He shouldn’t keep it all inside, when Alec is right  here to listen.

Magnus pulls back lightly to look him in the eyes.

“Alec, I-…” He takes a deep breath. Right now, he looks so small, scared and vulnerable. “I don’t think it was just a nightmare.”

Alec looks at him confused, but hands never stopping creasing his back softly.

“What do you mean?” He questions.

“It just felt so…real.”

“Babe, they always do.” Alec assures him smiling softly.

“No, this was different.” Magnus breaks from his embrace, to which Alec is surprised, but lets him. Then Magnus’ hands wander up and down his arms, like he needs to ground himself onto something. With his eyes still down he continues. “It was my father.”

Alec doesn’t say anything more. Just waits for him to elaborate, but can’t help the feeling that he knows what this is about.

“He said I was right.” Magnus whispers as his teary eyes finally meet Alec’s. “Alec, if we’re right-“

“We can’t be sure.” Alec interrupts gently, soothing his hands on Magnus’ thighs.

“Yes, we can. It was Asmodeus himself who told me, how can this be a coincidence?”

It’s not. And Alec knows it. But still, he doesn’t want to believe it. Recently, it’s becoming worse with every day. And when this whole mess hits its climax… it might end even causing even more damage than they thought.

Alec closes his eyes for a moment to breathe deeply and sort out his thoughts.

“So, if Asmodeus is really going to divert his magic, or yours to Jonathan…”

“Which now we know he will,” Magnus cuts in. “Alec, the whole city might be in danger.”

“I know, your magic is powerful-“

“No, I don’t really think you do.” Magnus says, but there’s no anger behind it. It sounds more like fear or concern. “Look, my power… it can crumble down whole cities.” He adds the last part in a low whisper.

Alec knew his boyfriend was powerful, but… that much? It somehow terrifies him, that something so known as safe by him can cause so much damage if in the wrong hands.

“What do we do?” Magnus looks at him with a pleading expression.

But Alec doesn’t have answers. How can they go against something so powerful and dangerous? Jonathan wants to destroy New York, and with suitable resources, he might be able to do just that.

“I don’t know.” Alec replies honesty. “But we’ll figure it out.”

Magnus lets out a long exhale and falls forward onto Alec’s chest.

And he’s always there to catch him.

 

“Maybe I should stay with you?” Alec starts, as Magnus settles down his books, to start the search for a way to break Clary’s connection to Jonathan. 

Alec is still worried. After Magnus’ nightmare, everything feels more real. And he really doesn’t want to leave his boyfriend alone right now. Even though he has his task at hand, Alec knows Magnus will get consumed by the thoughts of his father eventually.

“Or you can come with me? The Institute’s library-“ Alec tries to continue, but Magnus interrupts gently.

“Darling, Isabelle and Simon will cover the library, I need to find if something is here.” He gestures at his surroundings.

It’s true. They’ve established that Izzy and Simon will research the library, while Alec watches over Clary. Luke and his mom probably will come over sometime to help.

“Okay, so we can bring the books back there and-“ Alec suggests, but Magnus lets out a small laugh.

“Angel, there are dozens of books here, moving it will take all day.” Magnus moves from where he’s been standing near the couch to reach Alec by the doorway, and place his hands on his shoulders.

“Then I’ll stay.” Alec states.

“Alexander, Jace will be mad if you let Clary out of your sight today.” He starts to run his hands up and down Alec’s arms.

“Well, Jace can deal with it. Clary is perfectly fine.” He sighs. “Besides, I really don’t want to leave you.”

“I’m perfectly fine too.” Magnus resorts as he ducks his head to catch Alec’s eye.

Ale rolls his eyes to that, and Magnus chuckles. But as Alec’s gaze turns more serious Magnus mirrors it.

“Are you sure?” Alec asks.

“Positive.” Magnus smiles at him, and his hands wander to Alec’s waist. “I think some time alone will do me good. Besides, you’re just a call away.”

“Of course.” Alec tries to reciprocate his smile, but he must be failing, because Magnus still eyes him with concern.

To reassure himself and Magnus, he leans in for a soft kiss. Magnus’ hands tighten around his waist, and Alec hooks his arms around his neck.

He doesn’t want to let go. But right now, the world around them is slowly starting to crumble, and only they can stop it from totally falling apart.

“Go, I’ll be fine.” Magnus smiles when they pull away from each other. “Let me know if you find anything.”

“Sure.” Alec nods. “Love you.”

“Love you too, angel.”

 

They decided not to tell anyone about Asmodeus. For now. Right now their priority is to find out how to break the demonic bond and help Clary.

He walks into the Institute and spots Izzy, heading in the direction of the library, carrying two steaming cups of coffee.

“Hello big brother.” She greets when she notices him.

“Hi, how’s it going in the library?”

“Slowly, but going. Haven’t find anything yet, but there’s still quite a lot to get into. Mom and Luke will come over later to help.” Izzy finishes, but looks at him in concern. “Are you okay? You seem tired.”

“Yeah I’m good, we just didn’t sleep very well last night.”

Izzy must have heard the worry in his voice that he’s desperately trying to hide, because the next moment she asks.

“Is Magnus okay?”

“Yeah.” Alec sighs. “Nothing to worry about, for now. Let’s focus on Clary.”

Isabelle nods and walks straight back to the library, knowing the best not to push now.

Alec enters the infirmary just when Jace is about to leave.

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?” He catches his brother by the arm.

“Completely. I’ll deal with this, you just take care of her.” He points at Clary with his head.

Alec still doesn’t feel convinced, so Jace exhales heavily and adds.

“It’s not such a big deal. It’ll be fine, just stop worrying.” He pats Alec on a shoulder. “Call me if anything happens, see you tonight.”

“Yeah, good luck.” Alec says and his eyes wander behind Jace as he leaves the room.

He makes his way to Clary’s bed, and sits opposite to her.

“Looks like it’s just you and me today, Fray.”

She smiles brightly at him, sweeping her hair behind her ear.

“So, did you remember anything more?” Alec asks, as he settles more comfortable on the bed.

“No,” she shakes her head lightly. “I mean, I do get those flashes of memories, but… to be honest I don’t think I want to remember everything yet. I don’t want this to come and crash on me, you know?”

Alec, nods and smiles softly at her.

“Of course. What’s important is that you’re here. Don’t worry, we won’t let you beat yourself up with those memories, it wasn’t your fault. Whatever he made you do.”

Clary looks more relieved after his words, as she exhales slowly and then moves to get up from the bed. Her smile extends as she speaks again.

“You know, I kinda missed you too.”

As they both laugh Alec thinks this day may not turn out as bad as it was supposed to.

 

He takes Clary back into her room, since she’s completely healed, so there’s no need for her to stay in the infirmary.

“Oh, how I’ve missed this.” She traces her fingers down some of her sketches hanging loosely on the wall. 

“Do you need anything?” Alec asks from his spot by the door.

“Besides a paper and some coal, I don’t need anything else.” Clary smiles at him.

“Okay, so I’m just gonna…” Alec emerges fully into the room and sits on the edge of the bed.

Clary shoots him a bit annoyed but also soft glare.

“Alec, I know Jace told you to keep an eye on me, but if you leave me alone for a few hours nothing will happen.”

“Well, you can’t be sure of that.” Clary sighs at his words as she moves to stand in front of her easel. “Besides, Jace would kill me if I left you for even a minute.”

Clary laughs and sets a new canvas on the easel.

“Okay, so if you need to stay, at least you can fill me in.”

“Fill you in on what?” Alec asks confused as he shifts on the bed.

“Alec,” Clary throws her hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. “It’s been a month, and I have basically no idea what’s been going on with all of you.”

Alec sighs and rolls his eyes.

“So, tell me what’s up. Come on, distract me.” She continues.

Alec doesn’t feel like talking about it. It’s been good recently and not thinking about that night seems to help a bit. He doesn’t even want to remember, but involuntarily his hand wanders to the spot slightly above his heart, where the worst reminder is located. He knows Clary is dealing with a lot too right now, so she could use a distraction from her own memories and feelings. But Clary also deserves an explanation. She sacrificed herself for Jace. Alec’s sure he told her some of the events from that night, but of course left out a few awful details.

“Fine.” Clary states after a minute, taking Alec’s silence as a refusal. “If you don’t want to talk about you then… how’s Magnus? I didn’t really have time to catch up with him.”

It’s even worse question. What Magnus had been through… well there’s not any blissful story he can share, but his mind mechanically suggest him the same answer as always, before he even gets to think.

“He’s adjusting.”

Clary’s eyes shoot up from her canvas as she looks at Alec in confusion.

“Adjusting to what?”

 _So Jace didn’t get to that part_ , Alec thinks.

He messed up. Alec’s not sure if Magnus wants Clary to know. Hell, he said he wouldn’t tell anyone if Magnus didn’t approve. But he didn’t even think, before saying it. It just came out.

But also Clary is family. And Magnus did save Jace that night.

“Ehm,” Alec clears his throat awkwardly. “I guess Jace didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Clary moves to sit on the bed next to him, her expression turning even more concern.

“Magnus…he…” _Just say it Alec, he won’t be mad_ , Alec reprimands in his mind. He takes a deep breath and continues. “Magnus gave up his magic to save Jace.”

Clary’s eyes widen in shock, and she shakes her head lightly as if to pull the jolt away.

“He did… what?” She questions, and Alec is not in the mood to repeat it, but before he gets to she pulls her hand out to stop him. “No, I heard you but… it’s just… huge. A huge sacrifice.”

Alec sighs and nods lightly.

“And how is he doing?” She carries on as she turns to fully face Alec.

“It’s better.” Alec admits honestly, because it is. Or it was. Before yesterday, the nightmare and... well everything that may come upon them. “It’s been hard but… yeah he doesn’t regret it.”

“I need to talk to him.” Clary states as she stands up.

“Wait, Clary. It might be better if you just stay at the Institute-“

“Alec.” She stops him, voice dripping with frustration. “You’ve just told me Magnus sacrificed his magic for Jace, I need to go thank him, it’s the least I can do-“

“Yeah, I know Clary.” Alec admits. “But… he just needs to be alone for some time now.”

“What, why?” Clary questions.

“It’s just…” He starts and sighs. They agreed not to tell anyone yet. It might not even be truth. It feels real but… no, not now. If he starts even thinking about it now, his mind will go down the spiral of not so pleasant thoughts. He can't have this now, can't lose his composure. “He just wants to focus on his research back at home. Let’s not disturb him.”

Clary eyes him cautiously, like she knows he’s not telling her something, but she lets it go for now.

“Okay, fine. But let me know, if he shows up here. I really want to talk to him.”

“Yeah sure.” Alec agrees and hangs his head down as Clary returns to her spot on the bed, next to him.

“So,” she starts, a playful grin playing on her lips, as she nudges Alec with her elbow lightly. “Home?”

“What?” Alec asks, confused at what she means.

“You said Magnus wants to be alone back at home.”

“Well, yeah… the loft.” Alec frowns.

“ _Your_ home too, right?” She continues, soft smile creeping onto her face.

“Well… I mean, yes.” Alec rumbles. “But how did you know? I’ve been referring to it as home for some time now…”

“Oh I know,” Clary’s grin widens. “There’s just something different about the way you say it. It feels… warmer, I guess. I don’t know.” She chuckles.

Alec laughs too, and they don’t say anything for a moment after that. When Alec speaks later, there’s a soft smile playing on the corners of his lip.

“Yeah, it does.”

 

Everything was going great. Perfect even. Alec spent most of the day in Clary’s room, looking over her, just as he promised Jace. He did call Magnus and told him he might have accidentally reveal the secret of his magic lose to Clary. He wasn’t mad. Actually he said he was planning on doing so sooner or later if she already didn’t know. He promised to come by later, because all of the books were exhausting him. And he has missed Alec.

At that Alec feels his heart warming.

Now he’s settled in his spot on Clary’s bed, looking through some paperwork. After talking to Clary he informed the Clave of her whereabouts and the Inquisitor is scheduled to visit some time tomorrow.

So everything’s been going great. Clary’s at her easel, drawing. But as Alec shoots his head up, to rest his eyes from the paper work, his gaze wanders to Clary’s canvas, and there’s something bothering about it.

“Clary, what are you drawing?” Alec asks as he gets up from the bed and stands behind her.

“What?” Clary’s voice sounds like he woke her up from a deep sleep. “What do you mean? I wasn’t drawing-“ At that her eyes land on the canvas and she gasps. “By the Angel, it looks just like-“

“Lake Lyn.” Alec finishes for her. It looks identical as the painting that’s hanging in his office. “Clary, why are you drawing Lake Lyn?”

“I don’t know.” She answers taken a back. “I wasn’t even aware I was doing that.”

Alec feels this strange feeling building in his gut.

“Should we call Jace?”

“No.” Clary states. “Not yet, it might be nothing.”

“Clary, do you really believe-“

Suddenly Clary drops her piece of coal and winces in pain. Her hand wanders to her collar bone, the rune.

“Clary what’s going on?” Alec feels the panic overcome him, but still tries to keep calm. She doesn’t answer. Her eyes are shut tightly and her whole body feels tensed. “Clary come on, talk to me, what’s going on?”

“It burns!” She almost yells, and it’s followed by a helpless cry, her hand clutching on the demonic rune.

Alec tries to remain calm as he catches her before she gets to fall from her chair and half carries her to the bed so she can lie down.

“Clary, I’m going to get some help, okay?” He wants to turn and leave to quickly get a medic, but then Clary is gripping his forearm tightly, with no intention of letting go.

“No, just…” She gasps and a screams tears through the room.

“Okay, okay I’m here.” Alec reassures her and runs his hand through her hair softly.

He has no idea what to do, how to help, or what the hell is going on. All he can think about is that Jonathan is coming. And he’s coming sooner than they thought he would.

He pulls out his phone and quickly texts Isabelle, to get a medic to Clary’s room.

Izzy shows up not even a minute later.

“I sent Simon to get help. What’s going on?”

“I don’t kno-“ Before Alec gets to finish Clary lets out another scream.

Alec takes a deep breath and tries to think. He draws out his stele from his pocket and puts it onto Clary’s skin with his trembling hands.

“What are you doing?” Izzy asks with her hand on his forearm.

“I’m drawing a blocking rune.” Alec announces. “It might not help, but we never know.”

Isabelle nods and lets go of his arm.

Alec’s hands are still shaking, but somehow he manages to draw the rune. Clary’s breathing seems to calm down a little and Alec looks at Izzy with a little bit of relief, which she mirrors.

“It’s…” Clary’s voice is low, almost a whisper and Alec needs to bow down to hear her. “It’s Jonathan, he wants to break to me.” She barely gets to finish and another scream follows.

“What do we do?” Izzy asks, panic clear in her voice. “Where the hell is the medic?”

Alec thinks, a million thoughts seem to race through is mind, but none of them is able to help Clary in any way. He’s heartbeat speeds up, and he runs a nervous hand through his hair.

He does the only thing he can think of.

“Clary listen to me.” He leans down and takes her face between his hands. “Open your eyes, look at me.”

“Alec, what are you-“ Izzy starts, but Alec cuts her off with one glare.

“Clary, come on.” Alec pleads and a second later Clary’s eyes flutter open. “That’s good, just focus on my voice, okay?” Clary tries to nod, but then another wave of pain shakes her body and she cries out.

“Clary listen,” Alec continues. “You’re stronger than this, than him, okay? You can resist it. You did before, back on the beach. Do the same now. Block him of.”

“I can’t.” She sobs.

“Yes, you can Clary. You’re stronger than you think.”

Clary shuts her eyes again, but her expression is focused, as if she’s really trying to fight it.

Then Simon enters the room with Annika, but Izzy stops them with her hand, clearly understanding that Clary can’t get distracted now.

“I can hear…” Clary whispers and squeezes Alec’s hand, harder than anyone would accuse she’s capable of. “The voice, it’s… the Angel.”

Alec’s eyes widen, but he tries to shock not to hit him too hard, staying focused, still continuing.

“Focus on him. Whatever he’s trying to tell you, focus on it. Force back every thought of Jonathan. He’s nothing. Okay?” Clary frowns, but her breathing seems to even out. “You’re doing great Clary, keep going.” He encourages.

Alec is sure he hears Simon’s voice from the doorway, full of dread, but he doesn’t let it get into him. Not now.

Next moments pass by in silence, only the sound a Clary’s heavy breaths filling the room, but soon they start to even out. Then Clary seems to calm down completely, she’s still breathing a bit hard, but then her eyes flutter open.

“Alec…” She starts and Alec lets out a breath he was holding. “What-“

“It’s okay. You’re fine.” Alec slumps down on the bed and runs his hand through his hair again.

“Clary!” Simon’s heading to her side, Isabelle no longer able to stop him. “What the hell happened here?”

He looks at Alec, but he just shrugs, not sure if he’s able to force some words through his throat now. He feels his sister’s hand on his shoulder, and immediately relaxes a bit, putting his own palm to cover hers.

“The Angel…” Clary starts and all eyes turn to her. “He wanted to communicate with me, and Jonathan tried to stop him.” She explains.

“Did he say anything, the Angel?” Izzy questions.

Clary seems to think a bit, before she speaks.

“It was more like a vision.” She states. “I saw my rune, and Jonathan, and-“ She pauses and her head shoots up to look back at the canvas. She gets up from the bed, regardless everyone’s attempts to stop her.

“This.” She says, tracing her fingers down the lines of her drawing. “Lake Lyn.”

Alec tries to put the pieces together. There’s gotta be a connection. Nothing is a coincidence, not anymore. Magnus’ dream, Clary’s drawing and now the vision…There’s only one thing he comes up with.

“Clary, if the Angle showed you this…” He says carefully. “What if this is the way to break the bond?”

All eyes turn to him and his sight hoovers over them.

“How?” Clary asks.

Alec takes a deep breath and explains his theory.

“What if the water from Lake Lyn can destroy the bond? It would work like holy water. Besides, the lake is a Mortal Mirror, it’s a Mortal Instrument after all.”

Everyone seem to wrap their heads around this new information. The room turns quiet again, everyone’s expression scrunching in thinking. Then it’s Simon, who speaks first.

“Actually this makes perfect sense.” There’s no sarcasm or bitterness behind his tone, and Alec realizes that it really does makes sense.

“First the Angel made you draw it, you didn’t even knew you were doing it, right?” Alec continues, because he needs to be sure.

“Well, yeah.” Clary replies as Alec can see the thoughts running through her brain in her eyes.

“And then he showed you the vision, which Jonathan wanted to disturb, but you resisted him.”

“Yes.” Clary nods slowly. “But, why now?”

Alec swallows visibly before speaking.

“Because he’s coming.”

Everyone in the room wears the expression of fear and worry on their faces. But they need to work, there’s no time to lose.

“All right, so we need to get to Idris-“ Izzy starts, but then Alec is hit with the sudden realization.

“Jace.” All eyes turn to him again. “He’s in Idris now, we need to get to him.”

“I’ll go.” Izzy says, and Alec is already opening his mouth to argue, but his sister stops him. “Look, Alec someone needs to stay. You watch after Clary, reach the others and tell them what we found out.” Alec still doesn’t look convinced, so Isabelle adds. “I’ll find Jace as soon as I get there. Besides, I’ve been there before. There’s nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“I don’t want you to go alone-“

“I’ve got this big brother, you need to handle everything here.”

“Okay,” Alec nods, because it’s true and there’s no time to lose. They don’t know how long Jace will stay there. He knows he needs to stay here. He’s the leader after all. Then he pulls his sister into a hug. “Just, be careful.”

He kisses her on the forehead as she nods and then, she’s leaving the room.

“Call Luke,” Alec turns to Simon. “tell him to get here as soon as he can, I’ll reach Magnus.”

Simon is already pulling out his phone, and when Alec is about to do the same, he feels a light hand on his shoulder.

“Alec…” Clary stares back at him as he turns around to face her. “Thank you.”

Alec looks confused, not sure what Clary means, and as she notices it, she continues.

“For, you know, talking me through it.” The corners of her lips quirk slightly, but then she drops her gaze and becomes more serious. “I don’t think I would be able to resist it, if not you.” She looks up at him, and there’s so much honesty and gratitude in her eyes that Alec can barely stand it.

“You would.” He states firmly. “You’re really stronger than you think.” He smiles a little at her. “Now, we need to get to work. We figured out one thing, but it doesn’t solve all of our problems.”

He turns into his Head of the Institute mode, and strides out of the room to call Magnus.

It’s time to tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know all your thoughts :) Some Clary and Alec frienship here, also is Asmodeus coming? And is the Lake Lyn really the answer? Guess you'll find out soon...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus can't stop thinking about Asmodeus. Alec shares the news about their discoverd way of breaking the demonic bond. Later, at the Institute Alec and Magnus have a heart to heart, and he decides to tell the rest about his father. Jonathan seems to be closer than the think and they might be running out of time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I promise this is the last of the slower chapters, action picks back up in the next and a lot of angst is coming so… be prepared. As you can see, I settled for 19 chapters, so we're more than half-way through the story!

It’s good to have something to do.

Magnus has always been the one to focus on a task at hand. Block off everything from the outside, to just find what he’s looking for. He won’t stop till then.

But today it feels different.

He’s really trying. Sitting in his usual spot on the couch, surrounded by books, it feels that he’s been like this for the last three days.

But today he can’t focus. All his thoughts wander to one person.

_Asmodeus_.

The dream… or more a vision. He can’t get it out of his head. He told Alec he was fine, because what else was he supposed to do? Nothing is fine right now, and they need to put things back on the right track. He can stop Alexander from his work. Not now. It’s too important.

But he’s father keeps reappearing in his mind. _You’re right boy. Something big is coming_ , he said. And somehow, Magnus knows what he means.

They were right about Jonathan. Asmodeus is his power source in Edom, he’s sure of it. But why? What is his father planning? Will he come here? Back to New York…

He needs to know. Clary told them everything she remembers so far, but it’s still not enough. There are still too many parts missing. And if Asmodeus has the answers…

The sound of his phone breaks him out of his thinking. It’s Alec, and considering the recent days, he’s pretty sure it’s not gonna be good.

“Alexander.” He greets as he picks up.

“Magnus, you need to come to the Institute.” His voice is urgent, leaves no room for any questions. And Magnus knows not to ask any. Not now. So he just answers simply.

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Good.”

As he hangs up, he quickly gathers his things and practically runs out of the loft.

 

When he reaches the Institute Alec is waiting for him in the hallway. He quickly grabs his hand, and walks them towards the Infirmary.

“Darling, what is this about?” Magnus asks, not managing the unawareness anymore.

“I think we found a way to break the bond.” Alec states and briefly looks at him.

Magnus stops in his tracks, shock written on his face, but he doesn’t want to brings his hopes back now.

“Come on,” Alec urges him to start moving again. “Everyone is waiting.”

They go into Infirmary where everyone is located in their usual spots, but right now Clary is fully awake, not like in the last days. But her expression is still worried, confused and maybe even scared.

“Where are Izzy and Jace?” Magnus glances around the room, not noticing them anywhere. Jace was supposed to already be back from his trial, and Izzy-

“They will be back soon.” Alec resorts, still not letting go of his hand.

“But where-“

“Magnus,” Alec stops him. “Can you actually just focus and listen about what we found out?” Alec says, but not unkindly, more like impatient to share.

“We want to know too.” Luke responds for him and Maryse.

Alec takes one step forward, his gaze hoovers above everyone in the room, and then he starts speaking.

“Water from Lake Lyn can break Clary’s connection to Jonathan.”

_It can’t be that simple_. Is the first thing that comes to Magnus’ mind. But what if it is?

“How do you know?” Luke asks suspiciously, and it’s Clary’s turn to talk now.

“The Angel showed it to me in a vision.”

“The Angel communicated with you?” Maryse raises her eyebrows in question. “How?”

“Well it’s not the first time. He showed me the image of the lake in my mind, before that I drew it not even aware I was doing that.”

Everyone seems to be considering this solution. It feels right. Makes sense, but still…

“Why now?” Magnus questions and Clary’s gaze focuses at him. “Why would the Angel tell you just now?”

Clary thinks for a moment, her forehead scrunched in concentration.

“I-, I don’t really know.” She answers honestly after a while. “Maybe he’s been seeking this connection, but the one with Jonathan was blocking him-“

“How can we be sure it wasn’t Jonathan who showed you this vision?” Luke stars. “To trick you. Maybe he needs the water for some part of his plan?”

Clary hangs he head down and shakes it a little.

“No, it was the Angel. And the lake is the Mortal Instrument so-“

“I’m not saying I don’t believe you, kiddo.” Luke assures gently. “But it’s just a little suspicious.”

At that Clary shares a knowing look with Alec, and he nods as a sign for her to continue.

“I’m sure it’s the Angel because…” She hesitates a little. “Because Jonathan tried to get to me, to stop the Angel for showing me this. I could feel it. The rune was burning, I- I couldn’t breathe and-“ Her voice breaks and Simon puts his hand on her shoulder.

“Clary it’s okay now.”

“I know how this whole thing sounds.” Clary continues after a while, her gaze turns serious as she looks at everyone in the room. “But please, you need to believe me. It was like a war inside my mind, two sides. Heaven and hell, and if Alec wasn’t there, I’m not sure if I could resist it.”

All eyes turn to Alec now, but Clary still carries on.

“He talked me through it, encouraged me to resist him and I did it.” She looks at him with pure gratefulness in her eyes. “So thank you again.”

Alec just smiles and nods slightly. Magnus puts his arm around his waist to bring him closer.

“Thank you Alec.” It’s Luke who speaks now. He moves from his spot on the bed to get closer to Alec and Magnus can see his eyes glistening with tears, but also relief. As he reaches Alec he pulls him into a hug. Alec looks surprised at this gesture, but pulls his arms around Luke and pats his back lightly.

“It was nothing.” Alec responds when they pull back.

Luke opens his mouth like he wants to try to argue, but then the door to the room burst open and Jace and Izzy appear.

“Clary are you okay?” Jace is running towards her, clearly ignoring everyone else.  

They indulge into a talk about how she’s fine and how Jace is sorry for not being here, and then again she assures him she’s okay. 

At that time, Izzy approaches Alec.

“Did you get it?” Alec asks and Isabelle nods. She pulls a flask from her pocket and hands it to her brother.

He examines it briefly and then pulls her sister into a hug.

 “I’m glad you’re both okay, Iz.” He murmurs into her hair and Magnus’ heart swells yet again, at Alec’s care for his siblings.

“It wasn’t that hard big brother.” Izzy smirks at him when they pull back and Alec chuckles.

“Why didn’t you call me when this happened?” Jace’s voice travels through the room as he makes his way to his siblings. “I told you to call me if anything happens.”

“Everything is fine now, Jace,” Alec states. “There was no time, we had to help Clary first. Then we needed to go to Idris, and I would sent you and Izzy anyway.”

“Yes, but-“

“Jace.” It’s Clary now. “Alec is right. And besides everything is fine.”

“I know I just…” Jace sighs. “Thank you Alec, Izzy told me what you did.”

Alec just smiles at his brother when he squeezes his shoulder in thanks. Then he hands him the flask.

“We should try this.”

Jace nods and moves back to Clary. Magnus takes Alec’s hand back in his and guides them closer to the scene.

“Did the Angel give you any tips on how to do this?” Jace asks as he unscrews the flask.

“Uhm, not really.” Clary shakes her head. “Maybe just, pour it on the rune?”

Jace nods, then he gently places the vessel onto Clary’s collarbone and lets the water float on it.

Everyone is waiting with anticipation. Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand a bit tighter and feels him returning the gesture. But as time passes by and nothing happens…

“Do you feel anything?” Simon asks gently.

Clary shakes her head sadly.

“I feel the same.”

Everyone hangs their heads down in a surrendering gesture. It was supposed to work. It was their only solution, and now they’re back to nothing.

“I don’t understand.” Clary’s voice breaks down. “I was so sure... it should work.”

Silence falls between them as everyone’s hope begins to even out. But suddenly Magnus is hit with a thought, and Alec looks back at him, as he spots the glint in his eyes.

“Maybe it will work.” Magnus speaks then.

All eyes turn to him again, wave of curious glances aiming him and he begins to clarify.

“The connection has two ends. Clary and Jonathan. So we need to use the water on both of them.” he states, as if it was that simple.

Everyone still eye him carefully, but then Simon speaks.

“It makes sense.” He nods. “Actually it makes perfect sense, I can’t believe we didn’t though of this in the first place.”  

They all chuckle lightly at his words, but then are back again in their serious mood.

“But can we be sure it’ll work?” Luke questions reasonably. Too much is at stake for them to just go with it, before considering ever option.

“Every vision the Angel has showed me before was right.” Clary replies. “He gave me leads on how to draw new runes. I’m sure it was him. I can’t explain it, but the energy… it was just pure. Free from everything that’s demonic.” She exhales heavily and continues. “It’s all true, it will work.”

It still doesn’t fully convince everybody, but Magnus sees Alec nodding to Clary, and if his boyfriend believes then Magnus will get to it too.

“So what do we do?” He asks, when everyone proceeded this information, and they non-verbally agree to go on with this.

They need to come up with some plan. But as Jonathan in nowhere to be found, how can they use this weapon on him?

“I guess we wait.” Alec says. “We need to find some sign of Jonathan, we’ve been trying for almost a week. He will show up eventually.”

“And we’re supposed to leave it like this now?” Jace’s frustrated voice sounds through the room.

“There’s nothing else we can do Jace, we’ll keep searching.”

Jace opens his mouth like he wants to argue, but Alec just dismisses him with a wave of his hand and turns to Magnus.

“We need to talk.”

Magnus nods, already knowing what he means.

They need to tell them.

 

They settle on the couch in the office. Alec takes the hold of Magnus’ hands and creases his knuckles gently, trying to sooth him.

“Magnus we need to tell them.” Alec states seriously, looking into his eyes.

“I know.” Magnus wishes his voice would come out stronger, but inside he’s terrified. These people are his family, and when they’ll know… he hopes they will accept him, like Alec did, but it’s a huge thing.

But what they’re facing now is even bigger. The whole city is at risk, innocent people can get hurt, and Magnus can’t have that.

“But we can work some way around this.” Alec says desperately. “They don’t need to know if you’re not ready, we will make up some story-“

“No, angel.” Magnus gently interrupts him, squeezing is hands lightly and nodding. “We don’t have time for that, we’ll tell them the truth.”

“But I don’t want to force you to do that.” Alec sighs. “It’s your decision, and if you’re not ready-”

“I am.” Magnus lies. He’s not but that the right thing to do.

He sees Alec’s not convinced expression, so he leans in and tries to kiss it away. It doesn’t help, so he speaks again.  

“They’re family.” He states. “Besides I was thinking about telling them, I just hoped the circumstances would be more pleasing.”

Alec smiles at him sadly, but Magnus just nods. He made up his mind. It’s time.

“I’ll be right there by your side.” Alec assures him.

“I know.” Magnus kisses him lightly again. “Thank you, darling.”

Alec pulls his arms around him and gathers him close, as if trying to pass some of his courage to Magnus. He feels so safe in his embrace that he wants to stay here forever. Forget about the outside world. About Jonathan, his father, everything. Just he and his Alexander.

They stay like this for a while, Alec just giving him time to decide when he’s ready. He doesn’t want to let go, but when he does pull back just a little bit, he asks Alec a question that he’s been curious about since he found out what Alec did for Clary today.

“How exactly did you manage to pull Clary out of these visions?”

Alec looks down at him, hands still rubbing his back up and down lightly.

“It kinda looked similar to a panic attack.” He begins. “She could barely breathe and I just…” He sighs. “I just did what you always do when I have one. Talked to her and tried to calm her down. Told her she’s stronger than this.”

Magnus looks at him and smiles a little, then puts his hand on Alec’s cheek creasing it softly.

Alec used to go through panic attacks quite often. With his job and everything being so stressful, sometimes he just broke down. And even then, Alexander was the strongest person Magnus knows, because he always managed to get through it. He used to go through this alone, for such a long time, and with Magnus… he told him more than once that he feels calm around Magnus, that he’s his safe heaven. They are each other safe heavens. Magnus did witnessed some of Alec’s panic attacks, and he was always just there, holding him and telling him to breath.

That was all he needed.

And as Magnus looks at him now, he's met with so much love glaring from his lover's eyes, that he decides to speak.

“Aku cinta kamu, Alexander.” He says, creasing his cheek lightly, not being able to hide the affection he shares for his Shadowhunter. And even this language can’t show enough of it. No language could. But he wants to give Alec another little part of himself.

Alec looks at him confused, searching his eyes and when he finds them, he asks with a soft smile.

“What does it mean?”

“It’s in Indonesian. It means ‘I love you’.” Magnus answers and lets his smile extend.

“I love you too.” Alec states as he looks at him, the corrners of his lips quirking a little bit up and then he connects tchem with Magnus'.

It gives Magnus all the courage he needs.

 

They come back to the Infirmary, and all heads shoot up to them. Probably noticing the worried looks on their faces, the rest of the room mirrors them.

“We need to tell you something.” Alec starts and briefly glances at Magnus who nods, letting him know to continue.

He feels nervous. Only few people know about his father. _But they’re family_ , Magnus reminds himself, _they’ll still accept you_.

_I don’t care who your dad is, I care who you are_. He recalls Alec’s words from the day when he told him. He hopes the rest will feel the same about him. He’s not his father.

“If the situation was better, my guess would be that you’re getting married.” Isabelle says to which everyone laughs and Magnus is thankful for her attempt to lighten up the mood.

But then they all turns serious again and Alec continues.

“We know what is the powers source of Jonathan’s magic in Edom.”

All eyes looking back at them widen, and Magnus is not sure if he can take it. But no one says anything, letting Alec carry on, so he does.

“It’s Asmodeus.”

The eyes glancing at them turn even more confused and shocked, clearly not understanding half of it, and Magnus just wants to get this over with.

“As the Prince of Hell Asmodues?” Izzy asks just to makes sure, to which both Alec and Magnus nod. “How do you know it?”

She asks the question that’s been on everyone’s mind. Magnus feels Alec’s hold tighten on his hand, as if he was also afraid, but certain that this question would be asked sooner or later. Letting him know that he’s here.

Magnus takes a deep breath and begins.

“He showed up in my dream yesterday. It was kind of a vision, like Clary’s. He said I was right, and basically confirmed it.”

That doesn’t clear any of the bewilderment, so he adds.

“Alec and I have been thinking about it since yesterday, since Biscuit told us about Jonathan’s connection to Edom.”

“Why would you think that?” Clary asks, but it’s got mixed up with another question from Jace.

“Why would the Price of Hell show up in your dream?”

It’s a reasonable question, visions always appear on purpose, with someone you hold a connection with. There’s only one answer that will resolve both, and every next of the questions.

Magnus’ whole body tenses, but he’s reminded by Alec’s hand in his, that with his Shadowhunter by his side, he’s ready to face everything.

“Asmodeus is my father.” He confesses finally, and feels like some weight has been lifted from his shoulders. It’s been weighted upon him for a few days now. To tell them or not. He wants to believe he made the right decision, so he waits for any kind of reaction.

What he gets is more confused looks, but as the information seems to get processed by the rest, he doesn’t see any looks of disgust or fear, so that’s promising.

“The Prince of Hell is your father?” Maryse asks, as if to make sure they’re on the same page.

“Yes,” Magnus starts. “I know how it sounds, and I know what you must be thinking-“ he tries to explain, but Jace stops him.

“So when you went to Edom that night, it was to ask for your father’s help?”

“Yes, but-“

“And he didn’t give it to you. He took your magic.” Jace states the obvious and Magnus’ only answer is a nod. “I’m sorry Magnus.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to feel a bit taken aback, which must show on his face.

“What, why?”

“He’s your father. I know he’s the Prince of Hell, but you’re his son. And he took something so important from you.”

“I…” Magnus starts, but is not actually sure what to say.

“Magnus, what did you think we would say?” Isabelle is heading towards them. “I think I can speak for us all,” she looks around to recieve a nod from everyone, soft smiles painting their faces. “you’re not your father. It doesn’t matter he’s the Prince of Hell. You’re still the most selfless person I know.”

At that she pulls him into a hug, and he feels tears gathering up in he’s eyes.

He has never dared to dream of a family who would fully accept him, his past, his father. The ony part of a real family he had was his mother, and he lost her way to soon. But Alec brought this into his life. This incredible love, stronger than anything. Love that’s able to fix what’s broken. People that will understand, not turn on you. 

He and Isabelle part from each other, and he sees the others, still smiling at him, and that’s all the comfort he needs.

He wipes his eyes lightly and feels Alec’s hand on his back. As he turns to face him, Alec leans in and kisses him on the forehead gently.

“See? It’s fine.” He whispers, and Magnus smiles back at him.

As much as he’d love to stay in this amazingly heart-warming scene, they still got some explaining to do. So he clears his throat and begins to speak again.

“We think he might be using his recently gained power from me, and provide it to Jonathan.”

Everyone turns serious again and Magnus can feel the change in the air. The tensions very present, sending everybody into this anxious feeling.

“And he could do that?” Luke asks.

“Well, he’s a Prince of Hell, he can do mostly everything, with this kind of power.”

The room falls silent again, so Alec adds the last thing they have left.

“We also think he might be giving Magnus’ magic to Jonathan, so then he can destroy the whole city, like he plans to.”

Magnus knows what they all think. _It makes sense_. They might have figured everything out, but no one is happy about it. They thought it was rough, and it was, but now it’s only going to get worse.

“Wow, you’re really that powerful that you could sweep New York out if its existence?” Simon asks after a while.

Magnus doesn’t need to look to know that Alec is rolling his eyes to Simon’s way of thinking. In the corner of his eye he catches Isabelle doing the same.

“If the power is in the wrong hands, and mixed with pure demonic essence than yes. It’s very possible.”

“So what if Jonathan shows up and he already has that power?” Maryse asks.

That’s a rational question, but Magnus has been dismissing it. In that case they probably wouldn’t stand a chance.

“I don’t think we want to think about that scenario.” He states.

“But we need to.” Jace resorts.

Everyone seems terrified at even the thought of this. But if Jonathan had this power before, why wouldn’t he attack yet? Magnus holds onto the thought that he hasn’t got it yet.

“What about Simon?” Clary asks suddenly, and her friend turns to her with a frowned brows. “Your mark?” Clary points at his forehead. “It worked on Lilith.”

“Oh…” Simon shares a look with Izzy. “I guess I never told you, with everything that’s going on. The mark stopped working after Lilith. We’re not sure why.” He looks at Izzy and he nods. “We’ve been trying to run some tests, but… yeah I’m sorry I never told you. The mark is not an option.”

Clary sighs, but puts her arm on Simon’s forearm in a reassuring gesture.

“We still have the advantage.” Alec states. “You Clary.” He points at her. “You’re his sister. You’re bind to him, he wouldn’t let you die. It would kill him too.”

“You’re right.” Clary says. “He talked about me ruling the new build New York by his side. He wants to do this with me.”

“Exactly.” Alec asserts.

At least they have that. But still, not knowing when Jonathan will strike is a pressing matter. They need to figure out some plan to be ready when it happens. If they could only…

Suddenly a thought hits Magnus.

“Clary,” he turns to her. “Jonathan can communicate with you through the bond, right?

She nods, so he carries on.

“What if you could try and do the same?”

She eyes him precisely, but before she gets to speak it’s Jace who chimes in.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. What if she’ll go too deep? Or he’ll be able to take control over her?”

“I resisted him before.” Clary’s tone tells Magnus that’s she’s seriously considering this option.

“Yes, you did.” Jace continues. “That’s why your bond seems weakened now, because you were able to block him off, but if he could-“

“Jace, Magnus is right.” Clary states. “We have no idea when he’ll attack, and if I can somehow manage to get this information, I’m willing to try.”

She looks back at Magnus and nods.

“Clary…” There’s a pleading note in Jace’s tone.

She settles more firmly into the bed and closes her eyes.

“I need to focus.”

Jace sighs and pulls away from her slightly to give her the space she needs.

But before she gets to close her eyes again, the sound of the alarm rips its way through the room.

“What’s happening?” Simon asks.

He doesn’t get any answer, and Magnus feels Alec moving, before he registers what’s going on he’s already out of the room and Magnus quickly follows behind.

They reach the ops centre and everything is a mess here. People are running around, some are gathering their weapons, others checking something furiously on their tablets.

Alec approaches one of the screens and just looks at it in horror.

“No.”

Magnus goes to stand next to him, and when his eyes fall on the screen he freezes.

A rift to Edom has been opened, and Asmodei start to fold out, circling the city.

“What’s going on?” Izzy asks as she and the rest comes near them.

“Rift to Edom has been opened. It’s Jonathan.” Alec states and turns to face them. “We need a plan, now.”

Suddenly, something falls right into Clary’s palm, and Magnus realises it’s a fire message. Jace in instant is next to her.

“What is that?” Jace’s voice sounds horrified.

“Jonathan.” She spats out through clenched teeth. “He sends me a message.”

She looks around at all of them.

“If you won’t release me within an hour, he’ll burn the whole city down. Starting with the Institute.”

“What?!” Simon exclaims, clearly disturbed at Jonathan’s threats.

“He thinks you guys kidnaped me or something!” Clary yells out. She’s been calm through this whole thing, but now not only hers, but everyone’s emotions are on the line, ready to explode.

“Go to the weapons room and start coming up with a plan.” Alec orders them. “I need to send patrols around the city to take care of the Asmodei. I’ll meet you there in five.”

He squeezes Magnus’ hand, and before he gets to say anything, Alec is already turning around and throwing orders at his people.

They desperately need a plan. Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know all your thoughts in the comments. Also, make sure to check out an extra for this story that I'll be posting soon (probably tomorrow). It's gonna be Izzy's and Jace's trip to Idris :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team tries to come up with a plan, but there isn't much time left. Alec and Magnus both feel like this might be their goodbye, not matter how much Alec denies that. When it comes to implementing the plan, something nobody has expected happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
> kind of a shorter chapter, but the action picks back up. Some angst and there's even more coming… Next chaapter is much longer, and I'll try to post it a bit sooner, since I'm going on a trip next week, and I'm not sure if I'll have a connection there :)  
> Also, happy national author's day!

To be honest, he’s terrified.

But he doesn’t let it show.  Or at least he tries.

It’s all happening too fast, they were supposed to have more time to figure this out. But now Jonathan is basically here, and they still have no idea how to stop him.

If Asmodeus has already given Jonathan the magic… Their only hope is Clary. But they need to play this card carefully. She might have some effect on Jonathan, but clearly he still affects her more.

As Alec quickly makes his way through the ops centre and instructs his people what to do, he tries to come up with some plan.

But he fails.

He’s thoughts keep coming back to Jonathan’s plan and his threats.

New York is his city, his home. Always has been. He won’t stand to see it burn, the more to see his people burn, his _family_.

When all the patrols are settled around the city, he heads to the weapons room, only to hear more yelling coming from there.

“We’re not setting my girlfriend as the bait!” Jace nearly screams.

“We might not have any other choice.” Magnus tries to reason with him, more calmly, but Jace only snorts to that.

“What if that was Alec?”

Magnus just stares at him, jaw clenched tightly and Alec decides to stop this before it gets too far.

“Let’s just all calm down.” He makes his presence known to the whole room. “Yelling at each other won’t help. And there’s no time for that.”

“I get it, but it’s-“ His brother starts more coolly now, but only to get cut of but Clary.

“Jace! Maybe you could let me decide for myself?!”

That seems to shut him off a bit, and just looks back at her.

“Okay,” Alec starts as he takes his place around the table next to Magnus. “What did you come up with?”

“Basically nothing.” Izzy sighs, rubbing at her temples. “Our brother and your boyfriend just kept yelling at each other.”

“Jace did most of the yelling.” Magnus whispers to him, but Alec just rolls his eyes.

He exhales shakily and tries to gather up his thoughts.

“Sadly, setting Clary as the bait is the best option.” He states after a moment, and before Jace gets to start arguing with him Isabelle adds in agreement.

“Besides, she’s the one who can get the closest to him to erase their connection.”

“So what, we’re letting her get to him, and then?” Jace spats out and throws his hands in the air.

His Parabatai is a smart man. Alec knows it. But emotions easily overtake him. Especially if it comes to his feeling towards Clary.

Alec definitely wouldn’t want to be in his place right now. He’d probably act the same, if it was Magnus who was supposed to face this kind of monster. But he needs to put these thoughts aside now.

“Where exactly is the rift located? I guess he plans to show up there.” Alec asks and Izzy hands him her tablet, when the rest nods.

It isn’t exactly in the centre of the city, but also not so far away. They only assume Jonathan will appear there, not at the Institute, since he intends to burn it down. He’ll show up wherever Clary will be, so they need to hurry and take her away from here.

Alec’s eyes scan the area in searching for some higher ground, a spot above from where he can shoot his arrows and be able to watch over the whole scene. Soon he finds a perfect one, a building in renovation, with scaffolding.

“I’ll get settled here.” He points it out on the map, placing the tablet down on the table for everyone to see. “Watching from above, I’ll have Jonathan at gunpoint the whole time.”

“You think your arrows will hurt him?” Luke asks. It’s a rational question, they don't really know how powerful Jonathan is, what he can do, so Alec’s not sure of the answer.

“I’ll rune them. Perhaps they won’t do much harm, but at least a bit.”

“Me and Simon can hide down there.” Isabelle taps the spot behind one of the buildings. In the place that she picked they’ll be hidden, but ready to attack.

“Luke and I will take the other side.” Jace points a corner of another building, at the other side of a street.

“I’ll go too.” Maryse states, but Isabelle shakes her head and speaks.

“Mom it’s too dangerous. You should sit this one out.”

Before she gets to debate Lukes stops her.

“That’s for the best, Maryse.”

She just sighs and puts her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes.

“I’ll go with you.” Magnus says, putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“Magnus, I can’t let you go anywhere near this.” He gestures at the rift, and Magnus opens his mouth to argue. “Izzy’s right, it’s too dangerous.”

“And how-“

“You know it’s different now.” Alec’s tone is firm. “I know you can take care of yourself, you’re not defenceless, but this is just too much.”

“Alec-“

“There’s no time for discussion now.” He hates to be that harsh with him, but if Magnus is there Alec won’t be able to focus. He’s too worried about him to let him into this, without his magic. Magnus keeps staring at him like he wants to argue, but Alec swiftly turns to face Clary, aiming his next words to her.

“Clary,” She fixes her eyes on him. “Are you willing to do this?”

She hesitates for a little while, but then nods. Still, Alec asks again.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I can do this.”

He looks her in the eyes and besides fear he sees something else in there. _Determination_. Jonathan has hurt her enough. It should be her, who gets the revenge done. Still, it’s dangerous but seems like the only way they’ll have any chances.

“All right, Jonathan will probably appear somewhere near the rift, so you should just stay here.” Alec shows her a place in the middle of the street on the map. “Don’t worry, we’ll cover you the whole time. We'll come in whenever it starts to get messy”

“What if he notices us?” Luke asks.

“He’ll be focused on Clary, he’s obsessed with her.” Alec’s more convincing himself than the others, but still the rest seems to agree. “But if he does, retreat immediately. We can’t hurt him without hurting Clary.”

Everyone’s respond is a slight nod, worried and scared expression still on their faces. Then Clary looks up and sums up.

“So I need to get close to him, drench him with some of our ‘holy water’ and then-“

“What if she won’t be able to resist him?” Jace directs his question at Alec. “This time they will be closer, what if he’ll take control-“

“You really don’t have a lot of faith in your girlfriend, do you?” Alec smirks and Clary chuckles lightly, but as Jace’s sharp glare find her, she stops immediately. “Jace, Clary is stronger than this, she can do this.”

Clary smiles lightly at him and nods.

“Remember, just try to hold onto something important to you, something stronger than your connection to Jonathan. Think about us, your family, like you did back there on the beach.” Alec instructs her. “Also draw a few blocking runes, it helped a bit the last time.”

“What is he already has the power from my father?” Magnus asks.

“Then why wouldn’t he attack before?” Alec turns to face him. “He doesn’t, he wants to get Clary first.”

It’s the only logical explanation Alec is holding onto.

“You can’t be sure.” Magnus shakes his head, his expression concerned and terrified. “If he does-“

“If he does, you kill him.” Clary interrupts and all eyes turn to her.

“Clary, there’s no way we’ll do this. Not when you’re bonded.” Simon vocalizes everyone’s thoughts.

“I don’t care!” Clary throws her arms in the air. “If that’s the only way to deal with him, then do it.”

Everyone starts yelling again. They won’t let her do it. Alec won’t let her do it. They’ve just got her back. She doesn't deserve to die because of this monster. 

“Enough!” Alec tries to stop them. “Focus! No one is dying tonight.” His sight hoovers over everyone in the room _. His family_. “We’ll get through this. Clary you need to focus on breaking the bond, we wll take care of the rest. As soon as it’s broken, attack. This will work.”

He assures everybody, just as much as he wants to assure himself. He hopes it will work. But the plan is based on too many ‘what ifs’. There’s no time to come up with something better. It’s their only choice.

“Go get ready.” Alec states. “We need to leave soon, to make sure he doesn’t get here.”

Everyone leaves the room and Alec is silently praying to every angel he knows for this to work.

 

After a moment he finds himself with Magnus in the hallway leading to the front door.

“You need to get home.” He says. “If this won’t work, he’ll burn the Institute first, I need to evacuate.”

“Alec I won’t leave you. You can’t make me go.” Magnus takes the hold of his hands.

Alec sighs and turns his face away from Magnus’ pleading eyes. He can’t stand this expression, but he won’t let Magnus get into yet another mess.

“I love you.” He says looking down on their hands. “And I want to protect you, to take care of you, so please let me.”

“Alexander, look at me.”

He can’t. He can’t stand the thought that it might be a goodbye. It’s too much. They faced terrible things, but somehow this feels worse. With this scratch of a plan there’s a big possibility they will fail. And only a few months earlier Alec would be okay with dying in battle. It’s an honourable death, the one that a Shadowhunter is worth. But now, he found something worth living for, and he doesn’t want to let this go yet. Doesn’t want to let Magnus go. They can’t give up without a fight. Every other scenario is a mess. Jonathan will burn the city anyway, with or without Clary. They just need enough time to stop him.

So if this is a goodbye, he won’t deprive himself of looking into the eyes of the love of his life.

 “Please don’t go.” Magnus’ eyes are filled with tears. “If he has this magic, you won’t stand a chance-“

“Magnus, you can’t ask me to do this.” He feels tears gathering in his own eyes. “This is my home, my people, my family-“

“I’m your family too.”

“I know, baby.” He cups his face as his voice breaks down. “And that’s why you can’t go, I can’t risk losing you.”

“But I can’t lose you too.” Tears are floating down Magnus’ cheeks now, and Alec tries to wipe them with his thumbs.

“You won’t.” He states firmly, nodding his head. “Okay? You won’t, I promise.”

Magnus shakes his head and tries to look away, but Alec doesn’t let him.

“I’ll be back home, okay? I will and this whole thing will be over.” Alec bites hard on his bottom lip in attempt to stop his own tears. “This isn’t a goodbye, you know that right?”

Magnus doesn’t say anything. Just looks back at him with his teary eyes, and puts is hands on the sides of Alec’s neck, creasing it gently.

“Angel…”

Alec closes his eyes briefly, trying to keep himself composed, but he breaks at his soft tone, the way he says this word, and he tries to hide his tears in Magnus’ shirt as he hugs him tightly.

They stay like this for a while, Magnus’ hands clutching strongly onto his shirt, but Alec knows there’s no time. And as much as he doesn’t want to pull away he does, and looks Magnus back in the eyes.

“I’ll be fine.” He wipes Magnus’ cheeks again. “ _We’ll be fine_.”

He nods, and Magnus slowly does too, but the fear and helplessness are still present in his eyes.

“I love you so much darling, never forget that.” He says, and then is pulling Alec into bruising kiss.

Alec goes willingly, kisses him back with equal force, with everything he has. He’s his lifeline, and to be without him hurts Alec physically. But he needs to focus now. Focus on saving the world. So they can have a place to live in.

“I love you too,” He replies when they pull back. “so, so much.”

Magnus sobs against his mouth and kisses him again briefly.

“Please, be careful.” He’s practically begging, and Alec’s only answer is to nod.

“I will, I swear.”

Magnus looks back at him and tries to smile.

He hates it. He hates it so much, because Magnus has always been by his side. And it hurts him to not let him be there this time, because if this is the end, he wants Magnus to be the last thing he ever sees. But he can’t risk him _. Not him_. After everything, Magnus is the one who deserves to get through this. He already sacrificed enough, Alec won’t let him sacrifice his own life.

“Go home.” Alec says softly and kisses his forehead. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

He smiles, and Magnus puts his hand on his cheek, the he exhales heavily.

“You’re my everything, you know that?”

Alec covers his palm with his own, and nods.

“You’re mine too.”

Magnus pulls away and takes his hand, only letting go when the distance requires them to. And as he disappears through the front door, Alec can’t help but miss him already. His whole body shakes with effort not to go after him. To hold him close.

Even if just for a second more.

 

When he’s sure the wiped all the tears away he comes back to the armoury, where everyone is gathering up their weapons. Izzy seems to notice him first, and she smiles sadly at him as she sees his bloodshed eyes, and approaches him.

“You okay?” She asks with her hand on his shoulder.

He considers lying, but what’s the point in that since they all might die tonight.

“No.” He answers honestly, but his face remains blank, his gaze focused on anything else, but her eyes.

“Alec…”

“Is everyone ready?” Alec cuts her off with a question directed at the rest.

Everyone nods back at him and as he quickly grabs his bow and quiver, he does too.

“Let’s go.”

He leaves the room and everyone follow.

 

He tries not to think about Magnus. He really does. But the harder he tires the worse it gets. He still has the image of him leaving the Institute right before his eyes. What if it was the last time he’s seen him? The last kiss? The last touch?

_Don’t go that way, Lightwood_. He reprimands himself in his mind. _Focus_.

He’s settled in his spot. Arrow resting on a string, ready to aim. He glances around his surroundings. Spots Izzy and Simon on the right, and Luke with Jace on the opposite street.

Clary’s just emerged in the middle of the street. They gave her some time to draw the runes and get ready. She takes a stand near the rift. Not too close. It’s incredibly quite there. All the demons are spread around the city, ready to attack.

He sees Clary taking a few deep breathes as she’s pacing back and forth.

_You can do this Fray_. He thinks, and wishes she could hear him.

Not even a minute later, a voice echoes down the street.

“Sister.” Jonathan enters from the shadows.

He does look different, just like Izzy said. Dressed in a long, black coat. His hair much darker and shorter than his last identity, Sebastian. If not the runes present on his neck, Alec would thought he’s fully a demon.

Mostly he is.

He walks up to Clary with his arms open, but stops at a reasonable distance.

“I’m glad you’re here.” He says with a smile.

“It’s not like you gave me much of a choice.” She fires back at him.

“Oh, it was a good offer. But I’d be sad if you chose a second option. However, the city will burn, sooner or later.” If just to show his intentions, red flames start flying around his wrists.

Alec’s hand tightens on the bow. He has a clear shot. As soon as Clary will break the bond, he’ll be ready to take him down.

“Why are you doing this Jonathan?” Clary asks, taking a step forward. “Shadowhunters are your kind you’re one of them.”

“Only half, my dear sister.” He smirks. “Besides, I won’t destroy the Shadowhunters.”

Alec frowns in confusion, and he’s sure everyone else does too. But still, he tries not to lose his focus. Did they assume wrong? It was supposed to be him plan. What the hell is he trying to achieve…

“I’ll destroy everyone who gets in our way.” Jonathan continues. “The Shadowhunters are just a start. They took you away from me.” He almost yells the last words, anger nearly shaking the ground.

“You don’t need to destroy the whole city.” Clary tries to reason with him. “We can find a way to rule it, make the Shadowhunters our subjects.”

“It’s a tempting offer, Clarissa. But I’ll pass. This city reeks of both angel and demon blood. It needs to be cleaned, so we can start over. And you’ll help me with that, because that’s what family is for.”

Alec can see Clary tense up. He’s pretty sure Jonathan is trying to use their connection, but Clary’s resisting pretty well. Her hands are trembling, whole body shaking with the effort not to get caught up in Jonathan’s mind games. But she manages to get even closer.

“I’ll go.” She says. “You don’t need to force me.” She takes a few more steps forwards, and now Jonathan is almost at reach of her hand. “I just need you to know one thing.” With one last step, she’s right in front of him now. Jonathan is clearly confused by his sister's sudden closeness. “This isn’t family.”

She uses the moment when Jonathan frowns in confusion to draw out the bottle from her pocket and splash the Lake Lyn water all over him. At first nothing happens, and Alec tenses at the thought that they had been wrong all along, but then Jonathan and Clary both cry out in pain, as he grits out.

“You betrayed me! My own sister!”

“You don’t get to call me that.” She states breathlessly. “Alec now!”

He lets out the arrow, aimed right at Jonathan’s head, and it flies towards the target.

Until Jonathans seems to recover and pulls his hand out, the arrow falling right onto the ground, a few meters away from his face with a loud knock of metal on the ground, which makes Alec shiver.

“You think you can take me down!” Jonathan’s voice roars.

Alec quickly flies another couple of arrows, but they all end up the same as the first one, fallen by Jonathan’s magic.

Clary draws out her Seraph blade, but it falls out of her hand, when Jonathan points at her.

“You! You disappointed me, sister.” Red sparks fly around his fingers. “I’ll show you mercy, by killing you before your so called family.”

At that, Jace attacks him, emerging from his hiding spot, Luke right beside him in his wolf form. Simon appears near them with his vampire speed, and Isabelle quickly catches up to them.

Alec instantly jumps down from his spot, running towards them. But Jonathan doesn’t seem bothered by the sudden appearance of support. He looks like he’s been waiting for it. He’s enjoying it. He throws his hands at his sides and sends a wave of magic around him. It hits everyone within a range of a few meters.

_No_.

Alec almost freezes at his spot when he sees his siblings and friends falling down on the ground. But then he quickly glances around and notices that they’re moving already trying to get up. Breathing hard, but they’re okay. _Thank the Angel_.

He aims another arrow, as he gets closer to Jonathan. Maybe he won’t be able to direct it down again so quickly from up close.

But to his surprise Jonathan stops with a fireball in his hands, staring right back at Alec.

He tries to let the arrow loose, but realizes he can’t. Jonathan’s magic must somehow stopped him.

“Ah, the archer.” Jonathan smirks, and Alec flinches, a cold shiver running through his body. He drops his bow and draws out his Seraph blade. “The Prince told me about you, but he said only to spare his son.”

Alec doesn’t get to fully register his words as the fireball flies towards him, but he dodges and smoothly avoids it, which only makes Jonathan angrier.

“I’m done with this!” He screams. “You little Nephilims, you like playing around don’t you? I guess it will be fun to see your city burn.”

He throws his arms up high and shouts into the sky above.

“Asmodeus, give me all you’ve got!”

Alec’s sure this is the end. He’ll end up here, laying on the ground, not managing to save his people, his family. Burned by the hell fire. His eyes fall back down. He doesn’t want the image of his city burning to be the last thing he sees. His thoughts are wandering to Magnus, to the pain he’ll have to endure when Alec will be gone. He never wanted this for him, never wanted to let him go. He didn’t want this to be their goodbye.

But as he waits and still nothing happens, he dares a chance to look up.

Jonathan is still standing with his hands up high, looking more frustrated than ever.

“Give me the power!” He screams again, but there’s no answer. No demonic magic falling upon him.

“Not today.”

Alec hears the voice, he’d recognize everywhere. He tries to get up, he’s whole body is shaking but he needs to makes sure and as he spots him, it feels like his heart stops.

He must be hallucinating, because it can’t be true. Maybe this is the end and his mind is giving him the image he’d want to see. It’s not real. _Can’t be_. He begged him to stay, not to come here, to protect himself.

“Magnus…” He barely whispers, his voice no audible for anyone.

And then Magnus throws his hands in front of him, blasting Jonathan with his magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, thank you for supporting this story. A bit o cliffhanger… yeah. Are you curious about what the hell is up with Magnus? Let me know all your thoughts in the comments :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus comes up with a plan that might save them all. But there will be hell to pay, and now he needs to tell Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!  
> So… there we go. That is quite a long chapter. Hope you'll like it. And I guess… I'm sorry? Yep, enjoy the read. Also, I probably won't be able to answer any comments in the next few days, since I'm going away for a while. But I promise to catch up as soon as possible :)

He’s been thinking the whole way back home.

Mostly about Alec.

Leaving him was… devastating. He was selfish enough to ask him to stay, begged him not to go. But at the end he’s still a Shadowhunter, he will protect the world no matter what. But the thought of not seeing him again… No, he can’t think like this. But he can’t just sit around, doing nothing. Not when his family is fighting, for him, for the world.

And there’s only one thing he can do to stop it.

He’s been sitting nervously on a couch considering all of his options. And still, he comes up with only one solution. But what he’s about to do… Well he’s not sure about the consequences, about the price he’ll have to pay this time. To be honest, he made this choice some time ago. Because they can’t be sure. And he has to know the truth. Still, he wishes it wasn’t the only thing that’s left for him to do.

He gets up from the couch, stands on his shaky legs and goes to his so called office.

He’s been in this room only a handful of times since that night a month ago. Everything here just reminds him of his old job, his magic and all the things he can’t do anymore.

He picks up a flask of moon salt and drops to his knees on the floor, carefully drawing a pentagram.

His hands are shaking, but he manages to do it quite precisely. Images from that night when he left playing themselves all over again in his head. Alec standing beside him, kissing him, like his life depended on it, watching him burning in the flames.

_I love you Alexander._

He gets up from the floor and looks down on the black symbol. There’s no going back now.

Alec wants to take care of him, but he wants take care of his Alexander too. It is the only way to save him, to save the city.

He’s not even sure if it’ll work out. They have a connection, one of the strongest ones, by blood. But still, with no powers… What if he won’t even hear him?

 _You won’t know if you don’t try_ , he thinks and takes a deep breath.

“Asmodeus.” He calls out in an urgent voice.

Nothing happens. _This was a mistake_ , his gut is telling him. He should listen, but still he tries again.

“Father.”

Still nothing.

He sighs and turns to leave the room. If this isn’t a sign to stop then he doesn’t know what would be. He’s just reaching the doorway, and then he hears a cold voice from behind him.

“Hello son.”

His whole body tenses at this words. He takes a deep breath again, before turning to face him.

Cat eyes are shining back at him, and as much as he hated his Warlock mark, he can’t say he didn’t miss them.

His father stands proudly, cane in his hands, dust from Edom still present on his shoulders, but, he looks powerful.

“I was waiting till you would call.” Asmodues continues, smile appearing on his face.

“Why?” Magnus grits through clenched teeth.

“That’s how you’re welcoming your father?” Asmodeus asks, raising his eyebrows.

“You’re not exactly welcomed here.”

His father sighs and steps through the pentagram. Magnus immediately stiffs up, as he stands closer to him now. He can feel his father’s breath at his neck, and it doesn’t help to keep calm.

“Then, why did you call for me?” He whispers into Magnus’ ear, circling him around as he shivers.

“Because I need answers.” He wishes the words would come out more confidently, but he’s scared. Of what he might hear, and of his father. He’s a riddle, he’s unpredictable in every way. Always ten steps ahead.

“Ask away, boy.” Asmodeus states as he stands in front of him, gesturing with his hand for Magnus to start talking.

And for the first time, Magnus looks into his eyes.

“Why do you want to give my magic to Jonathan?”

His father shrugs slightly.

“Because he wants to destroy the city.”

“This city is my home.” Magnus almost yells, struggling to keep his emotions from blowing up. “Don’t you think you’ve taken more than enough from me already?”

“Oh, maybe I did.” Asmodeus smirks again. “But you can have it all back.”

Magnus freezes at his words, holding his breath. Could he… No, everything always comes with a price.

“W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, you can have your magic back, I won’t give it to Jonathan, and your city will be safe.”

He can’t mean that. It seems too simple, and things are never simple with his father. There is a catch, there always is one. A price, that Magnus is not sure he’ll be willing to pay this time.

“What do you want?” He asks looking back at him.

“You son,” he states with fake care in his voice. “I want you back.”

And there it goes.

“I told you back then, I’m not coming back with you.” Magnus tries to reply calmly, but his tone is revealing his emotions.

“Oh, I know boy, and I thought I was fine with that, I really did. But your magic…” He shakes his head a little as he seems to seek for the right words. “It was not enough.”

Magnus turns his head away and looks down on the floor.

“I need you by my side son, ruling our home with me.”

“Edom is not my home, New York is.” He still doesn’t look up.

“Maybe now, but later, when _he’ll_ be gone, you’ll hate it.”

Magnus gaze focuses back at him at this words and he freezes again. Fear and panic overcoming him. Cold shivers constantly running down his spine, and he tries very hard not to shake at the stand. _How does Asmodeus know about Alec?_

“I know everything son, I see everything.” His father answers as if hearing the question in his mind.

“I’m not immortal anymore, I can grow old with him, here.” Magnus holds onto the only glimpse of hope he has. His voice is shaking, but he desperately tries to hide it.

“But you can be again, and you want it, just say a word.” Asmodeus swirls his hand in the air and red flames appear on his fingertips. “You know it’s the only way to save another one of your lovers.”

“Alexander isn’t like anyone else.” Magnus blurts out before he gets to think this through.

“Why?” His father’s voice roars through the apartment. “Because he’s a Nephilim?!”

“No, because-“

“Because he claims he loves you? He’s a Shadowhunter, they’re heartless. He could never care for someone like you.”

“That’s not true!” Magnus’ voice breaks and he feels tears in his eyes. “He’s different.”

Asmodeus leans back and straightens a little, his face turning emotionless.

“So if you love him as much as you say, you’ll do the right thing to save him.”

Magnus’ lips form into a straight line as he tries to stop his tears.

“I can’t.” His voice turns out quiet, barely above a whisper. “It would break his heart.”

“But he would still be alive.”

Magnus looks down again, tears slowly escaping, floating onto his cheeks. Asmodues urges his head up with his cane.

“He made you weak. This is not what you are, Magnus.” He claims sadly.

He is. When it comes to love he is.

“You can save him,” His father carries on, the relaxed manipulative tone slowly driving Magnus crazy. “save everyone and the city, get your magic and immortality back. I'll give you enough power to defeat Jonathan. All you need to do in return is come with me.”

“Was it about this from the beginning? About me?” Magnus asks desperately. He doesn’t want this to be true. That he made a terrible mistake giving up his powers that night.

“Maybe not from the start.” Asmodeus resorts. “But then I realized how much I miss you, how lonely Edom is… And when the Morgenstern boy came asking for my help. I’ve seen it as a perfect opportunity to get you back.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything. Because he can’t. His thoughts keep coming back to Alec. To his smile, his words, to their kisses, their touches. To everything that made Magnus _feel_. Made him feel that he was alive, for the first time in a century.

 _His angel_. How can he leave him?

But if it means saving him.

“Come on boy, time is running out.” Asmodeus says. “When you’re here thinking, he’s out there fighting. Maybe Jonathan is tearing him apart, _right now._ ”

Magnus flinches, and his head snaps back to him.

“Everyone will be safe son, you’ll be the one who saved them.”

But how does it count if he doesn’t get to have Alec?

“I am your father, and deep down you know-“

“Stop!” Magnus yells through his tears. “If you really were my father you would let me be happy! Not taking my magic, and not taking me away from the man I love!”

Asmodeus just stares back at him.

“He’ll die, Magnus. If not today, or tomorrow he will die soon enough.” He puts his hands on Magnus’ shoulder and he shivers at the touch. “But you don’t want him to die today. You want him to have a good life. You’ll get to save him, if you come with me.”

Magnus looks around the room. So many memories, of him and Alec. Their time together has been the best time of his life, Magnus can admit it without a doubt.

He doesn’t want this to be over, but his father is right, he also wants Alec to live.

Even if it means living without him.

He tries to hold back the sob, but fails, and then his father is pulling him into his arms. He feels disgusted at this touch. Wants to break it, but he’s too weak, too helpless.

When Asmodeus pulls back from him, he doesn’t dare to look up. He stays quiet for a while, but he knows that by doing so, he’s giving his father an answer.

“Let me say goodbye.” He says, because other words can’t make it through his throat. He can’t say this, can’t agree out loud. It hurts, it burns, feels like a hell fire is raging inside his heart, he swears he can hear it break.

“Of course, son.” Asmodeus states with his hands on Magnus’ shoulders. “I’m not that merciless.”

 _How are you not?_ Magnus thinks but doesn’t dare to say.

He used to believe that there might be an ounce of goodness inside his father. That maybe if he stayed with him back then, when he was a child he would be able to get it out of him,

But now, as he stands right before a man, who thinks he has the right to call him his son… All of this hope vanishes.

“Now,” Asmodeus states, taking a step back. Sly grin widening on his face. “Let’s get to it.”

Before Magnus realizes what he means, he puts his hand on his chest and then Magnus feels it.

The warm, sparkling feeling starting to float into his body. The warmth… for the first time in a month he feels truly warm. He looks down and sees it. The sparks, blue flames all being poured into him. He feels the rush, it’s like electricity. Anyone who touched him now would get electrocuted. It almost feels like too much. So much power all at once. He inhales sharply as the feeling overcomes him. Time seems to slow down as the infinity starts coursing in his veins again.

And when Asmodeus steps away he almost chokes, rapidly trying to catch his breath.

“There you go.” He states with a devious smile. “You have time till the end of the night. If you’ll try any tricks with me, your lover boy won’t survive this.”

He pats him on a cheek and creates a portal for Magnus. He wants to leave as soon as it appears. Get away from his father, from a person he hurt him the most, who continues to hurt him. But before he gets to step through it, Asmodeus stops him with a hand of his forearm.

“Are we clear?” He asks in a low, dangerous tone.

Magnus nods and feels more tears streaming down his cheeks as he enters the portal.

 

Getting his magic back was supposed to be followed by this amazing feeling of happiness, relief and strength. But instead, he feels hollow. Even with the magic engulfing his whole body… there’s nothing to be happy about. He looks down on his hands, blue sparks dancing around them and all he wants to do is cry. Because this isn’t what it was supposed to be. Alec should be by his side. Together they should witness it, have a moment of bliss and now all he thinks about it that the next time he’ll see Alexander it’ll be his last.

He thinks of ways to device his father. He wants to take Alec and just get away with him. But he knows Asmodeus will find them everywhere, and if he hurts Alec, Magnus won’t be able to live with himself.

He feels the magic threatening to blow out of him. To explode. Similar to the night he saved Jace. He never thought of that as a mistake. The price was hell to pay, and at that time he didn’t think there could be something worse to bear.

Guess he’s been wrong.

Because this? This is the worst pain he’s ever felt during his long life, he’s sure of it.

He can feel the power of Edom sinking through the rift. He’s close.

He doesn’t know what to expect, so he basically runs down the street to get to the rest. And then he spots Jonathan. He’s standing with his hands in the air, waiting for a sign from Asmodeus.

Well, he won’t get one.

“Give me your power!” Jonathan screams at the heavens, and it should give Magnus a bit of satisfaction. But it doesn’t.

“Not today.” He states and throw his arms in front of him, blasting Jonathan will all he has, and a moment later his scream rips through the air.

His eyes quickly search Clary. She’s laying on the ground, but doesn’t look like she’s in pain, so Magnus figures out she managed to break the bond.

He feels powerful, more than ever. Like the magic returned with twice more force. He focuses it all at Jonathan.

And when he looks past Jonathan’s shoulder he sees him.

Alec is standing there, breathing heavily but he doesn’t appear injured. His eyes are widen in shock and Magnus has to look away because it just hurts too much.

He channels his emotions into Jonathan. _Fear, anger, hate, the injustice_.

It seems to be enough, because a moment later, Jonathans burned body falls down on the ground.

It all seems so simple now.

Magnus is breathing hard, all the magic is gathered around him like flames. Red, blue, orange they seems to have every colour. He tries to supress it, hold it back down in his fist, but he realizes he can’t.

He doesn’t have control.

He rapidly swirls his wrist around, snaps his fingers, tires to do anything to put it down, but nothing helps. It only seems to be getting worse. Tears are gathered in his eyes again, and he feels like he can’t breathe.

And then he hears his voice.

“Magnus…”

He still doesn’t look up, but he can feel Alec taking a step forward.

“Magnus, look at me.” Alec continues in his soft voice.

But he can’t. It hurts, his skin burns with magic, and maybe that’s what he deserves, to get consumed by it.

“Baby…” Alec voice is pleading as he gets closer to Magnus, and tears fall down the Warlock’s cheeks.

Alec was the one to show Magnus what true love is like. Because that’s what they have. It’s true in the purest way possible and he won’t ever be ready to give it up.

But he has to.

“Alec, step back.” He says through clenched teeth, still not looking up. The magic is burning brighter around him now.

Instead, Alec takes another step forward.

“Alexander, I mean it. I don’t want to hurt you.” He chokes out before another sob overtakes him.

“Look at me, love.” Alec doesn’t stop regardless Magnus’ words, his voice still calm.

And Magnus can’t resist the urge to see those beautiful hazel eyes now.

He looks up and sees Alec smiling softly, his eyes focused on him, glistened with tears.

“Hey.” Alec is stepping forward again, and Magnus needs to step back, he’s getting too close.

“Alec, stop. I’m serious. Get back.” He orders, looking him in the eyes.

“No.” The Shadowhunter states firmly.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Magnus’ voice breaks as he pleads, but Alec isn’t having any of it.

“You won’t.” He shakes his head. “I know you won’t.”

He’s still getting closer, but as Magnus looks back at him, he can’t find the strength to pull back.

And then Alec is right in front of him, putting his hands on his arms, sliding them down till they nearly touch Magnus’ wrists. It’s soothing, Alec’s touch, but still Magnus flinches, afraid to hurt him, trying to take a step back, but Alec’s firm grip doesn’t let him.

“It’s your magic.” Alec resorts, his eyes fixed on Magnus’. “It knows me. It won’t hurt me.”

And with that, he laces their fingers together, magic immediately dying on his hands and around them.

Alec is his anchor.

Every time he loses control, Alec is there to give it back to him.

Magnus looks down around them, letting out a breath he was holding. Then his sight falls at Alec’s face again. He smiles at him, but Magnus can see the question in his eyes.

But instead of asking, he pulls Magnus into his arms, holding him tightly.

And Magnus can’t hold back anymore.

He sobs into Alec’s jacket, clinging onto him like he’s his lifeline. _He is_. And Alec still holds him. Hands running up and down his back in a reassuring gesture.

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” Alec whispers into his ear, kissing is temple lightly.

 _It’s not_. Nothing is okay, and he wants to tell him, but now… No, not here. They need to go back home. He won’t stand any goodbyes, but he owes it to Alexander.

They pull apart, but not far, still in each other’s arms. Alec’s palms move to his cheeks to wipe the tears lightly.

“Magnus, how-“

But before he gets to finish, Magnus is pulling him down for a kiss.

He’ll never get over kissing Alexander. Every time feels like the first, but also it always feels different. Magnus can’t explain it, never could. And as much as he wants to lose himself into kissing Alec for the rest of his life, he can’t stand the thought that soon enough he’ll be deprived of even the smallest of his touches.

When they part again, Alec still looks at him in question.

But then Jace is stopping their little moment, and Magnus is reminded of the presence of the others.

He glances around, seeing completely shocked expression, but they all seem fine. Safe. That’s all that matters, no one seems severely injured.

_His family._

He takes them all in, probably seeing them for the last time, ever. It was remarkable to be a part of it. He’ll be grateful for it forever. For a family which didn’t judge, which accepted him and loved him, like he thought no one could ever.

“I’m sorry to break this to you Alec, but there are demons running around the city, we need to take care of that.” Magnus finally registers Jace’s words.

“I can’t…” Alec looks back down on Magnus, hesitant expression on his face. “I can’t leave now.” he turns back to Jace, but Magnus puts his hand on Alec’s cheek to stop him.

“Go, angel.” He hates saying this, hates that Alec needs to leave. But he needs to take care of the city. And Magnus still has some things to settle, he needs a moment. There’s still a bit of time, and he has to make sure Alec won’t do anything stupid when he’ll be gone. “Just be back soon.”

“But Magnus, how did you-“

“We’ll talk at home, all right darling?” He creases his cheeks softly. “I’m fine, I just need some rest.”

He lies and he hates it, but he needs Alec focused now, so he can be back soon.

“Just give me an hour, tops.” Alec states firmly.

“Go, save the world angel.” Magnus smiles as he feels another wave of tears forming in his eyes.

Then Alec quickly kisses him again, and when they pull back, Magnus creates a portal and steps through it.

He missed this, but he’ll miss him a million times more.

 

He’s just finished writing his letter to Catarina. He settled on the balcony, looking at the city below for the last time. Of all the houses he’s ever lived in, this feels the most like home. With a flick of his wrist he sends the letter to Cat’s home, knowing that she’s back at the hospital now, she won’t be back till the morning, so she won’t be able to stop him, which he knows she would try to do.

He’s finishing his drink, but instantly summons the other. It’s been nearly an hour, and Alexander should be back soon.

 _How to tell him?_ Is the question Magnus has been asking himself since the moment he agreed for his father’s terms. Maybe he should write him a letter too? Gather all his feelings in there. But no, he needs to see him, this last time. He wants Alexander to be the last thing he sees in this world.

As if answering his request, the door to the loft burst open, and Alec is running towards him, joining him on a balcony.

“Hi.” He leans in for a kiss and who is Magnus to deny him that now.

_Oh, how he’ll miss this._

Their home, all of these little moments. Every welcome home kiss, every good night kiss, every touch, every word…

It’s not enough. It never was, and it would never be. He always wanted more with Alec.

“What is it?” Alec looks at him in concern, clearly seeing Magnus’ thoughts wandering somewhere else.

The time is running out. He needs to do this.

“You know I love you, right?” He begins, and desperately wants Alec to smile at his words, like he always does. But now he isn’t. And Magnus knows, he’s already figured out that’s something is terribly wrong.

He just nods.

“And you know I would always protect you, no matter what?” These words seem to have even worse effect, because now Alec looks terrified, and Magnus spots tears in the corner of his eyes.

“Magnus, what did you do?” Alec asks firmly.

Magnus exhales and puts his palms on Alec’s cheeks, feeling the warm radiating from his skin.

“You’re the most important person to me, ever.” Magnus carries on. “I love you, more than anyone ever, and I’d do anything if that meant you’d be safe.”

Alec is having none of it, still demanding for Magnus to say it, even though the Warlock knows, he has probably already figured it out.

“Magnus,” Alec starts with his shaky voice, swallowing thickly. “How did you get your magic back?”

And Magnus knows he has to answer.

“I was our only choice.” He states, wanting so badly for his voice not to break. He needs to be strong, for Alec. “I needed to get to my father-“

“No.” Alec shakes his head and Magnus’ hands fall down from his cheeks. “No, no.”

He basically begs, not even knowing who and for what, and as Magnus notices the tears escaping his eyes, he can’t hold back his own.

“No,” Alec’s head is moving franticly, repeating the only word that seem to get past the lump in his throat. “Please tell me you didn’t agree on this.”

His tone is pleading, and Magnus fiercely wants to give him the answer he desires.

But he can’t.

“Baby, please.”

He sounds wrecked, and Magnus hates it. Hates to break his heart in such way.

“Alexander, all that matters is that you’re safe, our city, our family-“

“Bullshit.” Alec states with more tears floating down. “How does it matter if you’re not here?”

“Alexander-“

“I can’t life without you.” Magnus didn’t think it was possible to get more broken, but as Alec’s pleading eyes are fixed on his and he repeats these words, he breaks a little bit more. “I told you that!”

“I know angel,” He tries to stop his tears, but fails. “but it’s better for you to live without me than-“

“It’s not.” Alec shakes his head again. “It’s not, and you know it.”

“It was our only choice.” Magnus echoes his words from earlier. “To save the city, to save-“

“There’s always another choice.” Alec steps closer to him, hooking his arms around his neck, and Magnus didn’t know how much he was craving his touch until now. “You taught me that.”

Magnus settles his hands on Alec’s waist, wanting him closer.

“You can’t do this.” Alec whispers. “I won’t survive that.”

 _I won’t too_ , Magnus thinks.

“You’re stronger than this, darling.”

“No, not without you.”

Magnus places his hands in Alec’s hair and pulls him down for a kiss. He can taste the salty tears on their tongues.

“We’ll find a way.” Alec murmurs against his lips, his voice pleading and desperate. The hope in it brings more tears to Magnus eyes.

Alec pulls back lightly to look at him as he repeats.

“We’ll find a way out of this.” He nods now, but Magnus can’t mirror the gesture, because no, they won’t. “How much time do we have?”

“Not a lot.” He replies and tries to smile, sweeping Alec’s hair out of his face. “It doesn’t matter. It’s too late.”

“No, I’ll find a way.” Alec states again “I’ll give him everything, everything he wants, just not… not you.” His voice breaks at the last word.

“Angel, you need to let this go, you need to-“ Magnus starts, but Alec interrupts him, his expression sharp.

“Magnus don’t give me some crap about needing to forget you, because I won’t. You’re the love of my life. There will _never_ be anyone else.”

Magnus smiles sadly and kisses him again. Softly but long, until the need of air overcomes them.

“So you have to let me go, darling.” Alec shakes his head at his words again. “You need to live your life for me. You need to go back to the world-“

“I don’t want the world.” Alec’s voice breaks. “I want you.”

Then they kiss again, and Magnus is sure he’ll never get over it. His heart is already crumbled in his chest, only beating for Alec, and when they’ll need to let go of each other, he knows it will stop.

“You know I won’t stop.” Alec tries again, resting their foreheads together, wanting to be the closest they can. “I won’t stop, I’ll do anything to get you back.”

And that’s what he’s afraid of. That Alec will try literally everything. He really hopes Cat will keep him in check.

Magnus glances at the city again. The sun is almost rising, Asmodeus might show up any second. There’s no time.

“Angel, listen.” Magnus cups his face again, not only to ground himself, but to make sure he has his undivided attention. “I love you, okay? Never forget that-“

“Magnus don’t-“

He quickly wipes the new wave of Alec’s tears with his thumbs and continues.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, through my whole life. You’re more than anyone could ever dream of. And it was truly an honour to spend the time by your side.”

“I love you too,” Alec answers finally and Magnus sobs, because he’ll never get to hear these words from his mouth again. “You’re my life, Magnus. My everything.”

He connects their lips again. Desperately, lingering the moment. _Their last_.

“This is so unfair.” Alec whispers when they pull back a little.

“I wish we had more time.” Magnus weeps against his lips. Because he really does, but even forever wouldn’t be enough.

Alec nods and attempts to smile, but all Magnus sees is the hurt and sorrow in his eyes.

Then a portal appears in the living room and they both turn to see the Prince of Hell entering their home.

_Never enough time._

As they notice what’s happening, Alec steps protectively in front of Magnus, drawing his bow and aiming an arrow at his father.

“Oh, Alexander.” Asmodeus’ voice sound casual, like he came here for a friendly chat, not to ruin their lives. He takes a step closer to them, and Magnus can see Alec flinching.

“It’s Alec.” He says, not taking his eyes from his target.

Asmodeus just shrugs slightly.

“Cute you think you could take me down with this thing.” He gestures at Alec’s bow and the next moment a red swirl of magic is knocking it out of Alec’s hands.

But his Shadowhunter still stands there proudly, as Asmodeus eyes him up and down.

“Really, Magnus? You can do so much better-“

“Father, that’s enough!” Magnus yells, anger rising inside him.

Asmodeus turns to him, his gaze sharp as he steps a bit closer.

“All right then, it’s time to go boy.”

Magnus briefly closes his eyes and breathes. When he opens them he sees Alec’s miserable gaze meeting his.

“Just, one more minute.” Magnus begs his father.

Asmodeus looks at him like he’s just asked him to stop the sun from rising, which he probably could do, but in the end he nods.

“Fine, come when you’re ready. But if this is taking too long I can’t guarantee to leave him back here in one piece.” He points at Alec, and Magnus shivers at the threat, but nods back at his father.

Then he’s stepping back through the portal, giving them their last moment alone.

“Please, don’t go.” Alec turns to him, pulling him close. “I need you, Magnus.”

They both start crying again, clutching onto each other like… Like it was the last time they’d get to be together.

Magnus still can’t believe that it is.

“Don’t do anything stupid, darling.” Magnus says, creasing the sides of his neck, touching his favourite _deflect_ rune for the last time.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Alec gets out through his tears, and Magnus’ chuckle turns into sniffle.

Then he closes the distance between their lips, one last time.

He wants to remember everything about this moment, but at the same time, he doesn’t. There’s so many memories, and this one is the most painful.

They pull apart, and Magnus intertwines their fingers, mourning at how perfectly they fit together.

They walk up to the portal and for a moment Magnus fears that Alec might want to follow, but then he feels that the passages is sealed with a spell against angel blood.

Alec seems to have the same though as he puts his and on the portal and feels it no getting through.

“You can’t follow me back there.” Magnus states and Alec bursts into tears again. Magnus is sure he’s never seen him in such states. He hoped he’s never get to.

“Aku cinta kamu, angel. You’re the love of my immortal life.”

“I love you too, more than anything.” Alec almost whispers, understanding Magnus’ words like it was their own language. It’s enough for Magnus to hear. _For the last time._

They still hold onto each other’s hands, he feels that Alec doesn’t want to let go. He’s grabbing onto his palm tighter but then Magnus steps through the portal, breaking the hold of their hands.

And the last thing he sees is his Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah… sorry again? Let me know all your thoughts below. I actually cried writing this and it's one of the most emotional chapters. The next one is also pretty painful… Thank you for sticking around and for all the love :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to deal with what happened to Magnus, but he won't stop until he gets him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
> I guess the summary says it all. Our boy isn't giving up, but he's kinda a mess now. Get ready for the pain, and a lot of feels. WARNING: there is a description of panic attack and slight self-harm, just so you've been warned.

This isn’t real. It can’t be.

Because even in his worst nightmares, he’s never experienced such a scene.

Has never endured such pain.

He stands in the middle of the living room, tears streaming down his face. Alone. He’s alone in their home.

He rubs firmly at his eyes, thinking that maybe if he’ll do this hard enough he’ll wake up and see Magnus lying beside him.

But it isn’t a dream.

_What the hell just happened?_ Everything was going so great. Magnus got his magic back, Jonathan is dead, the city is safe. _Everyone_ is safe. Everyone, but the person who Alec wanted to protect the most.

He’s gone. He’s… _No_ , Alec thinks. _This isn’t over._

He needs to do something. He can’t leave it like this. Can’t leave Magnus there, with this monster. But he realizes he can’t move. His whole body feels heavy, his eyes are focused on the spot, where Magnus was standing, just a few minutes ago. His heart breaks. It breaks every single time he recalls the look on Magnus face, every time he hears his words in his head. _It was our only choice_.

No, it wasn’t. Damn the city, _nothing_ was worth it. Nothing would ever be worth the pain of losing him.

This isn’t fair. Why does Magnus always need to be the one who sacrifices himself? Why can’t Alec have enough guts to do something himself, to properly take care of the person he loves the most? Now it’s too late.

_No, it can’t be._

Alec runs his hand through is face, wiping the tears, but it doesn’t help, because new ones are already replacing them. He tries to take a first step. Everything hurts, but he manages to do it. Another one doesn’t feel any better, somehow he finally reaches the doors. His hands are shaking as he reaches for the doorknob, but he has to do this. Has to save him. He promised him he’ll find a way.

He steps out of the apartment and rushes down the stairs. He doesn’t know where he’s going. He knows he can’t do this alone, but at the same time even the thought of telling anyone what just happened makes his heart crumble in his chest a bit more.

But before he realizes that, he heads for the Institute. It’s a good start. He has some resources there. He still hasn’t looked through all these book. First, find a way to get to Edom. Maybe he should ask Lorenzo for help again? The thoughts are rushing through his brain. A thousand at once. He can’t focus, but he needs to. He needs to focus on getting back the love of his life.

 

The Institute is filled with music and laughter as he arrives, and he can’t stand it. How can they celebrate now? If they only knew…

He enters quickly, not even spearing a look to the ops centre where everyone is gathered. He heads straight for his office, head hung down, as if trying to remain invisible. But sadly he’s unsuccessful at this task, because when he reaches the last turn he hears Isabelle calling after him.

“Alec!” She’s running towards him, the familiar clicking of her heels driving him crazy. He takes a deep breath as she stands in front of him, still not looking up.

“Where have you been?” She asks and she’s smiling, and Alec can’t stand it. “Wait, where’s Magnus?” She looks around as if trying to spot him somewhere.

Well, she won’t.

And then she seems to notice Alec’s expression, as he desperately tries to hold back his tears that have formed in the corners of his eyes at only a mention of his name.

“Alec, what happened?” Her voice is so concerned that Alec wants to give her an answer, to reassure her that everything is fine.

But he can’t. Because it’s not.

So he swiftly circles her and continues his way to his office. But of course, that doesn’t stop her.

“What’s going on?” She still urges, quickly following behind him. “Did you have a fight?”

_I wish_ , Alec thinks. The fight can always be resolved. This, however…

When they enter his office, Isabelle is catching his arm and turning him around so they’re facing each other. Alec doesn’t even have enough strength to resist.

“Alec, what the hell? Just talk to me!” She’s clearly running out of patience, her voice dripping with irritation.

And Alec tries to say something, he really does, because it’s not Izzy’s fault. If so, it’s his, because he couldn’t protect him. But the lump raising in his throat is stopping any words from coming out.

Suddenly, the door to his office burst open, and Catarina is entering the room. Fear, concern and disbelief painting her face, Alec can also notice traces of tears on her cheeks. She’s clutching some piece of paper in her hand.

“Alec, please tell me this isn’t true.” She’s trying to sound calm, but fails as her voice breaks at the end. “Tell me he didn’t do it.”

“Do what? What’s going on?” Isabelle chimes in again.

And when their eyes focus on Alec, questioning expression and raised eyebrows are sending him over the edge. The tears in his eyes are blurring out his sight, his lungs are burning and his body just feels so heavy.

“Alec?” Isabelle asks, gentle now, putting her hand on his shoulder and the touch sets fire on his skin.

“I…” He tries, and his voice sounds hoarse. He wants to explain but… “I can’t breathe.”

He chokes out and suddenly he’s suffocating. Trying to get some air into his lungs, but none of it gets in. He clutches onto his chest, feeling his heart breaking even more. Everything burns, and the next moment he’s on the floor, coughing and choking. Izzy is next to him, gently running her hand through his hair in an attempt to calm his. But it doesn’t help. It doesn’t, because she’s not him. And Magnus is the only one who can stop the pain.

But he’s not here. And it’s entirely Alec’s fault, because he wasn’t there, he couldn’t save him, again.

He distantly hears Isabelle whisper something to him, Catarina is sitting on the ground on his other side, and it’s too much. He moves his hands franticly, trying to get them away, because he can’t breathe, and they’re not helping, no matter how hard they try.

He wants the pain to end, or to become stronger, anything to stop this. He wants to go shoot his arrow until his hands are slippery with blood. But he can’t, he needs to focus on getting Magnus back. And how can he do it? When he can’t even control his breathing, when he’s choking. He’s useless and weak. He doesn’t deserve the pain to stop, it needs to become more intense.

So he draws out his stele from his pocket. He needs to try three times, before he’s successful with his trembling hands. He puts the sharp tip of the tool against his forearm, hands still shaking when he cuts the skin.

He hears Isabelle scream his name, but it doesn’t matter, because somehow the physical pain overcomes the mental one, only for a short second, but it’s enough for him to draw in a shallow breath. Watching the blood steadily running down his arm. He tries to focus on it, the air that’s actually getting into his lungs, it’s still not enough and he catches the next breaths rapidly, still choking a bit. He doesn’t even realizes, that he’s crying until he runs his palm over his face and feels the waterfalls on his cheeks. His forearm is still bleeding, but it doesn’t matter, he can’t feel anything now. Everything is numb.

Isabelle and Catarina are still keeping their distance from him, but Alec can see the stele in his sister’s hand, twitching to jump right at him and activate his _iratze_. He won’t let her do it, he deserves to suffer.

He’s still breathing hard, more tears flowing down his cheeks, and all he manages is the short response, that won’t give them all the answers they want, but will explain his state properly.

“He’s gone.”

 

He’s settled on the couch in his office, when Isabelle is pressing a cup of tea in his hands, it tastes like shit, but he doesn’t have any strength to protest when she urges him to drink. Same with drawing an _iratze_ onto his wound. He tries to stop her, but there’s no use. He still hasn’t said anything. Distantly heard whispers of Catarina’s voice, telling Izzy about Magnus. She got some kind of a letter from him, where he tried to explain. Isabelle slumps down on the couch next to Alec, hiding her face in her hands, but from the way her body is shaking he knows she’s crying.

Catarina seems to hold up the best, or at least she pretends to. She’s pacing around the room nervously, clearly waiting for some more information from Alec, that he can’t give her. Because everything just hurts so much.

He doesn’t know when he stops crying. He didn’t even know he could cry so much, he’s probably getting dehydrated, but who cares. He doesn’t feel anything anymore.

Jace shows up shortly after Alec’s panic attack evens out a little, claiming he felt a way of sorrow through the bond, and then the physical pain. He seems to figure out mostly everything by just taking a look at his brother, and noticing the lack of his boyfriend in his presence. He doesn’t ask furthermore, he knows it’s really bad.

Clary is with him, Simon besides her and soon Alec’s mother shows up with Luke. Catarina tells everyone. Alec doesn’t say a word. Clary sits down next to Isabelle, pulling her into a hug, but she can’t keep composed too, letting out those pained sobs at times. Simon, Luke and Jace try to hold up, but their gazes are watery. Maryse has tears on her cheeks too, and for a moment Alec gets the impression that she might come up to him and put her arms around him, but she doesn’t. She knows him enough not to do this when he’s in such state.

After Catarina explains everything she knows so far, the room falls silent. And Alec knows they’re waiting for him to speak. Because he’s the last one who saw him. He’s the one who can explain more. But still, no words pass his throat.

So he gets up, heads to one of the bookcases in the office and starts putting out every book that has any mention of Edom. He’ll find a way. He promised. He owes that to him.

All eyes turn to him as he lays the books out on his desk with a loud knock. But it’s Jace who starts, sounding more wrecked than Alec thought he actually is.

“Alec, what are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer, still not stopping his task.

“Alec.” Jace tries more firmly, putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder, to which he backs out and shakes it away.

“ _Stop_.” Alec grits out through clenched teeth.

“Alec, come on you need to-“ Jace attempts again, and now Alec just can’t have this.

“I need to find a way to get him back, so either help me, or get out of my way.”

His brother closes his eyes for a brief second, breathing in and trying to compose himself.

“No, you need to rest, you’re literally shaking, I know it’s hard but Magnus wouldn’t want you to-“

“He would want to be back here, with his family!” Alec screams. “And he’s gone, and it’s my fault so can you just please leave me to it.” He gestures at the books and needs to look away, because the tears are making their way back up.

“Alec, please…” Jace’s voice is pleading.

“No, just…” Alec shakes his head violently. “Leave, now. Everyone.”

All eyes are still back on him, but no one seems to move so he repeats more firmly.

“Out. Now.”

“Alec, you can’t be alone right now-“ His mother tries, but Alec dismisses her words with a wave of his hand.

“I can, and I will.” He heads to the door and opens them wide for them to leave. “I’m serious. Go.”

Jace is the one who steps through the door first, shooting Alec another pleading look, to which he turns his eyes away from. Clary quickly follows behind him. Izzy still hesitates, but as her mother whispers something to her and Simon comes up, catching her hand, then they all, plus Luke, emerge out of the office. 

Only Catarina stays, standing in the middle of the room, hands on her hips and Alec gestures with his head towards the door. She makes her way there, but to Alec’s surprise and annoyance, only to reach the doorknob and close it after his family left, still remaining inside.

Alec sighs and is just about to start arguing, but Cat is the one who speaks first.

“You know I’m not going. Don’t even try.”

He takes a deep breath and turns his back to her, pretending to look through one of the books on his desk.

“Cat, I can’t now. Just leave and-“

“No, no way.” She circles the desk, so she’s at the other side, in front of Alec again. “Your family is right, Alec. You need to get some rest now, you’re a mess-“

“I’m a mess, because he’s not here!” He snaps, head shooting up to meet Cat’s worried look. “When I’ll get him back, everything will be fine.”

“Alec…” Catraina puts her hand on his, but Alec pushes it away, moving away from the desk to stand in the middle of the room and throw his arms in the air.

“What do you want me to say, Catarina?!” He all but shouts. “That I’m broken? Yes, am I, because I was there, and I couldn’t stop him. Because he keeps saving us, again and again, and he doesn’t deserve it. He’s the last person to deserve it!”

Catarina’s eyes fill with tears again, and he can already feel his own streaming down his face. He’s broken. There’s no reason to hide it. Cat always sees right through him, similar to Izzy.

“I hate it Cat,” He chokes out through his tears. “It just hurts so much.”

At that, Catarina quickly rounds the desk again, and before he knows it she’s pulling him into a hug. He doesn’t resist now. He wants her arms to bring some kind of comfort, any kind of comfort, but they don’t.

But they stay like this anyway, with Alec sobbing into her shoulder.

 

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been standing here. But he knows, that ever minute he spends here, doing nothing, means Magnus is still out there, with his monstrous father. And he can’t have this. He pulls away from Cat and quickly wipes his eyes. Above her shoulder he glances at his desk and notices a piece of paper that Catarina has been holding when she showed up.

“Cat, can you please go get me a coffee?” He asks when they pull move away from each other. “I don’t want the whole Institute to see me like this.”

“Alec, you need to rest,” she shakes her head. “coffee won’t help-“

“Let’s be honest, Cat.” He quickly interrupts. “I won’t be getting any rest any time soon, at least I’ll do something productive.”

Catarina sighs, but when she moves to the door, he’s sure she knows he’s right. He just prays for her not to turn back and get the letter.

She doesn’t.

As the door shut behind her, Alec hurriedly rushes to his desk, grabbing the leaf and bringing it closer to his eyes so he can read.

Firstly, he just looks, tracing his fingers against the neatly written words in Magnus’ beautiful, italics handwriting. New wave of tears gathers up in his eyes, when he remembers Magnus leaving notes for him in this graceful calligraphy, when he needed to leave early in the morning. But there’s no time for reminiscing now. Cat will be back soon, and Alec wants to know, what’s in this letter, that she didn’t show it to him yet. Maybe she wasn’t even planning to?

So he holds back the tears and reads.

_Dear Catarina,_

_Firstly, the damage is already done, so don’t blame yourself you couldn’t prevent this, my dear. You wouldn’t stop me anyway._

_When you’re reading this, I’m already in Edom, with my father. I got my magic and immortality back, so we got to stop Jonathan. This was our only chance at saving the city, at saving Alexander, so I needed to do this._

_I’m sorry, that I’m saying goodbye to you in such way. You know you’re the best friend I could ever dream of in this long life. But there’s no time. And I owe an explanation to Alec, to him more than to anyone._

_I want you to take care of him, Cat. Don’t let him blame himself, because it isn’t his fault. It was my choice. And I’d do it all over again, if it meant keeping him safe. So please, keep an eye on him. Don’t tell him about the spell, because he can’t get here. No matter what, I can’t risk him getting hurt._

_My dear friend, I’m so thankful for all the centuries spent by your side. Our adventures and travels will always remain in my brain. I’ll never forget your kind and selfless soul, Catarina. You deserve everything that’s the best. Please remember that._

_I’m not sure how you should explain it to Madzie… Maybe just tell her I went away for a trip? I’m sure you’ll figure something out, you can be very clever._

_So, have a great life, Cat. Goodbye my friend._

_Magnus._

Alec looks down, seeing his own tears staining the paper. It hurts much more now, because Magnus wanted to keep _him_ safe, to save _him_ and he’s not worth it. Why didn’t he stop him? Why is he still so weak?

But other words are catching his attention now.

_Don’t tell him about the spell, because he can’t get here._

What spell?

And then it hits him.

At that Catarina is entering the room again, setting a cup on a coffee table, and speaking before her gaze fully returns to him.

“Alec, you should at least try to talk to your family, they’re very worried-“

“Why did you lie?” He asks, not hiding the accusation in his voice. She turns to him, her eyes wide, wandering to the letter he’s clutching in his palm. He can see it in her eyes that inside she’s cursing herself for not thinking and leaving it there.

But she doesn’t answer, even though he’s certain she knows what he means. Her gaze falls down to her feet, and Alec’s sure this is the first time he’s seeing Catarina speechless. So he continues.

“You can take me to Edom, right? You could this whole time!”

“Alec, it’s not like that-“

“Like what Cat?!” He screams again. “Did he ask you not to tell me?!”

“No, I” Catarina takes a deep breath and Alec wants to keep yelling at her, but still he gives her a chance to explain. “ I didn’t tell you because I knew you would somehow persuade me do it, if you knew. And Magnus… he wouldn’t want that. Not back then, and not now.”

“So, when I went to Lorenzo-“

“Alec, I swear if I knew you would do that I… I don’t know what I would do, but for sure I’d try to stop you.”

“But you still wouldn’t tell me the truth?”

“I…” Cat shakes her head and answers honestly. “I don’t know.”

Alec nods, his sight wandering back to the letter he put on the desk again. He feels furious. If she would take him to Edom back then he would get Magnus’ magic back and _this_ , wouldn’t have happen. But what if he didn’t manage to get it back then? At least he’d tried and knew…

But there’s no time for it now. They’re both to blame for this.

“How much time do you need to prepare for that spell?” Alec asks, and then her head snaps back up, their eyes meeting each other. Hers, widen in shock.

“Alec, you can’t be serious…”

“Well, the situation is slightly different now, if you haven’t noticed.” He states in a bitter tone. “It’s not about his magic anymore, it’s about _him_.”

Alec can’t even stand to say his name. It hurts too much to pass through his lips, the sweet taste of the word too bitter now to carry itself on his tongue.

“I know, but he said it himself!” Cat gestures at letter on the desk. “He doesn’t want you to go there!”

“Can we maybe stop rumbling about what he wants, an focus on what he needs instead.” Alec’s voice is calm, but he’s running out of patience.

“And how can you know what-“

“I know!” Alec yells again, losing the rest of self-control he had left.. “I know the best what he needs, and if not, then let’s for once focus on what I need, and _I need him_.”

Cat sighs and hangs her head down again. She’s shaking it lightly, like she wants this whole idea to go away. But Alec won’t stop.

“Cat,” He moves away from the desk to join her in the middle of the room. “I… Look at me,” she slowly focuses her gaze back at him. “I’m a mess, you’re right. Look, at what I’m becoming when he’s not near. I’m… unsteady. I feel like I can blow up any freaking minute I’m not with him. So please, Catarina, help me get him back.”

“I want my best friend back too.” Cat’s eyes fall again, the tears are reappearing. “But I can’t Alec, he’ll… even if he will be back, he’ll hate me if anything happens to you.”

“Cat, I’ll be fine.” He tries to reassure her, taking the hold of her hands. “I promise, I’ll be careful, and we’ll get him back.”

“Alec, I-“

“Please Cat,” he doesn’t let her finish. “We owe it to him, after everything he’s ever done for us.”

And with the long exhale Catarina lets out, he know he has her.

“Fine.” She states, her head snapping back to look at him. “But first, we need to come up with a plan. We know Asmodeus will require payment, so we need to find something he wants. We can’t go unprepared.”

“Okay, so what he could possibly want?” Alec asks, it’s good to focus his mind on something that might actually help them.

But Catarina’s answer isn’t making him feel any better.

“I have no idea. It seems he has everything he wants now…”

“I’ll find something, I promise.” Alec answers desperately.

He’s already heading back to his desk, settling and opening the first book. He’ll look through every single one. No matter, day or night. The sooner he starts, the sooner he’ll find something. There has to be something about his history, about what Asmodeus might crave…

“Alec, you’re supposed to get some rest first.” Catarina interrupts his thinking.

“There’s no time Cat, not when he’s still there.”

“Alec-“

“Cat, go home.” He shoots her one pleading look. “I’ll let you know when I find something.”

Catatrina sighs again, and turns to leave.

But what Alec doesn’t know, is that’s this isn’t over, and she’s clearly not done with convincing him to rest.

 

He has ten minutes of peace tops. He manages to quickly scan two books, not finding anything. But it’s a starts. He’s reaching for the third one, when the door to the office burst open, and his sister is barging in.

_Seems that Catarina sent the hard cavalry._

“Alec, when was the last time you ate something?” She asks firmly, cutting straight to the point, not spearing any minute for some small talk.

“I’m not hungry, Iz.” Alec states and tries to open the next book, but Isabelle slums it shut, before he gets to look at its content.

“Alec, I’m serious. You need to get out of here for a while, let’s go get some food, or you can go to sleep-“

“Isabelle, there’s no time for that now.” Alec shakes her hand from the books so he can properly open it.

“You need to take care of yourself, big brother.” His sister says, more gently. “I know it’s hard, but-“

“Izzy, I just want to be alone, work and figure out how to help him.” He sighs. “So please, leave me to it.”

Isabelle walks away from the desk and puts her hands on her hips as she stubbornly speaks.

“No. There’s no away I’m leaving you alone with all that.” She gestures at the stack of books. “We all care for him, and we’re going to get him back. You need more eyes to look through this.”

And as Izzy smiles softly at him, for the first time since he left, Alec feels a little bit less in pain.

 

They all settle in the office again, Izzy and Simon on the floor, by the fireplace. Jace and Clary opposite Alec and Cat (who still refuses to leave) at the desk, and Luke with Maryse on the couch.

It’s been a few hours, but still there’s nothing.

But Alec’s not losing hope. His family is around him, and it gives him the strength to keep searching.

They’ve been up all the whole day, and it’s been dark for a long time now. But Alec doesn’t feel tired. He’s drawn a fresh stamina rune on his forearm to keep him going.

“Okay, I think it’s time we call it a night.” Luke states as he stretches out from the couch. Everyone follows him up, besides Alec of course. _The night is still young_. 

As Clary gets up from her spot in front of him, she’s holding Jace’s hand, he squeezes hers a bit, and Alec hears him whisper to her.

“Go, I’ll stay a bit longer.”

Clary simply nods, and places a kiss to his forehead. Alec’s heart swells at the sweet gesture but also clenches in his chest, when he’s reminded that he can’t have this now.

Everyone leaves, and Alec guesses that they laid the responsibility of getting him out of here on Jace, but when the room gets empty, besides them at the desk, he doesn’t say anything for a few long minutes. They just go through more pages in silence.

“Look,” Jace finally starts, but Alec still doesn’t look up. Regardless, he continues. “I know how you feel. When Clary was gone…”

He doesn’t need to finish, because Alec knows. He saw it. Was there by his side. He knows that somehow his brother may understand him the best now, after what he’s been through. But at the same time, his pain feels like something no one has ever known. The emptiness is growing inside him a little bit more, every time he slams the book shut with no new information.

“I just want you to know, that I’m here.” Jace’s words pull him out of his thoughts. “We all are, and I want to be there for you like you were for me, Alec. Because I don’t think I’d managed to go through this without you.”

At that, Alec looks up and see his brother’s teary eyes and soft smile. Next moment he’s circling the desk and pulling Alec into a hug. They don’t usually do this. It still doesn’t bring any comfort, but he appreciates it. He really does.

“So, they didn’t ask you to get me out of here?” Alec asks when they pull back and Jace laughs briefly.

“Oh, no. Of course they did.” As he answers Alec manages something that resembles a bit of a smile. “But, what’s the use? I know I’m not able to do that.”

“I can tell them you tried.” Alec states and Jace pats him on a shoulder. Then he’s heading to the door.

“Just make sure to eat something. We don’t want you to starve up there.”

Alec nods slightly and focuses back on his book as the door slums shut behind his brother.

 

_Two days_.

Two days and still nothing.

Alec puts the book away, practically throwing it on the floor. He slept maybe two hours since he’s gone and his eyes hurt, but still, he won’t stop until he finds something.

Catarina stirs from her spot on the couch at the loud thump the book makes when it lands on the ground. She gets up and slowly makes her way to his desk.

“Still nothing?”

“What do you think?” Alec grits out in frustration, but then turning gentle. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Cat states, picking up the book from the floor.

He basically hasn’t left the office in those two day. Cat and Izzy tried everything. Everyone tried convincing him to get some rest, even Simon’s attempt of rumbling him out of the room didn’t help. But there’s still nothing, and if Alec was calm before, now he’s getting frustrated.

Next stage is anger, then he’ll totally break.

“Can you please pass me the next book?” He sighs and holds out his hand to Catarina for her to slide the book in.

“There isn’t one.” She states simply and Alec flinches at her words.

“What?”

“We’ve been through everything the Institute has about Edom or Asmodeus. I’m sorry Alec.”

Alec exhales heavily and gets up from the desk. How come they’ve been through everything? The Institute’s library is huge. But with eight people doing the research, practically day and night, it actually sounds quite possible.

He starts pacing around the room. There’s gotta be something. Anything. Something they haven’t thought of. They’ve been focused on the research, but maybe the answer is somewhere right in front of them.

“What if I offer my angelic powers?” Alec suddenly asks, Catraina turns to him, but still I doesn’t stop his movements. “He’s a fallen angel, right? Maybe he wants that part of him back?”

“Alec, even if he would want that, we can’t. If anything happens to you Magnus-“

“If this is a way to save him, so be it.” Alec states firmly as he stops in front of Cat.

“We can’t be sure.” She resorts. “What if he doesn’t want it?”

“Well, that’s something.” _More than we came up with in those two day actually_ , Alec thinks.  

There’s still another thing they can do, but Alec’s not sure if he’s ready for it. But it might be a chance.

“I’ll go to the loft.” He states, avoiding Cat’s gaze. “Magnus…”

It’s the first time he said his name and he flinches slightly as it brings back a new wave of pain.

“He has other resources there.” He continues as tears gather up in his eyes. “I can bring it over here.”

“Alec, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go alone.” Cat says, and when he looks at her she sees pure concern in her eyes.

“I’ll be fine.” He tries to assure her, but it comes out not so confidently as it should. “Besides, you have a shift at the hospital. I’ve been keeping you here long enough.”

She still doesn’t look convinced when she speaks again.

“So take Isabelle, or Jace? Anyone, Alec-“

And then it hits him that he needs to do it alone. Because it’s _their_ home, and he knows that as soon as he’ll step through the door he’ll break again. And his family has seen him broken way too many times recently.

“It’s okay, I can handle it.”

He leaves the room, before she gets to protest once more.

 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing by the door. His hands are shaking as he slides one into his pocket and pulls out a small silver key. It should be a symbol for him when he moved it, but Magnus gave him it way before that. To signal that he’s always welcomed. Alec doesn’t even remember how long he has it.

With his trembling hands he slips it into the lock, and pulls the door open after he turns it and hears the familiar click. He takes a deep breath, before fully emerging inside.

The loft looks the same as always. Except one thing. Magnus isn’t here to welcome him back. Isn’t making his way to press a soft kiss to his lips, right here in this hall, like they’ve done thousands of times. And this house just looks like Magnus, and it _feels_ like Magnus. Everyone would notice that something is missing.

Alec doesn’t spare a look at the living room, the last place he saw him. He quickly makes his way to his office, because he remembers that’s where he’s keeping his books about Edom. Before he enters the room, he realizes he hasn’t actually been there for more than a month. Last time was probably when Magnus was leaving for Edom-

_Oh, what an irony._

He exhales slowly and pushes the door open.

Carefully taking a few steps further, he notices the black pentagram on the floor. A sign, that Asmodeus has been summoned here. A sign that breaks Alec’s heart once more.

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to forgive himself for sending Magnus home that night. He thought he was doing it to protect him, but if he only knew what was on Magnus’ mind, if he took a second to stop and ask him… Maybe he’d managed to save him somehow.

He comes closer of one the bookshelves, pulling a few books he’s seen Magnus reading when they were doing research on Clary's rune. There’s quite a lot of that and now he curses himself for coming alone, because there’s no way he’ll get to bring all of this stuff back to the Institute by himself. Maybe he should call Jace, or Luke?

No. His family deserves some rest, Alec pulled them into it, exhaust them and now he needs to leave them alone for some time.

He settles on the floor, here in the apothecary, because this room probably reminds him the least of Magnus now. Living room, the balcony or the bedroom are not an option.

Time passes and he get through a lot of these resources. But still, there’s nothing, and when he shuts what seems to be a tenth book, he feels the panic and anger overcoming him.

_That’s the next stage_ , he guesses.

He throws the book away, as strong as he can, but it doesn’t bring any satisfaction. So he throws another, and another. But it doesn’t help.

He wants to break, wants to ruin everything here, he kicks the moon salt on the floor to get rid of this hideous pentagram, that painfully reminds him of that night. He throws another book, till it hits the desk and knocks down some potions ingredients, he’s sure he doesn’t even know the name of.  The room slowly becomes a mess, and when he seems to calm down from his rage a bit, he stands in the middle of the it and looks around. And the only thought that comes to his mind is,

_What would he think if he saw you now?_

And it breaks Alec all over again, because he’s ruining their home, and Magnus would hate it. And now Alec hates this mess, hates himself because he caused it. He’s the source of every single mess in Magnus’ life, he puts him into them over and over again.

He falls back to the floor, not caring about the broken glass around him. He tries to calm down his breathing, leaning against the wall he turns his head up, slowly blinking his eyes open, and just staring at the celling for a few long minutes. Tears are still escaping his eyes.

When he composes himself as much as he can, he turns his sight back to the desk, where the book he was supposed to be reading has landed. But something else catches his eye.

He gets up from the ground, his head is spinning a bit, but he manages to get to the desk, putting his hands on it for support, to keep his from falling again.

He tries to recall Magnus’ words. What he said about Asmodeus. And as he takes the object into his hands, he truly wants to believe that the plan forming itself in his mind will work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Another cliffhanger again, kinda i guess :) What do you think Alec is coming up with? As always, let me know in the comments, leave a kudo if you liked it, and make sure to check out an extra to this chapter, that I will be posting soon!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus can't help the pain of missing his home and Alec. Later, he and his father have an honest conversation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> a bit of shorter chapter today, but i wanted you to get a glimpse of Edom, so here it is :)

Times passes by differently in Edom.

It could have been hours, could have been days, but it doesn’t make it any better.

No matter how much time will pass, Magnus will always hate it here.

Asmodeus’ lair is large and dusty. The sophisticated furniture and elegant covers of books don’t seem to fit the rawness of the old red walls and flames from the candles which are the only light in here. This place is no home. It’s not warm, it doesn’t feel safe, it’s way too big for two people. The only thing that fits in here is Asmodeus. He’s in his element, the dirt and dust suits him. It’s like this place is a reflection of his soul.

It’s terrible.

Magnus doesn’t really do anything here, which pisses him off even more, because if he had something to do, it would take his mind of form the obvious.

There’s no minute he doesn’t miss his home. No second his thoughts are not returning to it. But what’s on his mind all the time, and never, ever leaves his brain is of course Alexander.

It hurts to think about him, so Magnus is constantly in pain. Hurts to think how broken he must be back at home. Magnus tries to remember the good times, recall the happiest memories, something to get him through just sitting here, but still, the image of Alec standing in their living room, crying and begging him to stay has burned itself underneath Magnus’ eyelids. It’s the thing he sees every time he closes his eyes. He wants it to stop, but at the same time he doesn’t.

He’s a mess.

When it gets too much, which is basically every second, he clutches the Omamori charm in his hand. Traces it with his fingers. The only thing he has left after Alexander, besides the memories.

It doesn’t help. Nothing does, only makes the emptiness in his heart grow larger.

He has his room here. Basically doesn’t leave it. He vividly remembers it from the time he was a child. The room has a balcony, which kind of reminds him of that one at the loft. But this one is awful, not cosy or homily. He didn’t spend a lot of time here back then, but he remembers the view. The raw, dry, red ground, flames and fires kindled on desiccated trees and bushes. Demons, flying around like they were birds and the orange horrible sun, that seems to never come down.

Still, this is the place he finds himself the most in. To get away from his father.

Magnus knows he thinks he’ll forget. That sooner or later he’ll get over it. Well, his father is wrong, because he won’t. _Ever_. Magnus doesn’t know if he has some plan to _make_ him forget. He mostly leaves him alone now, giving him _time to adjust,_ as he says it. But Magnus can have all the time in the world, he does now, but he’ll never adjust to this.

Now, he finds himself on this hideous balcony again. It might be day or night, but here it just doesn’t show. He sighs as his hand returns to his pocket again, pulling out the Omamori charm. He presses it briefly to his lips, wishing that Alec could somehow feel it. _Feel him_. He’s still turning it over in his palm, when suddenly his father appears.

“I’ve seen you holding it before.” He stands next to him, his position mirroring Magnus’, with his arms on the ledge. “What is this precious thing?”

He asks as if he was actually curious. Magnus knows he doesn’t care, or he doesn’t want him to care. This relation between them is so messed up, Magnus just wants to cuts any ties to him. If he could, he would even get rid of his own blood, to erase him completely.

“I don’t need to tell you anything.” Magnus answers, his gaze still focused on the horizon in front of them. He doesn’t owe anything to his father, not even something as simple as a conversation.

“No, you don’t.” Asmodeus agrees and Magnus frowns his brows in surprise. “But how long do you want to it to be like this?” He asks and turns, so his side it leaning against the railing. “It’s only us, son and you can’t keep shutting me out.”

Magnus snorts and shakes his head at his father’s words before he speaks, finally turning to face him.

“So I can’t, but you can.” Asmodeus’ expression turns confused. “You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”

His father doesn’t answer, which only makes him more angry, because it’s not only about him, anymore. He wanted to confront his father about this lots of times, but back then, he was only a child. He isn’t now though.

“Oh, so you totally forgot how you left me and my mother back there, in Indonesia? How you ruined our lives?! How you _ended_ hers?” He almost screams, because why should he keep composed?

“Magnus, your mother killed herself-“ Asmodeus’ tone is calm, which turns Magnus even more furious.

“Because of you!” He shouts, and feels tears gathering up in his eyes. “And my whole life, I was thinking, it was because of me, but you know what? I’m not a monster, you are. Because you left her, _left us_ , without any word of explanation, and maybe if she only knew” his voice breaks at the last words. “if she only knew why I am what I am, she wouldn’t be so terrified when she found out. She would have a better life, a good life.”

Magnus turns to face the skyline again, as more tears make their way up to his eyes. But before he gets to do it, he catches the expression on his father’s face changing.

It looks almost like regret.

“Son, I loved your mother.” He starts and tries to put his hand on Magnus’ shoulder, but he quickly shakes it off. “I loved her more than anyone, maybe besides you, I still do.”

_This isn’t love_. Magnus thinks, but instead says something else.

“Then why did you leave us?” And as he looks back at his father’s face he sees something that he never even thought Asmodeus was capable of feeling.

It’s pure sadness.

But at his next words, Magnus finds himself stunned.

“Because I was scared.” He admits, and Magnus can’t hide that he’s taken aback at that statement. “Scared, of what I might bring upon you.”

Magnus just looks back at him, speechless, and soon his father continues.

“Look, your mother…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “She was a special woman. And all I ever wanted to do was protect her. I thought I was doing it, by leaving her.”

Asmodeus turns his face towards the horizon, and Magnus can almost see the memories running through his brain. Memories about his mother.

“But why didn’t you tell her the truth?” Magnus asks, still precisely observing his face.

“You think she would believe me?” He starts, remaining in the same position. “If I told her she was baring a child of a Greater Demon, what do you think she would do? I was afraid, she might hurt _you_.”

Magnus looks down at that. Can this be true? Asmodeus tricked him a lot of times, but now it seems like he’s speaking honestly. He’s never seen his father turning so sad and sincere. Yes, they haven’t spent a lot of time together, and from what Magnus remembers mostly it’s been awful. But what if _this_ is the only way he’s capable of showing love? He just takes what he thinks is his, because he doesn’t deserve it, but still wants it. And if it really hurt to go away from his mother, from him? But he _loved_ them, and wanted to protect them…

Magnus doesn’t know what to answer, so he doesn’t say anything. They stay in silence for a long moment, when he’s still buried in his thoughts. He feels some a slight bit of compassion for his father, something he never thought he would do, something he _didn’t want_ to do. But the way he speaks about his mother… He really did care for her.

“It’s from Alec.” Magnus speaks after a while, twisting the Omamori charm in his hand, and Asmodeus’ gaze lands back on it. “He gave it to me after we officially got together.”

Magnus smiles at the memory, but then the pain returns again, as soon as his mind slips him an image of Alec. He doesn’t know why he’s telling his father that. Maybe he feels some urge to share something with him after the conversation that they had? Or maybe he just misses Alexander so much, that he needs to let some of the sorrow out?

“You deserve better than him, Magnus.” His father says, and like that, all the every ounce of sympathy for him leaves Magnus’ body at once.

“Why are you keep saying this?!” He snaps. “You act like you know everything, but you don’t. He’s good for me. Better than anyone ever has. And if there’s someone who deserves better, then for a long time I thought it was him. But he showed me that I’m good enough, that I’m way more than good enough.”

His father sighs and shakes his head lightly.

“He’s not coming back for you, son-“

“I hope he’s not.” Magnus quickly interrupts, which bring a look of confusion to Asmodeus’ face. “Because I’m scared what you would do to him, I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“You care way too much.” His father carries on. “It will destroy you. He’s a Shadowhunter and you are-“

“I know who I am.” Magnus states firmly. “And if you haven’t noticed, father, times are changing. Alexander is changing them.”

Asmodeus smiles sadly at him, like he doesn’t believe any word he’s saying.

“He would break your heart anyway, Magnus. When he’d realized-“

“Alexander knows more than you think. And still, he would never leave me.”

_But I did._ Magnus thinks, and the tears are reappearing in his eyes. _But I did it to save him_. He tries to remind himself, but it doesn’t help.

In his dreams, he wishes for Alec to come and safe him. But he knows the reality, which is why he could never let it happen.

“I’m not letting you go anymore, son.” Asmodeus says after a minute of silence. “It’s just us now.”

The _forever_ hoovers above them, but no one dares to say it. Magnus would broke at this word. Yes, he wants forever, but he wants it with Alec.

And when his father is pulling is arms around him, he flinches. But doesn’t find enough strength to break free from his embrace.

 

Days pass by… at least Magnus thinks it’s days, and still, he’s here. Still doing nothing.

But now, after their conversation on the balcony, he knows his father’s real reason to keep him here.

There’s nothing to ‘rule’ in Edom. This whole place is Asmodeus’. The demons listen to him, fires burn or fade at his request… Everything requires a snap of fingers or a flick of a wrist for him, and he could have everything he wants.

Besides Magnus.

He realized that his father got him here, because he really missed him. In some twisted way, he loves him, and thinks he’s protecting him from all the dangers of the world. But Magnus isn’t nine anymore, isn’t lost after his mother killed herself. He doesn’t need anyone to lead him, to protect him. He found his place, in New York, next to Alexander.

That’s the thing that Asmodeus’ doesn’t seem to get. That by keeping him here, he makes everything between them worse. Because Magnus would by fine with seeing him at times, maybe one day he would be able to forgive him for taking his magic away, but this… this is just too much.

His powers are dormant here. Asmodeus must have cast some spell on him, because he knows Magnus is very capable of creating a passage from Edom back to New York. But Magnus is used to this. He survived more than a month with no magic at all. Now he can feel it’s still there, and if not Asmodeus keeping it in check it’d probably blow out, because he still feels like he doesn’t have it fully under control. And the person who would help him control it is in total different realm…

He still spends most of the time at his balcony, but today he gets downstairs and looks through some of his father’s books. It’s better than doing nothing and staring at the unchanging skyline.

He even finds some books about Shadowhunters, where of course they’re described as Downworlder’s worst enemies. But he finds himself looking through them anyway. Delicately tracing the familiar runes on the pictures, just like he would do with the ones on Alec’s body. He remembers the ones on Alec’s back, _calm anger, endurance, courage in combat, talent_. He’s seen them millions of times, on Alexander’s warm skin, laced by the sunlight falling in through the blinds of their bedroom. With his fingers he precisely outlines his beloved _deflect_ rune, imagining how it would feel now to feel the familiar, steady pulse underneath it.

He sighs at the memory of the times when he could have it any time he wanted. Recalls the first time he put his lips on Alec’s body, traced the runes with his tongue. The reactions he got from Alec. Everything always felt new with him. No matter how many lovers Magnus had, Alec was always different in the best way. Alexander was the one. Will always be.

He slums the book shut, the memories too painful to endure now. It’s too much to even think of him, wanting to touch him makes Magnus feel physical ache in his chest.

The sound of the book closing seems to bring his father’s attention, and when he turns to look at him from the spot in the armchair at the other end of the room, Magnus asks.

“How long have I been here?”

Asmodeus gets up and makes his way closer to him.

“Why do you want to know?”

Magnus sighs in frustration and rolls his eyes. The gesture of course reminds him of Alec, so it wasn’t the best thing to do.

“Because I’m bored.” He answers with a hint of sarcasm in his tone. “I thought you would offer me some interesting tasks, in the ‘ruling our home together’ programme.”

“Isn’t spending time with your father enough?” He asks with a slight grin making its way up to his face.

Magnus snorts to that and reaches for another book, to keep himself occupied, but then Asmodeus speaks again.

“You will get your tasks in time.”

Magnus’ eyes snaps back at him at these words, because he doesn’t like the tone his father is using.

“What do you mean?” He tries to hide a bit panic from his voice.

“Well, when there will be some cities to destroy, or enemies to kill, I’ll let you know.” Asmodeus resorts and pats him on the shoulder. Magnus is not sure, if he’s joking.

“There’s no way I’m helping you with something like this.” He states the obvious and turns the attention back to the book on his lap.

“I don’t think you’ll have much of a choice.”

With that Asmodeus turns and leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec comes up with a plan, but not everyone approves of it. He tries to implement it anyway...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far :) just a few more chapters and we're done, which makes me both sad and excited to see your reactions. Here, action hits kind of a breaking ponit, but there are still things to solve. Enjoy the read!

“So your plan exactly is to…” Jace starts and looks at Alec confused. “do what?”

Alec sighs and rolls his eyes. It feels like they’ve been doing it for the past hour, and still no one seems to understand. Or doesn’t want to. They’re all gathered up in the office. Their base of operation since Alec only left the room to get to the loft. Everyone is sitting on the couch, with Catarina standing next to him at the desk. From her expression, he knows she doesn’t like what she’s hearing.

“I’m going to talk to Asomodeus and convince him to let Magnus go.” He states again. He knows how it sounds. _There’s no such thing as convincing Asmodeus_ , he recalls Magnus’ words from a few weeks ago. But he also remembers the other thing he said later, _he did love my mom, and maybe he even loved me in so twisted way, but now…_

Asmodeus must have a soft spot. Everyone does. And if Alec is right, he actually has a chance on doing that.

“I don’t think it’s the best plan you came up with, brother.” Jace continues. “After all the research we did, you really think convincing him is our best chance?”

“This whole research gave us nothing.” Alec reminds him, to which Jace sighs.

“So, you’re going to convince him with this…” His brother gestures at his desk. “dagger?”

Alec sighs again, as he picks the object into his palm.

“It’s not a dagger.” He resorts, eyes still not leaving his hands. “It’s a _keris_.” It doesn’t seem to bring any clarification to Jace, and also to the rest. Maybe besides Catarina, because she definitely knows more than anyone. But still, Alec adds. “The one Magnus’ mother killed herself with.”

He feels kind of guilty for sharing this, but the guilt is better than the pain he’s been in for the last three days. If that gives them a chance at getting Magnus back, he’s sure he’ll forgive him. Besides, it’s their family he’s telling it to.

Everyone’s expression seem to darken, Catarina looks down, her eyes sad, but she doesn’t questions Alec’s choice to reveal this secret.

“Magnus’ mother…” Izzy starts, but Alec cuts her off.

“There’s no time for this now.” He says, a bit too sharply than he intended to, so at with the next words, his tone softens. “Magnus can tell you about it later, if he wants to. When we’ll get him back.”

“Alec, I don’t think this will work.” Catarina’s gaze turns to him. “You can’t just demand for Asmodeus to let him go, if-“

“Look, Cat I’m aware of how much you know about Magnus’ past.” He starts, and tries to remain calm. “Probably more than me. But he did tell me, that Asmodeus loved his mother, so if she and Magnus are his weakest spots, then-“

“Alec, love isn’t enough to convince him-“

“Maybe it is?” Alec interrupts Cat again. “How do you know?”

Catarina just sighs in defeat.

It needs to work. But it’s true, it’s the worst of his plans. But he can’t think clear when Magnus isn’t here. It’s the only thing he’s coming up with, after all the research failed to give them anything. There’s also one more thing, a plan B, but Alec wouldn’t like to get on with it. But if he’ll have too, he will.

“It this won’t work,” He begins and everyone looks back at him. “then I’ll offer my angelic powers to him. I don’t care what he’ll do with them, but he’s a fallen angel so-“

“Excuse me, what?” Maryse speaks when she seems to register Alec’s words. “Alec, you can’t do this. I know how important Magnus is to you, but to give up such thing-“

“It’s no different from him giving up his powers for us.” Alec states firmly. “It’s time for someone other than him to make a sacrifice.”

And Alec knows it needs to be him. Because what Magnus did, what he always does… he always considers Alec first. Not himself. He said it , in the letter he sent Catarina, that he wanted to save Alec the most. And Alec wants to save him now, more than anything.

No one says anything, and silence fills the room. Soon Alec decides to speak.

“I’ve got two plans.” Everyone turns to him again. Eyes unconvinced and worried. “One of them will work, no matter which one. I’m bringing him back, so Cat, could you please prepare for the spell-“

“I think you should sleep with it, Alec.” Isabelle disturbs him. “It’s too important, and it feels like you’re rushing this and –“

“I’m rushing it, because he’s out there with his monster of a father.” Alec raises his voice. “I can’t let him be there any minute longer, and you’re talking about the whole night-“

“She’s right.” Catarina says suddenly. “I need rest too, and you need sleep. You barely got any in the last three days.”

“But-“ Alec tries to protest and Cat sends him a sharp glare.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready.” She resorts and turns to leave the room. “Think this through, Alec. Really.”

And with that, she’s out of the room.

Alec knows she doesn’t believe it will work. He seems like the only person who does. It’s more like he _wants_ to believe it, because he’s aware of how flawed this plan is, how they don’t know anything useful about Asmodeus, be it just needs to work.

“Alec,” Jace gets up from the couch and steps closer to him. “You know how it sounds, you know it’s not a good plan. If only, it can get you stuck in Edom too, and then-“

“Three days, Jace.” Alec says in a low voice. “Three days, and I can’t stand it. I don’t know how you survived a month without Clary, but you are stronger than me,” at that his brother shakes his head, but Alec continues before he gets to say anything. “I need to do it, to get him. We won’t come up with any other plan soon, this is our only chance.”

Jace exhales slowly. Deep down he knows Alec won’t change him mind. He’s stubborn, and when it comes to Magnus this quality only seems to heighten.

“Just please, think this through.” He puts his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Give it some time, maybe some better plan will come to you. Magnus is strong, he can survive there.”

 _He’s been surviving there for way too long_ , Alec thinks. But he nods, because he knows it will convince Jace to let go for now. Then his Parabatai squeezes his shoulder and backs out of the room, Clary, Simon and Luke following him, which leaves Alec with his sister and mother.

“Alec-“ Maryse starts, but he pulls out his hand to gesture her to stop.

“Spear me this.” He turns to gather up this things and then faces the two women again. “I’m going back to the loft, to try and find something more there. I’ll call you if I do.”

He quickly heads to the door, so none of them can say anything or try to stop him.

 

He knows he won’t find anything here. He comes back to the apothecary, but he’s been through every book yesterday. There’s no way something new will just show up.

So he texts Catarina, because the plan needs to go down tonight. He won’t stand more time.

_Message sent to: Cat_

_Found something that might help. Come to the loft asap._

She shows up after fifteen minutes, when Alec hears the sound of portal appearing in the living room. He leaves the apothecary to meet her, but doesn’t pay much attention to the room itself, since it still hurts to look at the place where he saw Magnus for the last time.

“What did you find?” Catarina asks, before the portal even gets to shut behind her.

Alec’s sure she can see the glimpse of guilt in his eyes, but there’s something more. _Determination_. She sighs and then speaks.

“You didn’t actually find anything, right?” She knows the answer, so before Alec gets to give her one, she continues. “Alec, you know I’m not going through with this plan. It’s too dangerous.”

“Well, but there isn’t any other plan.” Alec states, to which Cat growls in frustration.

“So we make one!”

“There’s no time. He can’t be there any longer.” Alec pauses and adds the rest in a low whisper. “I can’t let him be there any longer.”

Catarina sighs and puts her hands on her hips, giving him a pleading look.

“You know I’m not letting this go.” Alec says after a while, when none of them does.

“Why are you so stubborn? Can’t you see it can get you killed?” Cat questions with pure disbelief.

 _I would die for him_ , Alec reflects. If he needs to, he will.

“Cat, please.” He switches his techniques. “Everything will be fine.”

Catarina snorts, and then answers.

“You can’t know that.”

“I’ll be careful.” He knows he almost has her, knows how desperately she wants Magnus back too. That’s why they need to do it, and why the rest can’t know. He texted Izzy to let her know he’ll be staying the night at the loft, going through some more resources, and that he wants to be alone. Maybe Alec feels a bit guilty for not telling them, but they wouldn’t allow it. And he truly believes it will be fine. _It has to_.

“He never told me much.” Catarina begins, to which Alec looks confused at her sentence, but as she carries on, he starts to understand. “About his father. His family. I believe you know more than me. You’re the first person he’s ever opened himself up to like that.”

Alec smiles at that, but feels the tears in his eyes, threatening to flow out.

“So I want to believe you.” Cat’s voice turns desperate. “I want to believe you, when you say this will work, that you’ll be able to convince him, because I know Magnus won’t forgive himself, if anything happens to you, or you lose your angelic abilities because of him. He just won’t.” She lets out a shaky exhale and looks up briefly, before her eyes return to Alec. “So the first plan needs to work. If not, I’m pulling you out.”

Alec tries to fight the smile that’s creeping its way to his face. They’re really doing that. At some point he still can’t believe that he got to convince her. The only explanation is that they’re both too desperate at this point. Catarina gestures with her hand for them to move to the apothecary. Then she quickly draws a pentagram. Everything is happening so fast now. It’s becoming real. It’s what Alec’s been waiting for, but still he can’t fight the fear raising in his gut. The thought of seeing Magnus again lessens it a little, but he can’t deny he’s terrified.

When Catarina’s done with the pentagram, Alec steps in the middle of it, just like he saw Magnus doing, and same he did at Lorenzo’s. But when Cat crosses the black line, standing next to him, he turns to her confused.

“What are you doing?”

“What?” Cat looks back at him, with a serious expression. “You thought I’m letting you go alone?”

“Cat…” Alec’s voice is pleading.

“Alec, it’s a realm of hell. You’re an angel blooded person. It’s not a good combination.”

“What do you mean?” He asks more confused.

“I mean, that it might be a little bit overwhelming at the beginning. The weight of Edom coming to crash on you.” She explains.

“I can handle it.” Alec nods and states firmly. “You can’t go, Cat.”

He can’t risk anyone else. It’s true, this whole thing is dangerous, and to bring more people in… he won’t be able to forgive himself in anything happens to any other person, any other part of his family. He needs to go alone.

“Alec…” It’s Cat, whose tone turns out pleading now.

“No, Catarina.” He sees her shaking his head, but he quickly adds the only thing that might actually convince her. “Think about Madzie.”

Catarina freezes at his words, and she looks like she really hates it, but knows Alec is right.

“If anything happens out there, you can’t leave her alone. You know that.”

“You just said everything will be fine.” Cat sighs, but Alec knows, that the mention of the young Warlock is enough to persuade her. She would set the world on fire for Madzie. Same as Alec would do for Magnus.

“Consider this a self-preservation.” Alec manages to smile lightly at her, and squeezes her shoulder. She shakes her head again, but Alec can see her lips quirking up a bit. “Besides, it probably takes more magic to portal two people, right?”

Cat nods.

“So, I don’t want you to exert yourself.” Alec states, and it’s true. Catarina has helped him enough. After this, he doesn’t want to ask her for anymore help. He feels like he expanded his limit of favours.

“I would be fine.” Cat says, and Alec nods, but now they both know that he’s going alone. He sees Cat hesitate, so he puts her into his arms for a moment, till he feels her relax a bit.

“You didn’t tell the rest, did you?” She asks, her face still buried in Alec’s shoulder. He shakes his head. “You should, if anything goes wrong-“

“It won’t.” They pull back lightly, so he can look at her. “Besides they wouldn’t approve this decision.”

“Neither should I.” Catarina exhales.

“I thought we’re past that.”

“We are, I just…” She squeezes his shoulders a bit tighter. “I get why you need to do this, but be careful, please.”

“I will.” Alec smiles at her, and the she steps through the pentagram, to stand in front of him. “You’re going to see him tonight, I promise.”

Cat doesn’t look very convinced.

“How are you going to get back?” She say then. “When I’m not with you-“

“Magnus will bring us back.” Alec replies, but his tone comes out as more of a questioning one. “Or, I’ll figure something out, to contact you. Does a fire message work there?”

Catarina seems to think a little, before she answers.

“It might. But I’m not sure, if your stele works there…”

“Then, I’ll get Magnus to send one. We’ll figure it out.” He knows that with Magnus by his side, they’ll be able to come up with something. They always do.

Catarina takes another few steps back, taking him in, as he stands in the middle of the pentagram. Her expression says something upon _I don’t want this to be the last time I’m seeing you._

“What do I tell your family, if it goes wrong?” She asks sadly.

 _Tell them it wasn’t living without him anyway_ , he thinks, but doesn’t say.

“It won’t get to that.” He states and tries to smile again. “I’ll will be fine, you’ll see.”

Cat nods, but there are tears at the corners of her eyes.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She says as she lets out a long breath, and raises her hand to prepare for the spell.

“You’re doing the right thing, and you know it Cat.” Alec replies strictly.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” She murmurs under her breath, but then clears her throat and directs her next words right at Alec. “Okay, this might hurt. I don’t know how it works for a Shadowhunter, but you saw Magnus doing this.”

Alec nods, remembering every single second of that night. The looks of sorrow and fear, the scream… He lets out an unsteady breath as he feels his palms begins to sweat. He didn’t really think of it, how much pain it can bring. But he’s definitely not backing out now.

“It’ll burn.” Cat states without further ado.

“Do it.” Alec nods again as he braces himself for the pain.

She exhales a quiet okay, and then gets to work.

The flames start to rise from the black lines on the floor. First, Alec can only feel their warm, as they start to surround him tighter, it starts to hurt, but it’s bearable. For now.

“Good luck, Alec.”

He doesn’t get to reply to Cat’s words as not even a second later, everything turns to pure agony, and he can hear himself scream.

 

He doesn’t dare to open his eyes just yet. All that he can feel is that he’s on the ground, gasping for air, but it doesn’t seem to get in his lungs. He’s sure he won’t survive this. That’s it, he’ll suffocate there, and he won’t get to save Magnus. He’ll let everyone down, including himself. But then, he feels a sliver of oxygen getting into his lungs, and even though he chokes and coughs, with every other breath it seems that there’s more air getting into him. When he has his breathing mostly under control, he finally opens his eyes.

He’s lying on a dirty, dusty ground. It looks like this whole land has been suffering from drought. The ugly, orange sun seems not to warm, but to slowly burn Alec’s skin. It’s hot. Nearly too hot, that he finds it hard to breathe again. Cat was right, it’s overwhelming. He just hopes it will past.

He slowly gets up on his shaky legs. He feels dizzy, his head is spinning and as soon as he stands, he nearly falls back on the ground again. He takes a few deep breaths to try to calm himself, it doesn’t help too much, but enough for him to take a first step. He doesn’t know if his runes are working here. He’s got his bow and quiver, which have unglamoured themselves on his back, and the _keris_ feels heavy in the pocket inside his jacket. He draws out his stele and ignites his _equilibrium_ rune, hoping to gain some balance, but it doesn’t help. He should have expect this.

Still, he takes another step, and looks around.

First, he sees nothing more, but a deserted wasteland. But then, he spots what seems to be the only building in here, and he knows that Magnus is there. He can feel it. So he starts moving towards it. Slowly, but surely. The dizziness is almost gone, it’s still hard to breath, but he’s doing it. He has to.

 _For Magnus_.

 

It feel like ages, before he gets to what must be Asmodeus’ lair. He’s surprised that none of the demons circling above attacked him during his walk. He’s making quite an easy target, still breathing heavy and uneven. But maybe they’re waiting for some orders? There’s no time to think about that. Not when he’s so close to finally get to Magnus. He’s sure the huge door will be closed, and he’s already searching for ways to open it without his runes, so he’s pretty dazed when he pulls the door, and they just turn open.

_Asmodeus probably did not expect any guests._

_Or on the contrary._

He carefully makes his way inside. The fear making its way back up, because he’s really here, and it’s terrifying. Looking around he sees old, dirty walls, some furniture and a space way too big for one, or even two people. But none of this matters, and everything vanishes as his eyes land on the most important person in his life.

Magnus is standing there. Total shock written on his face. His mouth hangs open, and he looks like he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. He’s so beautiful. Too far for Alec to reach, but he doesn’t move. And Alec feels himself frozen too. Just for a moment. Just taking him in, after this terrible time apart.

Breathing feels easier now, his legs are not that heavy, and Alec’s just about to make the first step towards him, when unexpectedly Magnus speaks.

“You can’t be real.”

Alec looks at him, right in the eyes, and he sees that Magnus really doesn’t believe he’s here. Alec tries to say something, but again, Magnus starts.

“It’s my father, right? Trying to mess with me. Very amusing.” He snorts, and Alec can’t take this anymore. He finally makes a few steps forward and says.

“I’m real.”

Magnus’ eyes snap back at him, as he hears his voice. Alec is still moving he can almost touch him. He _needs_ to touch him. Alec nods, as if trying to confirm his earlier words, but Magnus shakes his head, like he still can’t believe it’s happening. Tears are forming in his eyes, and Alec feels his own almost floating out. He takes one more step closer, and catches Magnus’ hand, lacing their fingers, smiling at how perfect they fit together.

“I’m here, really.” Alec says, as he looks up from their joined hands.

Magnus still looks shocked, but Alec needs to feel him close now, and needs him to believe that this is happening, so he puts his arms around him, hugging him tightly, and when he feels Magnus’ hands clutching at his jacket, he lets out a relived breath.

“I’m here to get you back.” He whispers into Magnus’ hair, and kisses his temple, holding back his own tears, when he feels his boyfriend sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls back an cups Magnus’ face between his palms, looking into does beautiful golden eyes, when his glamour drops. He can’t help but smile. By the angel, he missed it so much, and he can’t hold back anymore, as the his tears are escaping his eyes. Magnus’ hands wander to his neck, creasing its sides gently.

He himself finds it hard to believe, that he finally has him close now. He needs to feel more. So the next second, he’s connecting their lips in a deep kiss, and when he feels Magnus kissing him back, he almost sobs against his mouth, but he can’t let himself do that, because he doesn’t want this to end yet. Nothing matters right now. Only Magnus’ body close to him, only feeling his heartbeat. Alec forgets where they are. They’re together, and that’s enough. More than. Always has been.

When the need of air overcomes them, their lips part from each other, gasping for breath, and Alec lets their foreheads rest together.

“You’re here.” Magnus states, fluttering his eyes open to look at him.

“I am.” Alec whispers and smiles at him. Really smiles, for the first time in four days.

Then they kiss again, and soon, too soon for Alec’s liking, Magnus pulls back and looks at him with a serious expression.

“Why are you here? You were supposed not to do anything stupid.” He says against Alec’s lips, and Alec feels like his heart is mending from its breakage at the concern in Magnus’ voice.

“It’s not stupid. I’m going to get you back.” Alec is creasing his cheeks lightly.

“You can’t, angel.” Alec almost breaks again, at hearing Magnus call him that again. “My father-“

“We need to go.” Alec says, when he realises that Asmodeus is not here. Maybe they’ll get to do this without the need to implement any of his stupid plans. He quickly catches Magnus’ hand, and before he gets to register what’s going on, Alec is leading them to the door. “Can you portal us out of here?”

“N-no, I can’t.” Magnus replies and Alec stops to turn and look at him. “My magic is dormant. Asmodeus needed to cast some spell on it.”

“Okay,” Alec asserts as he tries to think. “We’ll figure it out, we need to leave now. I’ll try to contact Catarina or-“

Before he gets to finish, the front door burst open, and the Prince of Hell is entering his home. Alec moves to stand in front of Magnus, drawing out his bow, just like he did back that night, when Asmoedues showed up at their home.

He looks the same. Same old, long, dusty coat. Cane, attached to his side. He stands proud and tall, taking sure long steps. Alec can see the resemblances between him, and Magnus. There’s something about their facial features, and of course the eyes. But Magnus’ way of moving is full of grace, light. Completely different from his father’s heavy steps. 

At first he doesn’t seem to notice them. But when his gaze lands on them, well especially on Alec, his face twists into something resembling surprised.

“Alexander…” Alec flinches at his full name being spoken in Asmodeus’ cold voice, and his hand tightens its hold on Magnus’. “I didn’t realise we were having a guest, son.” With that the look of surprise completely vanishes from his face, replaced with a devilish smirk.

Alec aims an arrow, stupidly because he knows it can’t hurt him, but it’s defence mechanism. He always does it when he’s in danger. And as soon as the arrow touches the chord, his bow is being ripped out of his hands, just like the first time. He saw that one coming.

“Not a very nice way to greet, when you barge into my home, Alexander.” Asmodeus states, and Alec knows he’s using his full name only to make him angry. It sounds vicious coming out of his mouth. “I must admit, I’m surprised.” He states a bit later. “I wasn’t expecting you to come, I don’t think Magnus was too, right son?”

Magnus doesn’t answer, his father passes them by, and Alec wants to take a chance and drag Magnus out of here, but he knows he can’t. He wouldn’t probably even make it to the front door.

“Tell me,” Asmodeus circles them around, and Alec feels a cold shiver running down his spine. “what brings you here?” His hand lightly brushes over Alec’s shoulder, but it’s enough to make him flinch.

Before Alec gets to say anything, it’s Magnus who speaks.

“Just, let him go father, he doesn’t mean any harm.”

Alec wants to protest, but doesn’t get to, as Asmodeus’ cold voice reaches him again.

“Doesn’t he?” He smirks again. “I have a feeling you’re here to take my son away. It is right, Alexander?”

Alec nods, but doesn’t look up at him, as he feels his standing right in front of him now.

“Alexander, let go. You need to go back home.” He hears Magnus whisper to him. But no, he can’t. He’s not going anywhere without Magnus.

“Well, I don’t think you’ve succeeded in this task, Shadowhunter.” Asmodeus continues. “But, I’ll be merciful today, I’ll let you go. Come on son, I’m sure he can find his way out.” With that he grabs Magnus by the forearm, and with incredible force, that must include magic, he rips him away from Alec, their hands breaking apart, and Alec already misses his comforting touch.

He can’t leave it like this.

“You don’t see it, don’t you?” Alec starts, using all of the courage he can find, to speak those words and to face Asmodeus,, when he turns to look back at him.

“See what, Shadowhunter?” He asks, gritting the word _Shadowhunter_ through his teeth. It feels like his patience is running out, but Alec has only just started.

“That you’re ruining his life.” He doesn’t need to precise whose. They both know.

“Alec, no-“ Magnus tries to make his way to him, but Asmodeus stops him with a wave of his hand, clearly freezing him in place.

“I think I know what’s the best for my son.” Asmodeus says, and Alec almost snorts to that.

“No, you don’t. You’re ruining his life.” Alec repeats. “Just like you did with his mother.”

At that, Asmodeus’ eyes snap back at him, the glare that he gives him is sharp as a knife, and Alec knows that he’s been right about one think. Magnus’ mother is his soft spot.

Alec knows he’s playing a dangerous game. Even talking to the Prince of Hell is frightening, and daring to undermine his authority is horrifying. He doesn’t know where he’s taking this bravery from. Maybe it’s the live and death situation he’s in right now? He doesn’t really care, as long as he still manages to talk.

 “You killed her.” He states, daring not to look away from him. “You left her, left your family, and you never learned, because you keep making the same mistakes-“

Asmodeus shoots his hand in front of him, and Alec feels his chest tighten, it’s hard to breathe again, harder than ever probably. He hears Magnus calling out his name, and he desperately wants to look at him, but his gaze remains focused on Asmodeus.

“You don’t know anything about this, Shadowhunter.” He almost screams, his voice furious. “I suggest you stop talking right now, or this won’t end up well for you.”

But Alec isn’t even half-way through.

“You can see that he’s not happy here.” Alec chokes out as the hold on his chest tightens. “You could have your son back, if you let him go. You hurt him enough.”

He sees something snap in Asmodeus’ eyes, something he can’t name. An emotion that doesn’t fit his face at all.

“Father, stop.” Magnus tries, and Alec can hear his voice breaking. “Just let him go.”

“Oh, I don’t think your Shadowhunter is done talking.” The smirk comes back to the demon’s face, and Alec hisses in pain as the air gets sucked out of his lungs again. “I’ve changed my mind, continue, I’m rather enjoying this.”

“You enjoy hurting your son.” Alec gasps again, and Asmodeus’ gaze turns furious. “Because that’s what you do now. Look at him, he’s suffering here with you. You took everything away from him, including his own mother. Your love.” With his shaking hands Alec reaches to his pocket and pulls out the _keris_. He hears Magnus’ breath hitch in his throat. He hates how he makes him feel, but he needs to do this.

“What is that?” Asmodues roars, and Alec can’t say anything anymore as he chokes on his own breath.

“It’s…” Magnus starts, his eyes wandering between the _keirs_ in Alec’s hand and his face. “Mom, killed herself with this.” His eyes fill up with tears again.

Magnus’ father turns from him to Alec, and the next moment the Shadowhunter finds himself on the  ground, on his knees as another pained gasp escapes his lips.

“You come to my home,” Asmodeus snarls. “insult me, wanting to take my son away, and brining _this_ ” He gestures at the dagger. “You’re the one hunting him. Not me.”

 _This isn’t working_ , Alec thinks.

“He’s not hurting me, father.” Magnus yells at him. “It’s true, you are, because you took everything away from me. Don’t take him, please. Just let him go.”

His father looks back at him and Alec feels like he might faint from the lack of oxygen, so it’s time to move for another plan.

“Name your price.” He chokes out, and the magical hold on his chest loosens a bit. Asmodeus looks back at him, face still serious, but Alec can’t barely see, as tears and black dots are blurring out his view. “I’ll give you anything, just let me take him home.”

The Prince of Hell steps closer to him, urging his head back up with his cane.

At that moment, Magnus seems to break out of his hold and then his dropping to his knees next to Alec, wrapping his arm around his back, running it up and down soothingly as the younger man tries to calm down his breathing. Asmodeus doesn’t seem bothered at the change of evens, he still looks down at Alec in question.

“Alexander, it’s okay. He’ll let you go, you need to leave.” Magnus whispers to him, but Alec’s gaze is still focused on Asmodeus.

“What can you propose me?” He asks, the smirk making its way up to his face again.

“Anything. My angelic powers. Take them.” Alec gets up from the ground, trying to remain proud, even as he’s about to lose a part of his personality any second now. But it’ll be worth it, if Magnus stays by his side.

“Alec, no. You can’t do this.” Magnus says as Alec leans on him heavily now.

“It’s fine.” He assures him, with a hand on his cheek, but Magnus still shakes his head.

“You’re willing to give me that?” His father questions. “Your Shadowhunter essence?”

Alec nods.

“If you promise to let him go, yes.”

Asmodeus eyes him cautiously. Again, the strange look returning to his face. It resembles surprise, but there’s something more to it. Something longing about it. Alec wishes he could read it, maybe it would give him any idea on what’s about to happen.

“Tempting offer.” Asmodeus states after a while. “But I think I want something else.”

Alec frowns in confusion, but before he gets to question anything, the Prince of Hell is putting his hand on his chest, and Alec screams as the excruciating pain reaches him down to the bone.

Magnus shouts next to him, begging his father to stop, but Asmodeus is holding him back with his magic, preventing him from trying to stop him. That’s all Alec can make out, as the pain turns almost unbearable. If not Magnus’ arm around his waist, he would have already collapsed to the ground again.

It’s over almost as soon as it starts, but the moment seems to extend like hours the agony too much too handle. But when is ends Alec gasps for breath again, entirely exhausted, black dots reappearing in front of his eyes, his chest hurts so much from the constant lacks of air.

“Have a nice life.” He distantly hears Asmodeus’ words, and then he’s being pushed back, his hand intertwined with Magnus’

 

He lands on the floor, which feels much more softer than the one he was kneeling on only a few minutes ago. Magnus is at his side in the next second, catching his face between his palms, when he chokes on his own breath again.

“Breathe, angel. Shh, it’s okay.” He sweeps Alec’s hair out of his forehead, placing a light as a feather kiss there.

And when he calms down a bit, he takes a look at his surroundings, eyes widening at the more than familiar location.

“Magnus…” His voice comes out hoarse, so he tries again. “Magnus.”

But his boyfriend is not interested in anything other than Alec’s face, pure concern mixed with fear written on his own features, when his eyes traces his lover’s expression.

“Why did you do that, darling?” He asks, but not angry. His tone is worried and soft. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, I never-“

“Magnus.” Alec interrupts him, his palms wandering to wrap his fingers around Magnus’ wrists. “We’re home.”

Alec looks around again, feeling the soft rug underneath him, looking at his favourite balcony doors, registering every detail of the familiar space. The place, where just four days ago he thought he saw Magnus for the last time, now they’re back here, and he can’t believe his eyes.

But as his gaze returns to his lover’s face, he sees Magnus starring right back at him.

“Alexander, what did my father do to you?”

And Alec answers as honestly as he can, only hiding the panic and fear from his voice.

“I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! What do you think is up with Alec? Let me know what you think in the comments and I'll see you next week with another update! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus tries to figure out what Asmodeus did to Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> figuring out some important stuff. Magnus is very worried. We're almost at the end, next week I will be posting chapter 18 and 19, since it's the epilogue :) as always thank you for all the support.  
> Enjoy the read!

_No_.

It’s the only word Magnus’ mind comes up with, because… _no_.

He’s back home, and he wants to be happy about it. He is, at some point. But not with Alec breathing heavily in front of him. Not with him, being hurt by his father. This was the thing he was trying to prevent . Alec was supposed to be safe. _Here_. How did he manage to get to Edom-

“Hey,” Alec interrupts him, and as Magnus takes a moment to finally take him in, when they’re safe in their own space, he sees how exhausted he looks. His eyes are barely open, dark bags underneath them, but still, he looks beautiful. And Magnus missed it so much. To be able just to look at him, to feel his touch, just to have him near.

When he saw Alec in Edom… It just couldn’t be true. It was just pure shock and fright. He was so terrified of what his father might do and it all became true. He told Alec to stay, asked Cat to watch over him, but still his Shadowhunter just continues to prove how above limits stubborn he is.

But now, crumbled on the living room floor, while Alec looks back at him with some much affection and love in his eyes, the soft, tired smile appearing on his lips… Magnus can’t resist the urge to put his arms around him and just _feel_.

Alec slumps down against his chest, clearly content with having Magnus’ heartbeat under his palms again. Magnus tightens his hold around him, as tears are making their way back up to his eyes again. Because he thought he’ll never have it again. Never see him, never be with him. He’s so tired, they both are, and Magnus doesn’t even realise he’s crying, until Alec pulls back, to wipe his tears away.

“I’m fine.” Alec tries to assure him, as Magnus spots traces of tears on his cheeks too. But he’s not fine, and Magnus isn’t too, not when they don’t know what his father took from Alec. Because he must have taken something. He wouldn’t just send Magnus home without a price.

Even his own son has his worth to him.

At some point, he wants to yell at Alec, because what he did was stupid beyond any limits. What he did, was exactly what he was not supposed to do, and they talked about this millions of times.

And Magnus can’t believe it worked.

Because it shouldn’t. But Alec somehow found his father’s breaking point. _His mother_. Magnus remembers every word from his conversation on the balcony in Edom with his father. How he actually regrets, that he left them. That he was scared. The Prince of Hell was _scared_. So maybe, just maybe his father does understand love in some way. He let them go, but Magnus won’t feel safe until they know what’s going on with Alec.

He pulls him back onto his chest. Just taking a moment for them. To feel him. He needs him in his life so much. Those days… probably days, without Alec were just horrible. He can't really know how Alec felt, because he was still here, and everything must have reminded him of Magnus. At least in Edom, there was none of those reminders.

He runs his hand through Alec’s hair in a soothing gesture, as he feels him sobbing into his chest. He lets go, like he should, because the last few days must have been even worse than Magnus thought.

“I love you.” Alec gasps out against his chest, and Magnus feels a new wave of tears streaming his down his face at hearing those words. He kisses the top of Alec’s head, sweeping his hands up and down his back.

“I love you too, darling. So much.”

There will be time for yelling, for enlightening Alec how dangerous and stupid was what he did. This shouldn’t work, but it did. Still, there are consequences, and first of all they need to find out what they are.

“Alexander” Magnus tries to pull back and look at him, but Alec keeps clutching onto his shirt, he isn’t crying anymore, Magnus can tell from the way his body stopped shaking, but still doesn’t let go. And Magnus won’t make him do it. Not after he did miss it so much too. “Alec, we need to know what’s going on.” Magnus says, still holding onto him tightly. “My father, he-“

“Just one more minute.” Alec murmurs into his shirt and Magnus can’t help but smile at his needy tone.

Still, there are important things to do, and Magnus won’t feel at ease until they figure it out.

“Darling, we need to know-“ Magnus doesn’t get to finish, as the front door swing open, and Catarina enters.

She freezes as she spots them settled on the floor, in each other’s arms. Magnus can see the tears forming in her eyes. Then he feels Alec trying to get up, so he follows, and for a few moments they just keep staring at each other. Cat's gaze wandering from Alec to him, like she just can’t believe they’re really here.

Magnus can’t blame her. He can’t quite believe it himself.

“You did it.” She states quietly and then she crosses the room in a few long strides and throws herself into Magnus’ embrace.

He doesn’t like that he needs to let go of Alec, but considering how worried Cat was, and how he left her with no explanation besides the letter, the least he can do for her, it to hug her as tightly as he can.

“I missed you so much. I was so scared.” Catarina says when they pull away, and she cradles his face between her palms. “You stupid fool.” She adds, but the smile on her lips is betraying, that’s she’s more relieved than angry.

Magnus just smiles at her in return and hugs her again briefly, catching Alec, smiling at them softly in the corner of his eye.

Then, Catarina turns to him, her expression still relieved, but a bit cautious, as she asks,

“What happened there?”

Alec looks like he’s just about to answer, but suddenly he stumbles a step back and loses his balance, almost collapsing onto the floor, if not Magnus instantly reaching for him, steading him with his arm around his waist.

“Are you okay?” He puts his hand on Alec’s cheek, as the Shadowhunter closes his eyes and takes in a few calming breaths. Then he nods.

“Fine, I’m just… a bit dizzy.”

“Let’s take a sit.” Magnus carefully leads him to the couch, as Alec’s legs almost give up again, and slowly lowers him so he can sit down.

He doesn’t like it. At all. And the thing bothering him the most, is that they have no idea what’s going on. His father left them with no explanation at all. Magnus can’t forget the scream the ripped through the air, when Asmodeus put his hand on Alec chest… He saw the glint in Asmodeus’ eyes, right before he did it. But something wasn’t just right on his face, something didn’t fit. The emotion kind of resembling the one from their talk on the balcony, but only for a brief second. Magnus swears to the Angel, that if he hurt Alec… then there will be consequences for him too. 

He slumps down on the couch, his hand immediately wandering to Alec’s. Catarina settles herself on the edge of the coffee table, so she can take them both in, as she speaks, directing her worlds to Alec.

“I’m sorry I left, but I needed to check up on Madzie and-“

“Cat, how long was I gone?” Alec asks.

“It’s been…” Catarina looks at the clock above their heads. “You went in last night, it’s already morning, and I just needed to arrange a babysitter for Madzie so-“

“Cat, it’s fine.” Alec answers offering a reassuring smile. “It didn’t felt like the whole night.”

“Time passes by differently in Edom.” Magnus resorts, squeezing his hand a bit tighter. Then he reminds himself of yet another thing. “How long was I out there?”

“Four days.” Alec replies immediately, like he’s been counting hours and seconds since he last saw him. Probably has. “Well, now five actually.”

Magnus nods slowly. The long going time, that felt like ages in Edom, turned out to be just days. But it doesn’t make it any better. He didn’t want to leave Alec for even a second. He knows he won’t, ever again.

“What happened there?” Catarina’s gaze hoovers above them both as she repeats her question. “Did your plan work? How did you get back-” She asks as her eyes settle on Alec.

“Cat, maybe one question at a time?” Alec suggest with a small smile.

She nods apologetically, but before gets to ask anything more, Magnus cuts in.

“What plan?” He looks at Alec, and notices that he’s avoiding his gaze. “That was your plan? To convince him?” He resorts. He told him exactly not to do that. “Alec-“

“That was one part, I guess.” Alec answers, still not meeting his eyes.

“So, the other one was to offer your angelic power.” Magnus more states than asks. Alec nods, and Magnus hangs is head down, shaking it lightly. “Alec, that was stupid, to-“

“But it worked.” He asserts, and then adds in a low whisper. “That’s all that matters.”

They look at each other for a few moments, and Magnus doesn’t spot any traces of regret in Alec’s eyes. Only the relief and love.

“Did he take it?” Catarina interrupts their staring. “You power?”

Alec turns to her, and his mouth hangs open for a few seconds, like he doesn’t know what to say. Because probably he doesn’t. Maybe Amsodeus did take it? That’s why Alec is so weak and unstable…

“We don’t know.” Magnus answers for Alec and curls his arm around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Let’s find out then.” Catarina states, her expression confused, but also determined to help. Magnus will need to talk to her too, since she’s the one who did the spell, when he told her not to do just that. It seems no one listens to him, even when it’s about him. “Do you have your stele?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec answers, letting go of Magnus’ hand and pulling it from his pocket.

“The runes are still there.” Cat says as her eyes fall on Alec's _deflect_ rune, still very present on his neck. Alec moves to take off his jacket, only to reveal more marks on his arms.

“But do they work, right?” He asks, visibly nervous as he draws a fresh _stamina_ rune on his forearm. As the mark burns itself into Alec’s skin, he evidently relaxes, both with feeling the power of the rune overcoming him, and the fact that it works. He lets out a relieved sigh.

Magnus would hate it, if because of him, Alec lost a part of himself. He realises how Alec must have felt, when Magnus gave up his power to save Jace, and _him_. He’ll never truly understand the feeling, but when Alec offered his abilities to Asmodeus, something just knotted in Magnus’ stomach. Especially, when he knew, he couldn’t stop him.

So it is a relief, that Alec remains his angel-blooded self. Of course, he would always love him, angel blood or not, he just wouldn’t be able to stand that it’s his fault. But then, Magnus feels the worry coming back with stronger force, because they have no idea what happened to Alec. No attachment point, where to start to figure it out.

“Okay. So that’s not it.” Magnus states, when Alec puts his stele away and reaches for his hand again.

Catarina looks at them confused, and they both realize that they haven’t really explained yet, what happened in Edom.

So they do. Magnus finds out how overwhelmed Alec felt when he showed up in there. He knew that Edom might have this kind of effect on angel-blooded person, but still never wanted to test this theory. Especially not on Alec, but it happened, they can’t take it back now.

Magnus quickly sums the rest of events up, because there are more important things than the details now. For example, finding out what’s going on with his boyfriend.

“So, Asmodeus just-“ Cat tires to wrap her head around what she just heard, but Alec cuts her off.

“Look, can we just…” He sighs and turns to both of them. “Can we leave this for a moment. I just feel like I need some rest, I’ll be fine.”

Magnus wants to argue, because there’s no way he’ll just go to sleep peacefully when he doesn’t know what’s going on with Alec. But when his eyes meet Alec’s, full of exhaustion, he can’t deny him getting the rest he didn’t experience for five days.

“Just give me a few hours.” Alec continues, and Magnus nods, then turns to Cat.

“I’ll probably need your help, Cat. My magic still feels unsteady and I…” _Don’t want to risk hurting him,_ he thinks. “I could just use some help, so if you would stay or-“

“Magnus, of course I’ll help.” Catarina resorts without hesitation, but then moves get up. “But, I think I’ll head home to Madzie now. You both get some rest, and call me when you’re ready, okay? The most important thing is you’re back.”

She looks at Magnus with the knowing look, and he loves her a little bit more, because of how she knows when to give them some time alone. He wouldn’t mind Catarina staying over, but still he wants a moment alone with Alexander.

He gets up to squeeze Cat into yet another hug, but before they let go of each other, Magnus is hit with a sudden realization.

“Wait,” he says before Catarina gets to move away. “What about the others, we should let them know that Alec and I are both back.”

To be honest, he’s surprised that only Cat came barging in. It’s good, because he doesn’t want to be overwhelmed with so many people just yet, but still…

“Actually, I haven’t told the rest I was going.” Alec gets up from the couch, much more stable now. “Only Cat knew.”

“So, you went to Edom and…” Magnus lets the sentence trail off with a sigh.

 _Okay_ , he thinks. _We definitely need to talk._

“Still, we should-“ He tries to continue, but Alec stops him.

“Can we wait?” He puts his hand on Magnus’ arm. “Until… just until we know what’s up.”

 _With_ _me_ , Magnus is sure Alec thinks, but doesn’t say. And for the first time he sees that his Shadowhunter is also pretty scared and worried about this whole thing. And who would blame him? It’s his life that’s at stake.

“I told Izzy I’ll be staying the night here, but since it’s over…” Alec carries on. “I’ll just text her I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“I can talk to her, that you still need some time.” Catarina offers, clearly noticing the way Alec’s eyes lit up with scare.

Magnus just nods at both of them, not being able to deny Alec anything now. Whatever he needs, Magnus will do for him.

“Okay, I’m gonna go.” Cat states and moves to the door. “Call me when you’re ready.”

With that, she leaves.

Alec almost immediately slumps down on the couch, hiding his face in his palms. Magnus sits down next to his, his hand going around Alec’s back, running up and down lightly in a comforting gesture.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, and urges his face from his hands.

“I should be asking you.” Alec replies and Magnus sighs.

“Alec-“

“Magnus,” he states firmer than he looks like he could. “You spent four days with your father in hell. If you’re not okay, it’s fine. I just need to know. And I’m sorry I let you get there, and that you needed to stay there for that long-“

“Alexander.” Magnus cups his face gently and creases his cheeks. “You have nothing to be sorry for, it was my choice. And I’m fine. Since I’ve got you here, everything is great. I just need to know, if you’re fine too.”

Alec clearly struggles with the answer. Silently deciding if he should lie to Magnus only to make him less worried, or to tell the truth. He seems to realise, that Magnus will see through him, so there’s no point of lying.

“I don’t know.” He says after a while. “To be honest I’m… pretty scared.”

Magnus exhales heavily and pulls Alec back into his arms again.

He’s mad. But only at himself, for not preventing this from happening. He should have done more to make sure Alec would stay out of this. But what more could he do? There wasn’t time and-

“I don’t regret this.” Alec’s words pull him out of his thoughts as he turns in his arms to look at him. “I never would, not when this got you back to me, but I just… I don’t really know what to think now.”

Magnus understands, this thing is rather confusing, and he doesn’t know what to think himself.

“I didn’t expect you to come get me.” He confesses after a while. “I didn’t want you to, because I was scared what my father would do. I should make sure that you won’t get there somehow…”

“I don’t think you would be able to stop me.” Alec smiles softly, his own hand reaching to touch Magnus’ cheek. “I just wish it didn’t take me that long to-“

“Alec, no.” Magnus states. “What you did, was very stupid. But it worked. And I can’t even thank you enough for bringing me back, but I’m not-“

“Don’t say you’re not worth it.” Alec interrupts. “You’re worth more than anything to me. No matter what your father did.”

Magnus smiles a bit sadly, and leans down to kiss him, because there is nothing but truth in his words, he can hear it in his tone, in the way his face falls all serious. He loves him with all his heart. With all his being.

“We’ll figure it out, right?” Alec asks after a while, since the conversation has died down. The uncertainty and fear in his voice makes Magnus answer him instantly.

“Of course we will, angel.” He places a light kiss to his temple. “It’s okay, that you’re scared, but I promise you, I won’t stop till we find out what’s going on.”

“Okay.” Alec seems to relax a little as his head falls back down to Magnus’ chest. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, darling.”

Oh, how he missed saying that.

 

Not long later, they both move to the bedroom. Alec falls asleep almost immediately when his head touches a pillow, only waiting for Magnus’ content arms to wrap around him again. He snuggles closer to him, till his head is resting in the crook of Magnus’ neck, as he inhales deeply. Magnus is pleased to just lay beside him, and watch him, until sleep overcomes him too.

He wakes up a few hours later, because there are still things bothering him, and he just can’t let go completely. Alec looks fine, nothing visible is happening to him, but that doesn’t make it any better. He wants to do a quick spell and check on him, even if it’ll probably give them nothing, but he feels his magic is dangerously unsteady, so he just can’t find himself to try and use it on Alexander now.

He decides to get up and call Catarina, so she can take some time and then come here. But as soon as he moves even the slightest bit, Alec’s hand grabs his.

“Where are you going?” He asks as he stirs awake and rubs his eyes in a sleepy gesture.

“I was just going to call Cat, tell her she can come soon.”

“Can you stay a little bit longer?” Alec throws his arm around Magnus’ middle and hugs him tightly, so who is Magnus to refuse him now. He moves down on the bed, and kisses Alec’s forehead, to soon enough receive a kiss on the lips from Alec, long, a lingering one. The Shadowhunter puts his hand on his neck and brings him closer. They kiss until the need of air overcomes them, creating only a few inches of space between them, foreheads pressed together.

“I missed you.” Alec whispers against his lips, following his words with yet another soft kiss.

“I missed you too, angel.”

Alec smiles at him, and Magnus easily reciprocates. He still looks a bit tired, but the hint of fear is still present in his eyes, so Magnus decides they need to get rid of it as soon as they can.

He only hopes that when they find out what’s going on, they will be able to fix it. That _he_ will be able to fix it.

“You ready to get up?” Magnus asks and Alec hangs his head down on a pillow with a growl. “I promise, you’ll get back to sleep soon enough.”

“With you?” Alec’s voice is soft, but still uncertain like Magnus would disappear as soon as he lets go of him.

“Of course, darling. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You mean it this time?”

There’s no anger in Alec’s voice, but still Magnus feels awful at breaking this promise he kept giving Alexander repeatedly.

“Alexander, I’m sorry-“

“No, I get it.” Alec interrupts quickly. “I know why you did it, and I should be the one to thank you, because without you, New York would have already burned down in flames.” He moves to sit on the bed, cupping Magnus’ face between his palms. “But still, it hurt. God, Magnus it just hurt so much.”

He knows, and he hates himself for causing Alec this kind of pain.

“But I know you hurt too.” Alec continues. “And with your father… I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for you.”

Magnus exhales heavily, but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t know what to say. It’s been hard, but his father wasn’t exactly so awful. This talk on the balcony… it proved Magnus that Asmodeus is capable of just feeling something. And just like if Alec was reading his mind, he found out what these feeling were about. Who they were about.

“So let’s just…” Alec chuckles as he says the next words. “Stay in the here and now?” Magnus can’t help but laugh softly at Alec quoting his own words to him. “Let’s just… we’re here. Together. That’s all that matters.”

Magnus nods and connects their lips again. His hands slide down from Alec’s hair to his neck, and down, but when they reach his chest, Alec flinches slightly at the touch.

“Did it…” Magnus starts, pulling his hand of Alec’s chest to settle in on his hip. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Alec answers instantly. “I just… I don’t know, sorry-“

“Alexander it’s fine.” Magnus swipes his palms on his sides, but Alec still looks guilty at his previous reaction. “Really.”

Alec nods, but looks down, so Magnus ducks his head to catch his eye.

“Did he, left any mark?” He asks, because if he did, this might give them some clue.

“I… don’t know.” Alec replies. “I don’t feel like there’s anything there, but… we should check.”

Magnus nods and catches the hem of Alec’s shirt between his fingers, looking questioningly at him with his eyebrows raised, only pulling the t-shirt up, after receiving a nod in answer. He gently gets it over his head, and then his eyes are tracing Alec’s body for any marks.

“There’s nothing there.” Magnus states, gaze focused at the spot where his father’s hand was resting a few hours ago. Then Alec takes his palm, and places it at this spot, not flinching from the touch this time.

“Magnus if…” He starts and takes a deep breath. “If anything happens to me, because of… this.” His head points lightly on Magnus’ hand down on his chest. “It’s not your fault, nothing is okay? Just like you did, I made the decision, and I get to live with the consequences.”

“But, if it wasn’t for me-“

“But it was for you, Magnus.” Alec doesn’t let him finish. “And I would do anything for you, you know that. And you’re not alone, you don’t need to be the one making sacrifices all the time. Let someone help you. Let _me_ , help you.”

 _Now I need to help you_.  Magnus thinks, but only nods at Alec in response.

“I…” Magnus begins. “Alexander, I just don’t want to be the cause of your pain anymore.” He says, barely holding back the sob trying to escape his lips.

“Baby, you’re not. You never are.” Alec says smiling softly at him. “You’re worth it, you’re worth everything, even the pain.”

With that Alec wraps his arms around him and just holds him tightly. They stay like this for a while, until Alec pulls back and looks at him.

“I think it’s time we call Cat.” He says, the nervous look returning to his face, so Magnus just needs to kiss him to try to erase it. It doesn’t help, but Alec still tries to smile at him.

 

Catarina arrives, and they settle back in the living room. After preforming a few spells, that were supposed to check Alec’s health condition, they haven’t found anything unusual. Magnus feels his magic calming as he slowly starts to perform in on his boyfriend, when the emotions are settled a bit. Magnus sighs in defeat as yet another spell gives them nothing. He gets up from the couch he’s been seated on with Alec, and starts to pace around the living room, trying to come up with some solution.

“Alec, you need to help us out here.” Catarina says as she takes a place next to him on the couch. “Maybe, try and tell us what if felt like, or do you feel like there’s anything lacking?”

“I don’t know, Cat.” Alec replies, his voice stating a failure. “I don’t feel like anything is different.”

“Well, he must have taken something.” Magnus resorts, not stopping his movements, tapping his finger on his mouth nervously. “Besides your angelic abilities, what else could Asmodeus want from you?” He asks more himself than Alec, but then his boyfriend’s head snaps up, like it does when he’s hit with some realization.

Magnus interrupts his pacing and makes his way closer to Alec. 

“What is it?” He asks carefully as the younger man turns to face him.

“It didn’t feel like he took something away.” Alec states and then turns more confused. “More like, he was giving something, pouring into me.”

That’s something. But Magnus is not comforted at this thought. What if his father injected something in Alec? Some disease, that might be slowly killing him from the inside? There is just so many scary possibilities, that Magnus doesn’t even want to think of. But he has to, he’ll go through every single option he can come up with, trying every spell to detect it, or even create new ones.

But where to start…

“Cat, we should do the demon blood tracking spell.” Magnus states and both Catarina and Alec turn to him.

“Why?” She asks before the other gets to.

“Because if you say,” he looks back at Alec. “that it felt like he gave you something, that might be an amount of his demon blood. We’ll do the spell to see if there are any traces of it in your system.”

Alec seems to be wrapping his head around it before he speaks.

“And what if there is?” He fidgets nervously on the couch. “I mean, what if the blood is in my system?”

Magnus wishes he had an answer to that, but demon and angel blood don’t mix, not naturally. When he thinks of Jonathan, how Valentine injected him with demon blood, what he became… He has no idea how this would affect Alec. And as he looks down on his boyfriend, he can see the fear raising in his eyes, when Magnus doesn’t have an answer for him.

“It’s just one possibility.” Magnus states as he get to kneel in front of Alec, taking his hand into his own. “It doesn’t need to be true. There are lots of other things-“

He bits his tongue  before he gets to say anything else, because clearly stating all the other things his father could do to Alec won’t help him feel any better.

“Okay, do the spell.” Alec says firmly, nodding to Magnus and squeezing his hand tighter.

“I’ll go look for the potion needed for this one.” Cat simply points out, and then makes her way to the apothecary, giving Magnus a moment alone with Alec.

The Shadowhunter leans back on the couch, his head fallen back, just staring at the celling, and Magnus takes a deep breath before he starts talking.

“Darling, it’s gonna be fine.” He tries to convince him. “I’ll fix it, I promise.”

“I know,” Alec sighs and turns to look at him. “I’m just… I don’t know Magnus, I don’t know how should I feel with all this.”

“There’s no right way for you to feel.” Magnus states when his hands finds Alec's, squeezing it gently. “You don’t need to explain it.”

Alec nods, and Magnus leans in to kiss him, he hopes it’ll give him at least a bit of comfort.

“Whatever happens.” Magnus says when they pull apart. “I’ll never leave you, I’ll always love you, angel.”

Alec smiles lightly, as Magnus places a tender kiss to his forehead. Then Catarina emerges to the room again, holding a vial in her hand. She smiles at the sight of them curled on the couch together, and then steps closer.

“Drink this.” She hands Alec the vial with a dark green fluid, and he winces at the sight of it. “It tastes better than it looks, I promise.” She adds when she notices Alec’s expression.

He mumbles a quiet ‘okay’ and swallows the content of the vial in one go.

“What now?” He asks, his gaze flying between Magnus and Cat.

“Now, we get to work.” Magnus states as he snaps his fingers and blue flames start to dance around his fingers.

He didn’t really got the chance to enjoy his magic, since he got it back. That’s not such time either. He needs to focus on Alec.

He catches him looking down on his hand with a soft smile, and can’t contain his own from widening a bit.

Magnus slowly lets the magic go around Alec, and he focuses at the feeling, searching his body for any traces of demonic essence.

He’s nervous too. Everything feels fine, and he’s just about to give up, when something… something just doesn’t feel right.

He locks his eyes with Alec, and can see the moment his Shadowhunter notices the panic raising in his eyes, his own expression turning worried.

“What is it?” Alec asks, not even hiding the fear from his tone. “It’s the demon blood?”

“No.” Magnus states, because the spell hasn’t found any traces of it. And the spell is never wrong, Magnus knows since he’s the one who created it. Besides, if he had demon blood, runes wouldn't work on him. They would burn his skin, and the one Alec drew earlier on his forearm clearly didn't. “There’s just something off.”

He can’t explain it. It’s like something is different in Alec’s body, but he can’t decide if it’s good or bad either. But knowing his father it can’t be anything good.

It’s almost like eternity was coursing in Alec’s veins.

 _Eternity_.

 _No_. _It can’t be._

Or can it?

Magnus gets up from the couch before he even realises it.

“What’s off?” Alec asks and he sounds like he’s repeating this question, which only makes Magnus sure he was too deep in his thoughts to hear him earlier.

“Give me a minute.” He states and quickly heads to the apothecary to get a potion he thinks might be able to confirm his suspicions.

“Magnus…” He hears Catarina call after him, but doesn’t stop. Focused on his task at hand.

Would his father do it? _Why_ would he do it? It doesn’t make sense, nothing makes sense and it’s just so, so confusing.

He quickly scans the shelves, actually surprised he knows where to look for it, since he hasn’t been in this room or more than a month. He spots the vial on a top shelf and quickly grabs it returning to the living room. Then, coming to stand in front of Alec he gives him the potion.

“Drink.”

“What is it?” Alec asks as he gets up from the couch.

Magnus sighs and begins to explain, turning to face both Catarina and his boyfriend.

“It’s an old potion, I created it with Ragnor when there was this weird epidemic in the late 30s, that somehow affected the Warlocks.” Alec still just looks confused, so Magnus continues. “They were losing their abilities one by one, and we made it to find out what traits are still present. It creates a swirl of magic which lits up in a specific colour around a person who drinks it. Every colour represents different Warlock trait.” Magnus explains furthermore. “Yellow, means magic is still present in the person, green revels their Warlock mark, red states the appearance of demon blood, and purple means immortality. We also used it to identify if a person who pretended to be a Warlock actually was one.”

Alec just looks at him, trying to wrap his head around the amount of information, when Cat seems to recall this potion in her mind, and trying to read Magnus’ expression.

“So, you think your father gave me one of the Warlock traits?” Alec asks, when he registers and makes sense of Magnus’ words. “Why?”

“I don’t know, Alec.” Magnus says with probably too much frustration than needed. “Can you please just drink it, so we can find out?”

“Yeah.” Alec murmurs and takes the vial from Magnus’ hand. He takes a deep breath, before drinking the whole thing.

At first nothing happens, and it both worries Magnus and makes relief spread in his chest. But then, the swirl of magic appears around Alec, and starts to take colour…

Magnus just looks at him, and freezes.

“How is this possible?” Catraina asks, he eyes focused on Alec too.

Alec looks down on himself and doesn’t say anything, just staring at the purple magical flames around him.

“I don’t understand.” He says when the magic starts to fade. “You said there’s no demon blood in my system.” He fixes his gaze on Magnus, and the Warlock for the first time in really long can’t read Alec’s expression.

“Because there isn’t. The spell can’t be wrong. And your runes still work...”

“So how to explain this?” He questions, but Magnus doesn’t have any answers.

 _How?_ Magnus stopped asking himself that question if it comes to his father. The Prince of Hell clearly has his ways, he can do anything he wants, is capable of unimaginable thing. But why would he do _this_?

Nobody has said it yet. And Magnus knows it needs to be him, to state the obvious that they all know, but are too afraid to admit.

“Can we be sure?” Cat speaks, before Magnus gets to.

In all the time he’s been using this potion, since the day he created it with Ragnor it always worked. Always confirmed what the other Warlocks felt like. If Magnus can’t trust himself, he for sure trusts Ragnor.

“I… I think we can.” Magnus states, and looks back at Alec, only to see him looking down on the floor, his face scrunched in thinking. “Alexander,” He tries and Alec’s head snaps up, the unreadable expression still on his face. Magnus takes a deep breath and comes closer to him, gently putting a hand on his arm.

“I know what purple means, Magnus.” Alec says, avoiding Magnus’ gaze.

 _I know you know,_ Magnus thinks. _But I need you to hear it._

“Alexander,” he starts again and Alec finally looks back at him. “My father took your mortality.” He swallows before adding. “You’re immortal.”

Alec stares back at him, but doesn’t say anything. Magnus can recognise a trace of fear and shock on his face, and a lot more emotions he can’t really make out.

“I…” Alec begins and then steps away from Magnus pulling his hand out, to gesture that he wants some space. “I need some air.”

With that, he turns around and steps out through the balcony door.

Magnus wants to go and follow him immediately, but Cat stops him with a hand on his arm.

“Give him a minute.” She says quietly. “It’s a lot to take it.”

Magnus struggles to stay in place, but then nods admitting Cat’s right and slumping down and the couch to hide his face in his hands.

Is it the worst thing that his father could done? No. Does it make it any better? No, because he’s just dropped a bomb on Alec that he’s gonna live forever. And it’s terrifying. Immortality is a burden, Magnus knows it the best. To watch the people you love age and die… there’s no pain like it. And it all because of _him_. He will cause Alec this pain, because it was him who Alec saved.

“He’s gonna hate me, Cat.” Magnus states still not pulling his hands from his face.

“What are you talking about, Magnus?” She asks, urging his head up, so he can look at her, as she seats herself on a couch next to him.

“He did it for me, and now… immortality is a burden Cat, we know it the best.”

“Alec would never hate you.” Catarina shakes her head. “Magnus, he totally broke down when he lost you. He was going out of his mind, not sleeping, not eating, not leaving his office. He wasn’t able to function properly. He loves you, more than anything, and you know it.”

“I know, but this…” He sighs. “This is big, huge. I would never ask him for this sacrifice, he doesn’t want this and-“

“How do you know?” Cat interrupts. “How do you know he doesn’t want this? Did you two talk about this?”

“No, we didn’t.” Magnus answers after he thinks for a bit. Every conversation they had started about this always ended with a fight, so they just kept avoiding it. “But why would he-“

“So he could be with you. Forever.” Catarina states firmly and he feels her gaze on him even when he looks down.

Could Alec want it? Forever with him? Magnus secretly did. He does. But he would _never_ make Alec do this for himself. If he found a way, he would offer him a choice, but now…

“Look, Magnus.” Cat stars as she takes his hands in hers. “This love you have, it’s stronger than anything. Stronger than anything that’s broken. It can fix everything. He accepts you, he never feared you and he stayed. Even after you opened up about your past to him. He’ll always stay. Didn’t you think for a little while, that he might want forever with you too, but he’s just too scared to admit it?”

Magnus looks back at her, but can’t find himself to say anything. It’s all true. Alec isn’t like anyone else. He’s been special form the start, accepted him as he is, never tried to change him and never used him, like other people did. But he’s never thought… never _dared_ to think that he might have this forever.

Catarina sighs as she realises he’s not going to give her any answers, so he squeezes his hand and speaks.

“Just talk to him.” She gets up from the couch and moves back towards the apothecary. “I’ll be there in case you need me.”

Magnus manages a slight nod, as he gets up too and heads through the balcony doors.

Alec has his back turned to him, leaning on the railing, his shoulder tensed. Magnus can’t find himself to speak again, so he just stands there and watches the man he loves for a brief moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! That was tough, and I hope I explained this whole thing well. If not, then I'm sorry, hahaa, but it was quite hard to even find a way for them to figure out what happened to Alec. Next week I'll update the last chapters. And in the meantime let me know all your thoughts!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec talk about the outcome of Asmodeus' actions. Later, they need to reveal it to their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> So last one of the 'proper' chapters, since the next one is an epilogue. It's been a trip, getting to share this whole thing with you and I hope you enjoyed reading it, just as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

Alec doesn’t know how much time passes as he stands on the balcony. He lets himself get wrapped in the cool night breeze, and he doesn’t know if he shivers from the cold or from the emotions still buzzing through his whole body.

 _Immortal_.

It’s… huge. It explains this overwhelming feeling and dizziness Alec has been experiencing since they’ve got back. He just thought it was still the effect of being in the realm of hell, but turns out it was immortality settling in Alec’s body. It scares him, but he still can’t wrap his head around it. How can this even be possible? It shouldn’t. And why would Asmodeus want his mortality? Maybe he thought he was coursing Alec with it? _Immortality_ _is a burden_ , Magnus always says that. And Alec’s sure it is. But he can’t help to feel selfish enough, that his first thought as the emotions cool of a bit, is that he can get to spend forever with the love of his life.

Right now, it’s the only thing that’s holding Alec together. When he starts thinking about watching his family grow old, and then die… it’s just too much.

He doesn’t realize Magnus has joined him on the balcony until he puts his hand lightly on his shoulder and stands next to him, looking down on the city.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asks, turning to face him.

Alec takes a deep breath as he’s still observing the city below, before facing his boyfriend. But he can’t manage to say anything. He isn’t completely fine, but it isn’t the worst thing that Magnus’ father could do. He could just kill him, or make him die slowly, take Magnus away. It doesn’t make any sense. Why with all the things he’s capable of, he would settle for this?

“I’m so sorry, Alexander.” Magnus continues when he sees Alec’s not ready to give him any answers yet. “I should have done something, anything to stop him and-“

“It’s not your fault, we talked about this.” Alec says and then decides to provide some sort of reply. “I’m okay.”

“Are you really?” Magnus urges as he intertwines their hands, resting them on the balcony ledge.

“I will be.” Alec resorts. “It’ll take time… adjusting.”

“We can figure something out, try to reverse it. If you want to.” Magnus adds the last part in an insecure tone, giving him and option.

But does he want to?

Can he risk getting into more danger, when this isn’t the worst solution? Can he put Magnus and the rest of his family in danger again?

 _He can’t_. He knows it.

“It’s selfish of me, right?” The words come out of his mouth before he gets to think them through.

“What, darling?” Magnus asks, clearly confused, as his other hand makes its way to Alec’s arm, rubbing it up and down lightly.

“It’s selfish, that the first thing I can think is how I could have forever with you now.”

Magnus looks back at him, eyes wide in shock, mouth slightly open, but no words come up.

“It’s not like I haven’t thought about it.” Alec adds.

He has. After finding Magnus’ box of mementos, seeing how much it hurt him to lose his past lovers… Alec has always known that he wouldn’t be ready to leave him. Never, no matter how much time they would have. Maybe he doesn’t need to now.

“Would you want it?” Magnus questions, his eyes still surprised. “Forever, with me?”

Alec sighs and turns to settle his hands on Magnus waist.

“Magnus, I…” It’s hard to find his way with words now. “Remember what you told me a few weeks ago? That, you would never be able to let me go? No matter how much time we would have?” Magnus nods so Alec continues. “Guess what, I wouldn’t be able to leave you too. I know how much pain it would cause you and I just… I couldn’t… I never wanted to even imagine it. Maybe now I don’t have to.”

Magnus still looks at him, his expression stunned and so full of affection and love.

“Besides, there’s still work to be done.” Alec adds. There is, and now he might have more time to fight. To make the Shadow World right. Equal. Who knows if his successors would carry on with his plans? Now, he can do this himself. That’s why he wanted to be the Head, to make a change. He knew it will take time, but… time seems to be on his side now.

“I’m not saying that…” Alec carries on a bit later. “Hell, Magnus we can’t know what happens tomorrow. You know my job, and we both know…” He takes a deep breath as he tries to brace himself for the next words. “I can die tomorrow, or next week, or next month,” Magnus shakes his head, but Alec doesn’t get him to interrupt. “because immortality doesn’t make me invincible. But it gives us a chance, Magnus. To just… be together. To look forward to the future, we can share. And I’ve been thinking about it.” He admits. “That maybe one day, if we found some way, we would be able to just… and then I stopped, because you lost your immortality, and then we had a chance on growing old together and it would be fine, but I saw how unhappy you were, and I… I didn’t care about the future then, I just wanted to make you happy again.” He feels tears gathering up in his eyes. “Magnus, we both know we would have another fight about this, sooner or later. About me dying and… And I didn’t have the time to think about this again, since you got your immortality and magic back. But I did, I did think about it earlier.”

He probably doesn’t make any sense, he just hopes Magnus will understand what he means.

“I just…” Alec takes another deep breath. “I just know I can handle it with you by my side, I can handle everything with you by my side.” He smiles lightly and notices the tears starting to form in Magnus’ eyes. “Would you want a forever with me?”

Magnus’ hands move to cup his face and he looks him straight in the eyes.

“Darling, do you really need to ask?” He creases his cheeks lightly. “Of course I do. I never thought I could love somebody the way I love you. No one would ever want it with me, and you… you are the love of my immortal life, Alexander. To have you by my side forever, will be an honour.”

Alec just continues staring at him, and he can’t believe his luck, that this man, wants him forever. That such an amazing person could want him, just as much as he does. There’s nothing left to do for Alec than to connect their lips in a deep kiss.

His hands tighten around Magnus’ waist and the other’s wander to Alec’s neck, bringing him closer. They kiss until they need to break away to get some air.

“I still hate it, that you didn’t get a choice.” Magnus whispers a bit sadly, resting their foreheads together. “That it just… dropped on you like that, when you might not be ready for it.”

It is scary. He can’t deny that. He’s still young, and maybe it’s true, that he’d like to wait a few more years, but it happened. And it isn’t so bad that they should risk their lives to change it now.

“It does feel a bit overwhelming.” He admits out loud. “But, I’ll be fine. With you.” He smiles again and then Magnus pulls him into a hug.

They stay like this for a while, content in each other’s arms, until Alec pulls back and speaks.

“But why would he do that?” He asks. “Your father. He could literally do anything…”

“I know, darling and I don’t get it too.” Magnus confesses. “Maybe he thought it was going to be a course for you? That as a Shadowhunter you were supposed to have a short, self-sacrificing life? I really don’t know.”

“Or, maybe” Alec starts as an idea forms in his brain. “he realised that he’s hurt you enough and offered us you a gift? Forever with the one you love.”

Magnus frowns and looks like he’s really considering this as an option. Alec recalls Asmodeus' expression, every time he mention his son’s happiness, or the surprised gaze he offered, when Alec admitted he would give everything to get Magnus back. Maybe Asmodeus does love him enough to grand him a happy ending? After all that he’s done to him…

He is his father in the end.

“You know,” Magnus starts as his gaze wanders back to the city below. “When I was there, he told me why he left me and my mom. He said he was scared what he might bring upon us, with being a greater demon and everything… I think that maybe he does care about me, in some wicked way, but to offer us such thing… I don’t know Alexander.” His sight returns to Alec. “I really don’t.”

Maybe they’ll never find out, but still it’s not the worst case scenario. Alec lets himself relax in Magnus embrace, for the first time in what feels like ages.

Magnus hugs him tighter and places a lingering kiss to his temple.

“I’m so lucky to have you, angel.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one.” Alec answers as he pulls back to kiss him again.

 

When they emerge back into the living room after trading a few more kisses, their hands clasped together now, they find Catarina sitting on the couch, clearly waiting for them anxiously. When she spots them, their faces wiped out from any traces of fear, replaced with soft smiles, she visibly relaxes and stands up to get closer to them.

“How are you feeling Alec?” She asks and can’t help the smile growing on her own face.

“I’ll be fine.” Alec answers as he looks back at Magnus and receives a nod.

“Great.” Catarina exclaims, still smiling. “I think I’m gonna head home, if you don’t need anything else.”

“We’re good, Cat.” Alec replies and moves to hug his friend. “Thank you so much again, for everything.”

“I’m glad you’re all okay.” She says when she pulls back and turns to hug Magnus.

Before she gets to put her hand on the doorknob, there’s a loud banging at the door, and Isabelle’s voice sounds muffled from outside the hall.

“Alec, I know you’re in here, and I know you said you need time, but we can’t let you be alone right now.”

Alec turns to Magnus who barely conceals a laugh behind his palm.

“It’s your business, darling.” He states with a shrug. “Should have told them.”

“Damn it.” Alec swears under his nose and moves to open the door. He should have seen this coming. His family wouldn’t leave him alone for long, when they’ve seen the state he was in.

He’s greeted with Izzy, Jace, Clary and Simon on the other side.

“Hey.” He says and barely holds back his smile. But damn, he’s in so much trouble.

“Alec, I’m sorry.” Isabelle starts as she lets herself into the apartment. “I got worried that you’re here all alone for so long, so I got the others and dragged them here. Mom and Luke are on their way, so-“ She freezes when she spots Magnus, and the reaction of the others is exactly the same.

“What the hell?” Jace mutters and his head snaps from Alec to Magnus like he can’t decide where to look.

Simon’s mouth hangs open, and a wide grin is spreading onto Clary’s face. Before anyone gets to say anything, Isabelle puts her hands on her hips and turns to Alec.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, explain to me what the hell is going on here, now.”

 

Luke and Maryse arrive shortly after Magnus has been almost strangled to death by the hugs he received from everyone. Izzy was crying and mumbling about how scared and worried they’ve all been. Jace also had tears in his eyes, alongside with Clary and Simon. Alec quietly let Cat out, since she needed to get to Madzie, and then he just stood and looked as the family reunited. His mother’s and Luke’s reactions have been very similar, and Alec observed as tears appeared in Magnus’ eyes, from so much love and care he received from their family. He locked eyes with Alec, and they both just smiled sweetly at each other.

Now, comes the time to explain. They all are settled in the living room and Alec takes Magnus’ hand as they sit back down on the couch and start describing the lasts events. Alec’s announcement that he went to Edom all on his own is followed with a shocked _what?_ From everyone, but they let him continue, even though he notices Isabelle’s furious glare, similar to his mother’s. They almost get to the end, only one thing left to reveal: Alec’s immortality, but Alec needs to stop and take a deep breath before he gets to say anything else, and he feels Magnus’ hand tightening his hold on his in reassurance.

“I can’t believe you went to Edom all by yourself.” Izzy uses the pause in Alec’s story to express her worry. “We told you it’s a bad plan, and you did it anyway. Seriously, Alec. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just didn’t want to worry you-“

“Worry us?” Jace cuts in. “Yeah right, because if you died there and we wouldn’t know what is going on with you, that wouldn’t worry us a bit.” He adds in a mocking tone.

“Let’s just leave it.” Alec resorts and sighs. “We’re both here, safe and okay. That’s all that matters.”

Everyone nods slightly, because it’s true. They still look a bit pissed off, but Alec’s sure they’ll get over it. He’s fine. More than fine since Magnus is back with him. But still, that’s not all and soon Maryse asks, clearly knowing how Magnus’ father settles business.

“What did Asmodeus take as payment?”

Alec looks at Magnus, and sees the question in his eyes: _are you ready to do this?_ Alec nods and squeezes his hand, turning back to the rest of the family, to see that worry has painted their faces in the anticipation.

Alec takes another deep breath, and speaks.

“He took my mortality.”

All eyes turn to him confused, and slowly the realization makes its way up to their faces, as they seem to register Alec’s words.

Then, as the information sinks in, they tell them about how they tried to figure out what Asmodeus did in the first place. Everyone nods in understanding, still shocked, but listening carefully. When they finish, it’s Jace how speaks.

“So, you’re immortal?” He asks just to make sure he understands everything and Alec nods in answer.

“Yeah.”

“Are you… okay with that?” Isabelle questions and Alec exhales before he replies.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. I know it will hurt like hell, to see you…” He lets the sentence trail off. “you know. But we don’t even know if it’ll get to that. I mean, we can’t predict the future. But it isn’t the worst price to pay.” He pauses to switch his gaze to Magnus again. “Not when I can spend forever with the man I love, take care of all of you and make a real change in this world with my work.” Magnus smiles softly at him and then when Alec turns back to face the rest of the family, he sees them mirroring the gesture.

“But, why would Asmodeus do that?” Clary asks suddenly. “I mean, you’re right. This isn’t the worst thing he could do to you so…”

“We don’t know.” Magnus replies simply. “I don’t know if we want to know, or if we’ll ever find out. But it’s good as it is now. Let’s not worry any further.”

Everyone nods again and Alec feels himself relax.

He’s been pretty worried about his family’s reaction. That they might try to convince him to reverse it. He doesn’t really know why, because deep down he knows they will always accept him. But it’s all new. He doesn’t recall any stories of immortal Shadowhunters. He’s probably the first one. He can’t bear the thought of losing them. One day, he’ll probably need to face it, but now, he leaves it to worry about for another day.

Because it’s finally over. He has Magnus back, Jonathan is defeated and there’s no villains or demons coming their way. At least not now. So they need to take this moment and use it the best they can. Alec feels like he can take a deep breath, for the first time in so long.

“Okay,” Magnus exclaims with a deep sigh. “since everything is sorted out for now, we actually have a lot of things to celebrate.” Alec rolls his eyes at his words, but can’t help the smile creeping onto his face. “I’m going to get a champagne.” Magnus informs, and with one last kiss pressed to Alec’s lips, he gets up and heads to the kitchen.

“I think I’m gonna need something stronger than that…” Jace murmurs, which earns him a chuckle from Clary and then they both follow Magnus to the kitchen.

Alec, just watches them with a content smile, till he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Alec…” Maryse says as he takes the spot on the couch next to him. “I just… I’ve been so worried.”

“Mom, I’m fine, really-“

“I know, but…” She interrupts and takes the hold of his hands. “I’ve seen the way you broke down when he left and I… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so broken. Not that I was paying much of attention earlier.” Maryse scolds herself.

“It’s okay-“ Alec tries, but she still continues.

“It’s not, but I’ll make it up to you. I promise. All those years I was so terrible to you I-“

“You weren’t.” Alec shakes his head. It’s true, she was tough on him, made him feel like he was never good enough, but if Alec was about to hold grudges against her his whole life, he would lose his mother. And she’s changed, she really tries and there’s no other thing left to do, than to just give her a chance, like she deserves. “Mom, you… You just thought you were doing the right thing.”

Maryse snorts to that, but then speaks again.

“I just want you to know…” She looks back at him. “I’m so glad you found someone who makes you so happy, Alec. And that you get to spend a forever with him. I’m proud of you, son. After everything you achieved I… I should have told you that much earlier.”

“Mom,” he squeezes her hands. “what matters, is that you’re saying this now.”

He’s always wanted his family to be proud of him. Still does, but after all this time, what matters the most is that he’s proud of himself. That he knows he’s doing the right thing. That he will keep going, keep changing the word until it becomes better. Until the Clave will treat everyone as equals. They won’t get rid of him so soon now…

He spots tears in his mother’s eyes, so he gathers her close and hugs tightly.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have done what you did.” She says a bit later when they pull back. “Going there alone, really Alec? If anything happened to you-“

“I’m fine.” He repeats again and smiles at her. “Don’t worry.”

“Oh, I will always worry and you know it.” Maryse answers and kisses him on the forehead, returning his smile.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” Magnus asks as he places the glasses of champagne in both Alec’s and Maryse’s hands.

“No,” the woman says as she gently wipes at her eyes to stop the tears from spreading. “He’s all yours.” She adds when she moves out of the couch.

“Don’t worry,” Magnus says as he returns to his place next to Alec. “We have all the time in the world.”

Alec nods and smiles as he receives another kiss.

 

As their little impromptu party goes on, Alec finds himself standing near the balcony door, glass half-full, still in his hand, talking to his siblings. He quickly scans the room for Magnus, still having this feeling that if he looks away from here he might disappear. He spots him on the other side of the living room, talking to Luke. As their eyes lock Magnus gives him an easy smile which Alec reciprocates and then he gets back to his conversation with Izzy and Jace.

He’ll never hear the end of his trip to Edom from them. After they yelled at him about how stupid he is, their glances change into pure worry and Alec quickly dismissed these expressions with reassuring that everything is fine. That seems to relax them a bit more again, no matter how many times he’s already said it.

“So, how are you feeling?” Isabelle asks after a while.

“Iz, I told you, I’m fine-“

“Yes, I know. But I mean with this whole immortality thing?” She specifies her question.

And to be honest, he still kind of doesn’t know. He’s sure he’ll need to talk to Magnus some more about this, but… he’s fine. He really is now. And everything he needs to worry about, he’ll worry tomorrow. He just wants to take this night and relax with his family.

“I’m okay. I’ll adjust.” He replies more confidently and then turns to Jace. “Do you feel something? Anything different…” He points to his hip with raised eyebrows.

“Besides the nearly overwhelming waves of happiness and relief that, I guess come from us both, there’s nothing unusual.” Jace states and takes a sip of his drink.

“And how do you…” Alec starts and clears his throat. “How are you feeling with this?” He directs the question to them both.

“Alec,” Izzy starts. “It’s a huge news, but… if it makes you happy or at least doesn’t make you feel bad, then we’re okay. I mean, it’ll be a bit weird…” She doesn't need to finish, Alec knows what she means. “But you’ll have Magnus forever, and I know that’s what you wanted. Some day at least, and the fact that it came sooner than we thought…

“We can handle.” Jace cuts in and smile reassuringly at him. “We’ll always support you, no matter what, brother.” He pats him on a shoulder.

Alec didn’t know how much he needed these words until now.

“Hey, man. Welcome to the immortality gang!” Suddenly Simon appears next to him, throwing his arm around his shoulders.

Alec rolls his eyes, but can’t help the smile making its way up to his face again.

“Sorry,” Clary turns to him with an apologetic smile. “He might have a bit too much champagne…”

“What do you mean? Vampires can’t get drunk!” Simon exclaims, but the state he’s in proves the opposite.

“Sure they can’t.” Izzy nods with a grin and takes Simon’s arm from Alec’s shoulder, leading him towards the couch. “I’ll make sure you won’t get drunk, don’t worry Simon.”

Alec chuckles again and an amused smile paints him face.

Then Clary and Jace walk over to talk to Maryse, and Alec just finds himself looking around the room.

Because after all this time, they’re all okay. Finally. And they have each other. No matter what, he has his family’s support. After all they’ve been through recently, demonic possessions, almost losing each other, their city being attacked… it’s finally times to let go. To take some time for themselves.

They can worry about the future later.

 

Alec doesn’t think the smile will leave his lips anytime soon. Because right now, he has everything he needs. As he emerges from the bathroom to the bedroom and spots Magnus on their bed, arms already open in a welcoming gesture, his grin only seems to widen.

He wastes no time getting into bed. Pillowing his head on Magnus’ chest as he feels his hands coming around him and hugging him tightly.

“Oh how I’ve missed this.” Magnus resorts with a kiss on the top of Alec’s head.

Alec agrees with a kiss to his chest.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asks for like the hundredth time tonight, his voice light and easy now, but still not fully free from concern.

“I’m okay, really.” Alec answers and pull his head up to rest his chin back on Magnus’ chest, so he can look at him when they talk.

“You know, you don’t need to hide-“ Magnus starts, but Alec quickly cuts him off.

“I know and I’m not.” He follows his words with a peck to his boyfriend’s lips. “You don’t need to too.”

Magnus looks confused at Alec’s words at first, but when the Shadowhunter sweeps his fingers lightly over his eyelids, he seems to take the hint. So he drops his glamour, and the next second Alec is looking into those beautiful golden eyes, creasing his palm over his boyfriends cheek.

“You missed this?” Magnus asks, smiling softly.

“I missed you.” Alec states immediately. “No matter what eyes. I just want you to know, that you don’t need to hide with me.”

Magnus’ smile only extends and he leans in for a kiss.

To be honest, he did miss his cat eyes a bit. Because they make Magnus who he is. And they’re beautiful. Reminding Alec of so many good memories.

“I still can’t believe you went to Edom all by yourself.” Magnus starts and shakes his head, like he’s trying to wash away this thought. “Without telling anyone, your family-“

“You too? I’ve had enough of this from Izzy, Jace and mom.” Alec resorts and sighs. “Besides, Cat knew.”

Magnus snorts, and then it turns into a brief laugh.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll talk to her about this too.” His tone is light, but Alec knows the conversation will be very serious.

But Catarina has helped him a lot. Without her, none of this would be possible. He’ll be thankful for her for the rest of his life.

With that, they fall into a comfortable silence. Content in each other’s warmth. But as the quiet settles in, Alec can’t stop the thoughts from racing in his head. This day has been just crazy. Everything is crazy recently. And it will continue to be. Adjusting to this new situation, experiencing all new things…

“I can practically hear you thinking.” Magnus states, his hand wandering to Alec’s hair, as he looks back at him.

“I’m just… It’s nothing to worry about. Not now.”

Magnus raises his eyebrows at him, clearly indicating that this is _something_ , if Alec claims it isn’t.

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” Alec settles for that, tightening his hold around Magnus’ middle. “I wouldn’t stand it, if I lost you.”

“I’m here, angel. Not going anywhere. I’ll be right here by your side. Forever.”

Alec nods, but somehow can’t manage to smile, so Magnus brushes his hair from his face lightly and asks.

“What is it?”

Alec sighs and tries to explain.

“We might have this chance now, but…” He exhales heavily. “I mean we still… me being a Shadowhunter I just…” The frustration builds up in him as he can’t find a way to voice his thoughts. “I can still die. I can let you down and-“

“Alexander,” Magnus stops him lightly. “If you… if you did die.” He struggles to even say these words. “It would hurt like hell. More, it would… I can’t even describe how it would feel. I don’t want to. But when you put it that way… Alec, I can still die too-“

“Yeah, but it’s different. A Shadowhunter-“

“Yes, it is different.” Magnus nods. “But doesn’t mean you’ll stop being careful. You’re the Head again, so thank the Angel it will mean less missions. Besides, I can heal you now.” He smiles brightly at him.

“Magnus…” Alec starts and by the Angel, he’s so stupid. He didn’t even ask how is Magnus doing with his magic back. “I should ask you much earlier, but… your magic. How are you feeling?”

“Darling there wasn’t really time for this kind of questions.”

 _Well, there should have been._ Alec thinks, but then Magnus speaks again.

“And besides, we’re talking about you, don’t change the subject.” He adds lightly.

“I just want to know, if you’re good.” Alec states a bit more firmly. He remembers how Magnus lost control, when he killed Jonathan. Fortunately, he was able to get it back fast enough.

“I’m fine.” Magnus begins with. “It was quite… overwhelming. Getting it back and so soon being back in the field, using it. If it wasn’t for you… I don’t know if I would be able to control it.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Alec says, but Magnus shakes his head.

“You did more than you think.” He resorts firmly. “My magic has been calmed by you for as long as I can remember. Practically from the beginning, and I… I guess I didn’t know how much control you have over it.”

“Control?” Alec asks surprised.

“I mean, how you can give _me_ back control. I don’t know if I’m making sense, but-“

“You are, I get it.” Alec says and smiles.

It’s new… to be this kind of an anchor for Magnus. Since Alec remembers, he’s always been in control of his magic. Years of practise. But as the Warlock claims, he’s been this anchor for a long time, but none of them admitted it out loud before.

And it feels good.

“I still didn’t get the time to fully… enjoy it.” Magnus says after a while. “Using my magic. Everything was just crazy, and we needed to help you first…”

He knows, he’s been feeling the same. Like they couldn’t really enjoy themselves till now. But he remembers sitting on the couch and seeing Magnus’ fingers lit up with the blue sparks. It just suits him. And if it makes him happy, then it makes Alec happy.

“Well, you can now.” Alec states. “We have a lot of time.”

Magnus smiles back at him, and when they’re here, so close together, feeling each other's warmth and hearing each other breaths, he feels like he can finally exhale, without feeling this heavy pain in his chest.

“But I do need to get to the Institute tomorrow.” He adds after a while. “This place is probably a mess and I was kinda out of my mind, recently…”

He lets the sentences trail off. He doesn’t really want to talk to Magnus about how miserable he was without him. It’s true, he can’t live without him. This situation only just proved that.

“You know you can tell me everything, right?” Magnus asks, his gaze focused on Alec. “If you, want to talk about how it was-“

“I know, but I don’t.” Alec cuts in quietly. Not now, at least. “We’re passed that. You’re here. With me.”

Magnus kisses him lightly in agreement.

“But, the same goes for you.” Alec continues when they part from each other. “If you want to talk.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, angel.” Magnus’ hand wanders to his back, gently outlining his runes with his fingers. “I was quite a mess too.” He admits after a while.

Alec doesn’t doubt it. He knows Magnus loves him, and it broke his heart too, to walk away from him. Alec still can’t believe, how he managed to get the most amazing, selfless man, who is able to do so much to protect him and safe him. He has no intention in letting him go. Ever.

“Maybe we should,” Alec starts a bit later. “leave this behind us? Enjoy what we have?”

Magnus looks at him, eyes soft and full of love. He wouldn’t need to answer, Alec already knows. But anyway, he speaks.

“I think we should, it’s been a wrecked few weeks.”

It’s been, but it also made them surer about some things. Their family is always there for them, always supportive. And their love, what they have together, is stronger than anything.

“So… focusing on the here and now?” A playful grin appears on Alec’s lips.

Magnus chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“Maybe, here and now, and the near future?” He asks. “As soon as you settle all the things at the Institute, I’m taking you on a well-deserved vacation.”

Alec’s smile only extends when he speaks.

“And, where will you be taking me?”

“Anywhere you want.” Magnus states simply with a shrug.

“I don’t care, as long as it’s with you.” Alec follows his words with connecting their lips again.

When they part, leaving only an inch of distance between their lips, Alec whispers,

“I love you.”

And just when he’s about to dive in for another kiss, Magnus gets to reply.

“I love you too, darling. Forever.”

And maybe some things are still messed up. Maybe they’ll never truly know, why they got this chance at forever. Never understand it, but none of this matter. As long as they’re together. The future looks brighter than ever now. And no matter how hard it was or how hard it might still get, it will always be worth it. Fighting for this love.

And they both know, they’re never giving up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and for all the support you've ever shown this story! Let me know what you think in the comments and leave some kudos if you liked it :)


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus recieves a surprising message, then he and Alec go on a well-deserved vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically a pure fluff with a little surprise… but I promise, it's a nice one. Oh man, it's been such a journey. I started wrtining this story in July and now it's December and we're at the end. Thank you so much for all of the support and for following this story! Enjoy the read!

_A month later._

Magnus wakes up with kisses being prepped all over his face. He flutters his eyes open, just as Alec dives into another kiss, this time on his lips.

“Good morning.” The Shadowhunter says, his voice still hoarse from sleep. He pulls back a little, and Magnus takes a moment to appreciate the view, one of his favourites.

Alec’s hair is all messed up, his sleepy eyes shine in the morning sun. The runes placed all over his body stand out stunningly on his pale skin. Magnus doesn’t know how it’s possible, but with everyday he’s falling in love a little bit more.

“Morning, angel.” He replies, and bring Alec down for another kiss.

“I gotta head out soon.” Alec states in between kisses, which makes Magnus tighten his arms around his boyfriend’s back, earning a chuckle from Alec. “Just a few hours, and I’ll be all yours for two long weeks.” He announces smiling softly. “I’m already packed, so as soon as I’m back, we can go.”

Magnus nods and connects their lips again.

“Will you finally tell me where are we going?” Alec asks when he pulls back, much too soon for Magnus’ liking.

“I told you, it’s a surprise, darling.” He answers cryptically. “I wouldn’t won’t to ruin it now.”

“Can I guess?” Alec’s eyes shine with excitement.

“You can try.” Magnus states playfully, and Alec hooks one leg over his hips to straddle him.

“What will I get if I guess right?” He settles his hands on Magnus’ chest, smirking down at him.

“I don’t know…” Magnus thinks a little, his own grin making its way to his face. “Satisfaction?” 

“No, that won’t do.” Alec shakes his head and then leans down to kiss him.

Magnus always loses every sense of time, while kissing Alec. The kiss starts to catch fire and soon Alec moans as Magnus tightens his hands on his hips.

“You said you need to go soon?” He gasps against his lips.

“Not _that_ soon.” Alec states and pecks him on the lips. “Besides, if you portal me, that will gain us more time.”

Magnus smiles and flips them over, so he’s settled between Alec’s legs.

“I can’t disagree with your logic, angel.”

Alec laughs as Magnus dives in for another kiss.

 

Magnus doesn’t really have a lot to do today.

It’s almost noon, when his last client leaves. He prepared two potions this morning, and basically his work is done for today. The only thing that’s left, is to wait for Alec’s return.

It took more time than they both expected, to settle things down at the Institute. Every day, for the past month, Alec was attending meeting after meeting. It also came to a short trip to Alicante, but finally, he managed to calm the situation to this point, that he can finally take some well-deserved time off. The Institute will be safe under Izzy’s and Jace’s command for two weeks, there’s no doubt about that.

Magnus has also been pretty busy himself, during the past month. He reconciled with his old clients, to let them know he’s back in the business, got to some Warlock council meeting, where everyone had warmly welcomed him, and there’s even a rumour going on about appointing a new High Warlock of Brooklyn, since Lorenzo wasn’t really a good man for the job, and it seems Magnus has some high chances at coming back to his old position, since he has saved the city again.

And all that, is great. Everything is going well, but still the most important thing for Magnus, is to just be there for Alec.

He’s still adjusting to his knew situation. Only their family knows, there’s no need to inform anyone else yet. Magnus does talk to Alec, about this whole immortality thing, but the true is, that his boyfriend doesn’t feel any different. Not now. Not yet. Maybe in twenty or thirty years, it will all settle upon him, when he’ll start noticing his family getting older and older with each day. It will be tough, and they both know it. Magnus wants to try and prepare him for this time, but also, he can tell that even talking about it hurts Alec. And he doesn’t want to cause him any pain.

They will continue to talk, for sure. Magnus will let Alec know again, that he’s there for him, no matter what. And it will be fine. Like it always is in the end.

The thing he he’s sure the most of, is that he wants to spend forever with this man. It’s an unspoken promise between them, that they will love and cherish each other, till the end of time.

He might have got a certain ring for the purpose of sealing that promise. And he just can’t wait for their vacation, with the prospect of getting down on one knee and sliding it to Alexander’s finger still in his mind.

Since Alec won’t be back in another two hours, Magnus decides to head to the balcony, conjuring a drink on his way.

He looks down on the city and sighs. It was so close, to see it burn. So close to lose it all. To lose Alexander. Magnus shakes his head, pulling this thoughts as much away as he can. It’s all fine. They are fine. It’s all that matters.

His magic has been acting a bit off, for the first week when he got it back, but now it’s all perfectly fine. He feels the same as he felt before his father took it away. The content warm floating through his whole body, is now back. Sometimes he wanders if Alec feels something similar with the immortality. He’ll need to ask him about that.

He stands on the balcony observing the city. He’ll kind of miss it in the next two weeks, since he hasn’t really enjoyed home yet. There was so much going on, that he feels like they’ve barely spend time here. But it will also be great to rest a bit. Cut everything away, spend time with his love.

As Magnus gets lost in the rushing New York down below, suddenly a fire message falls down on the ledge, right into his hand.

He picks it up gently, and almost drops it as he reads its content.

_Son,_

_I hope you can forgive me one day. Enjoy your forever._

_Father._

Magnus reads it half dozen times more, carefully scanning the words, like they might disappear any second. He traces them with his shaky fingers, to makes sure it’s real and somehow, can’t help the tears gathering up in his eyes.

So Alec was right. Asomdeus does feel guilty about what he’s done. How is this possible that such monster is able to just _feel_? Magnus will never understand. It doesn’t feel real, but why would his father lie? He’s always been a man of his words, spoken or written. Magnus might be just naive, but he wants to believe this. There must be some part of him, somewhere deep down that still just _believes_ that his father might change. And when the prove of this change literally appears in Magnus' hand, he can't help but hope. That this, is some kind of a miracle. a blessing, Magnus can’t find another words for this. Alec, his Alexander was able to bring out this part in his father, make him realise that love can be enough to do the right thing. And it isn’t perfect, nothing about this situation ever was. There’s still a long way to forgiveness, he’s not even sure if there is a forgiveness at the end of it. Maybe one day… No one can predict the future.

Right now, he just wants his father to leave them alone.

But at the same time, he can’t help the smile creeping onto his face as he reads the message again.

 

Alec gathers Magnus up in his arms as soon as he enters the loft, kissing him deeply and inhaling against his neck. Magnus can’t recall the last time he’s seen his boyfriend so excited. He also looks a bit tired after another day full of meetings and paperwork, but when they pull from each other, he just smiles softly.

“Everything is settled, the Institute remains under Izzy’s and Jace’s protection for the next two weeks.” He states with relief. “Are you ready to go?”

Magnus nods and put his hands on Alec’s arms.

“Yes, there’s just one thing I’d like to tell you first.”

“Okay, what is it?” Alec asks carefully, but there’s a hint of worry and fear in his voice, and Magnus wants it gone, so he begins to explain.

“I received this message today.” He states and pulls out the piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to Alec. “It’s the best if you just read it.”

Alec frowns, but takes it and his eyes quickly scan the words.

Soon, his eyes widen in shock, and he can’t quite hide the surprise in his voice, when he finally manages to speak.

“Magnus… it’s… I don’t know…”

“I don’t know too, angel.” Magnus smiles and brings them closer together, by hooking his fingers in Alec’s belt loops. “I guess I underestimated my father’s ability to feel this kind of emotions.”

“Only when it comes to you.” Alec states, still stunned. “I mean, he’s the Prince of Hell and he… Magnus, you really need to be special for him.”

And Magnus is not sure, if it’s a good or bad thing yet. His father might still come for some kind of payment. You never really know with Asmodeus, he’s intentions are not fully decent, that’s for sure… But right now, Magnus doesn’t want to think about it.

“You know you don’t need to do anything, right?” Alec asks, pulling him out of his thoughts, as he ducks his head down to catch his eye. “You don’t need to forgive him, after all he did to you. I know he’s still your father, but-“

“I know, darling. I’m not planning on it.” _Not yet, at least_. 

Alec nods and brings his hands to cup his face.

“You doing okay?” He’s voice is full of concern, as he looks Magnus right in the eyes and the Warlock’s heart still swells at this familiar now gesture.

“I’m fine.” He replies, which is true. Nothing, not even his father can ruin his mood today. Besides, it’s been the most honest message he’s ever received from his father. There’s nothing to worry about now. “How could I not be, when I have you all to myself, for the next two weeks?” He states, trailing his finger up and down Alec’s chest.

His boyfriend smiles, and kisses him lightly again.

“Good.” He resorts and takes Magnus’ hand to lead him to the bedroom, where their bags are located. “Then, let’s get out of here.”

They quickly take their baggage and then Magnus creates a portal, taking the hold of Alec’s hand as he throws one last glance at their home.

It will wait for them till they return.

With that, they both step through.

 

As the portal closes behind them, Magnus takes a moment to close his eyes and just inhale deeply, the breeze gently blowing the hair from his face, and the smell of the ocean tickling his nostrils gently.

He opens his eyes to Alec, looking around, scanning the beach house behind them, and then his gaze wanders to the ocean in front of them, before settling on Magnus.

“Where are we?” He asks.

“We’re on Bali.” Magnus states, as he comes closer to hook his arms around Alec’s neck. The Shadowhunter’s own instantly wandering to his waist.

“It’s beautiful here.” He smiles softly, throwing a glance at their soundings. “Very peaceful.”

They can only hear the sound of waves, and the gentle hum of wind. It’s a perfect place to rest, to cut off the world, just relax and enjoy the warmth of the sun on their skins. Magnus does remember visiting here from his childhood.

He’s been thinking about his mother a lot recently, coursing himself of how little he remembers of her. It’s just been so long ago. And he does have happy memories, about home. His mother’s singing him to sleep every day, taking walks with her by the ocean, watching the sun setting down on the horizon.

The memories seem to flood now, since he’s back here. And he wants to remember the most he can.

“I just…” Magnus starts, a bit self-conscious. “I wanted to give you a glance of my home. I mean, I wasn’t exactly born on Bali, but it’s close enough. And it just seems like the perfect place to rest.”

“It is perfect.” Alec kisses him lightly, still smiling with so much affection in his eyes. “Thank you, baby.”

“You don’t need to thank me, we both deserve a break-“ Magnus starts, but Alec shakes his head and gently interrupts.

“No, not for this.” He says. “I mean, also for this. But mostly for showing me this place, for wanting me to get a glance of your home. It means a lot to me, really.”

Magnus smiles back at him, and sweeps the hair out of his forehead, cupping his face gently.

“I want to share everything with you, love.”

The good, the bad, and everything in between. Alec is the person who he wants to know everything about him. No matter how long it takes to tell him, he will. They have all the time in the world. Their forever.

“I’d love that too, babe.” Alec states and gathers Magnus close in his arms, so they’re just a few inches between their faces. “You know, that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me?”

Magnus reciprocates Alec’s smile, and looks at him with pure love in his now golden eyes, which Alec’s hazel ones are mirroring.  

“I might have heard it once, or twice.” Magnus says playfully. “But I don’t mind you telling me again.”

Alec’s smile only extends, and their kiss seem to scream _love, care, pride_ , and _happiness._

But it also says, _forever_.

 

**_THE END_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Make sure to let me know all of your thoughts about this story in the comments :) This fic is like my baby, since it is my first one, and I'm really proud of how it all turned out, and that I managed to finish it, not giving up. Your nice words always helped and encouraged me to write, so thank you so much again, it really means a lot and I wasn't expecting so much feedback, you all are just amazing <3 Also, I might not be finished with this story fully… there may be a little surprise coming sometime around Christmas… you'll see ;) I'd love it if you stick around and follow me onto my next procjects!  
> Again, thank you so much and I'll see you very soon! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! I'd love if you leave some comments or kudos if you liked it, 'cause it really keeps me going :) You can follow me on tumblr @little-fandom and twitter @littlefandom4. Come say hi!


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